Haunted Jaded Eyes

Chapter 48


The stunned silence must have continued on for what felt like forever, neither Severus nor Harry spoke, they just gaped as their mind processed what they'd just heard. Harry was pregnant, against all precautions they had taken; Harry had somehow managed to get pregnant. If it had been anyone else no doubt accusations of infidelity would have been hissed out in anger, but Severus knew even magical prevention spells were not one hundred percent efficient. Especially not against someone highly fertile, which he knew if he did the test Harry would turn out to be extremely so. Not many wizards or witches could say the same; the Weasleys and Prewitts were really the only notable family that could say as such. Most families couldn't have more than one and the lucky ones two.

Harry's hand dropped down to his stomach, could it be true? Could he be pregnant? Of course he could, hope and a strong dose of yearning and desire spread through him. He'd always wanted a family as far back as he could remember, someone who would love him unconditionally, and he'd received that in Severus…now it seemed a baby too. His mind conjured up images of what their baby could look like, would he or she have his eyes? Or Severus'? Would they have black hair or brown like his? Would they receive the Potter or Prince traits? The Prince traits were strong on Severus just as the Potter traits were strong on him. A vision of Voldemort flashed through his mind, causing fear to thrum through him, he never wanted to leave a baby orphaned, and what if he died? Having godparents wasn't exactly full proof that his child would have a good life, he was proof of that. It would be so incredibly foolish to have a child in these troubling times.

Pain flashed through his green eyes, despite his thoughts he didn't once contemplate murdering his baby. He couldn't even think it for a single second. The thought would have just horrified him to the core. He would save a damn strangers life, had done so in fact, many times, to hell if he could think of abortion. Had these been the thoughts of his mother? Nineteen years old, barely out of Hogwarts, joining the Order…finding out she was pregnant. Did she rejoice without once thinking of the consequences? Or did she like him despair but never once thought of hurting that growing bundle within her womb?

Even only a few months pregnant (if he was even that) he was making mental plans to change his will, so that he or she would get everything. Planning out a list of people he trusted (admittedly very short) to take care of his little one. He knew it would be his greatest achievement; the thought of holding his child was making his heart soar. He would sacrifice everything to know his baby would be fine.

Swallowing thickly when it dawned on him that Severus might not even want children. He certainly never expressed any desire for them; it hadn't been something either of them discussed actually. He would have been more than happy with just Severus in his life, but the thought of this little one…it made him feel complete. He slowly allowed his eyes to stray towards his bonded, heart pounding erratically, only to Severus sitting against the wall, his eyes staring vacantly at the sink lost in thought.

Licking his lips nervously, not even noticing that his hands were shaking, nerves were getting the better of him. He didn't want to lose Severus; he didn't think he'd be able to go back to that cold colourless existence he'd endured before he had found a reason for living. The thought of sleeping alone made him shiver, he didn't know when he had begun to need Severus the way you needed air to breathe but he did. He never wanted anything to compromise that…but if Severus didn't want this child…Merlin, help him. He began to breathe raggedly, at the mere thought of Severus not wanting anything to do with either of them. "Sev?" he whispered hoarsely, his green eyes alight with a fear so profound, one nobody had ever seen on his face since he was a child. "Please say something." begging him without shame. Wishing to know what he was thinking and feeling, never once deciding to use the bond to intrude on his feelings.

Severus snapped out of his thoughts, his gaze sharpening in on Harry, belatedly realizing that Dobby was gone and Harry had such a look of fear on his face. Who wouldn't? Harry was the most wanted wizard by the dark side; he was at risk as long as he had breath in his body. No wonder he was terrified, no, that wasn't it, and Severus realized, there was something much deeper and darker twisting in Harry's mind, a greater fear.

"Please don't ask me to get rid of it," Harry begged his voice a mere whisper, his shaking becoming more pronounced.

Severus' eyes widened, realizing how his silence may have been construed by his bonded. Noticing the shaking, he successfully got up to his feet, taking the hand that Harry did not have on his stomach in his and pulling Harry up. They weren't going to have this conversation on the floor or the bathroom. He noticed that the wards were telling him they were alone, the Flamel's had evidently been asked to leave by Dobby, for that he was grateful. He needed to spend this time with his bonded the potion/alchemy for Ginny Weasley had suddenly paled into insignificance.

