Chapter 50: The Deep End (Crossfade)


I knew that the alarm would go off in an hour but I couldn't wait anymore, I needed an escape.


After crawling out of bed and feeling like I could just fall to pieces at any second, I headed for the bathroom.

My mind was shrouded in a thick cloud of heavy emotions and my body felt like it might actually break in two.

It would be so easy to find a way to make the pain stop.

As I stepped into the bathroom, I noticed that Britt had left the ring box just sitting there on the edge of the sink.

I paused there for a second and then walked closer.

I looked down at the box and swallowed the lump in my throat.

How easy would it be?

My hand hovered above the box while I contemplated ending my agony...but then I hesitated.

There was too much at stake, I just didn't think it was worth the risk, so I dropped my hand to my side.

I wish she had seen me...seen that I had a little bit of self control.

I pushed the box in the back corner by the wall and turned to shut the door but then I froze.


When I turned around, I was suddenly glad that I had resisted.

Brown eyes met blue as Britt stood there waiting to see what I would do.

I smiled at her, grabbed the box and handed it to her.

"Good girl." B said, the eerily similar statement that I heard as I lay under Marco.

I looked at her and resisted the urge to cringe.

Her look at me should have been making me feel encouraged but really it didn't.

It was like Marco was right there.

I turned towards the long mirror on the wall and pulled down my shorts to better examine my stomach.

That movement alone made me cringe.

"I-I think it's infected." I said showing her the purple and blue skin that surrounded my staples.

"Then I guess you should go back to the hospital. Unfortunately I can't go with you or Sue would kill me. The keys are on the counter." she put the box back on the edge of the sink and walked back into the bedroom.

Was she really going to just leave that there?

How long would she torture me with this?


I didn't take the bait, I just turned back around and took one last look at the scar before pulling my shorts back up.

Despite just getting out of the hospital, this hurt bad enough for me to return.

I stepped out of the bathroom and searched for a loose-fitting jacket.

The pain shot through me and so I had to hold on to the wall to keep from collapsing.

I was feeling too horrible to care about my appearance.

I grabbed a bag and stuffed some clothes into it since I wasn't sure if I would be making it to school or if I would be admitted to the hospital, so I made sure that I had something other than my pajamas to wear to school.

When I had my stuff together and then went to grab my heavy backpack off the floor, I found that I couldn't bend over without excruciating pain.

"B?" She lifted her sleepy head from her pillow and looked towards me.

"What?" She mumbled.

"Can you help me please? I can't carry these to the car." I said pointing to the two bags at my feet.

"Are you actually asking me for help?" she smirked and then sat up.

"Yes...baby please help me?"

Britt had been trying to get me to ask for help for years and it rarely happened but I hurt too much to care at this point.

I know it seemed like a big deal to her but honestly I just knew that I needed medical attention and soon.

Britt saw the pain all over my face and began to bite her lip.

She finally stood up and gave a huge stretch and then looked back at me,

"Screw Sue. I'll make it up after school. Come on, I'll take you. Just let me get dressed quick."

I nodded with appreciation and then I leaned against the dresser hoping that it would help take some of the pressure off my stomach.

I felt woozy and stumbled forward a little bit.

"Shit!" I muttered as everything went black.


I opened my eyes and saw the familiar light above my hospital bed.

I groaned in recognition and muttered to myself,

"Not again...", I heard a deep chuckle and when I looked to my left there sat Dr. Jindahl.

"I'm going to have to start charging you rent!" he smiled warmly at me in that fatherly way.

"What happened?"

"You take piss poor care of yourself that's what, I mean what has it been 24 hours since you left? Piss Poor!"

"Is that your medical diagnosis doc?"

"Yes."

"How long have I been here?"

"Oh thirty minutes or so."

"Am I admitted?"

"You would like that wouldn't you?"

"Oh yea...the food here is better than a master cleanse at helping me shed the baby weight."

"Ha! Well sorry to break it to you but there is no need for you to stay. You have been on an antibiotic drip for the last twenty minutes and I have prescribed you a prescription for more. From what we could tell, you just tore your sutures. We got you all put back together in no time at all. You are all bandaged up and should come back on Saturday to have your staples removed. In the mean time keep the area clean but don't drench it like you did last night. You should also try to stay off your feet whenever possible."

