AN: It wasn't until I returned to my outline for the next few chapters that I realized Lady C had jumped in a couple of chapters early in the timeline, losing a touch of irony at the end of her chapter in the process. So, we have to go back in time a couple days to catch up with her – back to the dinner with the Bingleys on their first night in Meryton. I'll sort the proper chapter order out when I eventually do the rewrite. For now, blame it on the virus. It is still being mean to me and I am certain it is in league with Lady Catherine. I need Richard and Darcy to come save me! Oh, I guess they are too busy just now. Sigh…Well, on to some comic relief!
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
Despite her initial reluctance to accept the Bennet family's hospitality for dinner, Miss Bingley could not resist an opportunity to impress and entice Sir Phillip. She immediately insisted on returning home so she could properly dress for dinner. When Mrs. Bennet assured her no one would think the less of her for coming as she was, Miss Bingley reiterated that she truly needed to leave right away to make some additional arrangements ahead of the arrival of their guests the following day and she wanted to inform the housekeeper as early as possible that they would not need dinner that evening.
Mrs. Bennet accepted the excuses at face value as signs of a considerate and conscientious hostess. In the corner where the men had clumped together defensively, Bingley rolled his eyes at the other two men.
"Mark my words," he whispered to Sir Phillip, "she will return dressed for a London ballroom, hoping to outshine every other woman here in a bid to catch your attention."
"So, should I be frightened or amused?" Sir Phillip asked in a return whisper.
"A little of both, I would say," Bingley replied. "Darcy, here, can tell you she is both relentless and tricky."
"Indeed she is," Darcy whispered. "She caught me off my guard once years ago and would have reeled me in if Bingley had not put me wise to her actions. His older sister made a very obvious play for me when she learned my father was wealthy. When I made it clear I was not interested, she returned to her original target who is now her husband. Miss Bingley saw I was not to be taken by the obvious approach, so she made her play so subtly I had no idea what she was up to. I think she may have become more obvious now that she is feeling desperate but be cautious all the same."
Lizzy, who had quietly joined them, nudged Darcy gently with her elbow. "Your strategy session is becoming too obvious, even if you are speaking quietly enough not to be heard by Miss Bingley or my mother," she whispered. Then, with a bright smile she added for Sir Phillip. "If she gets to be too much for you, just run to Jane or me for help. We will divert her for you, and you need not fear being trapped by either of us." She winked at Darcy, still smiling, and then turned back to the other ladies in the room.
Mrs. de Bourgh must have guessed the subject of their conversation. She gave her son a fond look, shaking her head slightly as she did. All three men took the hint. Bingley broke up their group as he stepped forward and offered to take his sister home right away so she could see to matters at Netherfield. She looked at him in surprise at his cooperation but stood nonetheless and graciously thanked Mrs. Bennet for her hospitality. She said her adieus to the rest of the room, offering Sir Phillip a coy smile as she curtsied to him.
After the Bingleys departed, Mrs. Bennet excused herself to warn Mrs. Hill of the additions to their dinner party. Her departure left just Mrs. de Bourgh, Sir Phillip, Darcy, Jane and Lizzy in the room after Kitty and Lydia also excused themselves so they could return to their lessons with Miss Parks.
"If you young men are going to talk about any of the ladies present, I suggest you leave the room next time," Mrs. de Bourgh chided once the others had left. "While I doubt Miss Bingley noticed, it was clear to me, at least, that you were discussing her obvious interest in Phillip's title. It would have been most awkward had she realized."
Darcy and Sir Phillip both colored, and Darcy realized he had been caught out again essentially gossiping about a woman. He cringed inside as it hit him that Lizzy not only knew, she had actually heard him.
Darcy bowed. "Thank you for speaking up, Mrs. de Bourgh. Although, once again, my intentions were helpful, it appears I have unwittingly repeated behavior that has gotten me into trouble in the past and which I was trying to avoid for the future. Clearly, I must watch myself better. I would not have realized if you had not said something."
"Mr. Darcy, I did not intend to take you to task for speaking, merely for having a private conversation about someone in plain view of that person," Mrs. de Bourgh replied.
Lizzy spoke up. "Mrs. de Bourgh, I understand the reference to the earlier situation to which Mr. Darcy refers, as does my sister. Rest assured, Mr. Darcy, having heard most of the conversation between the men, although I was not intentionally eavesdropping, I know that it was not started by you and you only replied to clarify a point when asked. It was a conversation better held elsewhere, that is true, but you do not bear the blame of starting it nor was it truly malicious gossip. As my Aunt Madeline once clarified for me, sometimes you do need to speak ill of people, even family, but one must make sure it is both necessary and also strictly truthful."