"Easy," Severus soothed him; still guiding his bonded into their bedroom, one hand absently rubbing his back, nonverbally trying to communicate that Harry shouldn't worry so much. Traitorously he couldn't help but imagine their child; one he hoped would mostly have Harry's looks, with his black hair and eyes. Things had just gotten a lot more dangerous than they had previous and it was quiet daunting and he'd only admit under Veritaserum terrifying. Neither he nor Harry had any family, and they were both in precarious positions, Harry's as the Boy-Who-Lived and him as a spy. Their lives were constantly in danger, what were they going to do? How could they think for a moment it was right to keep this child? Yet despite his words, he would never be able to tell Harry he should get an abortion.

For better or for worse…they would be having a child sometime in the next eight months. It was both terrifying and strangely exhilarating.

Seeing how pale and worried Harry was made him ponder if this was just a bit too much for him. Harry was the strongest person he knew besides himself, but everyone had their breaking point. What if the thought of having a child was just too much worry and fear to endure? No, it wasn't fear at the situation…it was a fear of him; Harry had begged him to not make him get rid of the baby growing in his stomach. A justified fear neither had reacted conventionally to the pronouncement something he would need to sort out immediately. He realized as he got Harry back into bed, at least they'd be moderately comfortable for this discussion.

Perching on the bed beside him, wondering how it was someone so independent and strong could end up reliant on another especially with a matter like this. He snorted derisively at his own thoughts, he knew if Harry was forced to choose, not that he had any intentions of such a notion passing his lips; Harry would pick the wellbeing of their child over him. He didn't hate Harry for the potentiality of it; in fact it made him love him all the more. There were people in this world that did not deserve children, who should not have them, but Harry wasn't one of them. Although the thought that Harry could think he would say such a thing did hurt a little, but his insecurities would always be there lurking under the surface, what the Dursley's had done would affect him for the rest of his life.

"I would never ask you to abort the baby, Harry, I will forgive the assumption due to my reaction," Severus stated honestly, "I am…shocked but not aversely to the news, I think I can say the same for yourself? Especially due to our…precarious positions." his more so than Harry. The Dark Lord wouldn't allow anyone but himself kill Harry, which gave him a certain leeway of getting himself out of any situation he may get into.

Harry looked into Severus' face, tracing every curve as if trying to commit it to memory, but in fact he was trying to make sure that Severus was being honest. Which was redundant, Severus said the truth whether you wanted to hear it not, Harry had yet to hear him giving any pointless platitudes or lie to anyone, ever. A gush of relieved air left his lips, if both of them were in this together then that's all he cared about.

"What are we going to do?" he asked, sounding slightly lost, now.

"You may have to take your N.E.W.T's early, when you get to the third trimester using magic will be quite a chore, especially for you, females have it bad but they're more used to the hormones running though their bodies, you however, will not be prepared for it." Severus began speaking in his usual teacher spiel, well when educating the Slytherin's or him when he wasn't in a classroom setting. "You will need to be extra cautious regarding spells, especially aimed at you; Poppy will also need to be informed since I am not equipped to deal with this."

"What…what if we go into the chamber?" Harry suggested, "It will give me time to give birth and sit my exams?"

"It's conceivable," Severus said with a frown, "It would need to be last minute, you are still considered a teenager Harry, and it will be heavily frowned upon when word gets out…especially in regards to whom you married. Normally I wouldn't care what anyone thought…but this isn't just one or two people or even the students at Hogwarts, it would be the entire magical world on a whole, and I would be judged quite harshly, I know I will be anyway but this is slightly different."

"It won't just be you, it will be both of us," Harry sighed, he was so tired of the magical world thinking they had a right to run his life. "I doubt we will ever be safe here, will we?" it was rhetorical; there would always be something that's if they both survived. If they died their tune would change and they'd be all over his child as the child of the 'saviors' of the magical world, by Merlin the thought left him horrified.

Severus knowing it was rhetorical didn't reply, he cared…no, loved Harry enough to disregard the magical world on a whole and do one selfish thing for himself for once. The thought of anyone having Harry was horrifying; he may as well cut his own heart out at the thought. To complete their bond they were now expecting a child, he would do anything to protect Harry, to protect the most precious thing he had in his life.

The only good and decent thing he'd accomplished.