"How-how did you k-know that I drenched my stitches?"

"Unlike you, your wife let's me know everything...and I mean everything." he said as he tapped his nose.

"Uh-I-I can explain."

"No need. I know how addiction works and you will just give me excuse after excuse and I do have other patients to see today."


I nodded in understanding and smiled up at him.

He looked at me with an expression somewhere between pity and remorse as he unhooked my IV drip.

In that moment as he looked back at me, it was like I was looking into my father's face. I shook the sad thoughts from my head and cleared my throat.

"So when can I leave?"

"Whenever you want. Take care of that wound, study hard and keep your nose clean." he winked and then patted my arm before he left.

I sat up slowly expecting to feel pain but felt nothing.

My whole abdomen was numb.

Hopefully, that would last for a while.

I saw my school clothes laid out on a chair and quickly began to change while the pain was still numbed.

The door opened and then I heard her sneakers.

"I'll be done in a sec B." I said as I pulled my socks on.

She smiled down at me and then picked up my backpack from the floor.

"I'll still make practice." I stood up and looked at her as I pulled on my jacket and smiled.

"That's great!"

"Yup, Dr. J told me how you need to be off your feet as much as possible and so I want you to sit in the bleachers and wait for me, so I can walk you to your first class."

"Wait...what? Seriously?"

I had hoped to camp out in the library until my first class since I barely got any sleep the night before.

Britt looked at me and arched an eyebrow...she was becoming my clone.

"Was I not clear?" she asked raising her hand and reaching out for my wrist.

"No, B, I understand." I said pulling back and offering up just my pinky.

"Good let's go." she bypassed my pinky and grabbed my wrist anyway, pulling me forward.

The pain made me nauseous but I didn't fight...that would just make things worse.


When we parked Britt took the keys and put them in her jacket pocket.

She came over to my side of the car and helped me to stand up.

She handed me my book bag and then brushed through my hair with her fingers, before she pulled me towards her and kissed my lips.

"Bleachers...the whole time. Promise me?" she said after tugging and sucking on my bottom lip.

"I promise, B."

I nodded my head and followed her to the field.

The Cheerios were all gathered together giggling like the gossips that they were.

I kissed Britt one more time before she went off to join them.

The moment that I was settled on the bleachers, I searched through my bag for something to entertain myself.

I hoped that this didn't go on forever because sitting on the hard metal wasn't helping my stomach too much.

It had been a while, although the only reason that I noticed is because I finished off the book that I was reading.

I sat with my backpack at my feet reading the last line in Mockingjay when I heard a loud scream and then the flurry of panic.


My head shot up and there on the ground, with a leg bent at an odd angle was Q.

Poor Quinn was screaming out in agony.

Someone must have missed their mark and dropped her.

Nationals was in three weeks, this was not good!

"No! Anyone but Q! Damn-it! Fifty laps, all of you and then turn in your uniform Davis, you are a pathetic excuse for a human being! You just cost me Nationals!"

I stayed firmly on the bleachers as I watched Q get carted off.

Her leg was definitely broken.

I wanted to go and be with her but I knew that I couldn't do that, I had to stay where I was supposed, to be so that I could put some trust back into my relationship.

Something Quinn would definitely prefer that I spend my time doing.

She had Rachel and Lord only knows the kind of pampering the Hobbit would bestow upon my best friend.

Everyone cleared the field but I still stayed there.

Britt had gone in with Quinn but I figured she would be back out to get me at some point.

This was me trying to do things the right way.

I knew that Britt was trying to do what was best for me but when the bell for first period went off, I finally just got up.

She had meant well but I couldn't miss class just because B forgot about me.

I got to class five minutes into a pop quiz and so ,I was forced to sit in the hall until it was over.

I was pissed.

My stomach was no longer numb and my fucking wrist was throbbing.

I just couldn't deal.


Meet me bottom of right wing steps 2 mins...-S

Breathing a deep sigh, I gathered my stuff and took a few back ways to avoid Britt's classroom and made my way to the rarely used back stairway.

There he stood, cocky smile on his face as he leaned against the back wall smoking a cigarette.

I stood beside him, facing away from view and smiled at him.

"Hey, candy man."

"Hey S. I've got just what you need."

