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Work wise I've had an easier week this week so I thought I might as well update. I don't know I can guarantee a weekly update, but I'll try my hardest!
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Chapter 49 – Celebration
Marina
"You're almost ready" Adelina smiles as she brushes some powder over my cheeks. I sit still in the chair, knowing that if I move at all she'll snap at me for ruining her masterpiece that used to be my plain face. "Hector has made you the most beautiful dress," she adds.
Tonight it's the annual Celebration Ball that the Victors are made to go, but it's probably the one thing that I've actually been looking forward to. Ever since I woke up a few days ago as a free Victor, my life has been hectic. Interviews, dress fittings, moving to new rooms in the Victor's quarters…life has been busy which is perfect. It keeps my mind from wondering to more serious and upsetting topics. I know that if I think about the Games, the deaths, that I'll just break and I may never be whole again.
"Will you be going too?" I ask her. She smiles at me in the mirror, before turning back to my face. She analyses my make-up carefully and I hope that she hasn't gone overboard and made me look older than I am. Mentally and emotionally I feel older; it'll be nice to at least look young.
"Of course, but I won't be the centre of attention like you" she smiles proudly. She purses her lips and wipes some other brush across my eyelids before stepping back, her head tilted to the side. It's the first time I've seen an almost childish side come out in Adelina, and I just don't know what to make of it.
"There, you're perfect" she smiles feebly, a few tears forming in her eyes. I'm alarmed as I get up hastily; I don't know how to comfort her because I don't know why she's crying.
"Adelina?" I ask concerned. She sniffs and wipes the tears away, almost looking embarrassed. She looks so fragile wrapped up in her big dressing gown with her hair tucked under a nightcap. It strikes me then with a pang of worry that she looks old, as if life has dealt her too many blows and she can't deal with it anymore.
"Ignore me," she whispers. "I'm being silly…It's just…it's just you look so beautiful and I'm so proud of you" she still looks embarrassed and her cheeks flush.
I don't know what to say. Things are still awkward between us, ignited by her actions the other night when I was taken in by the mogs. Unlike Reynolds, Adelina was too scared of the mogs to intervene and try to help me. The old tensions between us that were caused by her lack of training were ignited again and it was only today that we really begun talking to one another. And that was because I broke the tension and asked her to help me with my make-up.
"Thank you" I finally whisper, shifting on my feet. Adelina can sense my uneasiness and backs up towards the door, almost looking desperate to leave. Our fragile peace has been broken again and the old tension between us makes it impossible to talk like friends.
"I'll get Hector" she says hastily and then leaves the room. I sigh and drop down onto the chair by the dressing table, trying not to get down and instead looking at myself properly in the mirror. Adelina has done a good job; the make up has highlighted my features but not made me look too made up. Still, I'll never be beautiful like Maren or Sarah.
"My Marina of the Sea!" Hector exclaims dramatically as he enters my room, a dress bag in his hands. He's not drunk, just happy to see me. He's completely sober now; after I healed his mother he's resolved never to touch drink again and so far he's stuck to his promise. It makes me so happy to see him sober and not drunk all the time.
"Hello Hector" I smile fondly, jumping up to hug him. Unlike my relationship with Adelina, Hector and I will always be close. He's one of the only people I trust to tell my secrets to and I know that he would never ever abandon me. Especially after I healed Carlotta. Hector has sworn to always defend and protect me after that, and he still thanks me every day for what I did.
"You excited for the ball? You never know, Joseph might ask you for a dance" Hector winks at me and I blush to my roots. Perhaps that was one secret I shouldn't have revealed to him.
"Well we are fellow Victors" I try to remain collected. "It would be appropriate if we all danced with one another" I add, wishing my blush would disappear and back up my words. Hector doesn't seem convinced, but he stops teasing me.
"Here" Hector has unzipped the bag and I see something blue pool out of the bag and into his arms. He drops the bag to the floor and then holds the dress up. "Try this on"
"Still going with the water theme?" I ask curiously as I quickly slip the dress on. It's a simple blue dress with a silver belt and tiny silver straps, but it's still lovely. I look young as I look in the mirror; not like a Victor at all but like an innocent girl. I wonder if Hector did that on purpose.
"No, the colour just suits you" he shrugs. He stands behind me and I see that same pride that Adelina had, except there's love on his face too. A lump forms in my throat and then I turn, throwing my arms around him in delight.
"Thank you Hector, you're the best stylist I could have wished for!" I exclaim. He laughs and then wraps his arms around me in return, the familiar stench of alcohol that usually follows him gone for good.
