Warning: Do not attempt to climb into this story, you will not fit. There are no places for self inserts!

Chapter 53 - There's a Monkey On Your Back!

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Ranma's apprehension of the day before had not left him by the time he was staring down into Nanniichuan, and he stood there, wondering what exactly was going to happen when he jumped in to it. He had no idea how long he stood there mulling it over in his head, but at some point he quit thinking, and just closed his eyes, held his breath, and jumped with an unceremonious splash.

Climbing out of the water, Ranma immediately noticed three things, the first was that he was once again female, the second was that he was not climbing out the same pond that he thought he had jumped into, not that he could imagine how he could have possibly missed, and the third thing was that his doppelganger was looking at his familiar features curiously, while cautiously scooting forward, bit by bit getting closer with every moment.

Seeing his cursed form from the outside always freaked him out a little bit, but he did not want to scare her away. Remaining as still as he could, he placed some nuts and fruits from his lunch out in the space between them. Filling his voice with a soothing ki, Ranma gently called out to her. "Hey girl, ya hungry?"

"Uki uki?"

Ranma tried not to make any sudden moves as she tentatively picked at the offered foodstuffs, shifting her gaze between the edibles and Ranma's hair. Once the food was gone, she eventually reached over to pull on Ranma's braid while looking at her own. "Ya like that do ya?"

"Uki, uki!"

Seeing her nod, he was surprised. "Ya can understand me?" He had to resist a facefault when she shook her head 'no', so as not to scare her away. "Would ya like me ta do yers too?" Taken aback by her nodding again, Ranma slowly moved around behind her, and started to run his fingers through her hair, gently removing the tangles as Kasumi had taught him. Seeing her responding well to his ministrations, he lightly rubbed her scalp before he finished brushing, and braiding her red hair. As he was finishing, he noticed that she was breathing heavily, but failed to notice where her hands were furiously rubbing away.

"Kyaaaaa!" Ranma could feel her body wracked with the now familiar spasms of an orgasm and he blushed as it started to dawn on him what she had been doing while he had done her hair. Essentially being his cursed form, he had not completely registered that she was actually naked, having seen the image in the mirror far too many times for his liking, yet her throws of passion brought that image home.

Pulling out his oversized towel, he tried to wrap it around her, but every time he did, she would throw it off, clearly not liking the idea of being covered. He watched as she played with the braid, jumping around as she got used to how It felt with a smile on her face. After a few moments, she settled down and hopped back over to Ranma. "Uki uki!"

Sniffing about, she danced around Ranma, poking him, and tugging on his clothing with a inquisitive expression. "I tried ta give ya somethin' before, but ya didn't want it."

"Uki?" Her expectant expression made him chuckle as he had pause to remember what she really was. He wondered if she wanted to return to her natural form as he did, or if she was preferred being human. He figured he would prefer to be human, but maybe she missed her tail, then it belatedly occurred to him that she might have wanted the braid for that very reason...

"So ya want ta match, do ya?" Seeing the emphatic nods, he sighed. "Yer lucky Kasumi-chan packed me a spare set." Seeing her happy grin, he was having a hard time believing that she could not understanding his words, and was just reading his presence, tone, and body-language, maybe they just had a link due to sharing the curse for all he knew.

Using his ki to dry the clothing he was wearing, he started to dig through the small pack that he brought with him, and finally pulling out the extra clothing. "Here ya go. ...Come on, let me show ya how ta put 'em on."

It had taken him several moments to get her into the boxers, but once she had figured that out, the pants went much easier. "No, no, we have to tie them first. Like this. ...There you go, now the shirt." This was another challenge, particularly the buttons, which she loved to play with, even after he had thought he was finished fastening them.

"Well, I suppose I should call ya something, I can't just call ya 'Monkey-Girl' like someone we both know." When he turned back toward her, she had unfastened several buttons and had tucked her head inside the changshan. As he pulled the silken garment back down, he quietly said, "Inaiinaibaa, I see ya."

As soon as they could see each other again, she playfully covered her eyes with her hands while giggling. "Where'd ya go? ...Peek-a-boo!"

After playing for a while, Ranma came to a decision. "Okay then, what d'ya say we go get some more food, huh?"

In response, the grinning girl nuzzled up to Ranma's chest, happy to have found another of its kind. After picking up his pack, Ranma took her hand, and led the way back to the guide's hut. His new friend grew a bit skittish when she saw the other people, and thanks to Ranma's reassurances, she stayed calm, but her grip tightened on his hand.

"Aiyaa, Honored Customer do too too good job catching Monkey-Girl, we watch from here.

"Mizaru."

"What, you say?"

"This girl's name, Mizaru, after the 'See-No-Evil' wise monkey."

"Uki? Uki!"

"Oh? Ya like that, huh?"

"Have hot water ready if want now."

"I guess so. Wait, be careful, it might not be a good idea ta splash Mizaru here."

"No need worry too too much, that one get hit with Chiisuiton. No can change back without Kaisuifuu."

"Chop suey, Kai Suey Fu? What is that, a style or a food?"

"One is magic bucket and ladle what lock Jusenkyo curse, other is magic kettle what free from lock."

"Wow! Really? That's kind a' scary. Glad I didn't get hit with it!"

"Is true, ladle is own by Musk, but no one know where kettle is."

"Urk! Then I'm REALLY glad I didn't get hit with it!"

"So, is ready?"

"Yeah, but probably still want ta be careful, Mizaru's still a bit jumpy."

"Seem have girl well in hand now." Despite how things appeared, the man did not want a repeat of before, the girl had managed to make quite a nuisance of herself, and neither him nor his daughter had managed to have any luck catching her, so he was very careful pouring the warm water on Ranma.

"Kyaaa!" Ranma's double jumped back as the change hit him, eying him suspiciously while sniffing the air around him.

