Chapter 51 Bird Call

Grey-shaded clouds cloaked her minds eye.

Numbness nestled nerves that had been subjected to too much abuse.

Taste and smell were meaningless in the place where she huddled.

Only sound flitted in and around like an annoying moth.

Kara mentally shooed the noise away, seeking again the silence that held none of the pain of remembrance.

The murmur came again, flicking a nerve of both pain and pleasure, need and denial.

The voice slowly took on form within her mind.

—a golden-splayed halo and a cherub's shy smile—

A name teased forth.

—Kacey—

The name brought sensation to her skin and she felt a soft pat against her cheek.

Kara breathed in, scenting soap and sunshine.

"Kawa, Kawa, Kawa," was spoken in a soft but demanding mantra.

Again, soft skin brushing her face, then her nose was pinched shut by tiny fingers and she was forced to part her lips to inhale. Her eyelids parted, too, blinking slowing against florescent lights.

"Up. Kawa, up. Up," the little girl excitedly said as Kara's eyes focused on her.

"K-Kace?" hoarsely whispered. Kara tried swallowing but her mouth was so dry. Instead, she reached a shaking hand towards the face so like her own and touched a cherry-brushed cheek.

Kacey had been laying sprawled across Kara's chest, now she sat up, bouncing slightly as she repeated, "Up" then switched to, "Play wiper, wiper," and started making zooming noises as she dipped her little hand around in the air.

"Easy there, Kacey," a female voice cautioned, and Kara's focus finally widened enough to take in the person at her beside. The woman had one hand hovering protectively behind Kacey's back to keep the child from tumbling off.

As memory placed the face, reality crashed in on Kara as devastatingly as if she'd been in the pretend ship Kacey just rammed into the surface of the bed. The woman was Kacey's mother.

Her real one.

Which Kara wasn't.

Shutting her eyes against the tears that suddenly burned her lids, she tried to retreat back into the protective folds of her mind. But barbed-wired thoughts barred the path now. She could hear Kacey calling to her again, voice rising as Kara kept her eyes closed, just trying to breathe through the stench of overwhelming memories.

Giving up her attempt to go inward, Kara opened her eyes and gave the little girl the best smile she could resurrect from the ashes of her soul.

"Hey, Kace... I'm kinda tired," she managed. "Maybe we can play later, Ok?"

The blonde eyebrows lowered and the girl's expression took on just the touch of a pout, but cleared as her mother lifted her from the bed.

"We'll come back later, sweetie," the woman said to the child, settling her into place on her hip. "Let's go see what Tanny's got for lunch, huh?"

"Cookie. Cookie," Kacey started chanting with one finger stuck in her mouth.

"I'm glad you're going to be Ok, Captain Thrace," the woman said to Kara. "Come down to Dogsville and see Kacey whenever you want. She's missed you." With that, she turned and walked away with the little girl looking back over her shoulder at Kara. One miniature hand waved bye and Kara found her own half raised in response.

Once the pair stepped from view, she let her palm fall limply back onto the blanket and only then did the presence of the two watching men impinge on her attention. Karl and Cottle were standing off to the far side of the curtained enclosure. As if released from some paralysis, the pair moved to her in tandem, Cottle lifting her wrist and Karl around the other side to take her free hand in his.

Her eyes flicked once from one man to the other before she turned her gaze to the plated ceiling above her. She had been betrayed by the last two she'd ever expected. Well, that was pretty much everyone now. Shouldn't be surprised, she bitterly thought.

"You had us worried there, Buck," Karl softly teased, apparently oblivious to the sucking wound in her chest.

Kara kept her eyes averted, refusing to let the harrowed part of her out to rage at him. She'd learned long ago not to let her enemies see that they'd succeeded in hurting her. It just gave them a target to focus on. Putting that lesson to use, she resolutely refused to acknowledge either man as they tried to talk to her. After months of practice with Leob...with him, she was a pro at tuning out. These two didn't stand a chance of scratching the panes she slipped into place.

Cottle eventually left with a parting shot to Helo, "You keep trying, I've other patients that actually want to get better."

Once the doctor left, Kara rolled away from Helo, presenting her back in as clear a dismissal as she could give without actually acknowledging him. She heard his frustrated sigh and felt a bitter satisfaction. Maybe he'd leave now, too.

He didn't.

Helo—she refused to think of him as Karl—droned on about how worried everyone was about her. The Karl she knew wouldn't lie to her like this. It just went to prove that he—a man actually willing to love a skin-job—wasn't the friend she'd shared so many secrets with. The Cylon had obviously killed that man, leaving just this Helo-shadow behind.

She let his words wash over and away, taking little heed in what he said until his silence signaled that he'd finally left, too. Good riddance. Alone was so much better. Why couldn't they have just left her alone? It was better than this existence where she was nothing but a frak-up whose soul had been tattered and tainted until not even the gods wanted it.

Kara swallowed and let the wetness of her despair trail down her cheeks now that there wasn't anyone here to witness her weakness.

Gods! Kacey…

To lose her once and been an unexpected torment. To wake, and for a moment think that the golden child smiling at her was hers, only to have the truth rubbed in her face as Kacey was carried away again was unbearable. Yet, Helo and Cottle had just done that to her.

And then they acted like nothing had even happened.

Kara knew betrayal wore many faces; she'd just never imagined it with Karl's likeness.