A/N: Parting is such a sweet sorrow... This is my baby, my first fanfic and it's sad that it's over. But it was fun writing it at first. But like I said earlier, I have changed since I started writing this and it was really hard to finish it, while trying to stay in the same line as it went before. The three last chapters are proof of that. So when it feels more like an obligation then fun to write...you know it has to be over. You guys are what kept me writing. And the fact that I just can't stand leaving something un-finished but mostly you, the readers.
Thank you all that has been following, reading, liking and reviewing this story.
Disclaimer: For the last time. I Do not own Sirius Black,James Potter or Remus Lupin, The Marauders are not mine and never will they be mine.
Epilogue- The Marauders and Me.
Why do I have to fly
over every town up and down the line?
I'll die in the clouds above
and you that I defend, I do not love.
I wake up, it's a bad dream,
No one on my side,
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
to be fighting,
guess I'm not the fighting kind.
Where will I meet my fate?
Baby I'm a man, I was born to hate.
And when will I meet my end?
In a better time you could be my friend.
I wake up, it's a bad dream,
No one on my side,
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
to be fighting,
guess I'm not the fighting kind.
Wouldn't mind it
if you were by my side
But you're long gone,
yeah you're long gone now.
Where do we go?
I don't even know,
My strange old face,
And I'm thinking about those days,
And I'm thinking about those days.
I wake up, it's a bad dream,
No one on my side,
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
to be fighting,
guess I'm not the fighting kind.
Wouldn't mind it
if you were by my side
But you're long gone,
yeah you're long gone now.
-Keane, A Bad Dream-
October 31st 1989
Dear Sirius.
When you read this I probably won't be there with you anymore. And as I write this letter to you all I can think about is how stupid I've been.
You do remember that I am not from this world, so to speak. Remember way back, when I told you that I was sent here for a purpose. A purpose I couldn't fully tell you about.
I won't go into the details of it…if you want to know, and I know you will, you'll have to talk to Dumbledore. It's very selfish of me sending you to him…but I simply don't have the strength or time…or fully understand it really to tell you the whole story.
But my soul purpose was to save you from going to Azkaban and saving Lily and James from dying. And I truly hope that I have managed to do that.
But along the way you guys grew on me, you became my friends…but you became even more. My lover, my husband and my soul mate. I fell in love with you. Something that I shouldn't have done because it makes what I now know that I have to do so much harder, but I don't regret it. I don't regret a single moment. I love you, I love being your wife and I love our daughter.
Another thing that I should but can't regret. I don't regret bringing Emily into this world, there is nothing that could make me regret that. But I do regret leaving you and her alone, leaving her without really knowing her.
I have been selfish. I didn't really think about the consequences of some of my actions. Brining a child into the world knowing that you might have to leave it, even if that fact might have been temporarily forgotten at the time, is very cruel. Even if I don't regret loving you and all of my friends…my family. I do regret putting you through all this pain just by loving you.
Tell everyone else how sorry I am, because I really am sorry. Tell Lily, James, Harry, Regulus, Izzy, Remus, Amelia and Damien how much I love them and how much I am going to miss them. Please tell Damien that next years collection is in his left desk drawer…I couldn't just leave without helping him out with that.
Please try to understand and even if you don't, I know you don't. Please try not to be mad. Don't go on some trip blinded by revenge to kill someone. You have your…our daughter to take care of. When Emily gets older, could you tell her that I truly did…do love her, with all my heart. And how much it pained me to leave her…both of you. I really hoped that it wouldn't come to this, but it did. And I didn't see it coming, I should've, but I didn't. Because I was blinded by the life I got, this amazing life that…I can't even begin to explain. It all began with us…you guys my best friends. My life. It began with the Marauders and me.
Don't be angry with Dumbledore, Snape or anyone else for that matter. If you have to be angry with someone, be angry with me.
I hope you can forgive me, someday. Not today, not tomorrow, probably not even this year, but someday. I hate leaving without seeing you, speaking to you…being able to explain in person. But if I did, I would have broken down…you would have stopped me, we both know that.
I love you. I'm sorry.
Your loving wife,
Charlotte Black
Sirius Black read the letter that he had read so many times he didn't even bother to try and count them anymore. It was yellowed by aged and torn here and there, stained by not only his late wife's tears but his own. He sighed and rubbed his face, he should've gotten over it by now, it was years ago it happened. He could still feel the disbelief he felt when he read the letter in his hand for the first time. He still remembered how he ran out of the apartment and apparated to Godrics Hollow, where he found a dead Dark Lord and…her.
He couldn't…didn't want to understand it at first. Dumbledore gave him some story about that it was her destiny…that it was meant to happen. Hell he still didn't understand it. A sound broke through his thoughts and his now eleven year old daughter walked into the room. Emily Rose looked a lot like her mother, so much in fact that it pained Sirius to look at her. She had his eyes though.
She had begun her first year at Hogwarts this year, got sorted into Gryffindor and loved it. but she was home for the weekend. It was October 31st, a day they always spent together doing the same thing.
"Daddy…you really should stop reading that letter:" Sirius smiled slightly at the tone of his daughter's voice, it reminded him of her. The first years of being alone and taking care of his daughter had been hard. He had gotten a lot of help from his friends but…coping with the loss of his wife took a long time to heal. He wasn't sure he was completely healed yet.
