A/N: In case it wasn't clear before, Xion was lying about her memories not being all the way fixed so that Xenan and Demyx wouldn't try to help Axel bring her back. She's been fixed completely, but Roxas hasn't yet.

"You mean to tell me, in the two hours I've been unconscious, all you've come up with is that you want to cut Xigbar's hair," Axel deadpanned, staring at me blankly.

"That's not all we came up with," Demyx countered. "We also came up with some delicious pizza. So hah."

Axel rolled his eyes, but he took a bite out of our Hawaiian pizza anyway. "Okay, Xenan, I'm not saying I forgive you or anything, but you're right. You guys really are hopeless without me."

"Hey, I didn't say that." I frowned. Maybe I thought it, just a little, but I definitely didn't say it.

"Eh, close enough. Anyway, I want revenge on Xigbar just as much as you do. More, actually." Fair enough; it was Xigbar's fault, indirectly, that Roxas and Xion ran away. Good to see that Axel might not be shoving all the blame on me now. "And you're not going to get nearly enough revenge just by chopping off his ponytail."

"But I've wanted to do this for months!" Demyx protested. "That's what we were trying to do when we got exiled in the first place."

Axel facepalmed. "Are you even listening to yourself?"

"We're going to be sneakier this time! It'll totally work!"

"I thought it would be fitting too," I argued. Sure, it was risky, but it wasn't like we'd had any better ideas. "Since our first prank was shaving Xaldin's sideburns, I thought another hair-related prank—"

"Sheesh, Xenan." He rolled his eyes again, shoving the last of his pizza in his mouth. "It's not all about you, y'know. The rest of us started pranking years before you ever showed up."

…That was a fair point too, I guess. But I still thought it would be pretty funny to cut off Xigbar's ponytail.

"Ooh, what kind of pranks did you do?" R-2 stopped inhaling pizza to ask.

"All sorts of stuff," Demyx reminisced. "Buckets of water balloons, whoopee cushions in the middle of meetings… man, those were the good old days." He sighed nostalgically, then caught my eyes. "Um, not that we don't like having you here, of course—"

"Don't worry about it." I shoved my irritation aside; now wasn't the time to act hurt. "I know things were easier when Xigbar was on your side. That means you never pranked him before though, right?"

Demyx laughed. "We've tried, but nobody's ever succeeded and lived to talk about it."

Well, that was motivational. "Then we'll have to be the first. Someone has to show him he can't get away with whatever he wants."

Axel sighed, then cleared his plate away to make room for a piece of paper he pulled from his pocket. "I know we need to finish this, but we also need a plan. A real plan. And it needs to be so crazy, so over-the-top that Xigbar would never expect it."

"Easier said than done…" I muttered. "Too bad we didn't get to finish reading DiZ's files, there might've been something we could use in there…"

"Who's DiZ?" Axel asked skeptically.

"A weird Mummy Man who knows about Scary Eyepatch Man when his name was 'Braig,'" R-2 answered.

"Braig?" The redhead looked startled to hear the name. "Sheesh, how did I forget? You should've come to me instead of some weird mummy guy. Do you know how many time me and-" he stopped himself, "how many times I broke into the castle? Braig kicked me out hundreds of times. That's why Xigbar let me prank with him, back when I first joined the Organization. He knew I was good at sneaking around."

"Great!" I grinned. "So do you know anything about Xigbar, or Braig or whatever, that could help us prank him?"

Axel frowned, deep in thought. "Hmm… even when he was Braig, he wasn't one to give up his secrets... I asked him how he got that eyepatch and scar once."

"Really?" Demyx asked. "I did too, but he just said he'd show me if I asked again." He shuddered.

"Well, I didn't exactly get a clear answer either," Axel admitted, ruffling his hair. "He told me everything worth getting comes with a price. That was when he was still Braig."

"So he didn't get them when he became a Nobody…" I thought out loud. Still, I wasn't sure that would help us any more than knowing he was Ansem the Wise's apprentice would. Now, if we could figure out how he got them, that might give us something… but who else would know other than Xigbar himself? No one.

No person… but maybe…

"What if we steal his diary?" I grinned at the idea. "Everyone in the Organization has one, right?"

"Yeah!" Demyx agreed. "Ooh, or even better, we could steal his blackmail! Then he can't get back at us!"