"And you're the best Victor I could have wished for" he replies, pulling back and kissing my forehead. "Now stop crying, you don't want to smudge your make up before you even leave the room!"
Xxx
The noise and amount of people in the room scares me a little. Mogs swirl around me, their loud chatter filling the huge room. The women of the aristocracy are dressed in the most hideous and gaudy outfits I've ever seen and the men are just as bad. In complete contrast Mog generals and commanders walk around solemnly, their faces fixed in scowls, and still dressed in their black trench coats. Government officials are dressed smartly in suits, all over them talking in undertones, as if they're still working.
We're all in the huge Ballroom of the Training Centre and it's so beautiful in here. Large floor-to-ceiling windows cover three walls, whilst a huge grand staircase that leads up to the entrance of the room occupies the fourth wall. Huge golden curtains are tied away from the curtains and a massive chandelier hangs from the ceiling. There are tables piled up high with food and there's also a dance floor, as well as an orchestra and of course a stage for speeches. It's beautiful in here, if not a little daunting.
I can't see the other Victors but I know they're here somewhere. We were all introduced and then pushed into the crowd to meet the mogs, who were desperate to talk to us. I've had countless noble mog women talking to me about my dress, as if I know anything about fashion, as well as a numbers of male mogs asking for a dance. But despite all this, it is not the heady, teenage-girl's-dream dance that I'd hoped for.
"Having fun?" I turn to see Maren next to me, scowling as a mog man sidles too close to her. If he's not careful, she could easily toss him into a nearby wall. She's dressed in a plain black dress but she looks stunningly dangerous.
"I'd rather be back in my room," I say, edging away from a group of mog women talking in loud voices. "But it was nice to see the other Victors. I haven't seen them since Round 3" I add. I still feel shy when talking to Maren, but she seems to like me for some reason.
"Thank God" she flashes a grin at me. "There's only so much time I can spend around Stanley without trying to kill him" she mutters. I laugh and move out of the way of some dancing mogs, who don't seem to realise that there is a designated dance floor in here.
"You don't spend much time with him anyway" I point out. Maren grins, grabbing a drink from a waiter whose carrying one of those trays filled with glasses of alcohol. The one Maren chose is clear and smells strongly of spirits but she sips at it casually, as though it's just water.
"Exactly" she winks. She spots someone nearby and then pats my arm gently. I eye her curiously, wondering if she's tipsy. "By the way, Joseph was looking for you. I think he wanted to dance" she begins to squeeze her way around some talking mogs and then disappears into the crowd.
My pulse thuds in my veins and I feel a stupid grin on my face. Since Round 3 I've barely seen Joseph and there's so much to talk about. The young girl in me also wants him to see me in my dress and I'll admit, I'm excited to dance with him. I peer around some more mogs, wishing that they would just disappear so I can find him.
I'm also eager to find Ella. I saw her only yesterday when we spent the whole day with one another. It was the nicest time to just hang out with the little girl that I see as my little sister, especially now that we're free from the threat of death. It's like some of the weight that's been on her shoulders from day one has finally lifted. But I still want to see her now, just to make sure that she is all right. I know I worry too much but I can't help it.
"Would you like a dance?" it's not Joseph that asks but some middle-aged mog. He's dressed in a suit and his proud face tells me all I need to know; he works in the Government and wants to prove a point to his 'enemies' by dancing with me. I don't want to go but I can't exactly refuse to dance with someone important.
"Of course" I whisper, trying not to shudder as he takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. I'm a Victor now; this is expected of me. I will have to dance with mogs: gentry and officers and politicians. I will have to do whatever they want me to.
I'm their possession now. I do what they want, when they want, how they want. And I'm not allowed to say anything about that.
I don't know how long I dance for. Once the politician moves away, some rich mog moves forward and then there are loads that want to dance. Every now and then I see some of the other Victors nearby, trying to avoid the same fate as me. It's always Maren who seems to find my predicament hilarious, but disappears as soon as a mog approaches her, as if it's a special legacy of hers. I see Stanley dancing at the side, Ella in his arms, her laughter reaching my ears. They soon disappear into the crowd and then another mog asks me for a dance.
When I'm finally free, my feet are hurting from my shoes and I just want to sit down, when someone else touches my arm. I turn in annoyance, about to tell the mog that I don't want to dance but I stop when I see it's Joseph. He's dressed in a smart black suit with a big grin on his face. He easily looks a million times better than all of the mogs in this room combined.
"Want to dance?" he grins cheekily. I can tell he's seen me dance with all of those mogs and I roll my eyes, but accept his outstretched hand all the same.
