RVB Arrancars Meta Arc
Restraining Orders!
Fade in to Tex beating Skullak with his old round body.
Skullak: Ow. Ow! Ooow! Stop it! Tex, you are embarrassing me. Ow! Stop! Ah! Hey, are you gonna sit a -ah- you gonna help me or not? Stop it.
Baraggan: Naw buddy I think you got everything under control. We'll just hang back here.
Skullak: Won't it stop!
Nirgge: Yeah, you've got some catching up to do.
Skullak: The whole- stop.
Baraggan: Hey, what's she beating him with?
Findor: I think that was his old body.
Baraggan: You mean he ain't a floatin' cue ball any more?
Skullak: Aw-
Baraggan: That's too bad. Had a few more nicknames in my side pocket. We'll certainly miss you Lord Hackensack of the Roundalots.
Nirgge: Beating him with his own body? That doesn't seem physically possible.
Di-Roy: Uh-hu- we have to do something.
F.I.L.S.S: I am sorry, as I said, I cannot operate outside the bounds of my standard safety protocols.
Di-Roy: What if I said... pretty please.
F.I.L.S.S: Private Di-Roy, is there a reason why you don't want to use one of the standard safety protocols? In this scenario, I would strongly recommend locking down the armor of any rogue unit.
Di-Roy: Wait you can do that?
F.I.L.S.S: Of course. Armor lock is a standard safety feature since the Freelancer break in.
Di-Roy: Well why didn't you tell us that?
F.I.L.S.S: Why would I need to tell the Director that? He wrote the protocol himself.
Di-Roy: Oh, right. Yes of course he did. Um Loly, could you do the armor lunchable thing that you said?
F.I.L.S.S: Certainly.
Ding dong.
F.I.L.S.S: Now initiating standard safety protocol. Armor lockdown in progress. All units, stand by for lockdown.
Tex becomes immobilized.
Skullak: What- what's happening? Di-Roy what did you do to her?
Di-Roy: Yes! Yes! I did it! I am the biggest hero ever! I beat up the girl!
Baraggan: Hah hah, yes! See, that's how you do it Nirgge; face your enemy man to man. Or in your case, woefully inadequate man to woman. And then when she's distracted, use superior technology to take her out. *sniff* Reminds me of prom night.
Nirgge: We didn't do anything, she shut down.
Di-Roy: I am the best!
Findor: Uh, hey guys? What do you think that voice meant by "all units"?
The Reds become immobilized.
Baraggan: Hrr, h-gr I can't move.
Di-Roy: I did it, I- not my fault! Not my fault! I did not do this! The computer made suggestions! And the default option was yes!
Nirgge: Well this is just great.
Skullak: What's happening? Di-Roy! Make it stop! Make it-
Skullak becomes immobilized.
Skullak: st-ow! Rrruh!
Di-Roy: Uh, Loly, is, is my armor gonna lockdown too?
F.I.L.S.S: No Di-Roy, your helmet does not have that particular protocol installed in it. I had assumed, that was the reason why you were wearing that-
Di-Roy: Yes. That is totally the reason.
Cut to the desert, where Wash is overlooking a bunch of dead aliens.
Washington: Well, so much for the "leave one of them alive" strategy. Doc, where are you?
Szayel: Here!
Washington: Still alive. I thought maybe you'd been killed in the battle.
Szayel: No, don't worry, I'm still alive.
Washington: I didn't say I was worried. Get down here, see if any of these things are still breathing.
Szayel: Me?
Washington: You're a medic, get- medical.
Szayel: I'm a human medic. I don't even understand Alien physiology.
Washington: I want you to see if they're alive, I don't want you to check their cholesterol levels, just get down here.
Szayel: Geez! Fine. What's with the anger?
Meta: "Growls"
Washington: Meta, you search the camp. See if you can find anything useful for us. Any clues where Epsilon went.
Meta: "Growls"
Washington: Don't start with me. I've already reached my tolerance level for management issues.
Szayel: He's getting fussy.
Washington: Tell me about it.
The Meta walks between two closely-spaced cliff faces that essentially form a cave.
Szayel: Maybe we should take a break.
Washington: Excuse me? A break?
Szayel: Yeah, like a three day leave! Everyone go off, recharge their mental batteries, come back refreshed, and like, ready to tackle our challenges.
Washington: You want a vacation?
Szayel: I call it a Soul Sabbatical.
Washington: What are we, mailmen? This is a military mission. We don't get a vacation. We don't take sick days, we don't get paid overtime.
Szayel: What, Freelancers don't get overtime?
Washington: That's right, we have a job to do and we're expected to stick wit- wait. Why, wh- do you?
Szayel: Get overtime? Yheah. Time and a half over forty hours, time and a half and a half after sixty.
Washington: ...really?
Szayel: You guys don't get that? That's crazy, you work so hard.
Washington: Tell me about it.
Szayel: You guys should strike.
Washington: We're not unionizing. Stop instigating.
Szayel: ... Tell me they at least match your 401K.
Washington: Shut up.
Meta: "Growls"
Szayel: What was that?
Washington: Quiet. What did you find, Meta?
A grenade has its pin pulled and is thrown at the cave entrance, where Wash has moved to.
Washington: Hey! Watch it. Meta, come out here, now.
Meta: "Growls"
Washington: Doc, get in there and see what he found.
Szayel: Which Doc, there's a, is there another Doc here? I know you're not talking to me. Yeah, you know, probably better if you go in? Historically, I don't really have the best success rate going in caves. They tend not to work out for me. Before your time, but trust me. I-uhy- you don't want any part o' that.
