HOPE'S CALLING- CHAPTER 50- THE BEST THING TO DO
Disclaimer- Hawkeye, Father Mulcahy and the other M*A*S*H characters are not my creation. Only Hope Jones and Sam Winters come from my imagination.
"Who in the world is standing outside calling for you? Why don't they just come in here if they want to see you?" Sam Winters asked Hope. She had come over to Post-Op to visit him and they were playing cards.
She knew who it was. It was Hawkeye. He had yelled her full name and he was the only one in camp that knew her middle name was Juliet. "Excuse me Sam, I better go see what they want."
Hope walked outside of Post-Op to the sight of a small crowd of people in their nightclothes, including Colonel Potter, Major Houlihan and Klinger, were standing around Hawkeye. Colonel Potter and Klinger were trying to calm him down, but he was having none of it.
Colonel Potter had been sound asleep until Hawkeye started yelling for Hope. He was not in a good mood and just wanted to crawl back in bed instead of playing nanny to a bunch of grown -ups. "Klinger, see if you can corral Pierce and get him back to the Swamp."
When Hawkeye saw Hope walking toward the little audience that had formed around him, he smiled and said a little too loudly, "There she is. There's my Juliet."
She got within a foot of him and stepped back, the fumes from the alcohol on his breath were overpowering. "Hawkeye what do you want?"
"You."
"I'm here. Now what do you want?"
"I want you to love me."
Hope rubbed her forehead and sighed. "Look, this isn't the time or the place for this conversation. Why don't you go to bed?"
"Why don't you come with me? Remember when I held you while you slept?"
Even though she knew Hawkeye was very drunk when he said that she had slept with him, Hope was embarrassed beyond words. She walked up to him and grabbed his arm. "Come on Hawkeye. Enough is enough. You're going to the Swamp."
He put his other arm around her, pulled her close, pinning her arms against his chest and kissed her. She struggled against him and finally resorted to kicking him in the shin so he would let go of her. He grabbed his leg and rubbed it.
"Ow! Why did you do that?"
"Because your behavior is highly inappropriate!"
"And yours isn't?"
"Hawkeye, what's that supposed to mean?"
"You're the one fooling around with a priest."
Hope was so stunned by what he said that she stumbled backwards in an effort to get away from him. A pair of gentle hands caught her. She turned to see Francis standing behind her in a bathrobe, tufts of his blond hair sticking up and his glasses askew. For half a second, she thought of how much she wanted to wake up every morning with him. Then the reality of the situation brought her back to the present.
Colonel Potter had finally had enough melodrama and shouted, "Alright everybody, show's over! Go to bed. Klinger get Pierce to the Swamp. Padre and Lieutenant Jones, I'll talk to you in the morning."
The crowd dispersed and people went back to their tents. As Klinger led him off to the Swamp, Hawkeye turned around and gave Hope a longing look. Her heart ached for him, but she couldn't help the way she felt. She told Francis, "Hawkeye can't stand the fact that I chose you over him. I guess he decided if he's miserable, everyone else should be, too. It would be for the best if I put in for a transfer. Then I wouldn't be around to cause so much drama."
The thought of not being around Hope tore through Francis' heart. He understood the reality of Army life; personnel got transferred all the time but he couldn't imagine life without her. He reached out and lifted her chin so she would look him in the eye. "Hope, I don't want you to go. I love you."
"It might be for the best, you are needed here. You should stay. There are a lot more nurses than chaplains to go around. I can be replaced."
"Hope, please don't talk about it anymore tonight. Tomorrow morning is soon enough for that." He looked around to make sure no one was watching and took her hand. Then he led her into the shadows behind the tents. "No more talking now." He pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her gently at first. It gathered intensity the longer he kissed Hope and the more she responded.
She pulled away to catch her breath. "You're pretty good at this for someone who doesn't have much practice."
He chuckled and said, "You don't know that I was "spin the bottle" champ when I was twelve."
"No, you never told me about that. O.k. Champ, show me what you got." Hope stood on her tip toes and put her arms around his neck. She pressed her body into his and he responded with a soft moan as she kissed him.
Francis reached under her shirt and rubbed her back. His hand brushed the back of her bra and he was tempted to unfasten it. Hope whispered, "It's alright if you want to do that. I won't mind."
He quickly pulled his hand away. "Hope if I start there I might not want to stop." He ran his fingers through her hair. His desire for her was something that he could almost taste and touch. "I think you should go to bed now. It's very late."