It's a lot different from dancing with the mogs. His arms are warm around me and I'm much closer to him than I was with the mogs. We sway from side to side; it's pretty obvious that we're not that good at dancing but it's just nice to be here with him. For the first time this evening this ball does feel special.
"Why didn't you rescue me sooner?" I prompt conversation. "I could have done with earlier intervention!" Joseph laughs, gently moving me away from a lively pair of nobility, who don't seem to realise how room much they're taking up with their exaggerated dance.
"I thought I'd let those mogs have a chance to dance with you" he winks. "They won't get the opportunity ever again" he smirks. I roll my eyes again and raise an eyebrow.
"Whereas you will?" I tease. I don't know if it's the atmosphere or the thrill of being alive but something feels different between Joseph and I tonight. As if all barriers are down between us, and it's just the music and us. It's perfect.
"If I play my cards right" his voice is slightly husky and there's definitely a blush on his cheeks. But I just can't find it in me to be nervous, I feel like I'm flying.
"Maybe you already have" I reply. Joseph's eyes widen and then he swallows, as if preparing himself for something. We move closer.
I'll never know if he was going to kiss me because then the next thing I know a pair of mogs bump into us, clearly drunk, and we're knocked away from each other. Joseph laughs, tugging me away from them and breaking the spell. The moment is over but I'm not devastated as I once might have been. After all, both Joseph and I are Victors and have years together now. Who knows what might happen now that the threat of death is over?
"You know Marina" the way he says my name is different to how he says other words. He looks around the crowd, a peaceful smile on his face. "I'm actually glad I was chosen for the Games" he looks down at me, as if expecting me to shout at him or something. But I understand completely.
"I know" I smile. "It means I met you and Ella and all the others" we start to dance again, the same awkward rhythm of terrible dancers.
"I'm glad I met you," he says seriously. "I meant to say this the other night but…" he takes a deep breath. "I think you are the most amazing person I've ever met" he swallows and then continues" And I think you look beautiful tonight," he whispers nervously, a huge blush on his cheeks.
I smile and then lean forward resting my head on his shoulder, suddenly not shy anymore. His arms tighten around mine and then he leans his head against mine so we're standing in a tight embrace. I don't care who could be watching; right now it feels like it's just Joseph and I.
"You're the most amazing person I've met" I reply honestly. "And I'm so glad that I met you"
Joseph doesn't reply but he presses a fond kiss on my forehead, his arms still around me tightly. I shut my eyes, a huge smile on my face as we continue to sway to the music. And for the first time since the Calling, I finally feel at peace.
Xxx
Maren
I shiver as I stand outside, a late night breeze drifting through the garden. Even though it's late, I can still see well because of the fairy lights strung up around the garden. It looks like a sea of glittering lights out here and I really can't help but admire how beautiful it looks. I sit down on a nearby stone bench, wrapping my arms around myself to protect myself against the cold.
I can hear the ball even from here, deep in the garden of the Training Centre. I never knew this place existed because it's hidden behind the back of the Centre but it's surprisingly peaceful here considering it was created by the mogs. I can see the lights from inside the ballroom, shining out into the darkness. I can't bear the thought of going back into the room with all the mogs desperate to sidle up for favours. I don't want to be in that overly warm room with all of those monsters.
"Maren?" I look up at the voice of my mentor and smile when Katarina enters the small clearing, a scarf wrapped around her arms to combat against the cold. She blinks as she tries to find me in the darkness.
"I'm here," I say softly. Her eyes land on me and she slowly makes her way over, carefully treading between the allotments of flowers.
"I was wondering where you'd hidden" she smiles, the lights close to me making it easy to see. "I know this isn't exactly you're kind of scene" she adds.
I shift up on the bench so there's somewhere for her to sit. "How could you tell?" I joke half-heartedly. I had a bit to drink earlier and now I just feel down; the high seems to have worn off and I'm tired.
"Is there something bothering you?" she asks me gently, her hand touching mine softly. Katarina is a tough mentor; she made me work hard during the year and she never stopped that training here in the Capital. But she can be kind and almost mother-like when she needs to be.
"I…I miss my family" I say. It's not untrue but it's not the only thing that's bothering me. "I want to see my sisters again" I sigh; playing with the necklace that Catia gave me so long ago. I wish I could see her again.
"You will" Katarina reassures me. "They're allowed to visit from time and time, and besides you'll be going on the Victory tour. You'll visit the town of every Victor," she explains. I nod, not reassured at all. I already knew this.
