My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head

Summary: The rebirth case had finally been resolved. Danzo and Tsunade are cooperating to keep Konoha Council and the rest of the village unaware and unharmed by the secrets that nearly set them all on fire. Sai, Shikamaru, and Sakura were exiled to separate provinces in order for them to regain their health and to keep away from Orochimaru's clutches. After one year of recovery period, the three of them are recalled to Konoha to face the consequences of the rebirth case. Is this the end of their troubles or do they still have the demons of their former conquest left to confront?

Note from person who uploads this fic: Uploads will be more frequent because I'm getting busier as the year ends. All reviews and PMs will be answered by the author at the end of this fanfic.


Forty – Eight

Sakura:

"You're not allowed to smoke here."

"Oh. Sorry." He grazed the cigarette on the metal bench and tossed it into the bin next to his right foot "Wasn't thinking. It's kind of like a reflex now. I won't do it again."

I glanced at the corridor. Still empty. The violet ledger sat on the counter, alone. Shifting my weight to my left leg, I leaned on the wall and dipped my hands in the pocket of my green sweater. "There's no need to be so guilty. You've been gone for a year. Unless the hospital in the province allows people to smoke in its premises...?"

"No hospitals," he said, peering into the breast pocket of his white tunic and mouthing numbers. From here, I could see the cigarettes cramped inside it. He patted his pocket, as though for security, and looked up at me. "Were you?"

"Was I what?"

"In any hospital during that entire year?"

I glanced at the corridor again. "You know I was gone, too?"

He ducked his head. "Shouldn't I?"

"Trauma-" I swallowed to moisten my throat. The word was poison to my tongue, causing it to be swollen and feel sloppy inside my mouth. "T-trauma-induced memory loss. Lady Tsunade said that you can't remember anything that happened. I'm surprised they told you about...me. Oh! That's why you're smoking."

He gaped. He shut his mouth, realizing my implication, and scratched the back of his ear. "Yeah. It was...it was kind of crazy when they told me Asuma's gone. But it's okay now. I'm okay. Is Kurenai okay? They say she has a baby. Is that true?"

The stench of blood on Kurenai's kimono blocked my senses for several seconds. The baby, blue and violet and slippery, lay in my arms. The illusion drifted at the recollection of Shikamaru pressing me against his body and cradling the baby to safeguard us from the house's tremors.

I forced a smile at him. "Yes. A baby girl, actually. She's beautiful. Kakashi calls her a wicked kunoichi. So I presume you haven't seen anybody else yet?"

"You mean Choji, Ino, and the rest?" He frowned at the floor, his pupils quivering. "How are they handling Asuma's death?"

"They've recovered," I said. "You have, also. Did. You did. You weren't smoking as much."

"You can tell I've been smoking much?"

"I'm a medic." I chuckled. "Besides, you said it's like a reflex. This won't be the first time I've caught you in this corner, smoking like there's no tomorrow."

"...Really?"

I glimpsed the corridor and, upon seeing its emptiness, proceeded to step into the hidden strip of space where he was. "I-I shouldn't have told you that. I'm sorry. Please don't tell anybody I said anything to you about that."

"Did I look wretched? Before?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing." He motioned to the sliding door. "I didn't break it, by the way. Not intentionally."

I overturned my boot and saw a twisted bolt embedded on the sole. Two more bolts dangled from the dislocated sliding door. Probing the one off my shoe, I said, "I'll fix the door. Don't worry about it. And before I forget, welcome back. It's been a while."

He stretched his hand out. "You, too. Congratulations on your own recovery and...I heard about the case study. It's impressive. I wish I had something more productive to do when I was out there."

I extracted my hand from my sweater pocket and straightened my fingers. They slipped across his palm. Our thumbs hooked. We shook hands. His calloused skin nipped mine with familiarity.

"M-more productive?" I laughed, just to prevent myself from getting distracted by his touch. "That's unlike you. I bet you enjoyed watching the clouds in the province."