"Thanks, I'll wire you the money...you know the spot."

I smiled tightly and headed in the opposite direction of my hookup.

My stomach was starting to burn now and the throbbing in my wrist continued.

I knew that if I could make it through a school day high while pregnant then today was definitely doable.

Before I made it back into the hallway, I moved off to a dark corner and took a moment to myself.

I dipped my finger into the bag, put it to my nose and quickly inhaled.

It was just enough for a buzz barely a line's worth and was all I needed to dull the pain.

When I went to climb the steps, I found that I had to hold on tight to the railing because I had suddenly become dizzy.

I tried my best to relax and took deep breaths.

When I calmed my heart down a bit, I bent over and tucked the bag in my sock.

I came up slowly not wanting to fall up or down the steps.

I stood at the end of the hallway and felt marginally better but I knew that there was a higher potential for feeling great, I knew that I definitely needed more.

Being sober was now something that I didn't feel like doing anymore.

I made a detour to the first bathroom I found and had just a little bit more and then headed back to my classroom.


The bell rang by the time that I got to the classroom door so instead of even attempting to enter I just turned around and floated on down to my locker.

When I got to my locker I suddenly decided that I should rearrange it because my backpack was too damn heavy and I didn't need to carry so much weight with my stomach like this.

My skin was tingling and burning so I had to stop my mini cleaning spree and start actively scratching up and down my arms.

Once my skin felt cooler I went back to my task and finally managed to shove the stupid bag in there by the time that the warning bell rang.

"Shit!" I muttered as I grabbed my books for the next two periods.

Two AP courses back to back on the other side of the building in neighboring rooms and I hadn't moved from my locker yet.

I closed my eyes for a second, took another deep breath and then grabbed a tissue to blow my nose which felt like it had started dripping.

When I looked at the tissue, I could see little flecks of red and was happy to see that it wasn't a full-blown nosebleed.

Sighing and wiping once more, I stuffed the tissue in my pocket and then I nearly jumped out of my skin as I closed my locker and ran straight into my wife.

I leaned in and kissed her cheek trying to appear cheerful and sober.

"Hey B." she looked at me skeptically for a second and then wrapped her arms around me while sticking her hands in the back pockets of my jeans.

I knew she was checking me.

I chuckled, search away sugar...you're not finding a damn thing.

There was no way that I could give myself away but I had to let her look.

She ran her hands across my hips and over my front pockets and I just pretended not to notice.

Satisfied with her search Britt hugged me tightly.

"Sorry about earlier with all the excitement of Quinn and the ambulance I got distracted but it looks like you managed just fine without me so I'll see you at lunch, ok?" I nodded and smiled as she kissed my lips.

I kissed her back sweetly as the bell went off again and then pulled away.


I walked as fast as I could to get to my next class and made it inside just as the door was closing.

I sat in my usual seat in the back of the room and dropped my stuff down onto the table.

I looked to my right and saw Quinn's empty seat and felt bittersweet about her absence.

She would know if I was high immediately, so in order for me to get away scotch free with my plans, she was probably already at home nursing a broken bone.

"Alright, settle in guys...we are watching a movie as the first part of Frank's presentation. As I stated yesterday you each get two days to present. Next week's presenters are Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez."

I made a note in my planner to ask Quinn about that later.

Somehow, I hadn't realized that I had work to do for this class.

The lights went out and the tv snapped on.

The of mystery of honey...great!

We were halfway through class and my hands were getting shaky so I leaned down and pulled the bag from my sock.

I poured some powder on the desk top and then put the baggie back while no one was paying attention.


Everyone was facing forward so I dipped my head, making sure to keep my eyes on the screen, while crossing my arms in front of me.

Then quick and quiet I snorted the whole line.

The tiny flakes burned my nose and I couldn't see straight for a moment.

The bleeding felt like it started again.

I pulled the tissue out of my pocket and wiped my nose before looking back up.

Everyone was still looking forward, not noticing a thing as my high began.

When the bees made it onto the screen, I found myself laughing loudly and obnoxiously.

I couldn't contain myself even after Mr. Salvatore paused the movie and when I still couldn't stop I was finally just asked to leave the room.

I grabbed my books and apologized to Frank before leaving.