Axel snorted. "Yeah, that'd be a great idea, if it wasn't completely impossible. He's not just going to leave his diary and blackmail lying around."

"Ooh! Ooh! I'm good at finding things!" R-2 waved his hand in the air. "Let me try!"

"R-2, I'm not sure this is something you can sniff out," I told him. "If it's in Xigbar's room, everything will smell like him. You won't be able to tell where his diary is."

"Well… maybe it's not in his room," R-2 suggested. "Maybe he's hiding it somewhere even secreter."

I wasn't sure about that, but if we were going to do this before Xigbar got back from his mission, we had to act soon. I glanced up at where Xion was laying on her bed, her face grafitiied but still unconscious – well, more like sleeping peacefully now, thank Kingdom Hearts. That made it a little bit easier to forgive Axel for practically kidnapping her. Anyway, I just hoped she'd be safe if we left her here… and I hoped she wouldn't wake up and run back to the mansion. I doubted DiZ would show mercy to any Nobody or replica at this point…

Which was why we also needed to be focusing on rescuing Roxas as much as pranking Xigbar.

"Look, we don't have time for a wild goose chase," Axel suddenly snapped at R-2. "Until you come up with a plan that doesn't fall apart if you squint at it, I'm going to find my other best friend."

He grimaced as he shoved himself to his feet – his strength couldn't have fully returned yet. Xion must have put up a pretty good fight.

"Wait," I said, coming up with an idea. "R-2 might not be able to find Xigbar's blackmail, but I know he can help you track Roxas." And even if Roxas was still at the mansion, Axel could use at least a little bit of backup. Not that I would ever suggest that to him. "Take him with you. Me and Demyx will figure out what to do about Xigbar."

"Uh, we will?" Demyx whispered to me. I nodded, trying to look confident, but I could tell he didn't buy it.

"Fine, the kid can come with me," Axel agreed quickly. I think he was just relieved we weren't trying to stop him this time. "Who knows, maybe we'll find Roxas so quick we'll be back in time to save your butts."

R-2 laughed at that, then hugged me and Demyx goodbye. "Good luck pranking Scary Eyepatch Man!"

"Yeah." My grin looked more like a grimace as he and Axel left through a corridor. "We're going to need it…"

XXX

As we snuck through the castle halls to Xigbar's room, Demyx hummed the Mission Impossible theme song. Normally I would've been annoyed, or concerned that he would give us away, but it brought back memories of our former pranking adventures. For some reason, that was comforting.

It was also comforting that unlike last time we'd tried to prank Xigbar, there were no sentry Dusks. Either it was too early for them to be out, or Xemnas and Saïx had finally decided it wasn't worth it to try and keep us from pranking when the Organization had bigger problems to worry about.

Demyx's humming grew more nervous as we approached Xigbar's bedroom door. I tried my best to ignore him and did the honors of picking the useless lock.

"What do you think's in there?" Demyx whispered. I raised my eyebrows.

"I don't know, a bed? What, do you think he's keeping some scary monster in there?"

"Maybe," he replied defensively. "I bet he booby trapped it somehow."

Well, even Axel had kept some Assassins as an alert system… it definitely wouldn't hurt to be careful.

I creaked the door open just enough to peak inside. Through the narrow opening, all I could see was a sliver of a dresser and bed, standard Organization issue. Nothing exciting. No one had been here in too long; the door squeaked painfully as I pulled it open further.

"…I don't see any traps," I said, peering around suspiciously without entering the room.

"Well duh, he wouldn't let you see them," Demyx said like it was obvious.

Hands on my hips, I asked, "Okay, then how do you expect us to check for traps?"

"Like this." He sprayed a soft, nearly invisible mist of water from his palm. To my surprise, a few beams of red light faded into existence just above the floor. "Ha! I knew it!"

I stared in disbelief. "…And how exactly did you know that?"

"'Cause Xigbar likes old spy movies too."

Well, I'd take it. We tiptoed in between the thin red beams, Demyx spraying the rest of the floor as we went, and safely made it to Xigbar's dresser.

"Man, Xiggy doesn't decorate much," Demyx commented while I searched the drawers. "It's almost as bad as your room."