"Not for an entire year." He continued to shake my hand. "It's the stolen moments from a busy day...the unplanned encounters...they're the one that make things special...so much that you can't help but keep on coming back for more of it... I think." He withdrew his hand into a fist and looked away. "It will take time to get use to the village again. How did you and Sai do it?"

I laughed again. "Sai? You seriously think Sai will ever suspend to a normal state in the village? He doesn't know normal. I'd be surprised if he can converse with a shopkeeper without offending him. I saved his ass five times in the past two weeks. Shikamaru? You're staring at me."

He pointed at my braided hair. "It's long."

"I grew it. Doesn't it suit me?"

He squinted and shook his head. "I don't mean it that way. I don't know why I'm suddenly scrutinizing everything. It's like I'm in a shock that will never end. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Did we use to talk this way?"

I bit my tongue until the sting at the back of my eyes faded. "No."

"I guess not." He tapped his foot. The metal bench squeaked.

The last time we were here, I had sat beside him and put my hand on his back. I swore I'd heal his broken heart. The loss of a great master was not something an ordinary medic could diagnose and treat; and yet I had promised that I would find a means through which an abstract entity such as despair could be healed.

"Sakura?"

"Huh?"

He stood and poked his cheek with his index finger. "You're crying."

I touched my cheeks. Wet. I patted my skirt and blouse for a handkerchief. Shikamaru searched his clothes for one as well. I pulled the cuffs of my sweatshirt over my palm and dabbed it across my face. He saw me do this and stopped his search at once. He rubbed his neck. "Sakura...is there anything wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." I smiled at him. "Welcome back. I'm happy you're back safe and sound."

"Me, too." He mirrored my smile. "Thank you, Sakura."

I jumped on my place at the abrupt change of atmosphere in the corridor. Poking my head out of our corner, I saw Shikaku and Neji already halfway across the main hall and looking directly at me.

Shikamaru peered around the corner as well, holding onto the wall to maintain his balance. "Hey, dad, Neji."

Shikaku sniffed the air. "Were you smoking again?"

Shikamaru froze. I reached into his breast pocket and took out a cigarette. He held his breath while I moved around him. I stepped into the corridor, holding the cigarette between my thumb and forefinger. "Uhm, no, sir. It's me. I apologize for breaking rules and for...breaking the sliding door? I didn't want Lady Tsunade to catch the smell. It won't happen again."

Neji glowered at me but said nothing. I tucked the cigarette inside my skirt pocket. "Good morning, Neji."

"Good morning." He offered his hand to Shikamaru. "Welcome back."

Shikamaru shook his hand briefly. "Thanks."

"Shouldn't you be in the hospital conference, Sakura? I believe Lady Tsunade assigned you to make a presentation." Shikaku searched the corridor for a wall clock. "It ought to have started already."

My brain throbbed within the confines of my skull, forcing the walls around me to zoom in and out every few seconds. I swallowed the sour taste on my tongue and nodded over and over. Neji grabbed my elbow to steady me. He asked if I was alright.

"I'll take the stairs." I bowed to Shikaku and marched straight to the fire exit. Once out of sight, I slapped my hand over my mouth and crouched on the base of the staircase.

Neji:

Mr. Nara closed his eyes and pressed two of his fingers over them. He whispered, "Shikamaru, you don't know how much I want to slam your head against the wall this very second. That was cruel."

"Neji." Shikamaru tipped his head in the direction of the fire exit.

I took a deep breath to compose myself and announced that I was going after Sakura. The door swung back and forth on its hinges. I caught it as it swung towards me and pulled it open. No footfalls echoed from the staircase. Climbing the first couple of steps, I saw Sakura's boots peeping out of the bend where the second flight of stairs began.

She leapt to her feet upon feeling my presence.

"It's only me," I whispered so as not to startle her further.

She remained motionless for several moments, and then she descended the staircase to see me. Her face, although nearly as pink as her hair, did not hold any trace of crying. Other people might suspect that she had, but compared to what I had seen in the previous weeks, she merely shed a couple of tears.

