1 A/N: I apologise. You'll see why.
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx
2
3 Chapter 53
"Well, I feel like celebrating!" said Michelle. "Dad, can they come back to ours?"
"Of course!" Faramir said. "We have much to celebrate!" And so, they all went back to Michelle and Farmir's house. Faramir got out a keg of beer for Gimli, Aragorn, the hobbits and himself and several bottles of wine for Gandalf, Legolas and the girls were allowed to have a little bit. They all got bored quite quickly, though. After 3 hours of constant drinking from all parties, Becky had an idea.
"Shall we play spin the bottle?" she said.
"Yeah, go on, it'll be fun. You never know where the bottle will stop. Which actually turns out to be quite horrible most of the time, but hey." said Tracey.
"How do you play spin the bottle?" said Legolas. All the men were thinking exactly the same. "And what is spin the bottle?"
"Basically," said Michelle. "Everybody sits in a circle and there's a bottle in the middle. Somebody has to spin the bottle, hence the name and you see who it lands on. Then whoever it lands on spins it again and they have to kiss whoever it lands on the second time." The men had blank expressions on their faces. "OK, for example, someone spins the bottle first and it lands on me. Then, I spin the bottle and it lands on Legolas, so I have to kiss Legolas. But there are rules. 1) You HAVE to kiss whoever it lands on and 2) If you refuse to kiss your chosen person, you get a forfeit, which is always a lot worse." They still didn't understand. "Well, it's a crap game anyway."
"No, it's not!" cried Kathrine, Mary-Jo, Tracey and Becky at the same time.
"It's really good!" said Mary-Jo.
"Not when one of you might have to get off with MY boyfriend." The four girls' eyes flashed, that was exactly what they wanted to happen. Finally the men understood what the game was about, and most of them were willing to play.
"Come on, Michelle! Stop being boring." Said Becky.
"No, I will sink that low. I'm not that desperate." She said. She was determined not to give in to them.
"Legolas?"
"And neither will he!" She said before he had a chance to answer. And if she wasn't joining in, then neither was he.
"Fine, suit yourselves." And they started the game. Every so often, a 'EEWWW!!!' would be heard from the circle, but that didn't interrupt Legolas and Michelle's odd conversation.
"So," said Michelle. "Have you got a girlfriend?"
"Yes, you." He replied, whilst laughing in confusion. 'Please let that be a blonde moment. I hope she's not trying to tell me something.'
"No, I didn't mean that? I meant, have you ever had a girlfriend?" 'Mental note to Legolas: Never give Michelle alcohol ever again.'
"I'm nearly 3,000 years old."
"So, no then."
"Of course I've had girlfriends."
"How do you know you're good at sex?" Every head turned to face her, particularly Faramir. Legolas could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks.
"What?!"
"When I said to Becky yesterday 'no, it's much worse' you said you were good, how do you know?"
"Well, duh!"
"So, who was it?"
"What do you mean?" 'Definitely no alcohol!'
"Who did you, you know, with?" Clare began to cringe for Michelle. She prayed to the almighty Eru (A/N: Thanks Tafi!) that she didn't remember any of this in the morning.
"There were many."
"WAHEY!!! Way to go, Legolas!" cheered all the men. "All right, Legolas! WOO HOO!"
"Were they all men, Legolas?" said Sam.
"How many more times, Sam? I am NOT a woman!"
"I know."
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!?!?!"
"Absolutely nothing! Nothing, at all, Mr. Legolas, sir! I'm sorry!"
"OI!" said Michelle, very loudly. "Everyone, listen to me! I'm not on the list! I hate you!"
"I hate you, too." He said.
"WHAT?" Michelle took him seriously and began to cry her eyes out.
"I'm not being serious! I love you really! Really I do!" she stopped crying. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I'll put you on the list." Michelle's eyes flashed with delight.
"Ahem." Said Faramir. Legolas span around and saw a thunderous look on his face. 'Possibly not the best thing to say in front of her father.' He thought.
"OOH! I'm sorry! Shit! Crap! Bugger! No, I didn't mean it! Argh! I'm dead!" Faramir took a step towards him but as he did Clare made Legolas disappear.
"Where'd he go?!" said Mary-Jo.
"Um, you might want to check the flag poles. And the trees. And possibly the fountain. And you!" she said to Michelle. "You've just given birth and you're already thinking about jumping into bed again!"
"Of course." Michelle said, as if it was noting new. "This is me we're talking about. You act surprised." Faramir couldn't believe what he was hearing. His daughter was talking about sex right in front of him, and she didn't care.