Even as I left the room, I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

I stood out in the hallway and managed to calm down after a bit.

My heart was racing in my chest and I felt like I could run a thousand miles, I was honestly tempted to.

I hadn't felt this high, this good since New York.

My body was buzzing.

I wandered the school to burn off some excess energy until the bell rang and then headed back to where I had just come from for my next class.


I kept trying to walk straight but the whole hallway was suddenly on an angle, so I stayed close to the lockers and occasionally pressed against them to avoid falling over, after a while I just decided to walk slower.

People walked by me and through me as if the extreme slant of the hallway was something normal for them.

A few people had even reached out to steady me but I would just turn and paste myself to the wall.

The bell rang snapping me back to reality and I looked up to see that class had ended before it began.

How awesome!

I grabbed my books and made my way down a crooked hallway full of zombies.

Zombies that I knew weren't even there.

I kept clenching my eyes shut and jumping out of the way when one came too close.

Shit!

This had never happened...what the hell was going on.

I finally made it to my locker in one piece and shoved my books inside.

I felt like I was floating in mid-air and was getting nauseous.

I searched past the gnomes in my locker and found my wallet behind the fat cheerful one.

"You sneaky fucker!" I laughed out and stuck my tongue out at him before slamming the door shut.

The hall had emptied out again, so walking down the angled hallway this time around was much easier.

This drug trip seemed to be never-ending and I was halfway between loving it and hating it.

My stomach grumbled loudly and I was sure the whole room had heard it because several faces were looking at me strangely as I entered the cafeteria.

I got straight into the lunch line and filled up my tray with tater tots.


After dodging a few more zombies and feeling the room completely spin.

I found Britt at end of a table with the glee dweebs.

When I saw that Olivia sat next to B, I marched over and pushed her out of my way until I was able to sit between them.

When I finally got next to my honey, I began to chow down on my mini mountain of tots.

"Fucking amazing!" I yelled out.

Everyone looked at me and I thought why not I'm in a good mood.

I pushed my tray into the middle of the table for easier access.

"Have some." I said excitedly, but no one budged so I held up my middle finger and then pulled my tray back. "Fine don't then!"

"Ana, honey, can you walk me to the bathroom?" Britt asked sweetly.

"Sure Britt Britt!" I shouted and jumped from my seat. "Don't any of you fucking touch my tots! I'm looking at you Weezy!"


I found Britt's pinky and pulled gently on her finger towards the bathroom.

Britt obviously couldn't walk the crooked hall because she kept bumping into me.

"Take your time, B. I got you." I whispered.

She didn't respond, in fact she seemed really mad and I couldn't quite figure out why.

When we got to the bathroom, I propped myself up against the window sill and waited for B to go into the stall but she didn't.

She locked the bathroom door and then came straight at me.

I held my arms wide for my sweet wifey kisses but instead got my chin wrenched forward.

Britt was looking in my eyes and then stepped back.

There were suddenly tears in her eyes.

"I can't believe you!" she whispered.

"What I do?" I felt my lip sticking out and smiled.

"Where is it?"

"Where's what?"

She looked angry and I couldn't figure out why.

I watched her curiously as she began to search me.

She was growling louder and louder each time she came up with nothing.

She was mumbling to herself.


"Marco said...of course...I should have fucking checked them last night too! Take off your shoes Santana!"

"Mmmmmkay B." I leaned over and nearly collided, face first with the floor.

"Take off your shoes."

Britt caught me and held me steady as I sat on the floor.

I looked up at her and smiled as I pulled off my shoes.

Why was she so mad?

I sat with my feet out and saw B looking anxiously at my feet as she lowered herself down to the floor in front of me.

"Feeling kinky, B?" I asked trying to put a smile on her face but it only made her angrier.

"Shut the fuck up and give me your feet." she growled out.

"I like when you're demanding..."

I smiled as I plopped my feet in her lap pushing her Cheerios skirt up in the process trying to see what color her panties were today.

"Shut up!" she muttered again...a little softer this time.

I zipped my lips and put the imaginary key in my bra.

Britt peeled off the sock from my right foot and then quickly peeled the sock from my left foot.

The baggie dropped out and I quickly lunged for it but B was faster...she was always faster.


A/N: More to come! Soon and very soon...-A