I rolled my eyes, but Demyx was right: for having lived here longer than me and Demyx (however long that was), Xigbar's room didn't seem to have a trace of him. Maybe he'd taken everything with him during his exile?

Even his dresser drawers were empty, except for a few scattered Potion panels. "Well, this is useless."

Demyx scratched his head. "Xiggy's tricky. Maybe R-2 was right, and he didn't hide anything in here?"

"Maybe…" This might be our only chance to search Xigbar's room, though. I wasn't going to give up until I was sure there was nothing to be found.

Man, these boots were hard to tiptoe in. Still, we carefully made our way away from the dresser and towards the closet, and Demyx peeked inside.

"Whoa. Xenan, you've gotta see this."

"What?" I scooted around him, narrowly dodging a red beam. How did Xigbar live in here with all those? I guess he had some secret way to turn them off. "…Oh."

There was nothing inside – nothing except for a swirling, green-and-black portal.

"What do you think it is?" I asked.

"Well… Xigbar controls space, right? Maybe it's some sort of… hammerspace hole," he guessed. "Like a closet inside a closet? Or like a dark corridor, only you just put stuff in it and take it out when you need it?"

Seemed like a decent enough guess to me. "So… should we try looking inside it?"

"Pfft, no way!" Demyx shook his head. "You couldn't give me enough candy to stick my head in there!"

"You could just reach in with your hand, not your head," I suggested. Not that I wanted to do that, either.

"Or you could." He backed away. "What if it, like, tries to suck us in or something?"

I shuddered. I just hoped it wasn't like the Void… but he'd needed Luxord's help to do something on that scale, right?

Well, the only way to find out was to test the eerie portal. R-2 and Xion were counting on us finding that blackmail and pranking Xigbar, and this might be exactly what we needed.

"Okay…" I gulped, "I'll do it. But I need you to make sure it doesn't pull me in." I held out my hand.

"Aww, it's okay if you want to hold my hand 'cause you're scared," he teased.

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, Demyx, we don't have time."

"Aww, fine." He took my hand. "Funsucker."

Taking a deep breath, I plunged my hand into the swirling portal. Cold engulfed my arm, like I'd submerged it in ice water, but the space felt pretty small – all I could feel in it was a slip of paper.

"Got it," I breathed in relief as I pulled my arm out.

"Phew," Demyx sighed. "What's it say?"

As I unfolded the paper, dread rose in my chest.

NICE TRY, GIRLIE.

A gang of Sniper Nobodies suddenly appeared from thin air, encircling us. Demyx barely had time to squeal before I tugged him through a dark corridor to the first safe place I could think of. Which, ironically, was the place Xigbar had brought me when my first prank on Xaldin had gone wrong.

Demyx's squeal morphed into a hacking cough when we stumbled out of the corridor. "Man, what's that smell? Are we dead or something?"

"Nope." I pulled my coat up over my nose as my eyes adjusted to the dim, flickering lighting. "But a lot of stuff in here probably is…"

Demyx's eyes widened. "Wait, I know where we are – you took us to the Basement!? Are you crazy!?"

"It was reflex, okay!" I snapped back. "What's so awful about the Basement anyway? Besides the smell."

He shivered. "Xigbar and Axel used to tell me some scary stories about this place…"

"They were the ones who took me here in the first place, to hide from Xaldin after I shaved his sideburns," I explained.

"That was your second day. I bet they didn't really care if some scary Basement monsters got to you."

That might be true, but I still figured it was safer down here than upstairs where Xigbar would be looking for us. And even if he did check down here, the Basement seemed to sprawl out forever, under the whole castle. We should be able to escape again before he could track us down.

"Forget about Basement monsters. We need to find out how to deal with the monsters up there." I pointed to the ceiling.

Demyx sighed, shaking his head. "I'm all out of ideas. Xiggy's too smart."

What, was he going to give up just like that? We still had so much to prank for…

"No he's not." I grinned, trying to restore his confidence. "If he was, he wouldn't have messed with us."

He laughed a little at that, but he still slumped hopelessly. "But we still can't do anything. We can't find his blackmail, and he's going to be prepared for us to prank him now."

"Hmm…" There had to be an answer, didn't there? We couldn't just let Xigbar win…

A soft rumbling found its way to my ears. From the sound of Demyx's yelp, he heard it too.