I knew about the Victory tour but it's not as popular as the Funeral Games; just the mogs watch that. The Victors of the Games take a tour around the major cities of Lorien as well as the birth towns of the Victors. During the tour we have to give speeches, meet the rich and famous…basically a ton of boring stuff. I'm not a fan of it but I suppose it's better than being holed up in the Training Centre forever.
"I feel bad," I admit. "I haven't thought about them for so long, like they never mattered to me" I sigh. "It's stupid because I know they won't know that I haven't been thinking about them…but I still feel guilty" I realise I'm clenching my black dress and I let it go, trying to smooth out the creases I made.
Katarina laughs softly. "Every tribute does the same," she says kindly. "You have bigger things to worry about, like death. You're thrown into new environments and have to deal with huge problems. Nobody will blame you for trying to think about the one thing that will cause you the most pain: losing the people you love" she wraps her arm around my shoulders.
"Sometimes I'm glad that I was chosen" I sigh. "And then other times I wish that my name had never been called. Even now, when I've won, I just want to go home and pretend this never happened" Kat kisses my forehead.
"Every tribute feels like this once they've won. You don't know what to do with yourself" she sighs. "I hate to say but it's one of the worst times you'll go through. You'll be trying to deal with the deaths of your fellow tributes as well as wanting to be home and safe. But you'll get through it. You're the strongest person I know Maren. You can do it, I know you can"
I smile sadly and rest my head against her shoulder. I know what she's talking about; already I've been getting nightmares. It's like the moment I relax and try to enjoy life it just has to remind me of all the terrible things that have already happened. I suppose the only consolation is that the other tributes are going through the same thing and I'll have them to support me. Not that I'll let them know I need the help. Some things will never change.
I hear the sound of footsteps and then Sam appears in the dim light, but even now it's clear to see the blush on his cheeks. I stiffen a little; this is one conversation I don't think I'm prepared for. Katarina stands at once, an awkward smile on her face. She's not going to help me here it seems.
But why should she?
"I'll see you later Maren" she pats my shoulder. "Hi Sam" she says hurriedly, awkwardly as she hurries away. I sigh but summon up a smile for him. He's still my friend, even if I'm not sure about anything else.
"Hey" he smiles, looking slightly awkward. "Are you feeling better after Round 3?" he asks. So far it's just like I would act with anyone else but I have a feeling the conversation will turn to more awkward topics.
"Yes, thank you" I sound ridiculously formal. "Are you feeling ok?" Sam nods, playing with his tie. He looks like a kid trying on his dad's suit and he looks kind of adorable. But deep down I know that I don't look at him the same way that Marina looks at Joseph. I know that I will never like Sam as much as he wants me to and I'm going to have to tell him that.
"I know what you're going to say," he says before I can say anything. "I know that you're going to tell me that you don't like me in that way and that we should just be friends" he's definitely blushing. "It's ok, I understand" he attempts a smile.
I feel tears well up in my eyes. I don't mind killing mogs and making their lives hell, but Sam's? Making him unhappy is a low thing to do; hurting him is something only cruel people do. But I'm doing that now all the same because it's the only solution.
"I'm sorry Sam," I whisper. "You deserve so much better. I wish, I wish that I did like you in that way…but-"
"But you can't help who you fall for" Sam interrupts, a more genuine smile on his face. "It's fine, it's just a crush. I'll get over it" he's trying to be brave and I feel terrible, but I know it's the best result. I can't lead him on when I know nothing is going to happen.
"I'm so sorry…" I fall silent. I just don't know what to say. Sam takes a deep breath, and then plasters a smile on his face, like he's finally making peace with himself. "Besides, I would have been a terrible girlfriend" I try to lighten the atmosphere. Sam chuckles and then sits down next to me, looking more relaxed. I think deep down he always knew that we were going nowhere.
"True" he nods. "Don't worry Maren" he gently touches my arm. "We'll always be friends, no matter what" he smiles.
"Always" I echo, feeling numb.
Xxx
Stanley
I hate mogs. And crowds. So imagine how I feel when I have to spend the evening in a room filled to bursting with mogs. Everywhere I turn there are mogs, smiling and reaching for my hand to shake. Everywhere I go to escape another appears desperate to talk to me about how I'm feeling, how I did in the Games and what I'm planning on doing now it's all over.
I've had enough.
I'm sulking in the corner of the room, hidden where the drunks are trying to recover to no avail. From here I can see Marina and Joseph dancing in the centre of the room, lost in their own world. I haven't seen Ella because Crayton took her to bed an hour ago much to my relief. She's still young and she was tired and besides the crowds were overwhelming her. I have no idea where the other Victors are.
