I am going to work slow on this.
…
*Jacob*
I know what it is to have someone you love more than anything.
I know what it is to be slowly losing that person, or at least to think you are.
I hate that feeling.
It's like slowly dying.
I ran harder and faster than I'd ever had and I don't know, nor do I care, if it had something to do with my new child of the moon abilities or what.
All I knew for sure is that running was the only way for me to keep living and not go completely insane. I'm pretty sure I was in the eastern side of Colorado right now.
I've been running for almost 23 hours and the whole time I could hear Seth and Embry yelling in my ear trying to get me to turn around.
I couldn't. I couldn't turn around and go back to her lifeless body.
I couldn't go back knowing that nothing had changed and that the love of my life was still there. Still stuck in her consciousness.
Still changing in ways I could never understand.
Then I stopped.
I stopped running.
I realized what I was doing. I realized that I was running away from my fear, my life and my pack.
And even all that was okay. What was not okay though; was running away from the love of my life.
I couldn't leave her along just because I was feeling overwhelmed. I wouldn't leave her to deal with this by her self. I would make sure to be there when she woke up and if she woke up and was…different… I knew that it just meant that I would have to change.
And I would.
I would change for her.
With that thought in my mind I stopped in the middle of the field, dirt and mud pulling up from the ground and kicking up around my feet.
I did a 360 and ran full speed back in the opposite direction.
Back to New Hampshire and by extension, back to my Renesmee.
…
*Renesmee*
I knew I was in a comma.
I knew I was in a comma because for some reason I could remember everything that happened to me.
I remember Lucas biting me and let me tell you even in my comatose stage I was scared as hell.
What if I wake up and I am…. Not me.
Would Jacob still love me?
I didn't know if I was physically crying but I knew that in my mind I was definitively shedding some figurative tears.
It was idiotic but that was my main and primary concern; My Jacob.
According to Sam and all the other wolf history, you mate with someone because they are compatible with you.
I was compatible with Jacob the way I was. What if I change?
Would I feel the same?
I tried to stop thinking like that and focused on breathing.
My father used to tell me that when you're in a comma you have to focus on reality, it can bring you back.
I focused on my breathing and that's when I noticed that that was the only thing to focus on.
My mom told me that when she was out and was turning there was this unbearable burn that went throughout her body.
It felt like she was burning alive from the inside out.
Only thing I felt was a low burn.
I would compare it to putting a heating pad on your chest.
Hot but not blazing.
I wasn't sure what that meant but I was hoping it wasn't a bad thing.
My breath was low and I could tell it was uneven but for some reason I didn't feel like anything was wrong with me.
What is going on?
…..
I couldn't tell if it was mere minutes or long hours I just know that what ever state of mind I was in, unconscious or conscious, I was super freaking bored.
I don't think people tell you but when you do nothing but listen to your breathing you have a much higher chance of going completely insane!
I am so glad I don't meditate!
Finally I could feel something moving, and it was apart of me.
I believe it was my toe.
I was wiggling my small toe before wiggling my big toe. Living with vampires has benefits; everyone could actually hear when I started moving and I could hear when they rushed into the room.
"Is she awake?" I could tell it was my mother who had spoken. She had so much distress in her voice and I felt bad that I was the cause of that.
"She's… conscious. She can hear you and she is feeling sad that she is making you sad" my father responded.
"Of course" spoke Bella, "Renesmee?"
"obviously mom, I wont be able to answer you."
I could hear my father snickering and then my mother question his reason.
I knew exactly when she had told him what I had thought because I heard her suck her teeth before saying how I was still the daughter and she could still put me on punishment.
I found myself laughing subconsciously at the thought of me, a soon to be wife, being on punishment sitting in the corner.
As soon as that thought came to me I remember that I was soon to be a wife. I found myself trying to hear the voice of my soon to be husband.
I couldn't hear him and I was beginning to get distressed.
I knew my father could hear my thoughts but I felt the need to ask him anyway.
"Dad? Where is he? Where is Jacob?"
It was silent. The silence was so eerie that I began to get scared and scream in my head.
WHERE IS HE?! WHERE IS JACOB?!
I think my father noticed the sadness and despair laced in my voice, or maybe he just got irritated from having to listen to me yell in my head. Regardless, he answered.
"Renesmee, Jacob… He went for a run. He was going insane looking at you… watching you change."
I didn't know how to feel but I do not what I felt.
Longing and Anger.
I felt longing because the one person I most needed to see right now, the one person I wanted to wake up for right now, was not here. I felt anger because... the one person I needed to see right now was not here!
I don't know if it was the intense emotions that brought me back but I could feel my eyes slowly opening. My eyes opened with a lot of force but once they did open they were welcomed by ten pairs staring back. Some were hazel- yellow; some light brown but none were the charcoal brown I was looking for.
Just as I was about to state my anger aloud I heard unified gasp around the room.
"What?" I asked, finally allowing my hoarse voice to be heard.
I didn't hear an answer for a little while and I was about to ask again before Carlisle spoke up finally answering my question.
"Your eyes… they… they are… red."
I didn't like his answer.
….
99999999999999999999900000000000000000000099999999 99999999999900000000000000000
I AM SOOO SOOORRRRRRYYYY SORRRYYYRYRYRYRYRYRY SORRYRRRYRYRYR
My wrist did heal up but that was like 3 weeks ago and again I am so sorry it took this long but I have been very busy with school. As I told you guys I have been transferred from my high school to college because I excelled in high school. The classes are fine it's just there is often a lot of work at one time and because I am looking to get into an ivy league I am trying to boost my rigor so I am trying to get into an honor society in which you have to maintain a 3.5 gpa so I am working hard leaving me no time to write.
BUT I am actually getting ahead in my classes now and most of my projects are in so I should have more time for you guys also I am working on getting me a new car as well as getting me a windows pro 2 so I can have more time for you sexy folk.
I just want to shout out all my beloved fans for being here.
Guest - to all guest! You guys are so awesome and leave some of the nicest reviews.
Molly- I am sorry babe, I AM SO SLOW :…(
TwilightStarAngel - thank you so much for being concerned. LOVE YOU!
Addictt- UUUUPPPPDAAATTIINGG!
Alixandria- love ya too babe
Tiffanie04- and awesome is what I am aiming for! YOU BEING ADDICTED IS MY ADDICTION
Sweet Cristal – you are indeed sweet! Welcome to the circus!
Aurodreamer – You are amazing! And I am amazing for people like you!
And niquee – you know I love you chick!
I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS BUT I HAVE TO GO NOW BEFORE MY GRANNY KILLS ME!
SEE YA LATER!
kisses