"Dad?" He had spaced out again.
"Yeah princess?" The girl giggled but soon a sombre look spread over her face.
"We should go." True, they should. He stood slowly and put the letter back from the drawer he had taken it from. He turned to his girl and smiled slightly and took her hand in his. No more words had to be said as they walked out the door and apparated.
A few miles from there the pair re-appeared and started walking in silence towards a pair of huge black gates. Silence, not a sound but the crunching leaves under their feet could be heard, Emily's light breathing and Sirius slightly heavier one. They walked amongst the graves towards a pure white one. Ironically the name in scripted in bold letters said BLACK. As they neared the stone Sirius heart aced as he gazed upon the writing under his own surname.
Charlotte Emily Black nee Reese
Beloved Wife, Mother
And Friend.
We Miss you.
He silently watched as his daughter kneeled in front of the tomb and placed the bouquet of red roses they brought with them down. He silently watched as Emily sniffled and hugged her only when she reached for him.
"Why did she have to go dad?" His heart aced at the pitiful sound of her voice as she voiced a question he had asked himself so many times over the years.
"She did it to save us princess…she loved us so much that she had to let us go." He didn't know where the words that were spitting out of his mouth came from. But it was in that very moment, 10 years after his wife's death that he realized that it was true. His eyes shifted to the black clad figure that was slowly approaching the grave, Severus Snape.
They had been enemies in school but that grudge had been forgotten when he learned that Snape had tried to help his wife. He didn't believe it at first of course but he soon had to realize that Snape had tried to help her. And the axe had been buried. He nodded at Snape and he nodded back, stepping away from the pair, silently deciding to come back later. They weren't friends, they probably never would be but they held a small respect for each other. Emily and Sirius stayed at the grave for an hour, taking turns talking to the stone. Talking to it like it was their lost one who was sitting there instead of it. They hoped she was listening. They told her about what had happened in life; Emily blabbered on about Hogwarts and her new friends. Sirius spoke about Lily and James, and how they would probably stop by later. He told her about Damien and how his label Stanford&Black, he couldn't make himself change the name even now, was blooming even bigger. They both spoke of Regulus and Izzy and Emily's cousin Leo, who was mad that he couldn't go to Hogwarts with her. The spoke about life in general. Sirius told his daughter to go and get some of the wild flowers that still bloomed near the gate, saying that it would brighten up the roses even more. He watched as she happily ran to gather them and turned back to the white tomb.
"I miss you love," he whispered and then paused.
"I don't know how I managed to do it without you but somehow I've managed to live on. And take care of our daughter. I did as you wanted, she know everything about you…she knows you loved her and she loves you, even if she doesn't really know you. But damn do I miss you love. I really wish that you could be here with me, seeing the things that I see…just be here for me, with me. What I wouldn't do for another day…another hour with you." He stopped and took a deep breath. He smiled sadly and touched the stone softly. As he placed his hand upon the white stone and traced the name of his love he could have sworn that the warm wind that blew by caressed his cheek softly. He could have sworn that he heard her voice whisper a soft; I miss you too. But before he could think anything of it his daughter's laughter brought him back. He turned and smiled at Emily as she came towards him with her arms filled with flowers. Together they placed them down neatly all around the tomb and then stepped back and smiled at their work.
"Time to go, princess." He took her hand and smiled at her.
"Bye mum." The words were spoken cheerily and he couldn't help the warm feeling that spread in his chest after hearing it.
"See you later, love" He didn't say goodbye, he never did. It would break their agreement, to never say goodbye. He re-read her letter over and over again and not once did she tell him goodbye, so he wouldn't either. Because it wasn't goodbye…he would see her again, someday. He was sure of that. Because she once told him that before she met him, she didn't believe in destiny…in fate. Neither did he…But now he did…he did believe in fate and his destiny was to see her again, not today, not next year, not in five years…but someday.
In a near yet distant future a young girl woke up with a scream.
They say that I fell and hit my head pretty hard. For two days I was sleeping. Two days, how can you fit a life time into two stinking days? You can't do that.
The doctors say that the dreams you have during a coma can be so real, that you actually believe them. Falling to the ground as a 20 something woman and waking up as a 16 going on 17 year old girl is not something I recommend. I don't know if it was real, I want to believe that it was. The doctors say that if I actually think that what I dreamt was real, I must be crazy. I told them that maybe I am crazy then. I told them that they might as well put me in the nut-house, lock me away because it had to be real. You can't feel as much as I did if you're dreaming. You can't feel such pain, suffering, happiness and love in a dream, can you?
Dumbledore was on my mind alot the first few days. He said that I was just supposed to be a decoy, that nothing should happen to me. But I knew better. Sacrifices Must Be Made. I'm not stupid, I knew that I probably wasn't going to get out of there unharmed, but still did it. To save him...them. I hoped...Oh god did I hope that I was wrong as I wrote that letter to Sirius, I couldn't just leave, could I?
It happened a few years ago now and I still don't know if it was real. If it was a figment of my imagination. I don't know for sure, I probably never will know. But I believe, I have to. I had friends, a family and a child. To me they were real. To me they still are real, like a distant memory that I can't...won't call a dream. I hope that I will see them again, someday.
And to think that it all began with just...The Marauders...and Me.
Fin.