"Hey, it's okay, it's still me." After a moment, she slowly crept closer, poking him again, before she found his braid and smiled, taking his hand once again.

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Kasumi and Shampoo came running over to them as soon as the village came into view. "DANA-SAMA! What happened, was it another magic mirror, did you fall into the spring of drowned twins, or what?"

"Aiyaaaa...! Did find Monkey-Girl, and why ride on back? ...Look fun."

"Yeah, and it turns out it's locked like this, can't change back, an' I couldn't just leave things like that. I mean, looks like me, ya know? It was weird."

"Oh yes, especially while wearing your clothing!" Kasumi eyed the girl riding 'her fiancee', and blushed as she thought about that fact. "Oh my..."

"What want do with? No is plan keeping, yes?"

"Naw, but I thought Granny could help, ya know?"

The young warrior switched her attention from the newcomer to her husband with a grin. "What, no is only 'Shampoo Grandmother' now?"

Ranma blushed as he thought about them becoming family. "Well, ya know, I guess not any more, huh?"

Shampoo started to lunge toward her airen, but he put up his hand to block her progress. "Aiyaa? Why?"

"Mizaru's still kind a' jumpy, ya know? Don't want nobody runnin' away..."

"Say Airen..." Shampoo pouted as the 'rotten monkey' kept her from her love, and she mumbled to herself. "More like 'Akahihi'."

Kasumi's attention shifted toward the red-head, with a gentle smile. "Is that your name cutie, 'Mizaru'? Do you like that?" Seeing her nod, she held out a piece of fruit that she had in her pocket. "Here you go, girl."

After sniffing at it a bit, she waited for Ranma to nod before accepting it before retreating to hide as much of her as possible behind his back.

"Oh my, it seems as though you made a friend."

"Fri-end?" Every turned to stare at the red-head, being the first intelligible thing she said.

Ranma reached around and patted her on the head. "Yeah, that's right, 'friends'."

"Oh, aren't you two just adorable?" Kasumi gushed as Ranma's copy cuddled to his back, twirling his braid in her free hand.

"Aiyaa! When Shampoo turn?" The young woman turned away pouting just in time to see great-grandmother hopping up to see them.

"Oh? What have we here? A new friend?" While it looked like her 'son-in-law', their auras were nothing alike.

"Friend!" She nodded vigorously with a broad grin on her cute features.

"Would you look at that? Interesting... Do you have a name little one?"

Ranma turned back to look at the girl on his back before opening his mouth.

"Akahihi!" Shampoo was proud of getting the jump on anyone.

"Mizaru. Wait, what?"

"Akahihi Mizaru? What an interesting name." The ancient woman chuckled from atop her staff.

Feeling her happily chittering behind him, he figured she found it acceptable. "I guess that works." 'Akahihi' reminded him a bit too much of another certain someone's name, but as long as she was happy, that was what matters, and if she answered to either, then all the better. "I guess you have two names then."

"But Anata, what about you, did you get your cure?"

"Kuso! I kind a' ...forgot!"

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It had taken several hours for the 'cursed' monkey-girl to warm-up to anyone else other than Kasumi, but eventually her curiosity won out and she climbed off of his back, starting to 'play' with the others, inspecting anything that caught her attention with a child-like abandon. No sooner had he started to relax, then Shampoo had come along, attaching herself to his back in her place. "Now is Shampoo turn, is okay, yes?"

His words said it was "fine", but his resigned sigh told her otherwise.

"What is matter Airen, no like Shampoo as much as Monkey-Girl?"

"What? No! Of course not! How could you think such a thing? I'm just worried about what Mizaru will do, we don't really know what'll happen, ya know?"

"So, still love Shampoo?"

"Of course I do!" Turning his head, he gave her a light kiss, making certain that his aimed for her lips, and not her cheek, not wanting any confusion her home village.

The young woman had lost count of the number of times she had asked a similar question, but this had been the first time she had ever gotten such an affirmative response and she almost fell to the floor as a result! "Aiyaaaa... Soooo happy!"

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Mizaru had fallen asleep in Kasumi's arms, looking cute enough, in a surreal sort of way, that he almost wished he had a camera. He was still feeling as if he were having an out of body experience whenever he would look at her, but he was starting to get used to the idea of a proverbial 'twin', even if they had been having a difficult time keeping her clothed. Now his problem was how to dislodge Shampoo who had fallen asleep while still clinging to his back.

He finally managed to use the body-substitution technique, leaving his living backpack with a snoozing Kasumi, allowing him to slip out into the night. Moving preternaturally fast, he made his way back to Jusenkyo in almost no time at all. Once there, he no longer moved quickly, in fact, he barely moved at all as he stared at the pools that had caused so many problems in his life. "Ya know, they already got th' poles, they really ought ta put up signs, save everyone a lot a hassle!"

He stared at the water for an exorbitant amount of time, before eventually deciding to take the plunge.

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A blond woman in a skimpy toga peered into a scrying pool, laughing as she spun a golden apple on the tip of her index finger. "Did you, like, really think I would let you get cured, just like, you know, that? No, no, no, you are FAR too much fun this way, my little 'Chaotic Horse'!"

As she watched him climb from the Spring of Drowned Girl, and throw himself back toward the Spring of Drowned Man, she took a bite of her golden apple only to see it reform as she chewed before spitting one of the seeds into her scrying pool. "Seeds of Chaos hear my plea, and keep that boy entertaining me!"

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After several attempts to cure himself, Ranma came to the conclusion that it was something that the gods were simply not going to allow, and hurling several choice profanities toward the sky, he slowly walked back to the village in a slump.

It was almost dawn by the time he finally made it back to the small building he was sharing with the two most important women in his life. He took a deep breath before he opened the door, and as he stepped inside, he headed for the back room. Going into the back room, he saw Shampoo and Kasumi each curled up next to one side of his female-side's clone as the three of them slept peacefully. Seeing together brought a smile to his lips and brightened his mood, but he did not want to wake them, so he crept back into the small 'kitchen' area, to prepare them a nice breakfast.