"I realize that," he said, "but I am still disappointed in myself for having carried on with the conversation. The better course would have been silence."
"I am not certain I agree with you," Sir Phillip said. "While it would probably have been better if we had stepped outside, I greatly appreciate Bingley's warning that Miss Bingley might be overenthusiastic in her pursuit of my title and your confirmation that it was, indeed, a danger based on your past history with her."
"But Mr. Darcy has no title, has he?" Jane asked.
"No, Miss Bennet," Darcy replied. "Instead, I have wealth and a fine estate and was almost a captive audience as a friend and visitor with her brother when I was younger. She made it very clear that she would happily accept the position of Mistress of Pemberley if I could be maneuvered into offering for her. I meant no disrespect towards Miss Bingley. She is a fine-looking woman, as well as being reasonably intelligent. Our personalities simply do not go well together, and I am not interested in her as a wife. From an earlier conversation I suspected the same is true for Sir Phillip. Miss Bingley is very ambitious and has extremely different goals for her life than I do for mine. She wants to reach as high up the social ladder as she can, even after she is married, while I am perfectly satisfied with my current place. It would be a major point of conflict."
"I see," said Jane, nodding. "So you and Mr. Bingley were simply warning Sir Phillip to be cautious if that is not what he hopes for in a marriage?"
"Precisely," Darcy said. "Bingley was also speculating that his sister wanted to leave in part so she can dress in a way that will outshine all of you and hopefully entice Sir Phillip to consider her as a partner."
"Well, we shall see when they arrive how well her brother knows her," Mrs. de Bourgh said with a smile. "I do not think my Phillip will have his head turned by a pretty gown, no matter how elegant the lace on it may be."
"I should hope not," said Sir Phillip indignantly, causing all the others to laugh.
~o~
The gown Miss Bingley wore to dinner was as fine as the one Jane, Lizzy and Mary had found so impressive the night Bingley met the Bennet sisters at the ball in London. While Mrs. Bennet and Lydia exclaimed over the fabrics, colors and trims on her arrival, Darcy had to contain his laughter at the amused look shared by Mrs. de Bourgh, Lizzy and Jane. It seemed Bingley knew his sister very well.
When he saw her, Sir Phillip's look was less amused than panicked. On their return to the parlor to gather before dinner, he had taken a seat next to Kitty and the two had been quietly talking. When Bingley and his sister arrived, he had taken one quick glance at the pair, noted the gown and quickly turned back to his conversational partner while studiously ignoring the louder side of the room. Kitty was perfectly willing to have his attention all to herself, although she did not know why he had chosen to keep talking instead of greet the newcomers.
On seeing Sir Phillip's reaction, Darcy chuckled softly, drawing the attention of Lizzy, who was sitting next to him on the small settee. "He has been warned," she said softly, "but perhaps we should have warned Kitty as well."
"Um hmm," Darcy said, unwilling to enter into yet another private conversation in the presence of the one being discussed.
Lizzy nudged his arm. He turned to see her smiling as well, the amusement radiating off her and brightening her lovely eyes. He forgot about Miss Bingley for a moment, but a slight jerk of Lizzy's head called him back to the show.
After finally managing to escape from Mrs. Bennet and Lydia, delightful though their adulation over her gown had been, Miss Bingley now made her way across the room to Sir Phillip, moving with all the grace she could, while attempting to display her looks and figure to best advantage. Darcy and Lizzy had to hold in their amusement at the faint hint of frustration that appeared on her face when Sir Phillip did not even look her way.
Forcing the situation, she moved so close to the side by side chairs in which Sir Phillip and Kitty sat that they could not avoid greeting her. Sir Phillip stood and bowed, while Kitty offered a very neat curtsy.
"Miss Bingley, good evening," Sir Phillip said politely. "I am glad to see you and your brother were able to finish your tasks at Netherfield and return in time for dinner."
"Yes, it is good to see you back at Longbourn," Kitty said and added, "That is such a lovely gown and it suits you so very well. I could see you entering a fancy ballroom and delighting everyone with that look. Of course, it is more formal than anything the rest of us are wearing tonight." She lifted her hand to her mouth as she realized that might be construed as an insult. "I beg your pardon," she said. "I meant no offense."