I down the drink in my hand, wishing I could get another one. But then I'd have to venture out into the crowd again and that means I'm game for any mog. This situation goes against all my instincts, and I feel prepared to run at any moment, despite the drinks I've consumed.
Yet despite how uncomfortable I feel, it's still better than spending the evening with Sandor, who seems desperate to be my councillor instead of my mentor. I know he means well but he's watching me for any sign of a breakdown and it's getting annoying.
"Looks like you're in your comfort zone" I turn in surprise at the sarcastic voice and a grin naturally makes its way onto my face when I see Sophia. She's huddled by the wall like me, a scowl on her face and a drink in her hand.
"Had to come here too?" I chuckle. She nods, jumping out of the way as a very drunk mog almost barrels into her. Her drink splashes onto her hand but she doesn't seem to care. She's dressed in a short black skirt and crop top combo; it looks good. I can also imagine the fight her stylist would have had to get her into it because from what I know about her, she's a bit of a tomboy.
"It's not so bad…at the beginning" she rolls her eyes. "It's once they have a drink when things start to go badly".
She's right. It's starting to get louder in here and the mogs are less controlled, bumping into everyone as they try to do what they want. I try so hard not to hit a mog as he barrels into Sophia, apparently not seeing her in the corner. She simply rolls her eyes again and then tugs on my hand, pointing to some glass doors. She disappears into the crowd and I hastily follow her, hoping that she's got somewhere safe in mind.
After about five minutes of shoving drunken mogs out of the way, I finally make it to the doors, where Sophia is waiting. That's an advantage of being small; you can creep around easily. She slips out of the doors and I follow her, wincing as the cold air chills me at once. But it's already so much quieter out here and peaceful too. The lights on the trees shine in the darkness and it really is beautiful.
"Do you like it?" Sophia smiles at me, leading me down a small pathway till we get to a tiny little clearing with a bench surrounding by trees. It's only visible with the lights strung up on the trees and I can see loads of these little areas in this huge garden. I bet there are quite a few people who need to escape on nights like this.
"It's lovely" I reply, sitting down on the bench. We lapse into silence and I can see her shivering out of the corner of my eye, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. I'm cold myself but it feels harsh to keep my jacket when she's only wearing a tiny strappy top. I shrug my suit jacket off, now freezing myself in my white shirt, but I hand it to her all the same.
"Thanks" she takes it gratefully, pulling it on. It swamps her; sometimes I forget how small she is compared to me. I feel a pang of pain as it reminds me of how much smaller Maddy was compared to me. I try to ignore the feelings of longing and pain but it's so hard.
"You look tired" Sophia looks closely at me, her eyes filled with concern.
"Reading my mind?" I can't help but ask, raising an eyebrow. She laughs lightly and shakes her head, looking away in amusement.
"No, I don't read Loric's minds. Mogs, ha, no problem. But I wouldn't do that to my own people unless I was desperate. I don't like to encroach on people's privacy; it just feels wrong" she explains. I admit, I'm surprised. She's always seemed slightly cold to me, like she doesn't care what others think. But apparently she does have a moral code and I feel bad for thinking badly of her.
"You always seem to know me too well" I reply. "Like you know what I'm thinking" she looks back at me, her face filled with thought.
"Maybe you're just easy to read" she replies.
"Or maybe you find it easy to read people" I retort. There's a small grin on her face as she pulls the jacket around her more.
"You miss her, don't you? Maddy" she says after a while. I wince at the sound of her name, the pain ever present, as if not wanting me to forget the girl that I once loved. It doesn't hurt nearly as much as it once did but it doesn't mean that I don't still feel something.
"It's weird," I say slowly. "It's like now that the Games are out of the way, everything has come back to me. Everything that I thought I was over" I sigh, rubbing my face. I don't look to see her reaction; I don't think I want to.
"It gets better," she says kindly. "It takes time, especially with everything that happened with Maddy" she pauses. "But it does get better" she finally finishes.
"I hope so" I sigh again. "I hate feeling like this" Sophia reaches out and takes my hand, hers tiny in my huge hand. It strikes me that this is the first girl who's held my hand since Maddy and it doesn't feel as bad as I would have thought.
"Everyone does," she says wisely. "But you'll get over it eventually" she smiles. "Although, you seem to be very good at feeling sorry for yourself so maybe you'll take longer than most" she teases me. I roll my eyes, elbowing her lightly in the side. She laughs and moves out of the way, a grin on her face.
