RVB Arrancars Meta Arc

Restraining Orders!

Fade in to Tex beating Skullak with his old round body.

Skullak: Ow. Ow! Ooow! Stop it! Tex, you are embarrassing me. Ow! Stop! Ah! Hey, are you gonna sit a -ah- you gonna help me or not? Stop it.

Baraggan: Naw buddy I think you got everything under control. We'll just hang back here.

Skullak: Won't it stop!

Nirgge: Yeah, you've got some catching up to do.

Skullak: The whole- stop.

Baraggan: Hey, what's she beating him with?

Findor: I think that was his old body.

Baraggan: You mean he ain't a floatin' cue ball any more?

Skullak: Aw-

Baraggan: That's too bad. Had a few more nicknames in my side pocket. We'll certainly miss you Lord Hackensack of the Roundalots.

Nirgge: Beating him with his own body? That doesn't seem physically possible.

Di-Roy: Uh-hu- we have to do something.

F.I.L.S.S: I am sorry, as I said, I cannot operate outside the bounds of my standard safety protocols.

Di-Roy: What if I said... pretty please.

F.I.L.S.S: Private Di-Roy, is there a reason why you don't want to use one of the standard safety protocols? In this scenario, I would strongly recommend locking down the armor of any rogue unit.

Di-Roy: Wait you can do that?

F.I.L.S.S: Of course. Armor lock is a standard safety feature since the Freelancer break in.

Di-Roy: Well why didn't you tell us that?

F.I.L.S.S: Why would I need to tell the Director that? He wrote the protocol himself.

Di-Roy: Oh, right. Yes of course he did. Um Loly, could you do the armor lunchable thing that you said?

F.I.L.S.S: Certainly.

Ding dong.

F.I.L.S.S: Now initiating standard safety protocol. Armor lockdown in progress. All units, stand by for lockdown.

Tex becomes immobilized.

Skullak: What- what's happening? Di-Roy what did you do to her?

Di-Roy: Yes! Yes! I did it! I am the biggest hero ever! I beat up the girl!

Baraggan: Hah hah, yes! See, that's how you do it Nirgge; face your enemy man to man. Or in your case, woefully inadequate man to woman. And then when she's distracted, use superior technology to take her out. *sniff* Reminds me of prom night.

Nirgge: We didn't do anything, she shut down.

Di-Roy: I am the best!

Findor: Uh, hey guys? What do you think that voice meant by "all units"?

The Reds become immobilized.

Baraggan: Hrr, h-gr I can't move.

Di-Roy: I did it, I- not my fault! Not my fault! I did not do this! The computer made suggestions! And the default option was yes!

Nirgge: Well this is just great.

Skullak: What's happening? Di-Roy! Make it stop! Make it-

Skullak becomes immobilized.

Skullak: st-ow! Rrruh!

Di-Roy: Uh, Loly, is, is my armor gonna lockdown too?

F.I.L.S.S: No Di-Roy, your helmet does not have that particular protocol installed in it. I had assumed, that was the reason why you were wearing that-

Di-Roy: Yes. That is totally the reason.

Cut to the desert, where Wash is overlooking a bunch of dead aliens.

Washington: Well, so much for the "leave one of them alive" strategy. Doc, where are you?

Szayel: Here!

Washington: Still alive. I thought maybe you'd been killed in the battle.

Szayel: No, don't worry, I'm still alive.

Washington: I didn't say I was worried. Get down here, see if any of these things are still breathing.

Szayel: Me?

Washington: You're a medic, get- medical.

Szayel: I'm a human medic. I don't even understand Alien physiology.

Washington: I want you to see if they're alive, I don't want you to check their cholesterol levels, just get down here.

Szayel: Geez! Fine. What's with the anger?

Meta: "Growls"

Washington: Meta, you search the camp. See if you can find anything useful for us. Any clues where Epsilon went.

Meta: "Growls"

Washington: Don't start with me. I've already reached my tolerance level for management issues.

Szayel: He's getting fussy.

Washington: Tell me about it.

The Meta walks between two closely-spaced cliff faces that essentially form a cave.

Szayel: Maybe we should take a break.

Washington: Excuse me? A break?

Szayel: Yeah, like a three day leave! Everyone go off, recharge their mental batteries, come back refreshed, and like, ready to tackle our challenges.

Washington: You want a vacation?

Szayel: I call it a Soul Sabbatical.

Washington: What are we, mailmen? This is a military mission. We don't get a vacation. We don't take sick days, we don't get paid overtime.

Szayel: What, Freelancers don't get overtime?

Washington: That's right, we have a job to do and we're expected to stick wit- wait. Why, wh- do you?

Szayel: Get overtime? Yheah. Time and a half over forty hours, time and a half and a half after sixty.

Washington: ...really?

Szayel: You guys don't get that? That's crazy, you work so hard.

Washington: Tell me about it.

Szayel: You guys should strike.

Washington: We're not unionizing. Stop instigating.

Szayel: ... Tell me they at least match your 401K.

Washington: Shut up.

Meta: "Growls"

Szayel: What was that?

Washington: Quiet. What did you find, Meta?

A grenade has its pin pulled and is thrown at the cave entrance, where Wash has moved to.

Washington: Hey! Watch it. Meta, come out here, now.

Meta: "Growls"

Washington: Doc, get in there and see what he found.

Szayel: Which Doc, there's a, is there another Doc here? I know you're not talking to me. Yeah, you know, probably better if you go in? Historically, I don't really have the best success rate going in caves. They tend not to work out for me. Before your time, but trust me. I-uhy- you don't want any part o' that.