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After setting the table, and laying out the food he had made, Ranma walked back to gaze at the trio of ladies still snoozing together, their bodies intertwined. He smiled as the rays of sunlight highlighted their beautiful faces, creating a glow around them. Before he could bring himself to move, Kasumi's eyes fluttered open as the light hit her. "Ooooh goooood mmmmmorning, Aanaataaa." Just as he was about to respond, she leaned over and kissed Mizaru on the cheek. "I am glad you are still here this morning."

"Oki?" Ranma chuckled as he wondered if that was what he looked like when someone surprised him that early in the morning.

"Oh, oh my! I forgot, I am just so embarrassed..."

"It's okay, yer secret's safe with me, and I doubt Mizaru'll tell nobody neither."

"Oki, chuu?"

He could not prevent the laugh as he watched her making a 'kissing' face toward no one in particular. "Then again, maybe I spoke too soon."

"Aiyaaa... Feel too too early, but look late. Hate when change 'time zone'." Turning her head, she came face to face with his duck-faced doppelganger. "Aiyaa, Airen is too too frisky in morning, maybe Shampoo forget do nightly duty more often. Mmmmmm..."

"While it's nice to see ya getting along so well, if you guys're done fooling around, food's gettin' cold."

"Aiyaaaaaa... Akahihi no is Airen! Why trick Shampoo?" The both glared at each other defiantly before Shampoo hopped up and ran over to throw her arms around her airen, kissing him before turning her attention back to her simian foe. Much to her consternation, the red-head took that as a challenge, and mimicked the actions before hopping onto Ranma's back as he had to wonder if he would ever have a peaceful morning.

"Now, now girls, we should go eat our food while it is hot, save Darling for later."

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"Dana-sama, what is wrong?"

"Nuthin' really..."

"Come now Anata, I can tell that you are down, talk to me, let me help you."

"Ain't nuthin' ya can do, it's just ...I went back ta Jusenkyo last night."

"Oh no...! What happened?"

"That's just it, 'nuthin' happened', no matter what I tried." His head sunk for a moment, before he looked up, his scowl slowly fading. "But ya know what?" Seeing her curiously shaking her head to the negative, he continued. "I just don't care any more. It ain't like I can do anything about it, an' I'm getting' really close on that water-shield technique."

"Really? That is wonderful!" Without hesitation, she tossed a glass of water at him, only to see him change right before her eyes. "Oh my..."

The wet red-head slumped forward, shaking his head. "Wasn't ready for that. It's harder than it looks, ya know?"

"Oh my, I am sorry!" As she moved closer with a ready towel and hug, his unintended twin bounded into the room, happy to see her 'older sister', and latching onto Ranma's back.

"Ya made it back, what happened ta yer guide?" Ranma patted her head as she hugged his back.

Shampoo came rushing into the house, clearly out of breath. "Aiyaa... Akahihi go too too fast!"

"Oh my, are you all right, Shampoo-chan?"

"Is okay, that one just run before Shampoo was done!"

"Well, I'm glad yer okay, Shampoo-chan."

"Aiyaa... Is true?"

"Yeah, an' thanks fer helpin' Mizaru too!"

She wanted to protest, and say that she had needed to go anyway, but seeing his warm smile beaming at her, in stereo as his clone copied him, left her speechless. There was just no way she could stay mad at someone who looked so much like her airen. "Is okay..."

"Now that yer back, why don't we all go ta' th' hotspring an' get cleaned up then?"

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"Do not worry, Anata, no matter what you look like, I will love you exactly the same."

"I told ya, I'm fine, really."

"Uki, uki, suki friend!"

"Shampoo feel same way, Airen. No let get down, how many boy have two too too pretty wife to call own, what do anything make happy? Shampoo even let Ranma make delivery in back door." Her sheepish expression stirred some of the feelings he had recently discovered, and Ranma found his remaining depression quickly evaporating, no matter how much he tried to cling to it. "Is Ranma ready let wife do duty?"

"What, here? What if somebody comes?"

"Shampoo hope many us do, especially Airen!"

"But, I mean, Mizaru's here, an' yer villagers..."

"Let watch, let see how manly Shampoo husband be! Let all womans be jealous of Shampoo and Kasumi!"

"Oh my..."

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The next day, Kiima returned with a small battalion of mostly female guards, who met Ranma and friends at the edge of the village. Some of the villagers were nervous at first, even if the news of the peace between their people spread rapidly through the small community, but the winged warriors knelt before Ranma as their leader approached. "Master, we are here to give you passage back to your home, though know that you will always have a home in Mount Phoenix. We will treat you as royalty."

"Yeah, thanks, but I got stuff I need ta be doin' back in Japan. Got a business ta run, an' I guess we're gonna be openin' a school pretty soon, but-..."

Kasumi stepped forward to bow to Kiima with a warm smile. "You feel free to visit us whenever you have free time as well, okay?"

"Really? You do not mind?" The tentative tone seemed out of place from the taller woman, and her troops clearly noticing, each taking a similarly differential demeanor.

"Not at all!" No one could doubt Kasumi's sincerity as she smiled at her.

"Just help keep that Saffron guy in line, okay?" Ranma cocked a grin her way, surprised to see her bow deeply in response.

"You have my word, Master! My lord Saffron has already been much less 'temperamental' since the ceremony ended, and news of 'Aunt Kasumi's potential return should quell any problems for some time to come."

The two taller women shared a giggle at the small deception used as punishment, despite Kasumi's preference for honesty. "If you do need us, we would be happy to help anytime, just let us know."

"Thank you, my lady. Perhaps you would allow me to learn some of your techniques, to better play my part?"