Before Miss Bingley, who had clearly taken offense, could answer, Mrs. Bennet broke in loudly. What she said caused the frustrated look on her guest's face to deepen.
"Now, Kitty, you must remember Miss Bingley is used to the formality of London society. She will soon learn we are more informal here and will dress accordingly. Although, if I had a number of gowns of that quality, and with such exquisite lace, I should be tempted to wear them at every possible occasion even if it did make me appear to think myself above my company. Not that my girls would do so, Miss Bingley, oh no. They have had the good fortune to have skilled governesses to teach them far better manners than I have. My sister and I are just country girls who do the best we can and the society in Meryton accepts us for all that. Oh, Miss Bingley, you will get to meet my sister tonight. After you left, I sent over a note to her. She and Brother Phillips should be here at any time."
Miss Bingley's face was a study in mixed emotions. Her opening gambit was ruined, and she had been painted by her hostess as unmannerly for wearing such a fine gown precisely because she looked so elegant. At the same time, she was trying to keep her countenance pleasant to salvage the moment with Sir Phillip. Knowing he should probably feel more sympathetic, Darcy could barely keep from laughing aloud at the sight.
"Oh, Mama," Lizzy whispered just loudly enough for Darcy to make out the words. "That was beautifully done, even if you had no idea what you were doing."
"Are you certain she did not?" Darcy asked, just as quietly.
Lizzy looked at him in surprise. Before she could collect herself and respond, there was a commotion at the parlor door and her aunt, Jane Phillips, entered the room followed by Lizzy's uncle and father.
Darcy thought the noise level quadrupled instead of merely doubling as the two sisters greeted each other enthusiastically before Mrs. Bennet proceeded to introduce her sister to all her guests. Since Bingley was already speaking with Bennet and Mr. Phillips, she began with Mrs. de Bourgh, who accepted both the introduction and the noise with equanimity.
After that, Mrs. Bennet quickly brought her sister over to Darcy and Lizzy. As Darcy made his bow, Mrs. Phillips clasped her hands with pleasure, saying, "Oh, what a handsome man! Just like your cousin, the Colonel! Are all the men your family so good looking? I know your uncle is, but what about the Colonel's older brother?"
It suddenly struck Darcy that even though it was still a secret, he had forgotten he should be mourning his cousin and grandfather. That thought made him sound unusually sober as he replied, "I could not say, Madam. That is for the ladies to decide."
The answer must have pleased Mrs. Phillips, for she gushed, "Oh! And modest as well, despite his heroism saving you Lizzy. You should snap this one up as quickly as possible!" She and Mrs. Bennet giggled as they stepped away to introduce her to Miss Bingley and Sir Phillip, ignoring the blush that suffused Lizzy's face.
"I apologize for her," Lizzy began, but Darcy smiled.
"Do not," he said. "I thought her advice was excellent, if a little over-enthusiastic. Snap away!"
Lizzy's blush deepened at his comment, but she made no answer. They both heard Mrs. Phillips enthusiastically exclaiming over Miss Bingley's gown, particularly the lace. Lizzy's embarrassment turned partially to amusement as Mrs. Phillips responded to a comment of Mrs. Bennet's.
"Yes, indeed. If I has such lovely gowns, I could not help wearing them and showing them off whether they were appropriate for the occasion or not! And you are such a lovely woman, Miss Bingley. I suppose you have the men in London falling all over themselves to pay attention to you. Sir Phillip is too young, of course, although I am certain he cannot help admiring you. All the same, he will do better with someone Kitty's age, a little younger than he is."
"Yes," whispered Darcy to Lizzy, "I think both your mother and aunt know exactly what they are doing when it comes to Miss Bingley. They may disguise it under their cheerful ways, but they are not about to let a catch like Sir Phillip escape from one of their girls."
Lizzy blushed again. "Oh, you must think my family so dreadful and vulgar."
"I might have, at one time," he admitted, "but I have come to admire them. They are not so much after wealth and position as they are just wanting to find happy and safe places for the family members they love. It is a far cry from my own aunt who simply wants to control everyone and make them miserable."
"Poor Miss Bingley," Lizzy observed after digesting his comment. "It is a lovely gown and she does look very good in it, but I suspect that after this evening she will never want to wear it again."
"She knew perfectly well what she was doing as well, and they are calling her out on it," Darcy said. He broke off the conversation as Bennet approached with Mr. Phillips.
