Author's Note: Hi everyone! My panic room now has an internet connection so I'm all set to continue to torment Dean! Why do I get the feeling that you are all watching your Supernatural DVDs and trying to find weaknesses in the panic rooms so that you can get to me? Oh well... By the way, I have to say that your death threats are getting more creative. On that note, I want to thank angelofheaven001, liebedero, The Steininator, nourss, numb3rs mystery, Dazja, FireAngel5683, Pizzapig, Silvermoon of Forestclan, VGiselleH, Invader Kiwi, Juvdelink25, Jasper6509, Gustin azza, LilyBolt, Irishred79, Nyx Ro, EllyKayWasHere, savannaharaiza5, zhen123, BranchSuper, if-llamas-could-fly, Hasmik Aharonyan, FireChildSlytherin5, AlElizabeth, Eliza Ghost, guest, RoseDragon666, Leooo, Web of Obsidian, Bing Bing 9312, guest, Mysterious Prophetess, and Vanya Starwind for their awesome reviews. You guys totally rock!
Chapter Fifty-Two: You and Me
Sammy sat on the floor of his bedroom and tried very hard to fit a square block through a round hole. He knew that that wasn't where it was supposed to go, but that was where he wanted it to go and he figure that maybe with enough force he could make it work. So far, he had had no luck. Finally, Sammy took the blue square block and threw it down. He didn't really like this toy much anyway. Mama and Dada were always saying he should play with it but he didn't like it. Sammy pushed the cube toy away and got up. He walked over to his toy box to get a better toy but stopped. There was that sound he waited for all day. The front door. Dean was home!
The last two days Dean had come home, gone in his room and closed his door. That wasn't fair because Sammy wasn't tall enough to reach the doorknob to let himself in. And it made Sammy sad. Dean had never closed his door to keep Sammy out before. But now he did. And Dean didn't come to the table to eat anymore. Sammy saw Dean only one or two times in the last two days and when he did, he saw that Dean had very bad booboos. Mama had told Sammy to be careful with Dada because Dada had bad booboos but Dean looked like his booboos were even badder. And Dean was sad too. Sammy knew this because he heard Dean crying in his room. Sammy wanted Dean to be happy again because Dean was always happy and Dean was always making Sammy happy. But most of all, he just wanted to be with Dean. So, Sammy quickly got up and ran into Dean's bedroom before Dean got there.
He was excited to see Dean walk into the room, even if Dean was looking down at the floor and not at him. Dean threw his backpack down and kicked it as he closed his door. Sammy smiled and waved at Dean.
"Dee!"
Dean looked up and for a moment, Sammy thought that Dean looked scared. But Dean was never scared. "What're you doing in here, Sammy?"
"Dee!" Sammy pointed at Dean.
"You wanted to see me?"
"Yeah." That was one of the things that Sammy liked best about Dean. He never pushed Sammy to talk like Mama and Dada did, but always seemed to know what Sammy meant.
"Guess I haven't been around much, huh? But it's not like anyone really wants to see me. 'Cept you, I guess. And I've also been resting a bit 'cause I feel like crap."
"Dee got booboo?"
"Yeah."
"S'mmy kiss?"
Dean smiled. Sammy smiled because Dean was smiling. "Sure kiddo." Dean walked over and got on his knees. Sammy leaned forwards and kissed Dean's face right on his bad booboo. Dean leaned back and the booboo was still there.
"Booboo." Sammy ran his fingers over the bad booboo.
"It feels better now." Dean told him and put his hand in Sammy's hair.
Sammy clapped his hands. "Yay!"
"Just what I was gonna say." Dean suddenly jumped up and spun around, making a small, scared sounding noise. Sammy grabbed onto Dean's leg because he knew that Dean was scared and if Dean was scared then something bad was happening and Dean would keep him safe. Dean raised his arm as if to stop something from hitting his face but Sammy couldn't see anything there. After a moment, Dean lowered his arm.
"Dee?"
Dean turned back around as soon as Sammy let go of his leg. Dean tried to smile, but he still looked scared. "Uh, you should go back to your room now, Sammy. I… uh, I got some homework stuff to do."
"Dee cared?"