Kasumi pictured the winged-woman bound and gagged and grinned. "Of course, it would be my ...pleasure."

"Thank you again, my Lady. We shall forever be in your debt." With a bow, she indicated a large blanket that the soldiers had spread out. "You may load your luggage there. We will leave whenever you are ready."

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As they were loading their luggage onto the blanket, Ranma found that his newfound friend would not leave his back, even as they were trying to leave. "Aw, come on, we're leavin', don't ya want ta stay here in China?"

She started to panic, clearly unhappy with that idea. "Kyaaa! Kyaaaaaa! Want stay friend!"

"Oh, Anata, can we not take Mizaru-chan with us?"

"Do ya really think that's a good idea?"

"If Akahihi come with, then need respect Shampoo authority!"

"Well, you are the 'older sister', so you need to teach Mizaru-chan what to do."

The normally bouncy warrior, pouted as the responsibility was pushed off onto her. "Why Shampoo? No is one what want pet."

"Hey now, that ain't nice."

"Sorry Airen, but IS 'monkey', even if looky like person."

"Is not!"

"Is too!" Shampoo turned to face her naysayer, shocked to see her husband's lookalike sticking her tongue out at her. "Aiyaa..."

"You are 'so' smart Mizaru-chan!" Kasumi gushed over the jubilant juvenile.

Shampoo sighed before regaining her composure. "Is true, Akahihi is smart for monkey."

When everyone focused their attention on Shampoo, the cursed simian taunted her by placing her thumb on her nose, while wiggling her fingers, yet stopping as soon as the others turned back toward her.

"Well, with that settled, I supposed the blanket may not work if our new friend will not let go..."

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Riding in a huge basket carried by the winged warriors, Ranma found himself surround by four women, Kasumi was hugging him from the front, Akahihi had not left his back, while Shampoo and Kiima were cuddled to each of his arms. Some of the soldiers complained about their leader riding in the basket and not helping to carry it, but after a quick glare from her, they immediately dropped the topic. They enjoyed a long, and somewhat uncomfortable flight back to Tokyo, though some were far more comfortable than others. Everyone enjoyed the view as they made their way across the divide, especially those who had never left the mountain before. As they landed in Ranma's yard, some members of the Phoenix tribe were in open wonder at the strange western style buildings.

Kiima instructed her guards that they could return home, but did not leave herself. "Lady Kasumi, I wish to thank you for everything, and present you with this gift." As she held out he arm, a smaller raven flew over and landed on it with a squawk. "Rei here will stay with you, and allow you to send communications to us."

"That is so sweet of you! Why hello there, Rei, you are such a pretty girl." Kasumi tried to pet the little bird as Akahihi got distracted by a butterfly that fluttered passed.

"Pretty girl!" Said bird, squawked back at her new owner.

"Good girl." Kiima held out a small treat for the bird. "Most people do not know this, but ravens can mimic human speech as well as other sounds. They are one of the smartest animals in the world."

"Oh? My... Are you really that amazing, Rei?"

"Amazing!"

"You do want to be a bit watchful, they can be a bit mischievous, even the latch on this cage will not keep them inside if they choose not to be."

"Oh my..."

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"Please, do your best, Ranma, I know you can do it!"

"Mom!"

"Well, hurry yourself along now."

"I'm goin'!"

"Kasumi-dear, would you come here a moment?"

"MOM! I wanted ta do this alone!"

"Well, you cannot do that without the girl." Nodoka looked at him innocently.

"I know, but-..."

Kasumi stopped cold as she saw Ranma in the den. "Oh my! Anata, where did you get such a fancy black kimono?"

"Kasumi! Um, I uh, guess it used ta belong ta my grandfather."

"You wear it well, it looks very stylish on you!"

"Aw shucks, yer awful pretty yerself." Ranma anxiously rubbed the back of his neck, until his mother poked him from behind. "Uh, I mean, I've got somethin' fer ya." Reaching in to his pocket, he pulled out a small box, and nervously handed it over to the lovely young woman standing before him. "So, um, here."

Kasumi looked at the tiny container in her hands with a child-like wonder, her eyes wide, and her mouth flapping without a sound.

"Go ahead child, open it." Nodoka looked on excitedly, filming the entire exchange with her new video camera.

"Oh my..." Opening the package, Kasumi's jaw felt as though it had dropped to the floor as she saw the simple gold plated band. "Oh, oh, oh my, is this...?"

"Oh, terribly sorry, that was the wrong box! That is my favorite pill box, I wondered where that was. The women of the Saotome family tend to go through a lot of trials and tribulations, those are your father's erectile dysfunction medications, along with a few 'other' things for my own 'personal' benefit." After showing them the secret compartment, Nodoka ran out of the room, returning several moments later with a similar box in her hands. "Here you are, sorry about that!"

Opening the jewelry case himself, he offered it to Kasumi, as they both gazed at the sparkling ring. "Oh my!"

"So you like it, my dear?"

"It is beautiful!"

"It has been in my family for generations, and I would like you to have it."

"How could I accept this? It must be expensive!"

Ranma's lopsided smile caught her off guard as he got down on one knee. "By saying 'yes' when I ask ya ta marry me."

"Ranma! Are you...?" He just nodded in response as she started blubbering. "I DO!" Seeing the teardrops falling, he remembered her instructions and tenderly took her into his strong arms.

"Aiyaa! Is final done!" Shampoo burst into the room followed by her red-headed mimic, the pair throwing confetti and cheering for the cuddling couple.

"Now, as soon as you two give me some grandbabies, I can die a happy woman!"

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Arriving at the Tendo home, Nodoka found her husband in the living room, drinking with Soun and paying little attention to their surroundings. "So, this is what have you been doing while I was away?"

"AAAAHHH! Wife! You're back!"

Soun moved several pieces as his friend panicked and backed away. "Oh, good morning, Nodoka-shan!"