After the introduction, Bennet and his brother-in-law joined in conversation with Darcy and Lizzy, while in the background Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Phillips exclaimed over Bingley.
"I am glad you and the Colonel decided to visit when you did," Mr. Phillips said. "I hate to think what would have happened to Lizzy and Miss Lucas, or rather, Mrs. Fitzwilliam, had you not. Have you heard whether the Colonel will be able to resolve the problem that took him back to London?"
"I have not yet," Darcy said. He did not know how much of the situation Mr. Phillips truly knew, so he kept to the story they had devised. "He sent a note when he returned my carriage saying just that they had arrived safely. My cousin could not have visited the war office until today. I expect to hear from him again soon."
"Ah, good. Let us hope he is not sent away again. He has certainly done his part for our country and he deserves a chance to settle down and make a new life with his wife."
"I will not argue with you there, sir," Darcy replied. "I have worried about his safety ever since he went away the first time, about ten years ago. I know he has served bravely, and he is rightfully proud of what he has accomplished, but I will be glad to see him somewhere away from the fighting."
"And yet, no sooner did you arrive here than you were both fighting to rescue two young women. I understand you already knew that villain, Lieutenant Brickham."
"He is George Wickham, actually. Yes, we both knew him. I grew up with him although as we aged, we grew apart. Richard never trusted him, but I once did. I would not do so again."
"No doubt. Of course, with what he has done, it is unlikely anyone will have the misfortune to trust him ever again. I hear there is to be a court-martial."
"It seems likely," Darcy said. "I think Richard may also be having words with his contacts at the war office among his other errands in town. He was already acquainted with the investigator who came to see if a court-martial was warranted."
"Good. Good. Well, I had best collect my wife. It looks like we are being called to dinner. I will want to talk with you more after." He bowed and headed off to take his wife in. Bennet looked at Darcy and Lizzy standing together, started to offer his daughter his arm in a very deliberate and formal manner and then winked at Darcy before walking away with a smirk on his face.
"May I escort you in, Miss Elizabeth," Darcy said, trying to ignore the amusement her father was having at his expense.
As she accepted his arm, she directed his attention to Sir Phillip, who now had Kitty on one arm and Miss Bingley clinging to the other. "I must say, Miss Bingley is persistent," she whispered.
"You have no idea," Darcy muttered.
~o~
The comedy continued through dinner. Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Phillips tried to convince Miss Bingley to sit with them so they could ask her about her modiste and all her favorite places to shop in London. Instead, Miss Bingley quickly took a seat on one side of Sir Phillip and suggested that conversation could wait until the separation from the gentlemen after dinner. Bennet graciously thanked her on behalf of all the gentlemen present, upon which Mrs. Bennet let the matter of seating stand as it was.
As the first course was served, the conversation remained confined to the natural small groupings. Mrs. Bennet held court at her end of the table with Mrs. Phillips. Bingley had brought in Mrs. de Bourgh, who sat at Mrs. Bennet's other side, and Jane. He sat between them and happily conversed with both as well as answering questions from his hostess and her sister from time to time. Darcy had brought in Lydia along with Lizzy, who was now seated next to her father as well. Mr. Phillips was between his wife and Miss Bingley, who ignored the older man as she continued to try and draw the attention of Sir Phillip from Kitty, who sat on his other side between him and her father.
Darcy spoke of Georgiana and of growing up at Pemberley with both Lydia and Lizzy. As he did, he tried not to be too distracted watching Sir Phillip have to turn away from Kitty again and again to politely reply to comments and questions from Miss Bingley. A few times he looked to Bennet and saw that the man was thoroughly enjoying the situation. In addition to his occasional comments on the conversation Darcy and his partners were having, Bennet sometimes drew Kitty's attention just so that Miss Bingley would have an opportunity to attack Sir Phillip yet again.
The younger man proved adept at answering politely without encouraging any detailed response, impressing Darcy, who knew he would not have done as well in Sir Phillip's place. Despite the lack of encouragement, Miss Bingley persevered. She brought up multiple topics and told stories about the events she had attended in London that were clearly intended to show how sheltered and unsophisticated Kitty was. She tried to counter Mrs. Bennet's earlier comments about the importance of a governess by mentioning the select seminary she and her sister had attended as girls. Darcy felt sorry for her, because she it was clear she had indeed grown more desperate with age. Her attempts to win him over had never been so clumsy or obvious.