"Well, I've sorted that out." Said Clare. Michelle suddenly turned back into raving-loonie-teenager mode again.
"Bring him back!" cried Michelle. "Bring him back, bring him back, BRING HIM BACK!!!"
"I think she might want you to bring him back, Clare." Said Pippin.
"As long as Faramir promises not to kill him. Faramir?"
"I promise." He said, though he wished he hadn't and was sure he probably wouldn't.
"OK then, if you're sure." Suddenly, Legolas was back in the room.
"I SO want to know how to do that!" said Tracey, moodily. Michelle ran over to Legolas frantically.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'M SO SORRY!" she cried, as she threw herself at him. "I don't hate you! I love you! Honest! I do! I do! I love you!"
"Do you think she's sorry?" said Legolas, uncomfortably.
"Hmm, I'm not sure." Said Mary-Jo. "Possibly."
"And do you think she might be a little bit drunk?" said Kathrine.
"She never could handle her drink." Said Tracey.
"What do you mean 'never could'?" said Faramir.
"Nothing! I was thinking about… um, somebody, But not Michelle! No, she's never been drunk in her life! Nope, never!"
"Yes, she has!" said Clare. "Right before she got pregnant! We all went to that club and she got totally out of it! And there was that lad!" She looked at everyone around her. Tracey, Mary-Jo, Becky and Kathrine were trying to hide, the hobbits were trying not to laugh, Aragorn was shocked, as was Legolas, and Faramir was fuming. Gimli and Gandalf were too drunk to know what was going on. "Oops." Everybody looked over at Michelle, who was now sitting on Legolas' lap and kissing him rather passionately (more than Faramir was finding comfortable).
"This is going to be a LONG night." He muttered as he put his head in his hands.
*****
A/N: Right then. Really, what is going on with this chapter? This really deserves to be flamed! I am so sorry! This is such an insult! I don't even know why I've put it up! It's really terrible! Oh crap! How embarrassing! Damn it, I'm losing my touch!
OK, so if you never want anything this terrible ever again, I suggest you give some ideas so that I can correct my awful writing and prevent this from happening again. I do realise I just repeated myself. Just leave me to it.
Again, I am SOOOOOO sorry.
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx
PS. Eternally sorry!
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx
2
3 Chapter 53
"Well, I feel like celebrating!" said Michelle. "Dad, can they come back to ours?"
"Of course!" Faramir said. "We have much to celebrate!" And so, they all went back to Michelle and Farmir's house. Faramir got out a keg of beer for Gimli, Aragorn, the hobbits and himself and several bottles of wine for Gandalf, Legolas and the girls were allowed to have a little bit. They all got bored quite quickly, though. After 3 hours of constant drinking from all parties, Becky had an idea.
"Shall we play spin the bottle?" she said.
"Yeah, go on, it'll be fun. You never know where the bottle will stop. Which actually turns out to be quite horrible most of the time, but hey." said Tracey.
"How do you play spin the bottle?" said Legolas. All the men were thinking exactly the same. "And what is spin the bottle?"
"Basically," said Michelle. "Everybody sits in a circle and there's a bottle in the middle. Somebody has to spin the bottle, hence the name and you see who it lands on. Then whoever it lands on spins it again and they have to kiss whoever it lands on the second time." The men had blank expressions on their faces. "OK, for example, someone spins the bottle first and it lands on me. Then, I spin the bottle and it lands on Legolas, so I have to kiss Legolas. But there are rules. 1) You HAVE to kiss whoever it lands on and 2) If you refuse to kiss your chosen person, you get a forfeit, which is always a lot worse." They still didn't understand. "Well, it's a crap game anyway."
"No, it's not!" cried Kathrine, Mary-Jo, Tracey and Becky at the same time.
"It's really good!" said Mary-Jo.
"Not when one of you might have to get off with MY boyfriend." The four girls' eyes flashed, that was exactly what they wanted to happen. Finally the men understood what the game was about, and most of them were willing to play.
"Come on, Michelle! Stop being boring." Said Becky.
"No, I will sink that low. I'm not that desperate." She said. She was determined not to give in to them.
"Legolas?"
"And neither will he!" She said before he had a chance to answer. And if she wasn't joining in, then neither was he.
"Fine, suit yourselves." And they started the game. Every so often, a 'EEWWW!!!' would be heard from the circle, but that didn't interrupt Legolas and Michelle's odd conversation.
"So," said Michelle. "Have you got a girlfriend?"