"Is THIS your breakfast?" The Saotome matriarch frowned at them disdainfully.

"Not entirely, Mousse made ush shomeshing before walking Akane-chan t' shchool, an' goin' t' work."

"So, you are still making that boy do everything around here, while you do ...'this'?"

"Well, that is a bit harsh, is it not, Nodoka-san?"

"I am not so certain." She felt tempted to encase them both in one of the special eggs she kept as souvenirs from their trip to China, but resisted the urge as she rubbed her temples. "Did you even notice that I was gone?"

"Of coursh! ...Why'd you think we're drinking? Am I right, Tendo-shan?" Genma laughed as if he had made the best joke in the world, but Soun recognized the look in her eyes, and tried to back away from his friend.

"So the fact that I was kidnapped, and stolen away to China matters to you not at all?" The cold steel in her stare cut right through them.

"What? We just thought you went back t' shtay with Ranma!" Soun looked distressed, he had no idea that she had been in danger.

"I would have TOLD you that! Did you even think to look for me, or did you simply start to party as soon I you saw that I had not returned that evening? Did you even wait one full day?"

"Well, 'no', but..." Genma flinched at the evil eye he received.

"Enough! I am going to unpack, you had best have this mess cleaned up by the time I return." Nodoka walked out of the room, seemingly calm, but with a dark aura that threatened to scald anyone who got too close. Having not been allowed to pack anything before her sudden trip, they had been kind enough to give her several outfits to change into for the remainder of the trip, and she threw most of it into the laundry before heading into the guest room she was sharing with her miserable excuse for a husband, where she started to gather her things, intending to take a long bath before she dealt with the two drunkards below.

Something felt out of place in the room, but she could not figure out what it was, and was so tired she did not want to think about it. However, when she went to return her pill case to her jewelry box, she noticed at least one thing that was most definitely amiss, the entire thing was empty! While she did not own much jewelry, there had been a few pieces of sentimental value, such as a necklace that her grandmother had given her, and now she had nothing. She took a moment to thank her ancestors for having taken the ring for Ranma with her that day, but once that was done, she allowed her frustration to fill her before shoving it all down into the back of her mind, where it could fester, and become a mental illness.

Calmly getting to her feet, she wiped the tears away and proceeded back into the hallway, leaving her clean clothing in a pile on the floor. Descending the stairs, she stood at the bottom, turning toward the kitchen, and calling out to them in a sickeningly sweet tone. "Husband dear, come here if you would like me to make you an egg..."

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Seeing her playing with her long braid with a forlorn expression on her cute features, Kasumi walked over to talk to their newest housemate. "What is wrong, Mizaru-chan? Are you okay?"

"Gets like this sometimes, usually when thinking about th' braid. I think th' poor girl misses having a tail."

"Really, is that why you are sad, you miss having a tail, do you?" Seeing her nod, Kasumi favored her with a reassuring smile. "Then I think I might have an idea. The last time your mother took me ...um, shopping, we stopped in a store that I believe might have a solution.

Both of them looked up to her with a curious expression.

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"Mizaru-chan! Would you please come here? I have something for you."

Within moments, the young red-head appeared before her with a smile on her lips. "Hai! Is here, uki!"

"I have your new tail, would you like me to show you how to wear it? It might be a bit uncomfortable at first, but we will start you off small, and I promise you will learn to enjoy it. The smaller ones are harder to keep in, but it will be more comfortable for you for now. First, I need you to take off your panties."

"But told Akahihi, 'wear in daytime'?"

"Yes, just for a moment, I will need to make an adjustment to them." Pulling out her sewing kit, she made a large 'buttonhole' on the back, before explaining what she needed to do. "First we need to make it all slippery."

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"KYAAAAAaaaaa!"

Hearing the scream, Ranma ran for the changing room, bursting through the door to see a happy Kasumi and Akahihi putting on her panties, as she threaded her tail through the hole in them. "Yer both okay?"

"Oh my yes! We had a bit of difficulty at first, someone got a little bit surprised, but everything is fine now. Is that not correct?"

Seeing her nodding as she hugged the end of her new tail to her chest, he was finally able to relax. "Oh good, ya had me worried there for a moment."

Kasumi leaned in to whisper to Ranma. "It's actually sold as a cat tail, but I think it's perfect, it even came in a matching red!"

It was still strange to see 'himself' looking back at him when he was not looking in the mirror, and more than once he had to check his own body to make certain he had not missed getting splashed again, but seeing her expectant expression, he knew what he had to do. "It looks good on you, Mizaru." He was almost bowled over as she dove to hug him him joy.

"Well, Shampoo-chan and Hinako-sensei should be back soon, so why not grab your things, and I will go make us a snack, okay?"

Ranma grimaced as thought about studying and Akahihi climbed onto his back, still hugging her tail with a broad grin on her face.

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"SURPRISE!"

Ranma had wondered what so many people were doing in their house as he got home, he had almost forgotten that it was even his birthday. Led by Kasumi, his friends and family gathered around, wishing him well, and some congratulating him on his pending nuptials.

"Tanjoubi, Dana-sama! I do hope you enjoy your party." A noticeably pregnant Kasumi straightened his collar before giving him a hug.

Blushing at the attention, he looked over the crowd to see everyone staring back at him intently. "Ain't birthday parties for kids?"

"Now, now, you will always be my baby and this is my last chance to dote on you as a mother now that you two can finally get married officially. Though I am certain that you enjoyed the last several months of being 'engaged' since we returned." Nodoka was also showing, not knowing that she had twins on the way.

They both blushed as they thought about their recent 'marital practice'. "Umm...?"

Nodoka turned toward her husband, yanking his ear. "Wish your son a happy birthday!"

"Happy birthday, Son."

"What's with Pops, short leash, huh?"

"You have no idea! We have no problems any more, do we boys?"

