Edward POV
Her hand is small and cold within my own and I gently trace the stark contrast of her blue veins against her pale skin. She is so still and the room so quiet except for the heart monitors and the gentle push of oxygen going into the tube in her chest.
Charlie was in here as soon as we were allowed to visit but he graciously left after an hour to give me some time alone with Bella. I think he just couldn't bear to see her like this. He had told me in hushed whispers and broken words that watching Bella hover between life and death was all too horribly familiar.
How many times could a man watch his daughter suffer before he breaks?
Charlie is a stronger man than I, I think. I already feel near broken.
Gently, I brush her hair from her face holding back a broken sob at how swollen and distorted it looks. She almost doesn't look like my Bella.
Almost.
Dad says the swelling will go down, that no permanent damage was done to her face. The main concern is the brain swelling and her lung and the possible complications from that.
He tries to be optimistic but I can see the worry in his eyes, the strain around his lips.
We're not out of the woods yet.
"You should talk to her."
I look up and a nurse is there smiling at me as she adjusts Bella's IV and checks the monitors.
"Do you think she can hear me?"
"No one is really sure but I like to think they can. See?" she points at the heart monitor. "You spoke and her heart sped up a little. You must have a strong connection."
"She is my life," I say without reservation.
She nods. "She is very lucky."
I am the lucky one.
"My name is Carmen. If you need anything, let me know."
"Thank you."
I barely hear her leave the room. My focus is all on Bella, her heartbeat, her soft breaths, how still she is.
"Bella, love, I don't know if you can hear me but I need you to get better. We all do. Charlie, Alice, Rose, Jazz, my Mom and Dad but especially me."
She doesn't answer but I go on anyway. I tell her how the whole town banded together to search for her, how she no longer had to worry, Phil was dead and Chase was behind bars, how much I love her and admire her strength.
I talk until my voice is hoarse and I can no longer keep my eyes open.
There's a gentle hand on my shoulder, shaking me.
"Edward?"
"Huh?" Bleary eyed I lift my head looking towards Bella. "Bella?" My voice is hopeful but it's too easy to tell she hasn't moved except for the soft rise and fall of her chest.
"No, it's Dad."
I look to my left and Dad is standing over me; tired and bleak.
"Is something wrong? Is Bella-" My eyes dart to the monitors. They beep steadily; little green waves like a shallow ocean's shores.
"Calm down, son. Everything is as it was. I just need to have Bella taken for some tests to see if the brain swelling went down."
I have wait again, sent to the hallway like a nine year old that just let loose the spit ball from hell.
"How does she look?" Alice asks. She's still waiting her turn to see Bella.
Seriously?
"She looks like she's been through hell. How do you think she looks?" My retort is scathing and sarcastic and I pull my fingers through my hair annoyed at her, annoyed at being stuck waiting again and just plain annoyed at the whole situation.
Looking up at my sister, I see her face is stark white, her moist eyes are as wide as saucers and her bottom lip is trembling.
Ah, fuck.
"I'm sorry, Al. C'mere." I hold my arms open to her and she crawls into my lap, resting her head under my chin and sobs. "She's Bella," I say like it is the answer to everything. "She's going to be fine."
She nods against my chin and gives a very un-Alice like swipe under her nose with the back of her hand.
"She is. She's going to be fine."
Is she trying to convince me or herself?
Does it matter?
"Where's Jazz, Emmett and Rose?"
"Around." She shrugs. "Some of Mom's group girls came by and she and Rose are with them. I didn't want to intrude. Jazz and Em went to the cafeteria, I think. Jazz had to talk Emmett down."
"Down? Down from what?"
"Going to kick Chase's ass. He feels so betrayed. He trusted him." Suddenly Alice giggles.
"What?" I can't help a small smile.
"I think Charlie almost let him."
I snort. "I think Charlie would want first dibs."
"There might have been a coin toss." She laughs some more.
Soon we are both laughing. It's meaningless and cathartic all at once. We both stop at the same time realizing how we must look.
Al peers up at me. "How does she look really?"
I have to look away from the hope in her eyes. My mouth goes dry and swallowing hurts like sandpaper is being dragged across my throat. In my mind, I see her; waxen like death, the tubes, the sounds, her beautiful face, puffy, swollen and bruised, the marks that even the modest covering of her gown and the sheets can't hide.
"Not good."
She remains quiet for a moment then gets off my lap and straightens her shoulders in a way that would make any Military General take notice.
"She's Bella. She's going to be fine," she says, echoing my previous words before squeezing my hand.