"I am not good at sulking!" I reply indignantly. "I just think a lot!"
"Oh sure" she says, her voice heavy with sarcasm. "That's what it is" she rolls her eyes dramatically. I shove her again and then something knocks into my side, making me fall off the bench and onto the ground. Sophia's laughing as she stands over me, looking triumphant and then I notice that I'm laughing properly the first time since she died.
Maybe the others were right. Maybe things do get better; it just takes time.
Xxx
John
It should be a perfect evening. I'm dancing with Sarah, who's in a beautiful dress and in my arms. The Games are over and there's no chance of death anymore. I'm safe now and I can spend the rest of my life in the Capital, with no threat of death and with the girl I love.
Yet I'm not as happy as I thought I would be. I still feel threatened, as though there's a chance that I could still be killed any moment. And then there are my feelings towards Sarah that are confusing me as well. Of course I love her, there was never any doubt about that. There's a part of me that can see my life ahead of me with Sarah: marriage, children, and a house in the countryside…an idyllic future with Sarah lies ahead of me. But there's another part of me that doesn't want that kind of future and wants more excitement, more uncertainty.
And that kind of future lies with someone like Maren.
I banish that thought as soon as I think it. Maren is a friend who intrigues me, that's all. Yes, she's beautiful but she's also unpredictable and Sam's crush. Besides, I love Sarah and that won't change. It's just the side of me that's used to the danger in the Games that is rebelling at the thought of peace. It's a habit I'm not used to but I soon will be happy. I know I will.
"What are you thinking about?" Sarah presses her hand against my cheek and I smile down at her, tightening my arms around her.
"Just wondering what we'll be doing now," I tell her truthfully. "Now that the Games are over that's it. We have noting else to do" I sigh.
"That's not quite true," Sarah kisses my cheek softly. "There's plenty to do. The Victory tour for starters. And then we have all of our lives together" she links her hands with mine and we stop dancing. Instead we're simply standing in the middle of the dance floor, couples dancing around us.
"What if that's not enough?" I can't help but ask. Sarah doesn't seem offended; she understands what I'm trying to say.
"It will be, I promise," she whispers, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around me. "Things seem bad now…but it'll get better. We'll be together and with the others" she kisses my jaw gently. "We have a future now"
Her words reassure me enough to stop worrying for the moment and I tighten my arms around her, pulling her close to me. Her head rests on my chest, just under my chin, and her arms wrap around my waist. I shut my eyes and let the music wash over me and take away all of my fears, my worries…
"Mind if I steal Sarah for a dance?" I turn to see Sam smiling next to me, Maren hovering behind him looking slightly awkward.
"Do I have to?" Sarah jokes, still resting her head on my chest. I'm unwilling to let her go but it's only one dance and Sam's one of my best friends.
"Sure, but only one dance" I joke, as I let Sarah go, after kissing her forehead. Maren watches this with an uninterested air but something flickers in her dark eyes. She looks beautiful yet mysterious in her dress.
Sam takes Sarah's hand and pulls her into a dance; not a slow, romantic one like the one she and I shared earlier. Oh no, Sam's spinning her around in amusement and I can hear her laughing and see her hair flying around her face as the two of them dance energetically. She looks beautiful. I grin and then turn to face Maren, who still looks slightly awkward.
"Would you like to dance?" I smile kindly at her. Maren rolls her eyes but takes my outstretched hand. We move closer, not as intimate as Sarah and I were, but it's still close enough to distract me.
"Are you having fun?" I ask softly. Maren looks up at me; she's tall and is only a few inches shorter than me but she's got a presence that adds inches to her height.
"Not really" she pulls a face and I see her eyes focus on Sam. Oh.
"You told him?" I ask her. I've known all along that she's not that into Sam and it seems she's finally told him. She nods and sighs, her eyes moving back to mine. Warmth floods through me as our eyes meet and I wish more than anything that this dance could be over and Sarah is in my arms again. I feel safe with her…with Maren, I feel out of control. Like the world is collapsing around me and I have nothing to hold on to.
"I had to" she whispers. "I couldn't lead him on. He's a good person, he doesn't deserve that," she adds. I nod, knowing exactly where she's coming from. I hate to admit that a small part of me is pleased too. But only a small part.
"It was the right thing to do" I reply. Maren's eyes flash with anger and her grip on my hand tightens.
"Don't tell me what the right thing is!" she snaps. "You're not my mother!" I'm shocked by her anger but don't react to it. This is just Maren; this is her character.
"I wasn't," I say calmly. "I was agreeing with you, that's all" Maren scowls and a small blush appears on her cheeks.