"No. Nothing to be scared of Sammy. Everything's okay. It's just… you know…" Sammy saw tears coming to Dean's eye that wasn't all puffy and hurt. Then Dean turned and opened his door. He walked back over to Sammy. "Go on back to your room and play now, Sammy."
"Tay."
"Stay? You wanna stay?"
"Yeah."
"Nah, I'm no good to be around, Sammy."
Well, that didn't make sense. Dean was good. Dean was the goodest person Sammy ever met. "Dee good."
"You think so, huh?"
"Yeah!"
Tears ran down Dean's face as he got down on his knees and hugged Sammy. Sammy hugged him back, happy to be hugging Dean, but not sure why Dean was crying. Maybe his booboo was hurting again.
"Guess it's just like old times then. You and me against the world."
Sammy wasn't quite sure what Dean was talking about but he liked the 'you and me' part. He liked being with Dean. "Love Dee."
Dean looked down at Sammy and smiled, but he was still crying too. "Thanks, Sammy. At least someone still does."
…
…supernatural…supernatural…supernatural…supernatura l…supernatural…
…
Mary stood in the hallway, holding a basket full of clean, folded laundry, unsure of what to do next. She'd come upstairs to put away Sammy's clothes and leave Dean's by his door for Cas to take in with him later. Yeah, she knew that she was being a complete coward. Dean closed his door, but never locked it, so she could easily let herself in to put away his laundry as well. She told herself that she was respecting his privacy, but in reality, she just had no clue what to say to him anymore and each day that passed made it harder instead of easier.
If Mary was going to be completely honest with herself, this wasn't the first time that her son had done something that had scared her. She'd been a bit unnerved at times watching as he'd decapitated, shot, stabbed, burned, and hacked up monsters of all types. She'd come to realize over the last year that Dean took on most of the dirty work himself to spare John and herself from having to do it. But it was not always comfortable to watch her five year old performing those acts, especially when he'd sometimes crack severely inappropriate jokes before, during, and after the fact. Yet all those time she'd understood that he'd just been doing what had to be done, what he'd been trained to do all his life. This time, however, was completely different. This wasn't a hunter killing a monster. What she'd seen in her son was barely even human. Dean hadn't just killed that demon, he'd slaughtered it. And then he'd turned on them. Her own son had attacked her husband and for a moment she'd been certain that the boy was going to kill him. Mary knew that it wasn't really Dean's fault. It was because of all the torture he'd been through at the hands of Alastair while in Hell for decades. But it had still happened. And Mary still couldn't forget it. And it was making her act awkward around Dean, which was causing her already traumatized son even more pain. Which was making her feel terrible.
And now, just as she was about to go passed Dean's door to put away Sammy's clothes, it had swung open. She stopped dead and held her breath. From her spot in the hall, Mary could hear her sons' conversation. And it was just another knife twisting in her heart. She didn't know what they'd been doing before the door had been opened, but when Dean suggested that Sammy leave, the toddler refused, wanting to stick by his brother. Dean had tried to convince the smaller boy that he was no good but Sammy wouldn't believe him. And when little Sammy professed his love for his older brother (he'd never even spoken the word 'love' before), Mary turn and fled back down to the laundry room. What the hell kind of mother leaves a one and a half year old to comfort her son? That should've been her job.
"You could've gone into Dean's room."
The clean clothes spilled all over the floor as Mary dropped the laundry basket and spun around to come face to face with Castiel. The angel was standing only inches away from her. Dean had been right. He really didn't grasp the concept of personal space. Mary didn't bother asking Castiel how he knew that she had been eavesdropping on her sons' conversation. The angel always seemed to know everything.
"I don't see you in Dean's bedroom." Mary shot back rather defensively.
"You could not see anything in his room from down here."
Mary sent him an annoyed look. "Cheap shot, Castiel. You know what I mean."
"Yes I do. But since I have been his only companion for the last four days, it is not me that he needs to see."
"I'm not the one closing his bedroom door."
"But you are the one not opening it."
"Is that why you came down here? To give me a guilt trip? Because if it is, you can save your speech."
"It's not my intention to make you feel guilty. My intention is to get you to talk to your son."
Mary sighed. "Do you really think that Dean wants to talk about what happened?"
"No. Nor do I think that you are ready to face what happened that night. You still look upon him with fear. But that is not what I am suggesting."
