"Wish me luck," Xander said as he pulled up in front of his house.
"Luck?" Dawn asked while Faith suppressed the urge to wince.
"My parents aren't very… parental," Xander explained. He sighed. "I'm probably going to have to sober them up a bit to get them to understand what I have to say."
Dawn took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "You aren't alone," she reminded him.
Xander seemed to relax, some of the tenseness leaking out of him. "Thank you," he said, giving her hand a squeeze in return.
Faith smirked. If Dawn kept this up she'd have Xander landed in no time.
"And worst comes to worst, we got a tranq pistol," Dawn offered cheerfully, making Faith sigh, sure she'd blown it.
"Yeah," Xander said with a smile. "Be a shame to use ammo we may need later, but it would solve the problem."
"Exactly, now go in there and get it done, because the sun is going to rise soon and we got shit to do!"
Xander nodded with a determined expression and marched into his house.
"What?" Dawn asked as she saw the expression on Faith's face.
"I can't believe I never noticed how alike you two are in some ways," Faith said, shaking her head.
"Really?" Dawn said, smiling brightly.
"Yeah," Faith said with a snort, "shoot first and ask questions later, ain't no such thing as overkill, and the quickest path through a maze is to drive a bulldozer."
"You say that like it's a bad thing," Dawn said, making Faith laugh.
Xander returned carrying a letter with a thoughtful look on his face. "My parents are doomsday preppers and have left me directions to a group shelter that seems to be mostly composed of their AA group."
"Your parents are in AA?" Faith asked, surprised.
"Yeah," Xander said, "the group meets in a closed down bar twice a week that has a three drink minimum."
Both the Lehane sisters turned to stare at him.
He shrugged. "Yeah, it's a Sunnydale Alcoholics Anonymous group, naturally it's going to be weird. They own the bar and the money from the meetings went to keeping it stocked and ready for some sort of Mad Max future if I'm reading this right."
"That's weird, even for Sunnydale," Faith said.
Xander nodded. "If you can handle my dresser, I can toss everything else in a trash bag and we can be done in minutes."
"No problem," Faith said, "let's do this."
"I'll help," Dawn said, wanting to see his bedroom.
"Follow me," Xander said.
The two Lehane sisters followed him into the house, noting the unkempt lawn on the way in. The smell of stale cigarette smoke and spilled alcohol didn't even merit a raised eyebrow, nor did the signs of obvious damage scattered about and the obviously amateurish repair jobs; they had seen worse.
"You got the master bedroom?" Faith asked, surprised, as they climbed the stairs.
"After one too many falls down the stairs, they decided I should have it," Xander explained as they entered his room.
Dawn looked around, noting it was reasonably clean, no adult magazines were left out, though there was a decent amount of used tissue in his wastebasket.
"Holy shit!" Faith said on spotting a massive wooden wardrobe. "That's your dresser?!"
"Yeah," Xander admitted. "Too heavy?"
"Nah," Faith said after giving it a quick lift, "but I'm pretty sure I could get to Narnia through it."
Xander laughed. "Don't worry about scratching it up, it's practically indestructible."
"Yeah," Faith said, examining the doorway and then looking at the wardrobe he used as a dresser. "I need a heavy blanket and some duct tape cause I'm going to have to drag it to get through the door."
"Give me just a minute," he said, heading downstairs.
Once he was gone, Faith lifted up his mattress and Dawn pulled out everything that was hidden there, dumping it on top of the bed after Faith had dropped the mattress back in place.
"Latest Penthouse and Playboy," Faith said, "pretty normal."
"No Hustler," Dawn noted. "Stake, knife, cross, and squirt gun, probably filled with holy water."
"Tame, but not neutered," Faith said with approval as Dawn stuck it in the bottom drawer of the wardrobe on top of his socks.
Xander came up the stairs with a thick grey blanket and a roll of duct tape. "Let me stick some things in the dresser and we'll be half way done."
The girls shared a grin as he flipped up his mattress only to find nothing there, but were surprised when he lifted up the box spring to reveal a couple of knives that looked positively ancient and were definitely made of silver, as well as a couple of folders, a thin leather bound tome, and a magazine.
Dawn snatched up the magazine. "Hah, latest Hustler!"
Xander rolled his eyes, having half expected Faith to respond like that but not Dawn. He put everything in his sock drawer, pleased to find the rest of his stuff already tucked away.
Then he pulled the bed away from the wall, revealing the sheetrock behind the headboard had been cut away to make room for a lock box.
"I don't want to know what kind of porn requires a safe," Faith joked.
"No porn, though it does contain a couple of magazines," Xander replied as he turned the dial.
Faith watched in surprise as he swung open the door and pulled out a pair of pistols in holsters and half a dozen loaded magazines. "What the fuck?!"
"Some problems you can solve by shooting," Xander replied as he took off his wind breaker and put on the holsters, one under each arm.
"You aren't planning on offing a bunch of people and letting the zombies cover for it, are you?" Dawn asked.
"No," Xander replied, "the zombies will take care of everyone on my list all by themselves without any effort on my part."
"Good call," Dawn said, "I'm guessing my list is covered then."
"Am I the only one who doesn't have a list of people to off?" Faith asked sarcastically.
"You don't have a list?" Dawn asked curiously.
"Let's get to work, OK?" Faith said, wondering if maybe the Mayor was more right than he knew about not judging by appearance... and maybe she should keep a closer watch on her younger sister.
Xander threw on his windbreaker and opened his closet, revealing a number of boxes and a handful of jackets and outfits. He tossed a number of jackets and some other things in a trash bag. "OK, I'm ready."
"What's in the boxes?" Dawn asked while Faith wrapped his wardrobe in wool and duct tape.