"No mistress!"

Kasumi found it very odd to see her own father joining his friend in his deferential treatment of the older woman, but chose to give it no further thought as her attention was pulled away.

"Is okay, Airen!" An equally pregnant Shampoo waddled up to him with a grin on her lips. "If no is type party like, soon plan many fun party for many beautiful babies!" Ranma gave his wife a light hug as he had to chuckle about her shifting back to her 'public' speaking voice.

"So manly!"

"Yes, Akahihi wish Airen have good party too, uki!" Standing there playing with her tail in one hand, she offered a package to him with the other.

For not the first time he wondered if having Shampoo helping the 'monkey-girl' was really the best idea, but he did not want to question Kasumi, and he had to admit that not only had she come along quite quickly, but the pair seemed to be getting along much better now, his 'clone' even going as far as to help her 'older sister' with various tasks, including washing him! He was not sure how he felt about that, but he had a hard time saying 'no' when the three of them looked at him with those sad eyes. "Thank you, Mizaru, I hope you are having fun as well."

Everyone who saw her joyous smile could not help but return it. "Best friends, uki!"

"Well, aren't you all adorable today?"

"Hey, thanks for coming Sensei."

"Happy birthday Saotome-kun, your grammar really is improving, I believe that you will be able to pass the equivalency exam very soon."

"Did you hear that Darling? We are almost ready to take the test!"

"I doubt you even needed the help in the first place Kasumi, I'd bet you could have passed without even trying!"

"Oh, I do not know about that, but it is more fun if we all do it together!" Her bright smile alleviated his misgivings before she turned back toward their tutor. "But Sensei, where is your 'date'? We did not expect you to be here alone."

"Me neither! I haven't seen that jerk in over a week!" She was starting to think that he had heard about Kasumi's pregnancy and snapped! "I had to close the office to patients. I really feel bad for those people, but I don't really know what else to do."

"If there is anything we can do to help you, let us know, okay?"

"Thank you, I knew I could always count on you guys."

"What is wrong Anata, you seem a little distracted."

He was a bit sad that Ukyo had not chosen to come, but he had heard that she had started going out with Konatsu, and that they were happily engaged now. He had to chuckle when he pictured her in a tuxedo and him in a frilly gown. "Naw, I'm fine."

"That is good, this is your party, you should enjoy yourself." Kasumi smiled at him as they turned to see several new arrivals.

"I knew you were mistaken dear sister, both of them are right there." Tatewaki was wheeled in by a beautiful woman with reddish-pink hair and wearing a nurse's uniform, still bandaged in places as he sat in his wheelchair.

"Ranma-sama! Did you ...fib to me?"

"What? No, of course not!"

"Then who, may I ask, is this woman?"

Stepping in front of Ranma protectively, she glared at the aristocratic woman. "Is 'Akahihi', friend from China, uki!"

"What happened to you, Pig-tailed Goddess, why are you speaking so strangely, and why do you have ...a tail?"

She turned away from him, protectively holding her tail, in case someone tried to take it from her. "Uki? Is nice tail!"

"Hey, lay off, ya jerk! For those of you who ain't met, this is Akahihi Mizaru, our friend from China, who also had a run-in with Jusenkyo, and got stuck that way. That's why we look alike, okay? Mizaru-chan's like family, an' if any of you mess with my little sister, you'll have ta answer to me! And that goes triple for you, 'Kuno-senpai', if you ever lay a finger-...!"

"Do not worry Ranma-sama, my onii-sama is already seeing someone." She nodded toward his caregiver. "A regular case of 'Florence Nightingale Syndrome'."

"Oh my...!" Everyone turned to look at the young home-nurse who was blushing in 'joy'.

"I know that we were not invited and I hope that we did not cause too much trouble, but we heard that it was your birthday party, and I wanted to pay our respects. From the Kuno family, we wish you and yours all the best. I placed our gift on the table with the others." Seeing him get a bit nervous, she tried to reassure him. "Do not be concerned, there is noting in there that will inconvenience anyone. We shall leave now..."

"Hey, ya ain't got to go if you both behave. We made plenty of food."

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Ukyo hated herself for not going to Ranma's birthday party, but not only was it still far too painful to see him with that other woman, but how could she show her face in front of him while her belly was this large? Considering how recently she started sleeping together with Konatsu, there was only one person who could have been the father, and she did not want anyone else to know about it! She knew, and that was all that mattered! It was a secret she planned to take to the grave.

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Kasumi walked out in her mother's wedding kimono, while Ranma stood there waiting for her in his grandfather's, looking just as handsome as she had ever seen him. She blushed as she felt as though Shampoo's new cursed form and their new cursed friend were batting butterflies in her stomach, looking around at her friends and family, all of whom were present. Everyone murmured as she walked passed, but she was so caught up in the moment that she could not hear a word they were saying, all she could do was to smile as she walked down the carpet, led by her father, who looked dapper in his own formal kimono.

It had not been easy to hide her larger belly under the kimono, but they had done an impressive job of it, if she did say so herself, and upon looking around the shrine, she noticed that she was far from alone in her condition! It seemed as though Akane might be one of the only ones NOT pregnant, and from what Nodoka would tell her during their visits, it was entirely possible that she and Mousse might not be far behind the rest of them. As she stepped up beside him, he let out a low whistle, and she winked at him. "Good afternoon Darling, you look very suave today."

Ranma whispered to her, not wanting to offend anyone. "Nobody's as pretty as my beautiful bride."

"Oh my." After bowing to the priests, they lined up in two single file lines, and began to play their various wind instruments with Ranma and Kasumi behind them followed by their parents. Everyone else had already taken their seats as the precession led them down the path and up to the shrine itself. Once they had entered the pavilion, they were seated before the head priest as he announced their marriage before the gods of their temple.