Sakura looked down at me and smiled. "Worried?"

"Of course."

"They'd wonder why you followed me."

"He seems fine, doesn't he?"

She licked her lips and nodded. "Better than I imagined. By the way, I saw you in the northern district last evening. I went there to visit Mika and Ino in that fancy new coffee shop right after I finished unpacking in my apartment. You were with a woman."

"That would be my mother."

"I thought so," she said. "You have same air about you although you don't look alike physically."

"I take after my father."

"I'm glad I take after dad, too." She turned to walk up the stairs and stopped. The scarce lighting disabled me from scrutinizing her expression. She gripped the handrail and sobbed. "I think it hurts, Neji. But not so much."

Approaching her spot on the second landing, I put my hand over her shoulder and replied, "You did well."

She patted my hand and proceeded to jog the six flights of stairs that led to her destination. I pinched my nose bridge. I paced the second landing. I descended the staircase and found Shikamaru hidden in the shadows, waiting for me.

He glanced at the ceiling and listened to Sakura's footfalls. They faded. The entire place fell into complete silence. He looked me straight in the eyes and frowned. "You agreed to this, Neji."

"Now I don't," I said. "Not when I've witnessed her break."

He reached for my collar but withdrew his hand halfway. He felt for the cigarettes in his breast pocket. "I'd rather she break than risk Orochimaru messing with her again."

I suddenly remembered the first night I spent in her house, when she was drunk and vomiting all over her living room. It hadn't been my intention to stay, but she was crying the one word that forced me to remain with her. Gone. She wanted to be gone. That was the same word I had meditated on while in the rehabilitation centre until Ayano's passing finally left my system.

But Shikamaru wasn't dead. He was alive.

How could she cope with the guilt and the frustration of the rebirth case, knowing that she almost caused Konoha's downfall? Shikamaru would not even provide her the chance to thank him for his sacrifice.

How pitiful my reasons were for wanting to be gone.

Shikamaru punched the wall. Mr. Nara entered the fire exit and announced that we would be late for our meeting with the Hokage. Shikamaru straightened his tunic and his sweater and asked me if I could carry on with our agreement. "Sakura needs a helping hand," he said.

"If you wish," I replied, but hoped that there had been a better answer to this.

Shikamaru:

Lady Tsunade's office had not changed one bit. The monotony inspired by the ancient writings on the walls and the vintage books in the shelves aroused in me the various instances I had been summoned here for a mission. While we gathered in this room today for a similar cause, this wasn't one that would be recorded and stacked in vaults for future reference.

After all, the rebirth case did not exist.

"It's really none of my business," she purred from behind her desk, her claws damaging the leather cover of the book she was holding up. "But is it true that you waited for Sakura in the hospital, Shikamaru?"

My spine ached. I wanted to sit down and catch my breath. "Yes, ma'am."

"Can you please explain yourself?"

"...I didn't want to catch her off-guard with my sudden return, ma'am. Not in front of strangers."

"I forbade you from being in the same place as her without Kakashi's knowledge." She lowered the book to her desk and ordered Kakashi to step forward.

He stood beside me. "Yes, Fifth?"

"You knew his plan, didn't you?"

"Yes, Fifth."

She rolled her eyes and turned her swivel chair towards Shikaku. "I swore I won't get involved in your son's personal affairs, Shikaku, but you see that I have no choice since your son and heir clearly disobeyed orders. Or would you like to enlighten him again of the plan in the hopes that he'll listen with both ears this time?"

Kakashi elbowed me and murmured, "Isn't she supposed to be in a meeting with the hospital staff?"

I leaned closer to him. "Shizune took charge."

"Ah."

Shikaku flinched. "You may do the honour, milady."