"Your bed?" Hope laughed softly and stoked his face with her fingertips. Her playfulness excited him and he was ready to pick her up and take her there but somehow the low, soft voice of reason inside his head got through and he said, "No Hope, you should go to your own bed. Alone."
"Alright, but as the song says, "give me a kiss to build a dream on." She looked up at him and started singing softly,
Give me a kiss to build a dream on
And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss
Sweetheart, I ask no more than this
A kiss to build a dream on
Give me a kiss before you leave me
And my imagination will feed my hungry heart
Leave me one thing before we part
A kiss to build a dream on
He smiled and said, "Well, since you asked so nicely." Francis started kissing her at her forehead and worked his way to her cheeks, ears and finally her mouth. Her lips parted and he explored the sweet warmth of her mouth with his tongue. He loved the way she tasted and he could never get enough.
He reluctantly let her go. "Good night, Hope. I love you."
She backed away a few inches and looked up at him. "I love you, too. No matter what happens, please believe that. That may be all we have to hold on to."
He felt so bad, he hoped he was dead. No one's head could hurt so much and live. When the sun hit his face, Hawkeye mumbled loudly, "Hey, turn off the light. Can't you let a man die in peace?"
"No such luck my friend," BJ moaned.
Hawkeye sat up on the edge of his bed, shielding his eyes from the sunlight. "Oh god, it's morning."
Charles Winchester growled and threw a pillow at him. "Brilliant observation, Pierce!"
Hawkeye ducked and the pillow missed hitting him in the face by a gnat's breadth. "What the hell happened last night? I remembering going to Rosie's Bar with you two and then coming back to camp where someone was yelling their head off."
"Hawk, that person was you," BJ told him.
"Me? Why was I yelling?"
"It wasn't a "why"; it was a "who"."
"Who was I yelling at?"
When BJ hesitated to tell Hawkeye that he had been yelling for Hope in the middle of the compound, Charles readily volunteered the information. "You were looking for Hope. You called out her full name; Hope Juliet Jones. After that, the details are hazy in my mind."
"So you can't tell me what happened after that?" Hawkeye asked him.
"Nope," the Bostonian answered.
Hawkeye looked over at BJ for an answer to the question and saw his face. Someone had socked him in the jaw and there was a large bruise. "Who did that? Did you get in a fight at Rosie's?"
BJ rubbed his jaw. "You did it Hawkeye."
"This just gets better and better." Hawkeye held his head with his hands trying to make the tent stop spinning. "Guess I'll find out soon enough from someone else in camp."
"No doubt, it is fodder for this morning's gossip in the mess tent," Charles observed.
The more she thought about the impending conversation with Colonel Potter, the more anxious Hope became. For a few moments the night before, she had forgotten about everything but being in Francis' arms, kissing him. It was the whole universe and time stood still then. But time would not be held back and morning came with a strong dose of reality.
She found her way to the mess tent and got a cup of coffee, not bothering to even look at what was being served for breakfast. Her stomach wasn't that brave. Hope sat down beside Francis and noticed he only had a cup of coffee as well.
"Can't face breakfast either?" she asked him.
He sighed, "No, my stomach is full of butterflies. You know why?"
"Yeah, I do. I'm nervous about what Colonel Potter is going to say about what happened last night. And about…"
"Us?"
"Yes Francis, about us. "
Gathering the courage to ask Hope if she was still thinking about asking Colonel Potter to transfer her, he looked down at his coffee cup. When he looked up he asked her, "Do you still think you should request a transfer?"
She sighed and gripped the edge of the table with her burned hand. It hurt, but she thought the distraction of that pain would override the pain she felt about the answer to his question. In a husky whisper she said, "Yes. I think it's the best thing to do."
He took her good hand and held it and wished they were someplace else. But then he thought if they weren't in Korea, they wouldn't have met. "Hope, I'm sorry you feel that you have leave. The decision is yours and I would never tell you what to do."
An even more important question was on both their minds and they both blurted out at the same time, "Do you still want to get married?"
The buzz of conversation in the mess tent ceased instantly. Every head turned in their direction. Hope and Francis fell silent. Finally everyone else resumed talking.
Hope whispered, "Yes, I do. I love you." She held her breath and looked at him expectantly, hoping for the same response.
He smiled at her. "Of course, I love you and want to spend my life with you."
With his assurance of that he still wanted to marry her, Hope relaxed somewhat and felt she was ready for their meeting with Colonel Potter.