"What's that? Is this place going to cave in!?" He wrapped his arms over his head, like that would help if it did.

I strained my ears to hear it more clearly – only to see a pair of bright yellow eyes approaching us from the darkness.

"Heartless!" I summoned my mace. Could Heartless get in here? I thought the castle was protected, but who knew with the Basement That Doesn't Want to Be?

In the flash of my mace appearing, though, the silhouette of the creature looked much too small for a Heartless.

"What are you waiting for?" Demyx hid behind me. "Whack it already!"

"Wait a second…"

The eyes grew closer – close enough for me to make out their owner's feline body.

"Mrow." The black cat rubbed against my leg and started to purr, which must have been the noise I thought was rumbling earlier.

"It's probably a Heartless cat, trying to trick you into letting it eat your soul." Demyx peered from behind my shoulder.

"One, Heartless eat hearts, not souls," I corrected. "And two… I think I know what this cat is." I picked it – her, if I remembered correctly – up in my arms.

"Don't touch it!" Demyx warned, jumping back.

"No, Demyx, this is the cat Saïx rescued! The one that was one of Vexen's experiments!"

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously as I scratched her between the ears. "Vexen's experiment? I don't think that makes it better. And how do you know it's the same one?"

"R-2 was Vexen's experiment, and we kept him," I countered. "And I know she's the same one. How many cats have you ever seen in the castle?"

"But I thought Xemnas made Saïx get rid of it," Demyx still argued.

"Saïx must have hid her down here. It makes sense; this is the perfect hiding place. No one would bother to look down here with all this junk…" Something clicked. "That's it! Demyx, what if Xigbar hid his blackmail here, in the Basement? No one would ever look down here!"

His eyes lit up again, and a grin sprang to his face. "You're right! You'd have to be crazy to look down here… wait, I just called us crazy…"

I shrugged, cradling the cat in my arms as she purred contentedly. "I'm pretty sure we established that already."

"Okay… but how are we going to find his blackmail if it's down here?"

Huh. I hadn't thought that far yet. "Good question…"

The boxes around us were labeled SPARE COATS, MICROWAVE REPAIR KIT, and TWISTER MATS. The same part of the Basement I'd hid in before. Even if we looked around though, I doubted Xigbar would label a box BLACKMAIL…

"Let's try going deeper," I suggested. If Xigbar was going to hide something here, it would probably be in the least-used part of the Basement, right?

"Urk… I was afraid you'd say that…"

Demyx kept nearly stepping on the heels of my boots as he tried to stay close to me. I wondered what Axel and Xigbar had said to make him so afraid of this place, but I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Fear would only get in the way right now.

"Would holding the cat make you feel better?" I asked him, but he shook his head quickly.

"I still bet it's a werecat or something."

First Heartless cat, now werecat? I looked down at the black cat in my arms, who had lifted her head up to stare at me with her big yellow eyes. Sure, Heartless had yellow eyes, but that was normal for cats too. Personally, I thought she was pretty… With us needing to conserve resources for the war back in the Wayward Burrows, I'd never gotten to have a pet. Except for that hedgehog that had tumbled down from our chimney-hole one day. Dad had let Elizabeth nurse it back to health, but we'd had to release it as soon as it was better. Anyway, I guess I'd always wanted a pet… I hoped that wasn't making me trust this cat more than I should.

Still, I scratched her behind the ears while we scanned the cardboard boxes piled on shelves lining the aisles, like some sort of smelly grocery store from the apocalypse. DUSK FOOD, HAIR GEL, ROOM NAME GENERATOR—

"So that's where Xemnas gets the room names from!" At least, that was my guess.

"I didn't know Dusks needed to eat." Demyx frowned. "Wonder if it's any good…"

"Well, we're not going to find out." I pulled him along.

The aisles twisted at random, like some sort of maze. I hoped we were going deeper, but I couldn't tell for sure… I wished we could use R-2 to scent-track any trace of Xigbar, but with the overpowering stench, he might just keel over if I brought him down here. Besides, he was with Axel. I hoped they were having more luck than we were.

Maybe it wouldn't work for Demyx, but petting the cat did help me stay calm. I should probably give her a name, so I didn't have to keep calling her 'the cat'…

"Hey Demyx, what should I name her?" I asked.

