CHAPTER 52
I got out of hospital this morning since I got the all clear. Since I got out I have had Opie and my dad over which was nice that all three of us where together since it doesn't happen often. They make me laugh so I forget about the sad things. They said they called Mary to tell her what happened just so she wouldn't cause a fuss if no one said anything and they managed to convince her not to visit which of course I didn't mind – if she came I would just have to talk about it and something as private as this would feel strange discussing with my estranged mother who didn't even know when I started my period.
I was given meds to help me sleep because my anxiety is worse at night when the room is silent and I am left alone with my own thoughts, thinking about what happened – what could have been, what I could have done – the list goes on.
Jax was the one who picked me up from the hospital and brought me back home, we have barely talked and he's been treating me like a child bringing me tea to bed and watching my every move like I'm going to break any second. It's nice to see him caring this much but I want to try get back too normal and by normal I mean only the kind of normal I live.
Jax came through to the bedroom for the millionth time since I got home and sat in his same spot on the bed peering down at me. "I'm sorry babe but I have to go to the clubhouse for church. I'll be home in a couple of hours and Neeta is watching the kids at hers. Will you be okay?" He says while I lay down but I force myself up so he can hear me loud and clear.
"Jax, stop worrying so much. I'm okay. Go do what it is you have to do." I tell him
"I can't help it babe"
"I'll see how I feel later on and I might take a drive to the clubhouse." I say hoping he doesn't freak by my decision.
"You're okay to drive?" he asks I nod at him
"The only meds I am on are for when I need to sleep, I'm not getting pain anymore." I tell him trying to reassure him I'm not a ticking time bomb.
"Okay well it would be nice for some of the guys to see you I guess" he says and it makes me smile at the thought.
"Go" I say softly but smiling at him unlike the last time I said it in the hospital.
He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips and it felt nice since we haven't been this close since the fight we had before I went to the hospital.
"Call if you need anything" he says and of course I roll my eyes at him which he hates.
"I won't" I tell him sarcastically and luckily he chuckles.
… …. …. …. … …. … ….. … …. …. …. …
When I get to the clubhouse its very empty but I still feel all eyes on me. On my drive over I contemplated turning back but then I didn't want to lie in a heap of misery, I want normality.
I don't look up when I walk in so when I hear my full name being called I'm surprised "Cara Winston?" coming from a voice that sounds familiar.
When I see who it is it's the infamous Dawn Trager – Tigs daughter.
"Dawn?" I ask not expecting to see her here. She looks the same as she did when we were teenagers – hair still dark, un even and her eyes smudged in old black eyeliner from the night before.
"It's Margaux now." She says and I raise my eyebrows in complete confusion and don't bother ask why. I look at Gemma who doesn't seem too pleased about her return either.
"Look at you, you're all … different" she says still sat at the table, legs spread apart classy as ever. She's definitely a Trager.
"Well, I aged a couple years and got my shit together" I tell her and she laughs in a very immature way.
"Yeah, I'm still working on that" she says through chewing her gum and playing with her hair. In my head I'm thinking clearly nothing about her she has got together, she probably still gets herself into the kind of ridiculous trouble me and her used to get into together.
"I thought you left, to become a doctor or something" she says and I try not roll my eyes and look like a condescending bitch.
"I did." I say keeping it short. I turn to the Juice who is on his laptop at the bar and ask him "Juice, why don't you show Dawn – sorry, Margaux your erm computer or something while I talk to Gemma"
Juice and Gemma both get the message while Dawn looks confused and I lead Gemma through to the kitchen.
When we get there I stand in front of Gemma with my arms crossed and ask her "Why does it feel like I have travelled back in time like fifteen years?"
"Trust me I know. She showed up here saying Fawn is in a bad way and she needs Tig to help her get to rehab."
"Fawn? What the hell is wrong with her?" I ask, as far as I know Fawn lives in Chicago – I bumped into her once in a bar, she was happy and glad to be away from Charming like I was.
"Bulimia … apparently. Rehab is gonna cost" she says and I don't believe Fawn has an eating disorder.
"You do know Tig is going to believe each word she tells him?" I ask Gemma
"If it means she gets out of here quicker with as little destruction as possible then so be it"
"Jesus, she is so messed up." I say leaning against the counter feeling light headed.
"What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be resting?" Gemma asks and I tell her "I have had plenty rest."
I grab myself a mug and start pouring some coffee hoping it will make me feel better.
"I'm not going to break apart Gemma" I reassure her but I don't think it's working.
"It's been a shitty time" she says and I nod at her. Shitty is an understatement.
"I need air" I tell her and go out to the front where Dawn is smoking and when she sees me she offers me her cigarette and I think about it.
"C'mon, there has to be some of that Cara I know still in there." she says and just to shut her up I grab it from her and sit down next to her on the bench.
When I inhale the smoke I don't cough, I enjoy the feeling it gives me which is not what I wanted so I hand it back to her so I don't take more.
"Gemma tells me Fawn isn't doing too well." I say
"Yeah" she says faking a sniffle, I know this is all bullshit but I will play along. "She needs treatment like really bad and it's expensive"
"Yeah I bet, you gonna stick around?" I ask her knowing that she won't. She will get the money and leave.
She shrugs her shoulders and lights another smoke. "This place doesn't have anything for me, remember?"
I nod at her knowing exactly what she means. Dawn didn't fit in; she was bad news. She rebelled much like her mother and she wasn't trusted amongst the club.
"I get it. I had time away … I don't know, I thought maybe it would be different when I came back but it wasn't. Some things just never change."
"I bet you and Jax got like ten billion kids already" she says and it's ironic considering what we just went through with the miss carriage.
"Two boys" is all I tell her and she smiles.
"Cara and Jax – Jax and Cara. You guys have always been like two peas in a pod." She says making me smile but I can see that she genuinely feels sad.
"You can have that too y'know … look, if you are in trouble –
"I'm not." She says cutting me off. "I just want my sister to get better." she adds completely having a shift in mood like it's a sensitive subject or something.
We hear the bikes coming in, perfect timing for where this conversation was heading. Jax was hoping off his bike when dawn said "Wow, Jax turned into a man"
I ignore her and tell her "Father dearest is here" when I see Tig and then I walk towards Jax putting my sunglasses on. He pulls me in gently and kisses me, I missed him. He peers over my shoulder seeing Dawn.
"Is that Tigs daughter?" he asks and I nod.
"Yup" I tell him linking my arm in his as we start walking "Dawn is apparently now called Margaux"
Jax's expression is much like mine when she told me the same thing.
"Why is she here?" Jax asks as we watch Tig greet her for the first time in years.
"She says she needs help with her sister"
"Oh Christ" he says
"Yeah I know, but don't worry" I tell him.
"If I look worried it's you I'm worried about. You sure you should be up and about?" he asks and he stops walking to stand in front of me.
"I'm fine, I promise. C'mon" I tell him and we go inside to face the commotion.