"One day Sev, we're going to be able to get out of Hogwarts and explore the world," Harry said with determination, they both had to survive, they just had to. He wouldn't lob his fame on his child, he couldn't do that. If he died he knew that's what would happen, the baby would either be loved or hated its entire life. He knew Severus wanted to see the world, the different plants, herbs and buildings he'd only ever seen in books. America, Asia just everywhere and Harry would love nothing more than to give him all that.

"Coming from anyone else I would have snorted," Severus said wryly, staring at his bonded, seeing the steely determination radiating from his posture and in those green eyes of his. "One day we shall see." he didn't have the same faith in Harry…if it could be coined as faith, perhaps it was more a dream - that they could survive this.

"Can you tell how far along…it is?" Harry asked the word 'it' just sounded so wrong, mostly because he had been called 'it' 'freak' or 'the boy' or the 'abomination' all his life.

"Of course," Severus murmured, feeling quiet anxious and excited as well, flicking out his wand he began the standard diagnosis charm that would let him know just how far along Harry already was.

Harry's green eyes peered into Severus' waiting patiently for an answer, his hand still clutching his stomach automatically.

"Six weeks yesterday," Severus said, his cheeks heating up just a little, remembering the date and exactly what they had been doing, perhaps they had forgotten to use the spell after all. He had created a monster who was alluring and insatiable, and all his and even he couldn't say no to the temptation that was Harry.

Harry chuckled wickedly, what a night that had been, Severus had successfully managed to do his rounds but only just. They'd spent the hour in the shower and both of them had been thoroughly debauched by the time they came out but clean nonetheless. His own cheeks heated up just a little as he thought about it himself.

"Can we trust Poppy? I mean…I don't want this getting out," Harry said his eyes shadowed, "Not even to McGonagall, or worse the Order." the Order was sneered in disgust.

"Poppy can be trusted…but I believe that she will feel compelled to tell the Headmistress," Severus conceded, "She has to inform them due to the fact the student will need pulled from Hogwarts."

"What about an Oath? Or an unbreakable Vow?" Harry suggested a Vow was never to be taken lightly he knew, or even an oath it could rob a witch or wizard of their magic after all while the Vow would kill them before the secret could be fully written down or slip passed their lips.

"I'm sure it won't be the first time she's been asked to make one," Severus said thoughtfully, "We definitely need her so it might be our only option."

Harry's brow furrowed, "Don't we need someone more specific? A midwife? An obstetrician?"

Severus' lips twitched, "Healers have a well rounded Mastery, sure they all have their second masteries in different specialised subjects, such as curses and hexes, the mind arts, they are quite diverse, all healers know everything they can about births, it's one of the most important things to wizards and witches…children are the future, and we do not have many of them as you can no doubt deduce from how many students attend Hogwarts, half of which were born in the Muggle world. The other half at home or in St. Mungo's. There is no such thing as an obstetrician in the magical world." he wasn't surprised by Harry's ignorance on that particular subject, even he hadn't been aware of St. Mungo's much other than in passing before he gained his mastery and they wanted him to work for them, he'd declined of course. "In fact it's something they learn during their Mediwizard course which is the opening course to give the people interested an idea of the coursework and gage their interest in healing.

Harry made a noise to show he heard and understood, he would have found it worrisome but he knew how good healers were. They had kept Arthur Weasley alive against all odds with Nagini's venom coursing through him until they got the antidote. With magic it wasn't as easy to die during childbirth especially if you had a healer on hand that's not to say it didn't happen of course, but Harry hadn't heard of it happening.

"You should get back to the potion," Harry said belatedly realizing he was keeping Severus from important work.

"Dobby informed them that we would be unavailable for the rest of the day, they have gone home." Severus informed him, "Nothing is more important than you, especially not a potion for that girl. No matter how interesting the potion itself is." how he loathed her unwanted attentions on Harry, on what she had tried to do. Trapping someone in a loveless marriage it was despicable. Her belief that Harry would still want her beggared belief, just thinking about her made him furious. He was grateful that she wasn't in his class otherwise she would have found herself in a worse predicament with her house since he would have deduced potions left right and centre with a healthy dose of detentions.

Warmth filled Harry, oh he was used to people pretending he was more important, or rather believing he was due to his status as the 'Boy-Who-Lived' but this…this was genuine, he was wanted above all else just because he was Harry. Severus had never cared about the Boy-Who-Lived just him. It's perhaps what had drawn him to Severus like a moth to a flame.