Handing Ranma a small sake dish, they carefully filled it from a golden ladle, covered in garish decorations. "This first cup symbolizes our appreciation for our ancestors." After Ranma sipped from the small cup, they handed it to her before refilling it.

Once she had finished the small drink, they took the cup, returning with a slightly larger one, handing it to Ranma and filling it as well. "This second cup symbolizes the earth, and your commitment to care for each other for the rest of your days."

After they had finished their second draught, the priest brought out a third, and even larger bowl for them to consume. Filling it for Ranma again, they stated, "And this third cup symbolizes people, as we hope your marriage is fruitful." Kasumi felt a bit guilty that she had to resist laughing during such a ceremony, in such a place, but she could not help at least blushing at the irony.

They were instructed to stand as Ranma was handed a scroll, which he quickly unrolled for them to see, before he began to red from it. "On this great day, before the O-Kami-sama, we stand, thankful for this ceremony, and everyone present. Going forward, we promise that we will always love each other, trust each other, sharing the good times and bad, and swear that this will remain unchanged throughout our lifetime and beyond. On this date, Husband."

"And Wife." Kasumi blushed as she said the word and Ranma carefully returned the scroll, it was finally official, just a few more moments and she would actually be his wife for real, not just for pretend!

Next they made an offering to the gods of the temple, with a sprig from a sacred tree and a small prayer, they bowed to the shrine, hoping the gods would look upon them with favor. Then came the final moments, when they turned toward each other, locking their gaze as they smiled. Ranma took the ring out of his pocket, and carefully slid it onto Kasumi's ring finger, mouthing the words, 'Thank you for having me'.

"Now, before the gods, and these witnesses, you are now and forever married." Miko spread out, going around the room, pouring a cup of sacred sake for each of the guests, so that they may all share a toast to the newlyweds.

Wanting to allow the two to have their moment, and not call unwanted attention to their living arrangement, Shampoo had done her best to stay in the background with Akahihi, but they both had to cheer as they raised the toast.

Nabiki was happy for her sister, but was still kicking herself for allowing Ryu to knock her up, she had always intended to adopt a child instead! Not only would it be easier on her figure, but it was SO much less painful! She was happy that they chose to serve non-alcoholic sake to the pregnant women at least. While she was a bit jealous over how nice everything was for the wedding, she had to admit, she had been happy with her own, much less expensive one they held in Ryu's dojo. It may not have been as fancy, but at least she did not have to dig into her savings to pay for it!

Akane still could not believe that it was her eldest sister Kasumi, who wound up marring Ranma, of all people, that would have been her last guess! She would have almost bet on Tatewaki before her! Their fathers were still pushing her to get married too, but if she was going to do that, it would be when SHE was ready, and not a moment before! She wanted to at least graduate high school first, there was still most of a semester to go!

Mousse was far less than thrilled to be involved in the ceremony, even if he was now 'officially' engaged to Akane, the idea of Ranma marrying both the divine Kasumi Tendo AND his goddess Shampoo filled him with an unreasonable sense of resentment, and he was looking forward to leaving as quickly as possible.

After drinking their toast, Soun and Happosai went off looking for a miko willing to give them refills, while Genma sat quietly next to his wife, hardly saying a word to anyone as he worked the camera.

One of the calmest guests present was Kodachi, who rivaled Genma for least number of words uttered over the course of the evening. Her heart remained broken, but her sanity endured. After watching the ceremony with tears in her eyes, she made certain to leave her wedding gift with the others before leaving, simply wishing that things could have been different as she had his nurse drag her brother home in his chair before he had a chance to make a fool of himself.

Hinako Ono sat next to where her husband should have been, a tear in her eye at the beautiful scene as she sat there, proud of her student's success. All three of them had managed to pass their equivalency exams, and she was even tutoring Kasumi for college entrance exams! She had always been successful as a disciplinarian, but this had been one of her most satisfying years as a 'teacher', and now she was actually going to be mother! It was not easy making certain not to get out of range of her fighting fish, but she was bound and determined to do it! She did not want to risk what might happen to her child if she shrank while pregnant.

Ranma and Kasumi decided to split-up and mingle with their friends, and while Kasumi went to talk with Nodoka about plans for their honeymoon, Ranma ran into Ukyo, who really wanted to be drinking heavily. "Hey, Ucchan, glad you came. Hope you're not still sore."

"Hey, Ah can't say it don't sting, but we're all pretty happy now, so Ah guess it all worked out okay." She looked down as she rubbed her own larger belly.

"So, where's the dad?"

"Closer than ya might think, Ranchan."

"Oh yeah?" Ranma looked around, and waved at Konatsu from across the yard, finding it strange to see the 'kunoichi' in men's clothing. "You guys going to keep dressing like this?" Ranma indicated the loose-fitting dress his old friend was wearing.

"Well, at least as long as Ah'm pregnant, get too many stares othahwise." She blushed, still unused to the idea that she was going to be a mother soon, and embarrassed at the fact that she was certain that her new husband was not actually the father.

"Nobody batted an eye at the Phoenix tribe's arrival, so, I doubt they'd give you much trouble here, but I am a bit hurt you didn't invite me to your wedding though."

"Yeah? Sorry, we didn't invite nobody, Ah was still kind'a mad."

"I'm sorry. I wish-..."

"No, don't, just drop it, okay? It's ovah. Let sleepin' dogs lie, an' all. 'Kay?"

"Yeah, sorry, I, I'm just glad you're both happy, you know?"

"Yeah, thanks Ranchan, it means a lot. Back at ya, yer lookin' good by th' way, but, uh, ya know, Ah think Ah need ta git goin'. Thanks fer invitin' us, uh, see ya around, okay?"

"Yeah Ucchan, you guys take care. Thanks for coming." He waved as she rushed over to her husband, turning away just in time to miss the sparkle of a tear streaming off of her face as she fled the scene, clearly still not completely over losing him.