Lady Tsunade slammed the book on the desk. Cracks surfaced on the front and chips of wood fell off. "Don't get me wrong, Shikamaru; I am grateful for your efforts at saving Konoha and rescuing Sakura and Sai, but the battle hasn't officially ended yet – not with the threat that Orochimaru poses on the three of you. I have to remind you that it was your idea to fool everybody into believing that you lost your memory due to trauma. Your cleverness is what led us to come up with the solution we'll execute; you can't go wayward now simply because you feel sorry for the ordeal you've dropped on Sakura. Yes, you love her and you will kill yourself again for her, but you can't show it. The second you proposed that plan, you've surrendered every right to be with her. You can't take side-trips to check on her. If you're worried, ask Neji. Don't you have an agreement? Isn't that why Neji's caring for her?"

I ran my hand across my face. I put my other hand on my hip. "I apologize, Lady Tsunade. I only wanted assurance that I am pursuing this plan for a valid cause."

She sighed. "Neji, how is Sakura?"

"She's recuperating," he answered. "She'll be well enough to qualify for mind infiltration. Her pathways do not twist when she sleeps. I check them every two hours whenever I am with her in her house."

Sometimes, I wanted to punch Neji. Doing so would be unjustified, of course, but totally satisfying. Until now, I never knew I was the jealous type. Perhaps I wasn't, and this anger I felt was aroused by the knowledge that he was the man with her during her lowest moments. The chance that she'd grow a romantic sentiment for him was immense. Nonetheless, the Fifth was correct. I had surrendered my right to Sakura when my plan came to life. Neji would be good for her. He could be with her. I could not.

"Let's continue," I said, cutting the Fifth short of what she was rambling about. "Let's continue, Lady Tsunade. Now that Sakura believes I do not remember the rebirth case, she will not try to defy your orders to have our memories erased. She'll be happy to undergo the mind infiltration, even. Were you really convinced that I'd meet with her for no good reason?"

Lady Tsunade and Shikaku shared a glance. Inoichi nodded at me.

Kakashi said, "I supported Shikamaru's cause due to my knowledge of Sakura's character. Certainly, she'll want to have her memories of the rebirth case erased after her meeting with Shikamaru."

Inoichi flipped through the pages of a black book. "If that is so, Sai, Sakura, and Shikamaru are ready for the treatment. All we were waiting for was the confirmation that none of the three will try to fight the mind infiltration. The last I performed this on an unwilling patient...well, you won't be interested in the gruesome details of his death."

Shikaku grimaced at him. "Thank you for the frightening prospect, old friend. That Shikamaru you mentioned is my son, by the way."

"I won't fight it," I told him. The people in the room turned their attention to me. I ignored them and added that this was my plan and I would make sure of its success at all cost.

Lady Tsunade massaged her forehead. "Sakura fended Kana while subjugated to a rebirth jutsu. It's likely that she can turn the tables on you during the infiltration if you're not careful enough, Inoichi. She mustn't discover the underlying truth of this plan. At all costs, Shikamaru. Remember that."

Nohara stepped forward and bowed her head to the Hokage. Her mask, a perfect fit to her face, disabled me from glimpsing her kind eyes. She straightened her posture and said, "Out of curiosity, milady, is there no other way we can neutralize the threat without subjecting Shikamaru, Sai, and Sakura to such a..."

"Cruel plot?" The Fifth finished for her. She flicked her fingers at the ANBU standing behind us. "Hiroshi, explain to them our reasons for pursuing this strategy."

Hiorshi scratched his chin, perhaps still unused to the mask. "You refer to our prior discussion, milady?"

"No other."

"A rebirth jutsu leaves permanent scars on the pathways and, probably, on the soul," he boomed, his voice bouncing off the walls and pinching my eardrums. Nohara and Kakashi ordered him to be subtle. The last thing we wanted was for the entire village to hear about the rebirth case. Hiroshi apologized thrice and continued in a hushed manner. "The scars, as I was saying, can be probed and exploited. In Orochimaru's case, he'll want to use Sakura – we'll focus on her because she was the original target of the rebirth ceremony and not Sai – to study his work and discover his flaws. She'll die in the process, of course. Worse, she'll be used against Konoha. Erasing her memories may be the only way we can minimize those scars and lessen the information that Orochimaru can extract from her, given that she be successfully abducted."

