Today was just another typical day for all the students of North High. Haruhi was sitting in her chair, staring aimlessly out the window just like she always did. It had been a while since she'd come up with some sort of activity for the Brigade to do, so she knew she'd have to think of something. The last thing she'd want was for her Brigade to become complacent.

Kyon entered the classroom a minute later and greeted Haruhi before taking his seat. "Any big plans for the club today?"

"I have a few ideas," said Haruhi with her million-watt smile. "You'll just have to wait."

"Great," said Kyon, masking what little enthusiasm he had. The truth was that Kyon had something on his mind lately. He'd realized that Haruhi had been acting differently around him as of late. Whenever he spoke with another girl, even briefly, Haruhi would stare sharply at him. Anytime Kyon decided to call into school sick, Haruhi would rush the entire Brigade over to make sure he wasn't dying of some bizarre illness. Then on his birthday, everyone's gifts except for Haruhi's were mysteriously set on fire. Yep, something was up.

He needed answers. Although he knew he'd regret it, he had to know once and for all. He turned towards the Brigade Chief.

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Haruhi raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

Kyon paused briefly. "This is going to come out weird, but... what do you think of me?"

Haruhi's heart leaped into her throat. "W... What?"

"I just wonder if I'm actually more than just a lackey to you or something."

Haruhi crossed her arms and turned away. "What would make you think that?"

"I don't know," said Kyon as he rubbed his head. "You've just been acting weird around me lately."

"No I haven't!"

Kyon narrowed his eyes and moved in closer. "You're hiding something, aren't you?"

Haruhi face had become completely flushed. "No!" She was having a great deal of difficulty hiding her feelings.

"You're lying," said Kyon. "Be honest."

Haruhi was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Her instincts told her to deck him in the face, but before she tried, another thought hit her. Earlier that morning, Haruhi had briefly visited a Shinto shrine and drew a fortune. The fortune had told her that she would obtain "The Best Luck". She didn't take it seriously at the time, but now she knew. This was it! This the moment the fortune was talking about! It was now or never! She would tell him the truth!

Haruhi stood up and slammed her hands on the desk. "I love you!"

Kyon was taken aback by this. "What?"

"I love you! A lot! I'm crazy about you! No, that's an understatement!" She was quickly losing her composure. "You know how much those otaku and weeaboos love their waifus? Well, they don't have shit on me!"

Kyon was beginning to become disturbed. He started leaning away.

Haruhi continued speech. "Sometimes I'll sneak out of my house and go to yours and stare at you from your bedroom window while you sleep. You're so adorable while you're sleeping. I know it sounds crazy, but I can't help myself. Also, while you were out visiting relatives the other day, I broke into your house and stole your underwear from your hamper. It smells soooo good."

By now, others in the classroom were starting to listen in out of morbid curiosity.

"I have a body-pillow that has a picture of you laying on your couch without a shirt on! Every night, I hug it tightly while humping it, thinking about how good it would feel to have you inside me! I've already come up with names for our first three children! Yasumi, Koharu, and Kyonta! Two girls and one boy!"

The entire class was now caught up with what was going on. The strange girl who sat in the corner now appeared completely deranged and scary. Some were weighing their options on whether they should run or not.

"Whenever I think about the idea of you being around another woman, I... I just want to break things! Lots of things! I start to fantasize about choking those girls, harder and harder, until I snap their little necks. No one is allowed to have my Kyon. NO ONE!"

Kyon had now backed away from Haruhi enough to nearly fall off his desk. What the hell had he done?

"I've even gone as far as writing my own Haruhi/Kyon fanfiction on some fanfiction website under an alias. It garnered over 1,300 reviews!" Haruhi started pulling on her hair. "I love you so much that I sometimes think I should kill myself! To think that someone like you could reduce me to this level! I think to myself that if for any reason you don't choose me, I'd have to kill myself! That way, I'm sure you'll notice me and realize how wonderful I was and how inferior Mikuru and Yuki are! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!"

Haruhi was finished. She had let it all out. There was no going back. Surely he'd realize her feelings and reciprocate them. The fortune couldn't be wrong.

After a minute, Kyon started chuckling. Seconds later, he was practically falling over with laughter. This laughter continued for five straight minutes, then it died down a bit before starting up at full blast for another three minutes.

By the time Kyon had stopped laughing, he was actually in pain. "Ow. Oh, my god. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard."

Haruhi was dumbfounded. What the hell did this laughter mean?

"You almost had me," said Kyon. "When you said you had a body-pillow of me, I knew you were messing with me. That was hilarious!"

Haruhi started chuckling lightly in response. "Yeah... heh... that's right... heh heh. You sure figured me out. Should have known I couldn't fool you. I... I need to step out... to use the bathroom." She then started walking away as fast as she could, trying to hide her face. The moment she was out the door, she dashed towards the stairs and went up onto the roof.

The moment she was up there, she burst into tears.

"Stupid Kyon! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, Kyon! Damn you!" She felt lower than she'd ever did in her life. How could the fortune be so wrong? This was that fortune's fault, she thought. Who would've thought a piece of paper would deceive her so?

It was at that moment that the door to the roof opened. Haruhi turned towards it in hope. Could it be him chasing after her? Maybe he realized the truth and decided to confront her. Perhaps he was only pretending that he thought it was a joke so he could admit his feelings to her in private. That had to be it!

Unfortunately, it was not Kyon. Instead, it was Sakanaka.

Haruhi quickly wiped her eyes. "What do you want?"

Sakanaka nervously approached while tapping her fingers together. "I... I wanted to ask you something."

"What is it?"

Sakanaka looked nervously back and forth before finally asking. "Are you really the author of that fanfic? The one with over 1,300 reviews?"

Haruhi was surprised by the question. "Um... yeah."

Sakanaka beamed. "Oh, my god~! I love that fanfic! I literally spent the last two days reading it without even sleeping! You are a god to me!" She then moved uncomfortably close. "Can I glomp you?"

Haruhi sighed deeply. "Yeah. Go ahead." Normally, she'd tell the girl to buzz off, but since she was feeling so crappy, she decided to give in.

Sakanaka wrapped her arms around Haruhi and squeezed tightly, sighing with satisfaction. Haruhi stood there for a few minutes while the other girl did this. She had to admit that it did feel good to be admired like this, even if it was a little creepy. But then she felt something weird.

"Hey! Did you touch my butt?"

Sakanaka's eyes shifted back and forth. "M... Maybe..."

Haruhi hung her head, feeling too defeated to care. "Go ahead and keep going if you want."

It should be noted that all over Japan, every single Shinto shrine was now in flames. Many would later call it a true act of God, and they wouldn't be too far off.


A/N: This chapter was actually given to me by JonBob0008. Thanks for contributing to this collection, my friend.

If you were to ask me, my favorite part had to be where Haruhi brought up the pillow. We all know she can be freaky.