It took every bit of his willpower not to fall down laughing when he found Ryoga, who was being led around by Akari on a leash. "Hey there, P-chan, How're you holding up?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Why not? I hear Akane might have finally gotten over that serious mad-on for you."

"What, really?"

"Yeah, but since you two are married, you might want to drop that line of thought before it starts."

"Ryoga-chan, you are not thinking of another girl, are you?"

"No! Akari, Honey! I didn't mean...!"

"Good luck, Buddy." Ranma left his 'friend' to handle his fiancee's teasing on his own, and continued his mingling.

"Son-in-law, congratulations! It seems you have set the next generation off to a roaring start!" The old woman slapped him on the back with a laugh.

"Thanks Granny, glad you could make it, though I don't know how I feel about that last part."

"You should be very proud, I am willing to wager that they are going to be very talented children."

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OMAKE 19

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Doctor Tofu Ono was in a good mood, his fiancee's pregnancy test had just come back positive, and he was out shopping for a gift to give her for when he gave her the good news! He had already picked up a bouquet of candy flowers, and was looking for the newest game she had been wanting, when he heard a voice from an alley calling for help.

As he followed the voice, he saw a larger man in a trench-coat, excitedly pointing to a manhole in the ground with black, red, and purple swirling around inside. "My dog fell in there, you've got to help me!"

"What? Your dog? I don't think-... What even IS that?"

"Said it was a 'Unicron Singularity', before the sign got sucked inside."

"You probably ought to stay away from there, it doesn't look safe..."

"But what about my daughter?"

"'Daughter'? But you said-...?"

"Oh, my ...doctor fall down!" The man's sing-song voice held an element of taunting to it.

Before he realized it, he felt the man push him from behind and he was falling, feeling his body distorting as he tumbled into the aether.

"Have a nice 'trip', and thanks for the caaaandyyyy..."

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"Hey, are you okay? How do you feel?" Tofu awoke to see a red-headed young man, wearing a sweater-vest.

"Oh, my head is pounding, and I feel like every molecule in my body was taken apart and put back together."

"That is pretty close to the truth as we know it." The other man pointed to a large black ball that sat not far from them. The sphere looked incredibly out of place in the cartoony-looking land in which he found himself, but he could see no details on it of any kind.

"What is that thing?"

"Don't really know. Calls itself the 'GANTZ', all we know for sure is when one of us falls into one of them crazy things, we get printed out here. It's really disgusting!"

"And that is how I got here just now?"

"Yup, pretty much, watched it fabricate you myself."

"And who are you? If you do not mind me asking. That is a strange way you have of speaking, I cannot say I recognize it."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, how rude of me. I am Chuck, Chuck Cunningham, and I'm from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Been here longer than just about anyone else here."

"Isn't that part of the United States? Is that English then?"

"Of course, this place does something to us, we can almost all understand each other, and we don't age here."

"That's pretty interesting, but what do you mean 'almost'?"

"Not all of us are humans, we can't always understand some of them. I guess things like dogs and whatever that 'Jigglypuff' think is don't think in normal words, so there is nothing to translate. At least that's what Sheila thinks, I can't say I understand it at all."

"Well, that is all well and good, but how do we get out of here? I have a fiancee to get back to at home."

"Generally, we don't. Once in a while we wake up and someone is gone, we never know what happened to them, and there is never any sign of them, but no one has ever found another way out. You are now the newest resident of Plotholia. Come on, let me introduce you to the other Plotholians. This puppy here is Pel, over there is Launch, from a very weird earth ...be careful if she sneezes. Chrissy Snow lives over there near Danna Drake. If you go that way, you might see Mary Jane Waterbuffalo, almost as strange as that ...Jigglypuff!"

Before they could take another step, the strange little thing pulled a microphone out of nowhere, and began to sing...

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Omake 20

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Tatewaki Kuno has been eyeing the 'pig-tailed' girl all evening, trying to figure out why she had been acting so strangely, and everything in his mind always came back to the newest additions to her appearance ...that tail! It HAD to be the cause! He could think of no other reason for the change, that black wizard had to have given her the cursed object to enscroll her mind, and make her compliant to his evil machinations!

Being stuck in his wheelchair, he had few options and no weapons on hand. He could not ask his nurse to do this, it needed to be by his own hand after all! At least his left arm had healed enough to use, and so taking one of the utensils from the buffet, he tossed the ki imbued cutlery, slicing through Akahihi's tail. "There now you shall be free of the mind control!"

She picked up her severed accessory, holding it up, with teary eyes as she started to bawl. It took some of them several moments before they realized what happened, and Kasumi ran over to take the crying girl into her arms. "Do not worry, we can fix it for you, and I will get you another one soon. Okay? Let's go inside."

As she took the sad young woman into the house, the sky seemed to darken as Ranma walked over to Tatewaki with the look of death in his eyes as he cracked his knuckles. "I told you what would happen if you hurt my 'little sister', didn't I?"

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End Omake

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NOTES

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'Monkey on your back' - A western idiom referring to an addiction, a burden, or 'persistent problem'. We also have Ranma, here with his cat, bird, and now monkey girls as he journeys back from the west. ;p

Well that's just about it for the main story! Sorry these last couple of chapters took so long, there was a lot of work to do on them, and my real life got busy this week (I didn't even know I had one). That said, it is the first fic to use the monkey-girl in this way (nobody will ever check, my plan is perfect...! Muahahahahah...)! ;)

There was supposed to be one more character mentioned in the first omake this time, Seven the adopted child from Married ...With Children, but he fell in a plot hole, from within the plothole, so...

In the next/final chapter, which I hope to have out ASAP, I will be introducing their children, would you prefer the list at the beginning, or the end? Let me know.

Come back one last time for, 'Like Taking Candy from a Doctor', or 'Everybody Loves Kasumi'!