The buzz of conversation stopped again when Hawkeye, BJ and Charles came dragging in the mess tent. The trio bypassed the serving line and went straight for the coffee urn. Once they had their coffee they found an empty table on the opposite end of the tent from where Hope and Francis were sitting.
For five minutes or more, Hawkeye sat staring into his coffee. He wished he could drown in it.
"Hawk, you're supposed to drink it, not study it," BJ told him.
Hawkeye picked up his coffee and took a long sip before sitting the cup back down on the table. He made a face. The stuff was exceptionally nasty that morning which just compounded how awful he felt. He picked up the cup and took another sip with his eyes closed. Maybe it wouldn't taste so bad if he couldn't see it. When sat the cup down again, he opened his eyes to see people looking at him and then at Father Mulcahy and Hope. Yes, Charles was right. The chief surgeon, the priest and the nurse were fodder for gossip.
His shifted in his seat and accidentally knocked his right leg against the table leg. A dull throb commenced in his shin. Where did that come from and how did it happen? He was going to ask someone to tell him everything that happened after he returned from Rosie's and he suspected that Hope knew the details best. He had a blurry memory of her face among a crowd of other faces.
When Hawkeye stood up, he felt lightheaded. He plopped back down on to his seat, nearly knocking BJ's cup out of his hand and spilling hot coffee on his lap.
"Easy Hawk, don't make any sudden moves! Please, you've already socked me in jaw. Don't add burning me to the list of injuries caused by you."
"I'm sorry Beej. I just need to talk to Hope and find out what happened last night."
"I think you better wait until you're steady on your feet. You don't wanna fall on your face trying to get to her."
"Yeah, you're right. I've already made a memorable impression on her as it is."
Charles chuckled and said, "You certainly have my friend. Oh look, she's leaving with the priest." The major pointed at Hope and Francis as they walked out of the mess tent. "I wonder where they are going."
A wave of both jealousy and regret washed through Hawkeye. "Me, too."
When Hope and Francis entered Colonel Potter's office, he was waiting for them along with Major Houlihan. The chief nurse was standing by his desk with her arms crossed.
The colonel pointed at the two empty chairs sitting in front of his desk. "Have a seat."
Hope's heart was going 90 miles an hour as she sat down. Without thinking, she gripped the arms of her chair so hard that her knuckles started turning white. Then her legs started shaking like they did when she had stage fright. She glanced at the Colonel's liquor cabinet wishing for a little liquid courage, but knew it would not be offered to her at that time of the day.
Colonel Potter cleared his throat and leaned forward. "I don't know any other way to ask this question, so I'm not going to sugar coat it." He paused for a millisecond and then continued, "Is there something going on between you two?"
Hope glanced at Francis and before she could open her mouth to answer, he said, "Yes sir, there is. And it's my fault."
Three shocked faces looked at him. The one most affected was Hope. "Sorry Francis, but that's not true. I mean the part about it being your fault. I was sent here and circumstances threw us together. If it's anybody's fault, blame the Army."
The priest shook his head. "Hope, I'm the one that pursued you. I told you I was in love with you before you ever told me you felt the same way."
The colonel held up his hand. "Enough of that. What I want to know is what are you going to do about it?"
Hope told the Colonel the same thing she had told Francis the night before. "Sir, I think it would be best if I were transferred out of this unit. My presence here has been disruptive and I've spent half my time here not being able to fully do my job. I'm sure Major Houlihan will agree on that point."
"That's true," the head nurse agreed. "Lieutenant Jones seems to have a talent for getting hurt."
"Major!" protested Francis. "She didn't do it on purpose. Things just happened."
Hope reached out and touched his shoulder. "It's alright Francis."
Colonel Potter lightly pounded on the desk. "You two still haven't answered my question. What are you going to do about the way you feel?"
Major Houlihan gave the CO an exasperated look. "Colonel, that's none of our business unless it affects the performance of their duties. We should only be concerned about what's good for the 4077th."
Colonel Potter held up his hand. He wanted an answer to his question and not just because Hope and Francis were under his command. They were family to him and he cared about what happened to them.
Hope and Francis looked at each other. A look in her eyes let him know that he should answer the Colonel.
"We plan on getting married when the time is right. A lot has to happen before then. I have to give up holy orders. That's the main thing and then there's this war…. We can't get married until it's over."
"Oh Lord, please make that soon," Hope prayed silently.