"Her memories?" Nohara hissed, scanning the faces in the room as though to check if she was the only one who could not comprehend Hiroshi's explanation. Neji urged him to elaborate.

"Sakura was targeted because she was the perfect vessel for Kana," he said, more to the Hokage than to the rest of us. "The Uchiha boy disclosed information regarding Sakura's childhood, hopes, and aptitudes. Orochimaru and Ryo were satisfied of her similarities to Kana. It's the main driving force behind any rebirth jutsu. The Uchiha shares those similarities with Orochimaru which qualifies him to become a vessel. Without the memories, even the perfect rebirth jutsu can easily lose its hold on the vessel. That is why...Kana took me in as her...lover. She assumed that her infidelity to Ryo will strike as a glaring difference between her and Sakura. She believed that the Haruno girl is a faithful soul."

I cast my gaze on my feet – at my toes peeping out of my sandals. It shamed me to remember the loathing I had for Kana. She had ruined her own principles for the chance of sparing Sakura from the completion of the rebirth jutsu. Should I seek forgiveness from this man? I gritted my teeth at the sudden thought that struck me. After Kurenai had used her genjutsu on Sakura, we had discovered that Sakura was actually merging me with Kana's memories of Hiroshi more than those of Ryo. Was I his reflection in the rebirth case? Had Sakura's affections for me mirrored Kana's affair with Hiroshi? Was I, through a complex thread of memories and circumstances, another factor that hastened Kana's rebirth in Sakura?

Maybe.

But it was over now. I breathed deep to suppress a surfacing headache. No use in dwelling on it.

The sight of Kakashi's trembling fist forced me to look at him. "Are you alright, Kakashi?"

He flexed his fingers and folded his arms against his chest. "Naruto was right. He confided this detail to me. He suspected that Sasuke gave Sakura away to the enemy."

"I'll summon Sakura here tomorrow and tell her that she'll be prohibited from joining Naruto in his search for Sasuke." She brushed her bangs from her forehead and stared at the documents scattered on her desk. "I hoped I didn't have to. I can comfort her with the fact that no one can stop Naruto from his hunt. She'll have to rely on him for the hard work. Although I'm not sure she'll want Sasuke back after this."

"Thank you," I blurted and turned to Hiroshi's direction. "Thank you for helping us, Hiroshi."

He bowed his head to me. "Master Takeo would have wanted nothing more than for me to serve Konoha with my life. Your gratitude should be to him. He taught us love and forgiveness."

Lady Tsunade stood and declared that to those involved in the rebirth case, Takeo and his program saved Konoha rather than damaged it. We were all equally sorry that their heroism could not be proclaimed to the world.

"In the years to come," interjected Shikaku, "Perhaps the village hidden in the leaves can rejoice for your good deeds. Not now, but in the future, when another generation of shinobis are governing Konoha. You can rejoice in that." He stroked his beard as he breathed in the sight of the village spread out before us. He walked to the window and peered at the sky. "Kakashi, we'll meet with the ANBUs under your command for the security of Sai, Sakura, and Shikamaru during the festival. We must strive to disguise it from Suna, though. The Lord Kazekage may not be greedy, but I'm sure his older siblings will want Konoha to show its appreciation for their intervention."

Lady Tsunade plopped on her swivel chair and grinned at me. "It's not as though the riches they acquired from that Nara box is enough, is it, Shikamaru?"

Neji and Kakashi stepped back, leaving me alone to absorb her darkening aura.

Shikaku sat on the window ledge and pretended to have not heard her. After all, it was his fault that Aiko Hyuuga had loved him so intently that she stole that map for the sake of his reputation. Why was I getting the sole blame for the prestige that Suna recently obtained?

Sakura:

In the afternoon, word spread that Shikamaru was back. Ino, having known the news beforehand because of her father, had revealed to us that she and Choji had already prepared a celebration for their teammate's return. She seduced Kiba, Lee, and Shino into helping her groom the flower shop; now those three boys were running around and enduring Ino's neurotic side.