"You cannot be near potions, it's very harmful for the baby," Severus continued, "that itself will be a dead giveaway especially since Mrs. Dumbledore isn't taking potions, unless we…come up with a plan that will ensure I do not let you back in my classroom…" a sly smirk on his face, it would get back to the Dark Lord and he would be much aware that Harry 'remembered' what happened but was unable to talk about it and was trying his best to get back at him. It would secure both their safety for the time being. Word could not get back to the Dark Lord about Harry's pregnancy, not for a good long while, he would correctly assume it was his (Severus) and Merlin only knows what would happen. It could buy Harry time since the Dark Lord could wish for the baby to survive and be brought up on the dark side, or he could find himself threatened by the baby due to who it's 'carrier' was and wish to deal with it right away.

It caused a shudder to run down his spine regardless, no the Dark Lord must not find out.

"I love when you get all cunning," Harry said, his green eyes twinkling almost viciously. Deception, how he loved it, although he would need to warn Hermione and Ron…they would get very defensive, they'd assume it was real…he couldn't let that happen and thankfully they were decent enough at acting and would do it on his behalf. "Get the Flamel's back, I'll go and meet Hermione in the library instead." he knew how much Severus loved a challenge, and this was he only day he could really dig his claws into it.

"Are you sure?" Severus asked seriously, his mind mulling over potential instances they could use to get Hogwarts talking and him not allowing Harry back into his class. His eyes narrowed back in on Harry intently.

"Yes, I'd like to see them for a bit," Harry said, he'd been sort of neglecting his friendship, but he knew if he'd been with them he'd have felt like a third wheel when they got all gooey eyed on each other.

"I'll have a potion you can take ready for you when you return," Severus promised, inwardly excited at the prospect of trying to create an antidote to Dumbledore's potion again. Seeing the confused look on Harry's face he elaborated, "There are a few potions you can take while pregnant; a specialised anti-nausea potion to combat morning sickness is one of them."

"I don't know why they call it morning sickness," Harry scowled petulantly, he'd felt sick nearly constantly for ages. He slid out of bed, and moved over to the wardrobe and removed some clothes, clothes he had bought himself not hand me downs or things from the Weasley's so they fitted perfectly - for now.

Severus suppressed his chuckle, instead he stood up and exited his bedroom, using the Floo to let the two Flamel's that they could return if they so desired. Either way he was going to spend his time in the lab, first brewing the anti-nausea potion for Harry and then the potion for Mrs. Dumbledore. It would be better if he could just go to Azkaban and get his answers…but the larger part revelled in the mystery to be solved. There was also the little fact he wanted to prove he was just as smart as Dumbledore.

Not even five minutes later the couple were back through, looking quietly concerned but dawning suspicion began to rouse when they noticed the potion Severus was brewing.

Realisation began to fill them rather than suspicion when Severus made an offhanded comment that Harry wouldn't be in the lab with them for the time being.


"HARRY!" Ron called out, looking relieved, waving his best friend over to the table loaded down with books with Hermione probably buried under them all somewhere.

"Quiet!" came the voice of the resident librarian Pince who glared at Ron in warning.

Harry grinned at Ron's feigned apologetic look, shaking his head as he made his way over.

"Hey, bored are you?" Harry asked, moving around until he could see both his best friends, Hermione was busy scribbling away on her parchment with a book open at the side of her.

"A little," Ron admitted, glancing at Hermione with a genuine apologetic look, he wasn't a Ravenclaw; he would never be as invested in books like his girlfriend.

"How far are you, Mione?" Harry asked, finally getting Hermione's attention.

She blinked at her best friend, "Harry? When did you get here?"

Harry chuckled as he sat down, "Just a few moments ago," he informed her browsing through all the information she had on the current leaf of parchment. He pursed his lips as he looked at all the work, she was a genius but the thought of this information in the wrong hands was daunting.

"Make sure there's an out clause in there, Mione…can you imagine what people will do if they find this…use it?" Harry whispered, shuddering at the thought of them being put on him. The ministry were a fickle bunch, and then again they would just ban this new creation, stop its use…until it became desirable again.

"Don't worry, these are different…" Hermione said quietly so only her friends could hear, "They'll sink into the skin, undetectable…and its coded, only we know the codes," she knew why he was concerned it was why she'd began coding it herself, nobody would be able to figure it out except them, and once she'd completed the bands she would destroy all documentation she had on the work she was doing. Most of her work was always on her person, she didn't even trust the Head girl room to keep it safe even with all the spells she and Harry had on their rooms.