"What? No! If you name it, you'll get attached to it!" Demyx burst out. "You should just leave it here while you still can."

"Oh, come on, it's not like she's hurting anyone." I held her up under her front legs.

"Mrow." She twitched her ears at Demyx, who frowned.

"Stop trying to win me over with cuteness. It's not going to work."

"Are you sure?" I teased, holding her out closer to his face. Her tail twitched, brushing against his neck.

He suddenly started hacking, coughing right into the cat's face. "Xenan, stop it—" He stumbled back as the startled cat squirmed from my arms and jumped onto me, clinging to my coat with its claws. "Okay, I admit it! I'm allergic to cats, alright?"

I didn't have time to respond, because the cat had suddenly fallen into my pocket, and was clearly not happy about it. "Ack—Cobalt, calm down, I'll get you out—!"

"You named the cat Cobalt?"

"It's a good, strong name!" I managed to argue as Cobalt finally leapt out of my pocket, holding something in its mouth. "Cobalt! Come back!"

Demyx laughed. "I don't think she likes the name."

"Oh, shut up," I grumbled as I took off after the cat.

"Just let it run away!" Demyx called.

"She took something from my pocket! I need to find out what it is!" With the coat pockets being black hole-sized as they were, I kind of lost track of what I put in them. But it could be something important… and I wanted to prove Cobalt had only run off because Demyx scared her, not because she didn't like me.

After running for a few minutes though, I remembered I had more important things to deal with. What would I say to R-2 if I let Xigbar win because I was too busy looking for a cat to find his blackmail?

I was about to turn and go back to Demyx, when I heard a "mrow" just around the corner.

Cobalt was perched on a shelf at my eyelevel, looking rather pleased with herself as she dropped a scrap of paper at my feet.

NICE TRY, GIRLIE.

For a second I thought it might be another one of Xigbar's tricks – but no, that was the same paper we'd found in the hammerspace hole. I must have stuck it in my pocket without thinking, and Cobalt had taken it, but why had she stopped here…?

With more strength than a regular cat could ever have, Cobalt nudged a cardboard box off the shelf. I jumped back as it landed where I'd been standing.

"VOID…?" I turned my head sideways to read the label on the box, shuffling back from it. I would have been terrified to touch it, but the top had already busted open from the fall. "Hey Demyx, come on! Hurry!"

"I'm coming! Hold on, Xenan, I'll… save you…! …Phew…" He panted as he came stumbling around the corner. "Man, I hate running…"

I laughed as Cobalt rubbed her face against my leg. "I'm not in trouble, Demyx. We found it!"

"Wait… found what?" He stared down at the box I was kneeling beside, and his eyes widened. "Void!?"

"No, it's Xigbar's blackmail!" I held up a copy of the photo of us kissing. It was actually kind of funny that Xigbar had bothered to keep it. "He must have labeled it VOID to scare people off if they found it."

Demyx sat down beside me, rummaging through the papers that had fallen out. Among random semi-embarrassing photos were Marluxia taking a bubble bath, Larxene hugging some guy I didn't recognize, and Zexion reading Twilight. But more importantly, there were the reports that documented R-2 and Xion as replicas.

"But I don't get it… how did you know where it was?"

"I didn't," I replied simply, scratching Cobalt behind the ears as she purred happily. "Cobalt did. Vexen must have created her to be some sort of tracking cat. She found this box after stealing the paper Xigbar left in his trap."

"Huh. Okay, maybe she's not completely useless… but I'm still not going to pet her."

I laughed. "Allergic to cats, huh?"

"Yeah… please don't do that again." He frowned. "My throat gets all itchy and it hurts, and I start sneezing and can't breathe right…"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know." I pulled Cobalt back when she tried to rub up against him.

"I know you didn't know. I'm just glad I don't break out in hives or anything."

"Yeah, that would've been bad." Could potions help against allergies, or was that only for direct damage? It would be interesting to know, but I wasn't going to test it on Demyx. "So now we just need to find out where to put this blackmail."

"Put it?" Demyx raised his eyebrows. "Don't we need to burn it or something?"

"Not yet." I grinned as my idea finally came together. "We'll need it to prank Xigbar. And we need one other thing too."

"What's that?"

I took the camera out of my pocket. "We need to get ready to give Xigbar a show."