I wasn't standing outside the flower shop, fidgeting, because I was considering the possibility that Ino still harboured feelings for Shikamaru and, worse, that Shikamaru would reciprocate those feelings. No, Ino had another man in mind. She hadn't honoured me with a name, but Hinata and I made a bet against TenTen that it was Kiba. TenTen's bet was the new Academy instructor.

I was confident that Hinata and I would pocket our reward at the end of the week. Neji had admitted to me that the new instructor TenTen spoke of was bisexual; the poor lad had not been able to help himself from blushing the entire time Neji was relaying to him the happenings in the taijutsu class he and I taught. Furthermore, Ino possessed heightened awareness of a man's sexual preferences. She knew that instructor was gay the second she laid eyes on him.

Poor TenTen.

I giggled as I entered the flower shop. Poor Neji, too. He was substituting for another taijutsu class five days from now.

Ino paused from scolding Shino and turned towards the entrance. "Forehead!"

"Pig," I greeted. Kiba and Akamaru made a face while Ino wasn't looking. I bit my lower lip to suppress a grin. Ino glimpsed them over her shoulders, sensing the backstabbing from afar.

I handed her the six casings of beer she had tasked me pick up from Leni's shop. "Do you need anything else?"

She adjusted the casings in her arms and arched her right eyebrow. "Why are you asking?"

"I think, Ino, that's what friends do when they want to help prevent the suicide of Kiba, Akamaru, Shino, and Choji due to your bossing around."

She whistled. Akamaru trudged to her side. She lowered the casings on his back and warned him that she'd extract Kiba's front teeth if he spilled a single drop of beer. Akamaru gnarled but obeyed. Ino frowned and eyed me from head to toe. "Do you think I'm an idiot? You're not trying to help us – you're helping yourself form an excuse to leave."

I slapped my forehead. "Since when did you turn into a clairvoyant? Is that a kekkei genkai Inoichi suddenly decided to reveal to you? 'Cuz if it is, it's useless. I don't need to form an excuse – Lady Tsunade made me take a night shift."

Ino tugged my braid. I screamed and grabbed a handful of her short hair.

"Let go, you hundred-pound pig!"

"You airhead, Sakura! I finalized the shifts!" She wrapped my braid around my neck and shook me. "The Fifth made it a point not to overwork you or give you a night shift! So before you spit lies to my face, be clever enough to think about them first!"

Choji appeared behind Ino and untangled her limbs from mine. Kiba seized my wrists and forced them behind me. Ino shoved Choji away. I hit my head on Kiba's chin. Choji blocked Ino's path and tossed her over his shoulder. Akamaru parked in front of me. Kiba kicked the back of my knees and lowered me on Akamaru.

Shino clapped his hands.

I kicked Kiba on the groin. He recoiled, his eyes bulging and his mouth drooling. Akamaru licked his face, wondering what was wrong. Shino stopped clapping his hands. Choji lowered Ino and covered his own groin.

I patted Kiba's head. "I'm going, everybody. Goodbye and good luck with the celebration."

Kiba embraced my legs. "Y-you're not going! I will get back at you by interrogating Shikamaru with your recreations in that massive house of theirs in the forest! I'll get him drunk enough to get rid of that amnesia and I'll get to you!"

Heat ascended to my cheeks. I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him apart from me. "Seriously, Kiba, don't do that."

He bared his teeth like a dog expressing its determination. I put my hands together and hung my head low. "Please, don't. It's not just any amnesia. Shikamaru has trauma-induced memory loss. He doesn't remember anything from that time last year due to trauma...in fact, he's just getting over the shock of Asuma's death. It will not be healthy for him. I'm sorry for assaulting you. Please, just don't put him through that. Nothing happened between us."

Ino squeezed my shoulder and murmured that I should go.

Akamaru ducked his head, all of a sudden, and our attention flew to the entrance. Shikamaru lifted his hand and hit the chimes to announce his presence. His eyes would not leave mine.