"Yes, you." He replied, whilst laughing in confusion. 'Please let that be a blonde moment. I hope she's not trying to tell me something.'
"No, I didn't mean that? I meant, have you ever had a girlfriend?" 'Mental note to Legolas: Never give Michelle alcohol ever again.'
"I'm nearly 3,000 years old."
"So, no then."
"Of course I've had girlfriends."
"How do you know you're good at sex?" Every head turned to face her, particularly Faramir. Legolas could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks.
"What?!"
"When I said to Becky yesterday 'no, it's much worse' you said you were good, how do you know?"
"Well, duh!"
"So, who was it?"
"What do you mean?" 'Definitely no alcohol!'
"Who did you, you know, with?" Clare began to cringe for Michelle. She prayed to the almighty Eru (A/N: Thanks Tafi!) that she didn't remember any of this in the morning.
"There were many."
"WAHEY!!! Way to go, Legolas!" cheered all the men. "All right, Legolas! WOO HOO!"
"Were they all men, Legolas?" said Sam.
"How many more times, Sam? I am NOT a woman!"
"I know."
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!?!?!"
"Absolutely nothing! Nothing, at all, Mr. Legolas, sir! I'm sorry!"
"OI!" said Michelle, very loudly. "Everyone, listen to me! I'm not on the list! I hate you!"
"I hate you, too." He said.
"WHAT?" Michelle took him seriously and began to cry her eyes out.
"I'm not being serious! I love you really! Really I do!" she stopped crying. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I'll put you on the list." Michelle's eyes flashed with delight.
"Ahem." Said Faramir. Legolas span around and saw a thunderous look on his face. 'Possibly not the best thing to say in front of her father.' He thought.
"OOH! I'm sorry! Shit! Crap! Bugger! No, I didn't mean it! Argh! I'm dead!" Faramir took a step towards him but as he did Clare made Legolas disappear.
"Where'd he go?!" said Mary-Jo.
"Um, you might want to check the flag poles. And the trees. And possibly the fountain. And you!" she said to Michelle. "You've just given birth and you're already thinking about jumping into bed again!"
"Of course." Michelle said, as if it was noting new. "This is me we're talking about. You act surprised." Faramir couldn't believe what he was hearing. His daughter was talking about sex right in front of him, and she didn't care.
"Well, I've sorted that out." Said Clare. Michelle suddenly turned back into raving-loonie-teenager mode again.
"Bring him back!" cried Michelle. "Bring him back, bring him back, BRING HIM BACK!!!"
"I think she might want you to bring him back, Clare." Said Pippin.
"As long as Faramir promises not to kill him. Faramir?"
"I promise." He said, though he wished he hadn't and was sure he probably wouldn't.
"OK then, if you're sure." Suddenly, Legolas was back in the room.
"I SO want to know how to do that!" said Tracey, moodily. Michelle ran over to Legolas frantically.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'M SO SORRY!" she cried, as she threw herself at him. "I don't hate you! I love you! Honest! I do! I do! I love you!"
"Do you think she's sorry?" said Legolas, uncomfortably.
"Hmm, I'm not sure." Said Mary-Jo. "Possibly."
"And do you think she might be a little bit drunk?" said Kathrine.
"She never could handle her drink." Said Tracey.
"What do you mean 'never could'?" said Faramir.
"Nothing! I was thinking about… um, somebody, But not Michelle! No, she's never been drunk in her life! Nope, never!"
"Yes, she has!" said Clare. "Right before she got pregnant! We all went to that club and she got totally out of it! And there was that lad!" She looked at everyone around her. Tracey, Mary-Jo, Becky and Kathrine were trying to hide, the hobbits were trying not to laugh, Aragorn was shocked, as was Legolas, and Faramir was fuming. Gimli and Gandalf were too drunk to know what was going on. "Oops." Everybody looked over at Michelle, who was now sitting on Legolas' lap and kissing him rather passionately (more than Faramir was finding comfortable).
"This is going to be a LONG night." He muttered as he put his head in his hands.
*****
A/N: Right then. Really, what is going on with this chapter? This really deserves to be flamed! I am so sorry! This is such an insult! I don't even know why I've put it up! It's really terrible! Oh crap! How embarrassing! Damn it, I'm losing my touch!
OK, so if you never want anything this terrible ever again, I suggest you give some ideas so that I can correct my awful writing and prevent this from happening again. I do realise I just repeated myself. Just leave me to it.
Again, I am SOOOOOO sorry.
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx
PS. Eternally sorry!