"Good," Harry said relaxing in relief at that. Hermione just immersed herself in the books again, scribbling randomly every few moments and Ron was just staring ahead his brow furrowed, clearly thinking about something worrying.

"Ron?" Harry called, "What's wrong?" he knew something was wrong.

"Hmm, nothing Harry," Ron lied, shaking his head, this wasn't something Harry could help with.

"Something IS wrong; I've known you seven years now, what's up?" Harry asked more sternly, "Are you worried about Ginny?" digging for information to find out if he'd been told or figured it out on his own.

"No, she's fine…all things considered," Ron told him that was Harry for you, he cared too much. Ginny would be going home soon to be home taught, if they had a home to go to.

"Then what is it?" Harry asked, getting exasperated with his friend's avoidance.

"Ron, just explain," Hermione said soothingly, giving her boyfriend a reassuring smile.

"Dad can't afford to pay the goblins, he's trying so hard to get overtime to make ends meet but he can't. If he misses anymore payments he could lose the house…the goblins could take the Burrow…and the land we have. My brothers are trying to get the money together to pay off the loans…the interest keeps piling up." Ron explained; face flushing red in embarrassment and anger - especially since he couldn't do a damn thing to help. "Charlie, Bill, Percy and the twins are trying to help. Fred and George even said they could come live in the flat if the worst happens." it wasn't as if they had a lot of funds stashed away that they could just give their dad.

"Oh," Harry said, "I'm sorry," he felt really awkward since he had more money than he could spend in a lifetime. It wouldn't hurt to help though, and Arthur could still pay him back if he wanted to…just without interest and at a rate he could afford without them going hungry. While he was angry at Ginny and Molly it didn't mean all the Weasley's should suffer.

"It's not your fault," Ron said seriously, "But I really regret taking that damn flying car to Hogwarts, if I hadn't done it maybe my parents wouldn't be so bad off." and it had been all his idea, Harry had just followed along.

Harry blinked, "What do you mean?"

"He got fined, remember 'facing an enquiry at work' he charmed a Muggle object, the reason he fine was reasonably low is because dad didn't actually want to use it…" Ron admitted, and probably because they knew he wouldn't be able to pay a worse off fine. "And because it was us…me who took it."

"Bloody hell, Ron," Harry said, shaking his head, he hadn't thought about it at all, it wasn't really fair that Arthur had to pay it by himself, then again he couldn't help but be grateful the Dursley's hadn't got a notice for a fine…Vernon would have taken it out on his skin and bones.

"Then there's the other loans my dad's had to get, I really hope my brothers come through," Ron admitted, even if it was just one of the loans it would tide them over hopefully.

"I'm sure they will Ron," Harry said, already planning on getting the twins here, they would be most willing to let him help than any of the others. He was pretty sure he would only be using the interest he was getting from WWW anyway to help them pay back the loans.

"Why don't you go play Chess with Seamus and Dean?" Hermione questioned, "I'll take all this back to our room and see you later?" suggesting it, Seamus and Dean had asked him to play chess just before Harry had come in…if it was just before Harry came in she knew she tended to lose time when she immersed herself in her books.

Ron nodded slowly, that was exactly what he needed, and it would help take his mind off everything.

"Alright, go me and Harry will see you in an hour or so," Hermione said firmly, knowing what her boyfriend needed, she couldn't give him.

"I'm not coming, but I do need to talk to both of you later," Harry said with a wistful smile once Ron was out of earshot.

Hermione stared at him curiously, silently demanding an answer.

"Not now, it's important…too important for anyone to overhear." Harry informed her his wistful smile sobering.

"Alright," Hermione said, almost pouting she didn't like waiting for information but she understood the gravity and would wait. "Will you be there in an hour or so?"

"Yes, I should have it done by then," Harry said nodding in agreement; the twins were only in Diagon Alley after all.

"Okay," Hermione said as she began to gather everything up.

"Great," Harry said and just like that he was gone like Ron.


Will the Weasley's be able to gather the money only taking a little from Harry or will they refuse and manage to raise the funds themselves? Still not sure whether to put them in the chamber or not but there's still time! so will Harry and Severus' confrontation end up being more explosive than anticipated with several people getting hurt or is Severus just too good at what he does to be wrong? :D R&R please