I hope so. God, I hope so.
"I'm going to get coffee. You wanna come with?"
"No," I shake my head.
I stare at the floor and watch the feet as they pass by until two sets of nearly matching Doc Marten covered feet, one large pair and one small pair stop in front of me.
Slowly I raise my head at the intrusion to see a girl with a mass of riotous red curls standing with a guy that looks like he just stepped off the cover of Skin and Ink magazine.
They were scary as fuck and they were looking right at me.
"You must be Edward," the girl says and there is something sad and sympathetic in her voice.
"Who are you?" I know I sound rude but I am not exactly in the mood for social niceties right now.
"Vicki. This is my boyfriend, Garrett."
This is Vicki? Or should I say Vick? My face must register my surprise because she chuckles.
"I see you heard of me."
"Yeah. Bella told me a little about you."
"Well, she told me a lot about you. She was right. You are a total hottie."
In surprise and some fear, I look at her boyfriend and he doesn't seem to mind that his girlfriend just called another guy "a hottie".
"And your ears do turn pink when you're embarrassed. How cute is that?"
Now that she mentions it, my ears do feel hot. I resist the urge to touch them.
"Vick, stop harassing the poor guy." Garrett finally speaks, his voice rough and deep like he smokes too many cigarettes.
"I'm sorry," she apologizes to me and sits down. "I tend to lose my verbal filter when I'm nervous and when I'm angry...and when I'm scared and...oh you see what I mean."
Her tough facade rips away just like that and I see her for the girl she is, the girl I know Bella saw.
"It's okay."
"Your Mom gave me some of the details. Have you seen her yet?"
"Yeah." I turn away trying to hide the burn of tears threatening again.
Vicki remains silent. She doesn't ask how she looks or how she is and funnily enough I appreciate that. It's like she knows.
"She's strong," I say to fill the quiet.
Vicki turns to me, her eyes fierce. "You bet your ass she is."
I let out a small broken laugh as I dig the heels of my palms into my eyes.
"You're going to have to be strong too," Garrett tells me as he flanks my other side. "So, you better make sure you do all your breaking down shit now before she wakes up."
"Easy for you to say," I mumble. He's not the one that spent twelve fucking hours waiting to hear if his girlfriend were alive or dead.
"Once upon a time, I was exactly where you were now."
Shit. Me and my big fucking mouth.
"How did you cope?"
"One hour at a time, my friend." He takes Vicki's hand and kisses her knuckles. "One fucking hour at a time."
Esme POV
I am not an angry person by nature. I loathe foul language and abhor violent movies. I am more inclined to stop an argument rather than start one. I've been told that compassion and forgiveness are my strengths.
But like the rest of my family, my strength has been tested over the last twenty hours.
No, I am not an angry person by nature. Today, I am one out of circumstance.
There is nothing I would like to do more than march into the police station and give Coach Chase the mental mind fuck of the century. I could do it to. I'd put to use whatever psychiatric tricks I have in my arsenal, medical license be damned.
Phil Dwyer is dead, damn his rotten soul to hell.
The turn of my thoughts should shock me but they don't. I should feel guilty for damning anyone but I can't.
As I look around me all I see is the emotional and physical destruction those two men have brought to my family, Bella included.
Edward is more destroyed than I've ever seen him; reverting back to that little panicked boy he was when I first met him. For him, the idea of losing Bella is so debilitating it scares me. I worry that he may do something drastic should the worst happen; something that cannot be reversed easily, if ever.
Emmett, always so strong and perhaps more wise and sensitive than any of us give him credit for has lost the innocent child-like trust he places in most people. That concept he has always held, that people are inherently good, is gone replaced by something colder.
Alice is heartbroken, of course, as I knew she would be. Bella is as close to her as any sister by blood would be but I worry about Alice the least. She breaks quick but she recovers faster. I've never seen her stay down too long when something has upset her. I pray this time is no different.
Bella. I am amazed and oh, so proud of her strength and temerity, her resourcefulness and above all, her sheer force of will. I don't know many, young or old who could have faced what she did and come out the other side. Of course, none of us knows yet what happened in those hours she had been taken. Based on Carlisle's assessment of her injuries, none of it was good. I can only thank the good Lord above that sexual assault hadn't been one of them.
I know Jasper helped Bella a lot over the past weeks and it is probably because of his training that Bella survived as well as she did. I told him this earlier but he shrugged it off and turned away, his face grim and eyes shuttered. He and Bella had formed a tight bond. Not in any romantic way, of course, but something just as strong and although he has been a rock of logic through this whole ordeal, he is close to the ledge that Edward almost succumbed to. I hope I am wrong.