"Then what are you saying, Castiel?" Mary knelt down and started picking her sons' clothes back up off the floor. She re-folded them and placed them back in the laundry basket. Anything to avoid the angel's penetrating blue eyes.
"I am saying that you go upstairs tonight and not pretend that Dean is sleeping when it is dinner time." Castiel instructed. Mary didn't insult either of their intelligence by asking how he knew that she knew that Dean wasn't really sleeping those previous evenings. "When he is at the table, you should try to treat him like normal."
"Dean thinks I don't love him anymore." Mary confided, standing up and facing Castiel once again.
"Have you told him that you love him?"
"No."
"Then all he knows since the weekend is that you fear him. And, since you don't speak to him, he has drawn the conclusion that you hate him." Castiel stepped close to her until they were mere inches apart again. "Dean and I have had our differences many times over the years. Sometimes, getting back into our normal routine was all we needed to start to rebuild the trust that had been lost between us."
"So what, eating a meal together will magically solve all our problems?" Mary asked skeptically.
"No. But Dean will begin to understand that you do not hate him and you will begin to see that you do not need to fear him. If you don't want to lose your son for good, you need to do something."
Mary sighed. "When did you become such an expert on humans?"
"I'm not." Castiel admitted. "But I do like to think that I'm an expert on Dean. Especially after this past year. And it has been a year today."
"Today?" Mary's eyes widened. He was right. It was November second. It had been a whole year since her son had traveled back to save her life. But something else had happened that night. She had made her son feel rejected by telling him that he wasn't 'her Dean'. Even twelve months later she couldn't forget what she'd said. And now she was making him feel even worse, yet this time she wasn't doing anything to fix the situation. But she could. Because Castiel was right. Maybe all their family needed was a bit of normalcy. Or as close to normalcy as the Winchesters ever got.
"Would you like me to bring Dean his clothes?" Castiel offered.
"No, I got it." Mary responded. She thought she saw the angel smile as she stepped past him to go up the stairs.
When she walked into Dean's room, she found him sprawled out on his bed reading Batman comics to Sammy. The younger boy was chewing on his sleeve and listening intently to every word spoken. Dean was absently rubbing at his sore eye with one hand, his other posed to turn the page.
"There better not be too much violence in that comic." Mary warned.
Dean looked up and rolled his good eye. "No Mom, Batman defeats the villains by asking them kindly to change their bad behavior. Then he gives them cookies for listening."
"Cookies!" Sammy exclaimed happily.
Mary sighed as she went to his dresser and began to put away his shirts.
"I can do that, Mom."
"I've got it, sweetie. Just keep reading to Sammy. He's been looking forwards to seeing you."
"Yeah." Dean's voice sounded a bit hollow.
"When you're done with that, bring him down for dinner. I don't want you to fall asleep early tonight. I'm worried that you're not getting enough to eat. Besides, you're father and I miss having you at the table."
"Sure." Dean didn't really sound like he believed her.
"Love Dee!" Sammy exclaimed, climbing onto his big brother and planting a sloppy kiss onto his face.
Dean smiled, an actual genuine smile, and kissed Sammy on the head. "Love you too, Sammy."
Mary watched how her eldest son treated the little toddler and found that she couldn't even picture him as the crazed, bloody, dangerous person she'd seen over the weekend. That person was gone. Maybe Castiel was right. Maybe all she had to do was get over her own fears and spend some normal time with Dean again to see that everything was really going to be alright. Either way, she had to try. Her son needed her to. Enough people had let him down over his life and she was not going to add her name to that list.
As Mary walked past the bed on her way out of the room, she bent down and kissed Dean's head. He looked up at her with a somewhat startled expression and she just smiled down at him. Mary stepped out into the hall, but didn't close the door behind her.
"I'll bring Sammy down for dinner in about ten minutes or so." Dean called after her.
"Okay, sweetie. See you then." Mary knew that it would still be a bit awkward that night at the table but it was a good first step. Maybe they'd get a break and things would finally start looking up.
Author's Note Part Two: Hope you all enjoyed. As Sammy gets older, he will play a bigger role, I promise. Until then, we just get really cute, kinda heart breaking scenes between him and Dean. Up next: another hunt, more hallucinations, and... well, you'll just have to read it if you want to see if things get better or worse for the Winchesters... Please take a moment and leave a review. Thanks.