"Comic books, photo albums, and stuff I saved," Xander replied.
"We takin' it?" Dawn asked.
"No, zombies aren't going to be interested in it, so I'll just leave it here," he said.
"I thought everything would be destroyed for some reason," Dawn admitted as she thought about it.
"Same here," Faith agreed.
"Wild fires may be a problem in some areas," Xander admitted, "and flooding in others, but for the most part, everything is going to be right where we left it when we return."
"Just with a lot more animals and less people," Faith said numbly as she realized the world was going to change in a big way.
"Our biggest enemy is going to be other people," Dawn said.
"Yes and no," Xander said. "We will have more than enough space and supplies for a good chunk of people, but not everyone behaves rationally and we are going to have people who think they have a right to take things, order us around, and what have you."
"Are we hitting a gun store?" Dawn asked.
"That we are," Xander agreed. "I've got one on my list that the mayor is taking care of, but just in case, we are going to want to be armed."
"And swords and stakes just won't cut it," Faith realized.
"Bad pun," Dawn said as she followed Xander downstairs.
"Yeah, yeah," Faith waved it off as she laid the wardrobe on its side, checking under and behind it for anything else Xander may have hidden before picking up one end and dragging it to the stairs.
"Why the spice rack?" Dawn asked as Xander raided the kitchen.
"I have no idea what kind of food we'll be eating, but I do know fresh fish is going to be on the menu and I am not one for unspiced sushi," Xander replied.
"I didn't take you for the sushi type," Dawn said as Xander raided the cabinets for more spices and various packages of dry food.
"Not too long ago I was almost turned into a cousin of the Creature from the Black Lagoon," Xander replied, "that left a few more mental scars and a taste for seafood."
"How did that happen?" Dawn asked.
"I was investigating what was skinning and eating the school swim team," Xander replied. "Turns out the coach was dosing the team with something that was turning them into monsters who shed their skin. In the end I needed a complete blood transfusion, but I came through OK and I can swim circles around the Olympic swim team now."
"Cool," Dawn said as they followed Faith as she dragged the wardrobe outside. "What happened to the coach?"
"Buffy knocked him into the sewers and he was devoured by all the fish men," Xander said. "It was a nice Twilight Zone ending."
"Buffy's killed people?" Faith asked in shock.
"Of course," Xander said. "Doing what we do, casualties are inevitable. I've body checked a guy into the hyena enclosure at the zoo. He did not make it out. We left Ford to be eaten by vampires, and none of us shed a tear. I tried to explain this to you a while back, but you thought I wanted sex and… Angel was forced to rescue me. I did not like owing him one. Thankfully he knocked me unconscious and left me on the street at night that one time, so I figure we're even."
"You were serious about helping me," Faith said, surprised.
"Yeah," Xander agreed. "The only one of us who hasn't killed anyone is Willow, though the thing with Ford could count against her."
"So my staking the deputy mayor wasn't that big a deal," Faith said.
"Not as big of one as you thought," Xander said. "Besides, Buffy was also responsible as she's the one who threw him to you."
"Shit," Faith said with a sigh. "I really should have heard you out before getting handsy."
"Shit happens, just try and listen more," Xander suggested as he opened the back of the truck so Faith could put the wardrobe inside. He dropped his trash bags of stuff on a sofa, waited for her to lay the wardrobe on its side, and hopped out so she could close the back.
"I'll try," Faith said softly.
"OK, let's go drop off the truck and figure out where we need to go next," Xander said. He paused as he opened the driver's side door and saw what had to be over a million dollars in bundles of hundred-dollar bills. "Well, fuck!"
The two girls turned and stared at him clearly confused at why he wasn't pleased at seeing all that money.
"It's helpful and all, but it's taking up most of the seat," Xander pointed out. "Remember in about twelve hours all it'll be is fancy toilet paper."
"That's depressing," Faith said with a sigh.
"So, we're worth more and money, less," Dawn said slowly.
"Yeah," Xander agreed with a slowly growing grin as he considered it. "that's the way I see it too."
"The only thing of any real value will be people, because there will be tons of everything else just lying around," Faith realized. "Well… after the zombies are gone."
"It's going to be a completely different world," Xander said.
"We're going to need more guns," Dawn said. Seeing the other two turning to look at her, she explained, "I saw this special on Chernobyl and after the people were gone, the wildlife, wolves and bears, made a huge comeback."
"And the people at the zoo are definitely going to open the cages when they realize what is happening," Xander said. "You don't take the job unless you love animals."
"I really hope the animals like zombies," faith said, "but yeah… we are going to need a lot of guns."
"Binoculars and telescopes," Dawn said suddenly. "Since we can't rely on the news for long, we need some way to check the shore."
"That is a lot safer than what I was thinking of doing to check," Xander said. "Remind me to do something nice for you."
Faith bit her lip to keep from laughing at the expression on her younger sister's face, covering it by busying herself stuffing a few bundles of cash where they could conveniently grab them later.
"I know of one thing you could do for me," Dawn said, licking her lips.
"Yeah?" Xander asked, not completely clueless, but sure he was reading her wrong.
"You can take me to Wendy's so we can steal their soft serve machine," Dawn said seriously.
Faith just stared, surprised she hadn't seen this coming.
"Done and done," Xander agreed, shaking her hand. "Not sure it counts as a favor since it's another thing I'll love."
"Don't worry, I'll think of something else you can do for me later," Dawn said as innocently as possible.
Faith burst out laughing.
"What's with her?" Xander asked.
Dawn shrugged. "Slayers," she said, rolling her eyes.
"Tell me about it," Xander said with a smile.
Typing by: Abyssal Angel