I look at Rose to see how she is holding up. She is another strong one. She's had to be. The past hours have effected her more than she's let on but she remains resilient and steadfast, reassuring Charlie, Jasper and Emmett and even me. She'll make a good psychologist one day and a good mom, I think.
Bree, Jane, Vicki, Irina and Maria are here. Another testament to how Bella has affected all of our lives with her strength. I know they are also here for me. For a year, I have been guardian of their safe space, helping to guide them through the darkest period any young woman would have to face and now the tables have turned. They are now my rock.
It's hard for me to admit to needing support. I am the one that always gives it. It's how it's supposed to be but today I don't shy from the assistance, I take comfort in it.
Relief can be a double edged sword, I come to find out. Carlisle, who has worked tirelessly this whole time, who has made it his personal mission to save the girl that means so much to all of us has just told Charlie the swelling in her brain went down but not as much as they hoped. Surgery may still be an option but there are risks with a ventriculostomy; the most prominent being infection and she's already at high risk for that given the hypothermia and her collapsed lung.
"What exactly is a ventric-whatever you just said?" Charlie asks my husband.
Knowing what it is, I wince on Carlisle's behalf.
"We would need to drill a hole in her skull and drain the excess fluid," Carlisle responds in the simplest way possible and I can tell he hates to say it that way but there is no easy way to put it.
Charlie turns green and I can't blame him. I'm only glad that Edward is elsewhere and doesn't have to hear it too.
"When would I need to make a decision?"
"We have some time. I'll arrange for another test in a couple more hours. If the swelling hasn't decreased significantly by then I'm going to have to recommend it. The alternative is not an option."
The words are grim and the implications are clear. There are no other alternatives.
Edward POV
It's a close call but by nightfall, we receive word that Bella's brain swelling has dissipated to a level Dad is comfortable with. Surgery won't be necessary. We all breathe a collective sigh of relief.
The hospital waiting room isn't as crowded as it was during the day. There was a steady stream of visitors and as much as I liked her friends being here to see Bella and support her, it heavily shortened the amount of time I could spend with her.
Mom gave up trying to convince me to go home and get rest. What am I going to do at home? Sleep? Not likely, not while Bella's here. Eat? As if I could stomach anything at the moment. I can't remember the last time I did eat. My stomach decides to punctuate on that and it growls loudly. Fucking traitor.
"Here." Emmett shoves a white bag in my hand. I can smell cheeseburger and I see the grease stains on the bottom of the bag. "Rose and I brought you back something from the diner."
"Thanks."
"You shacking up here tonight?"
"Dad is letting me sleep in the cot in his office."
He snorts. "I'm surprised you didn't insist on sleeping in Bella's room."
"I did," I admit sheepishly. "He wouldn't let me. Said it would disrupt the care of the other patients."
"Makes sense."
It does. I just don't like it.
For the next couple of days, I live, eat and breathe the antiseptic air of Forks Community Hospital. I never stray far from Bella's side; talking to her, reliving our memories together in a verbal montage; hoping some of what I say seeps through to her unconscious mind.
Charlie and I bond over Bella's bedside too. He's been removed from the case due to personal involvement. The FBI has stepped in, claiming jurisdiction since it involves kidnapping. I think he is grateful rather than territorial. It gives him more time to spend with Bella.
He tells me stories of Bella as a young girl and how much he missed seeing her grow up. He also tells me he wishes things could have been different with him and Renee but Forks was too small to hold her and he loved her too much to make her stay. His biggest regret was not being more involved in Bella's life; how she had kept from him what really was going on, insisting everything was fine.
"If I'd only listened to my gut," he says as he shakes his head. "Bella never complained to me, not once. I suppose she was trying to protect Renee but I should've seen that. I should've known. Renee had never been the June Cleaver type."
I don't have the heart to tell him I don't know who June Cleaver is.
On the third day, Bella is taken off the drugs that are keeping her in the medically induced coma. It should only be hours until she wakes up and I can see her brown eyes shining back at me. It'll also be hours before the doctors will be able to tell if she has any lasting neurological damage. It scares me to death.
Seeing I am just about to lose it, Charlie orders me from the room to shower and get something in my stomach.
"You look like hell, kid," he tells me in the pull no punches way I've become accustomed to. "Get your ass in a shower and some food in your belly. Bella's not going anywhere."
Not physically but will she still be the same Bella when she wakes up?