After the ladies withdrew, he asked Bingley a question that grown in his mind while watching Miss Bingley's performance. "Bingley, your sister's dowry is secured for her even if she does not marry, is it not?"
Accepting the glass of port he had just been offered, Bingley turned to his friend curiously. "Of course, it is," he said. "Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering why she suddenly seems so very desperate to find a husband. I have never seen her quite this relentless and predatory before. The most obvious conclusion is that she fears that when you marry, she would lose her financial support."
"Oh, I see what you are getting at. No, although I control the dispersal of her dowry principle for now, it is hers whether she marries or not. She receives the income from it while she is single and the principle becomes hers to manage as well if she has not married by the time she reaches twenty-five. We have never spoken about what will happen when I marry, but surely she knows I would never just throw her out to make her own way in the world."
"That may be obvious to you, young man," Mr. Phillips said, "but I expect it is less so to her. Are you planning to marry soon?"
Bingley turned red to his ear tips at the question. He looked to Bennet for guidance on how to answer.
"We are not telling my wife or yours just yet, but he is officially courting Mary," Bennet said with a smirk. "I thought it best to hold the news until Mary is home to deal with her mother's effusions."
"Her aunt's as well, I would say," said Phillips with a smile. "Very wise. And congratulations to you, Mr. Bingley. You have my secrecy. I take it your father is no longer living?"
"Neither parent," Bingley replied, "We are orphans."
"Ah, then it is understandable she might feel very nervous at the thought of your upcoming marriage, for I assume she knows your intent, especially if you have not discussed what arrangements would be made for her."
Nodding, Bennet added, "You must also remember, Mr. Bingley, that society places great emphasis on the need for every woman to marry as quickly and advantageously as she can, even when it might be more financially beneficial for her to remain single."
"Definitely," Darcy said. "She may also be worried because, as unfair as it may be, if she is set up in her own household upon your marriage, she will be classed as a spinster among the members of the Ton. This will make her a less desirable partner even if nothing about her or her prospects has actually changed."
Bingley shook his head. "I just assumed everything would work itself out," he said. "I suppose this means I need to have a serious talk with my sister, difficult though that may be."
"The sooner, the better, judging by her behavior this evening," Mr. Phillips said. "But what about you, Mr. Darcy? You appear very pleased by our Lizzy's company and she seems likewise by yours. Is there other news that has not been shared with her mother?"
Darcy blushed slightly, but answered honestly, "Nothing that can be considered official, much to my disappointment. I am sure you know of my earlier offenses towards her. Although we are on good footing now, she needs some time to become better acquainted before she agrees to either courtship or marriage."
"Oh, I think that official announcement may come sooner than you now think," Bennet said, "although I hate to lose her to you." He paused before continuing, "To lose any of them, for that matter. I can hardly think where the time has gone. It seems just yesterday they were all infants and now they are nearly grown up, getting ready to marry and, soon enough, have children of their own."
He rubbed at one eye before saying more lightly, "You young men had best watch yourselves. You will have a father's curse upon your heads if you make any of my daughters unhappy."
"Yes, sir," the three younger men said in unison, prompting all five of them to laughter. After that, the conversation turned to more mundane matters as they discussed estates and education, generally getting to know one another better.
~o~
When they joined the ladies in the music room for some after-dinner entertainment, Miss Bingley began her quest to gain Sir Phillip's attention once again. She volunteered to play for the company, doing so in a technically perfect manner, although her performance lacked something in the way of a nuanced delivery that would have made it more compelling. After the applause, she prodded Kitty to perform as well, clearly hoping to look even better by comparison.
Kitty, wisely, chose a simple piece that she knew well. Her delivery was good, and she played with more feeling that Miss Bingley had. While her performance was not up to the same technical standard as Miss Bingley, it pleased her audience and counted as a success, which had clearly not been Miss Bingley's intent in putting her on the spot.
While Kitty played, Miss Bingley attempted to take her seat by Sir Phillip, but Jane had already slipped into the spot. With Lizzy on his other side, he was able to enjoy the performance in silence. When Kitty completed her turn, she and Jane quickly switched places, before Miss Bingley had a chance to protest. Jane played a sweet, simple accompaniment to a duet she sang with Lydia.
The rest of the evening passed with all the sisters conspiring to keep Miss Bingley from monopolizing Sir Phillip's attention. The men watched with amusement but made no comment and did nothing to interfere. The predator had been blocked for the time being and they all hoped Bingley would be able to ease her mind once he had a good discussion with his sister about her future prospects.