"Well I wish both of you all the best. The Church will lose a fine priest, but I think Lieutenant Jones will gain an equally fine husband," Colonel Potter told them. "Now Lieutenant as to your request for a transfer; I want to talk to Major Houlihan about it. I'll let you know what we decide."
Hope responded with a quiet "Thank you, sir. And please, let's keep this to the four of us."
He leaned forward and said, ""Of course, Lieutenant. And for the moment, you two conduct yourselves like officers. In other words, keep your hands off each other, at least in public. I have no control over what you do in private. And besides someone higher up than me is watching you." The colonel pointed heavenward.
Francis blushed furiously at the colonel's last sentence and stammered, "Yes sir, I understand."
"Alright you two, you're dismissed."
Hope looked at the CO and head nurse and said, "Thank you both."
When they left Colonel Potter's office, Hope and Francis walked a few feet apart from each other. He had a hard time resisting the urge to grab her hand. She stopped in the middle of the compound and looked up at him. "Francis, this the beginning of a long wait to be together, isn't it?"
He knew he had just promised Colonel Potter that there would be no public displays of affection, but he grabbed her hand and held it for a few seconds before he let go and said, "Yes my love, it is."
From the looks he got from people in the mess tent, Hawkeye thought he must be the only one that couldn't remember what happened after he came back from Rosie's. It seemed whatever happened was the topic of conversation that morning. He had to know and he had to find Hope and beg her to tell him.
Hawkeye stood up again, this time very carefully. "I'm going to find Hope. I want to know what I did or said last night." He pointed in the general direction of the other people in the mess tent. "Everyone else seems to know already."
BJ shook his head. "Are you sure you want to do that, Hawk? She may not be willing to talk to you after what happened last night. Don't you feel bad enough already?"
"Yeah I feel bad, but I've got to know. Why not, she's already ripped my heart out, Guess I'm a glutton for punishment." Hawkeye limped away from the table and out of the mess tent.
Hope was about to enter the Post-Op ward. She wanted to see Sam before he was sent back to his unit that day. A man's hand covered her hand as she went to open the door.
"Wait a minute, please?" She turned around to look up at Hawkeye, his eyes pleading with her.
Hope was surprised that she didn't feel anger towards him, but pity instead. And she felt guilty that she hurt him, but what was she supposed to do?
"O.K. Hawkeye, what do you want?"
"I need to know…I want to know what happened last night. Did I do something to hurt you, something stupid?"
Hope led him over to a nearby bench. "Sit down and I'll tell you."
He sat down next to her, his thigh touching hers. She scooted away a few inches. "When you left wherever you'd been drinking, you came to the middle of the compound and started yelling for me, calling out my full name. I was in Post-Op visiting with a patient when I heard you. Right away I knew it was you because you're the only one in this camp that knows my middle name is Juliet. I came out of Post-Op to see you surrounded by Colonel Potter, Klinger, Major Houlihan and several other people. The colonel ordered Klinger to take you to the Swamp, but you were not in cooperative frame of mind. I asked you what you wanted. You told me you wanted me to love you. Then I told you that it was not the time to talk about it. I tried to get you to go to your tent. Instead you grabbed me and kissed me. I kicked you in the shin on your right leg because you wouldn't let go of me."
Hawkeye rubbed his leg. Now he knew the reason it was throbbing so much.
She continued, "I accused you of inappropriate behavior and you threw it back in my face by saying I was fooling around with a priest." Hope stopped talking long enough to take a deep breath. "At that point Colonel Potter had had enough and ordered everyone back to bed. Klinger somehow managed to get you to the Swamp."
He sat there and processed what she had told him. Hawkeye had made a damned fool of himself over her and for nothing. She was not going to love him, no matter what he did. Colonel Potter was right; he had to learn how to lose.
The sadness in his eyes broke her heart. Now she was sure her decision to ask for a transfer was the right thing to do. Maybe with time and distance between them, he could move on and get over losing her.
A Kiss to Build a Dream On was written in 1935 by Bert Kalmar, Harry Ruby, and Oscar Hammerstein. It was recorded by Louis Armstrong in 1951.
By asking for a transfer, Hope feels that things will be better for everyone if she's gone from the 4077th . She wants to protect Francis' reputation and she thinks if she's not around that Hawkeye might get over his feelings for her. Is she running away again?
Hope and Francis are committed to each other and their commitment will be tested.
Thank you so much for reading!
