Genre: Humor/Drama
Rating: K+
Characters: Central 46
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
The Central 46 were holding a meeting, sitting on their proper seats in their cavern-like meeting hall, discussing a very important matter.
"It's boring in here," #32 complained.
"Don't speak like that!" #13 scolded him. "This is the most comfortable place in Seireitei! We want for nothing!" #32 suppressed the urge to sigh. They lacked nothing, expect any excitement. And girls. There weren't any pretty girls. He looked at #13. She was an old hag with a shrill, grating voice, but after all the centuries of being isolated in the Tower of tranquil spirit, he was beginning to think she was a bit attractive. This time he sighed. That was an unmistakable sign that the life here sucked.
"And we are the ultimate authority in Soul Society," #27 added. "We can dress down anybody, including the sotaichou. What's not to like about it?"
"That's right!" #25 agreed.
"But #32 is right," #41 pointed out. "When was the last time we could do that? It's been awfully quiet lately."
"That's true," #8 nodded. "It's been over a year since we had a criminal to judge."
"Stop speaking like that!" #13 shrieked. "We are the most privileged! There's nothing to complain about."
"Expect you," #32 snapped. #13 gasped for breath.
"What did you just say?" she demanded.
"That I love you, my dear," #32 replied, somehow managing to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "Would you like to come to my room tonight?"
"You... you..." #13 was at a loss of words. #12 had to take her out to get some fresh air and calm down.
"Good work, #32," #41 praised him. "Now we got rid of that witch, we can get back to business."
"Finally," #8 agreed. "I really miss some action. I can't wait for the next time we'll judge someone."
"That might take some time," #19 said. "As #41 pointed out, the shinigami have been on exceptionally good behavior lately."
"Maybe we can find someone else to judge," #36 suggested.
"Good idea," #19 agreed, "but who?"
"What about #13?" #32 suggested.
"That won't work," #41 disagreed. "We can't judge one of our own. It must be someone on the outside."
"But it's been awfully quiet," #19 commented. "Now a hundred years ago, those were some interesting times."
"Yes," #32 agreed dreamily. "Eight executions and two banishments, that was glorious. We don't have the opportunity to do something like that often."
"And there were so many captains among them," #36 added. "That doesn't happen often. Those were such glorious executions."
"What executions?" #10 asked. "They all escaped, don't you remember?"
"They did?" #36 blinked in surprise. "How comes we weren't informed?"
"You are senile, aren't you?" #10 asked. "They escaped right from here!"
"Oh, I remember now," #36 replied. "Urahara was claiming his innocence. Hmm, now that reminds me, shouldn't we have investigated? Just to pass some time, of course?"
"Why?" #32 asked. "That would be just wasting time!"
"It's better than just sitting around," #36 disagreed.
"And what if it turned out he was really innocent?" #41 asked. "That would have meant no execution!"
"Oh, you're right," #36 agreed. "No investigations then. Just shouting at the suspect is easier and much more fun than some investigation anyway."
"Good old times," #19 smiled. "We haven't ordered so many executions at once since then."
"What about the modsouls?" #10 reminded him.
"They don't count," #19 replied. "They were just some pills."
"Yes," #32 agreed. "Smashing some little balls cannot compare to executing real people."
"Now the Quincy, that was something different," #44 remembered fondly.
"Or the Bounto," #15 added.
"Are there even some Bounto alive still? Or Quincy?" #11 asked.
"I think so," #10 answered. "Should we order the Gotei 13 to hunt them down?"
"Now that sounds like an idea," #32 agreed.
"Don't get ahead of yourselves," #41 chided. "They are still alive because they're in hiding."
"I bet the Gotei 13 can find them," #32 stated.
"If they could, there wouldn't be any more left," #3 pointed out.
"So who else can we execute?" #19 asked.
"What about the next criminal, no matter what he did?" #28 suggested.
"That sounds like a plan," #30 smiled.
"But what if there are no criminals?" #19 asked. "It's been so quiet lately."
"Then let's make more laws!" #25 suggested. "That way it will be harder to uphold them all!"
"That's a brilliant idea," #32 praised him. "So what should we forbid?"
"Now that's a tricky question," #41 said deep in thought. "What did we forbid so far? #10, you usually keep track of such things."
"Even I don't remember everything," #10 replied.
"Then let's just execute the next person to come here," #36 suggested.
"Yes, that's clever!" #25 agreed. "Let's forbid bothering us under capital penalty!"
"Great!" #32 cheered. "Let me get the proper forms and we'll make it a law."
Just as he said it, the doorbell chimed.
"Our first victim is coming!" #41 rejoiced.
"We didn't write the law yet!" #32 panicked.
"Does it matter?" #19 shrugged. "We'll just make it retroactive."
"Yes, so many convicts," #14 pointed out.
"Be quiet, he's almost here," #6 said. The room miraculously turned from a place where old men were having a childish squabble into the supreme court of law inspiring fear in the heart of anyone who entered. The door opened and the intruder walked in.
'Oooh, a captain,' #32 thought. 'It's been so long since we executed one.'
"How dare you disturb us," #1 spoke in a bellowing voice. It had no effect on the newcomer.
"I came to tell you three words," Aizen replied. "Shatter, Kyouka Suigetsu."