"I know," she finally grumbles. "And now I look like the unreasonable one for snapping at you" I can't help but chuckle at her grudging tone and her eyes narrow slightly.
"You're not unreasonable, just complicated," I tease. She rolls her eyes again as the music changes. It's softer, more romantic, and I can't see Sarah or Sam anywhere to change partners. I'm both happy and annoyed about that; my emotions are complicated to say the least.
"Nothing like Sarah then?" she raises an eyebrow. I'm a little surprised at the change of subject and uncomfortable too. It feels odd to be talking about Sarah with Maren, as though we've done something wrong when we clearly haven't.
"Nothing like Sarah" I agree quietly. Maren purses her lips and looks away from me again, moving back a little so there's more space between us. I wish I could know what she's thinking, what she's feeling right now. She's such a closed book; one I want to know more about.
"What are you thinking?" I repeat Sarah's earlier words and Maren turns to face me, a tight smile on her face.
"Why do you want to know?" she replies, her emotional barriers back up once again.
"Because you're my friend," I say softly. I want to tell her the truth: that I like her more than a friend. I've been trying to deny it for forever, but it's the truth. I do like Maren because she's strong and funny and clever and most of all, she's good.
But you don't love her. Not like you love Sarah.
"Ready for another dance?" Sarah asks me. I jump in shock; I hadn't even realised she was there, but I soon plaster on a smile. Maren and I move away from each other at once but our eyes are still locked. Her face is closed but I can see the anger in her eyes. Somehow she knows how I feel and there might be a small chance that she feels the same way. And she hates that.
"Sure" I feel numb as Sarah takes my hand and she pulls me in for a dance. My conflicted feelings are both delighted and saddened to be in Sarah's arms. She rests her head against me and I look up to see Maren watching me, her lips pursed.
"Have a good evening John" she finally says and then turns, disappearing into the crowd. Sam furrows his brow in confusion and then turns to follow her. I feel relieved once she's gone, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. There's something so unsettling about her. But now that Sarah's here, I feel like I'm finally home.
"What's up with her?" Sarah asks, her voice mumbled. I shrug and tighten my arms around her, willing my feelings for Maren to disappear. It's just a crush; I'll get over it. Focus on how much you love Sarah. She's your future, not Maren. It's just a crush. Not anything important. I'm surprised at how easy I find it to listen to my thoughts and I rest my head on Sarah's, focusing on her and only her.
Xxx
Cody
It's simple. All I need to do is listen to the other Victors and their mentors. I don't have to do anything other than just listen. After killing Albert, this task should be easy. But I'm secretly terrified. My hands are sweating and it feels like my whole body is shaking with nerves. I don't want to do this but I have to.
Good thing that my 'mission' isn't going very well.
For some reason the mogs seem to think that the current Victors are plotting a revolution right in the walls of the Training Centre. I know they did some revolutionary things; Stanley's symbol in Round 1 and Maren's overall attitude haven't exactly been peaceful. But that doesn't mean anything because they just wanted to survive and kill a few mogs in the process. That doesn't make them rebels.
But the mogs still roped me in to spy on my fellow Victors and record anything that could be considered as rebellious. That shouldn't be hard since they probably wouldn't see me as a traitor and would freely say things around me that they wouldn't say in front of the mogs. But the problem seems to be that they don't say these things in the first place.
I sigh as I stand against a wall, bored as I look over the rest of the room. It's getting late now but the Celebration Ball is in full swing. The mogs are getting more and more drunk, and their chatter is getting louder and louder, but it's not them that need to talk. I can't see Stanley or Maren at all and they're the only two I would really want to tell on.
The only two tributes that are in full sight are Joseph and Marina. They were dancing earlier but now they're closer to me, having a great time in each other's company. I'm positive that if I prompted them to say something rebellious they probably would, but I don't want to. Marina saved my life in Round 2 and they're too good to want to get into trouble. My real targets are Stanley and Maren but I can't see them anywhere.
"Cody!" I turn to see Joseph and Marina coming over to me. They look a little tipsy and I feel an awkward smile on my face. I don't want to talk to them, I'm not sociable at the best of times and after the week I've had, I just want to hide in my room.
"Hi" I say softly. Marina stumbles a little and Joseph bursts out laughing, steadying her. Definitely tipsy.
"Having a good time?!" Marina asks me brightly. I'm surprised that she's happy to see me. We haven't exactly talked since I saved that mog's life in Round 2. I thought she might still be angry but it seems that she's forgotten that.