Did he hear what I said?

I bid farewell to the rest of them and marched past him. The burst of sunlight blinded me. I continued to walk, anyway. I shouldn't give him a reason to come to my rescue again.

"Sakura!"

I stumbled to a halt.

Shit. Why did I stop?

Shikamaru was panting behind me. He coughed. "Aren't you going to join us in a little bit?"

I pulled my braided hair over my shoulder. "Suna's arriving, remember? I have to finish my preparations. And-and night shift. Yeah. Night shift."

"Okay," he said. "Come by if you can."

"Sure. Bye."

"Sakura!"

I turned on my heels and shrugged at him. The dimness in the alley helped cool my temper. "What is it, Shikamaru?"

He diverted his gaze to his feet and back at me. He dropped his arms to his side and allowed a group of children to pass by before entering the alley. "You stole my cigarette, remember?"

I patted my skirt for the cigarette and stopped. "Wait, you're not supposed to be smoking."

"Please just give it back. I went through the trouble of filling it with Harini."

"You're still using that?"

"For sleeping." He glanced behind him for onlookers. "I'm serious. I need it back."

Sweat dripped from my jaws to my neck. "That drug isn't healthy for you. There are better means of going to sleep. Besides, you'll get addicted."

Shikamaru pinched his nose bridge and sighed. "Please, Sakura?"

The tension in his facial muscles alerted me of his dependence on the Harini. Just what had his doctors done to him, allowing him to rely on that leaf? Eager as I was to get away from his presence, I couldn't allow his possible addiction to continue. I'd already given up my happiness for his safety. I might as well make sure he'd be completely safe even from himself.

"If you really want it - " stepping forward and raising my arms " - then you'll have to search me."

Shikamaru frowned. He didn't move an inch.

I smiled, proud of myself. "It's not worth it, Shikamaru. Go ask your doctors for other means, okay? Oh, and if you're too lazy to visit the hospital, I may as well tell you that your case prohibits them from prescribing strong medications. You'll have to rely on therapy, patience, and effort. Your natural sleeping pattern will come back. So don't worry."

"Tomorrow."

"What?"

"I'll go to them tomorrow," he said and pulled me towards him by the waist. The air leaving his nose warms my upper lip as we stare at each other. "But for now, I really need that cigarette."

I clutched his shoulders but couldn't muster the strength to shove him. The lightness of his fingers over my hips and the weight of his hands as they fished my front pockets made me shiver. He refused to look at my face when he moved closer to check my back pockets. I squirmed at the knowledge of where he'd be touching me. The mere thought of his hand on my body brought back the memory of him wrapping me with a cloth inside the pond during the rebirth. It brought back our morning kisses and the absent way he'd pat me and grip my arm and cup my face... and of him tugging my robe off inside another pond to check if Kana had left me. I sucked in a breath and dug my fingernails on his shoulders. "Shikamaru-"

I felt him exhale against my left ear. He paused. His hand rested on the small of my back. "I heard what you said back in the shop."

"...Your brain blocked the trauma because you wouldn't have been able to endure it otherwise," I whispered. "It's not right for people to make fun of it."

"I'm sorry I'm too weak to remember what happened...between us. Whatever it was," he said. "I tried to, you know. Piece the evidences. Make sense of memories that do come back. But I'm convinced that whatever happened during the case should remain buried for everybody's safety. Especially yours. It's better off this way."

"It's not as though I can change that, Shikamaru." I scoffed and stepped back. "I'm a medic, not a magician. I can't bring your memories back even if I say you're wrong and I would have really liked it if you didn't suffer from selective amnesia. But you're right, anyway, so I'm going the opposite direction and you can enjoy whatever you have left in your brain."

Shikamaru nodded, retrieved a lighter from his pocket, and brought out the cigarette.

I pressed my fingers against my skirt to check for the contents of my thigh purse. I hadn't even sensed him move.

He took a drag. "You're right. I shouldn't be relying on this. I promise this is the last. I won't be needing this soon enough anyway."