"It's all right" I reply softly, shifting awkwardly on my feet. Joseph sways a little, a huge grin on his face. I feel a pang of dislike towards them and I know it's because I'm jealous. I wish that I could be having fun like them. I wish that I could relax and know that everything is over. I wish I could have a mentor to go back to.
"I feel a bit sick" Marina complains, swaying a little. I want to roll my eyes but instead pretend to be concerned.
"Maybe you should go back to your room" I reply. She nods but doesn't move; I wonder if it's one of those things that are easier said than done.
"How much did you two drink?" I ask curiously. Joseph frowns in concentration as we start to make our way to the exit of the ball. I'm glad to be leaving; I've had enough for one evening.
"Not much" he looks at Marina, who shrugs. She squeezes through a few groups of mogs, looking small compared to everyone else. She's quite tall for a girl but the mogs seem to be on steroids or something; I swear they're all really tall.
"Exit's this way" I show them the way, carefully leading the way through the pushy mogs. We finally get to the exit and it's so nice to be able to move around without touching a mog. I may work for them but it doesn't mean I like them. I only work for them because I have to and because they'll give me power.
"Finally" Marina grins as we leave the ball. "I hate spending the evening with mogs. It's like the Games all over again" she shakes her head, apparently not that worried about saying bad things.
I don't mean to. I don't want to get her and Joseph into trouble but this is exactly the kind of situation the mogs wanted me to find out about. This is the kind of talk that they wanted me to report about. Marina may be my friend but I need to report something and I'd rather save myself instead of sacrificing myself.
"Oh yeah?" I say casually, pretending to help her walk by loosely wrapping an arm around her. "You, disliking a mog?" I force a laugh. "I thought you liked everyone"
Marina blinks at me. "I'd never like a mog" she says, slightly puzzled. She has clearly had no experience with alcohol and it seems one drink has made her lose her wariness. She's not drunk but she doesn't seem aware of the danger. I almost feel bad for tricking her.
"Bet you wonder what life is like if the mogs never came? Or if they disappeared?" I prompt further. This makes my job easier. If I can't get Stanley or Maren implicated, then I'll have to stick with Marina. The mogs won't do anything to do her; they'll just know that they can trust me. They just need to know that I'm not slacking, and I'm actually doing my job.
"Don't we all?" Joseph moves and then he's supporting Marina on the other side. He shoots me a look and I realise that Marina may not completely understand what's going on…but Joseph doesn't trust me at all.
"I'm not that drunk!" Marina protests, not appearing to sense the tension. "Guys, I can walk by myself" she rolls her eyes and Joseph grins despite himself. He still looks annoyed and wary, but he can't seem to remain serious with her around.
"I just don't want anything to happen to you" he chuckles fondly. Then le looks at me hostilely and his eyes turn cold. I shiver, moving away from Marina.
"Nothing will" she looks earnestly up at him, and his gaze turns back to her, his expression turning from cold to affectionate once more. I look away, cheeks flushing. I need to go, neither of them wants me here. I'm clearly intruding on their moment and besides, I don't want to be left alone with Joseph if we get to Marina's room first. I don't want him to question what I was doing earlier.
"I guess I'll see you later" I back away; I'll get to my room by the not-so-secret-stairs that Ethan showed me. Marina waves at me, smiling kindly, but Joseph watches me narrowly.
"See you later" Marina calls and then they continue walking, laughing and chatting with one another. They soon turn a corner and then I can't see them anymore.
I lean against a nearby wall and put my head in my hands, sliding down the wall slowly until I'm sitting on the floor. What do I do? Do I tell on Marina or should I just let this one go? If the mogs did decide to have a word with her over her few words of dislike towards the mogs, then Joseph will know. He'll also know that I was the one to tell on her. And then he'll make me pay for getting her in trouble.
I rub my temples, annoyed and frustrated at myself. I need to get a grip. I'm working for the mogs no matter what. If I want to survive and if I want to get power then I have to work for them, it's as simple as that. My whole life is just a Game and I have to do what I can to survive. I've done it before and I'll do it now. Except this time, I'll actually get what I want.
I clench my fists, determination steadying my nerves. I won't report Marina this time but next time I won't be so kind. I steel my nerves, a calm mood settling over me now that my inner turmoil is over. My choice has been made: I'm working for the mogs.
You have to do what you must to survive.
"I will," I promise Albert, standing up and making my way over to the mog's quarters where my new life will begin. "I promise I'll do it all for you"
So, that was a much longer chapter than originally expected, but it was far too much fun to write!
Also, the next chapter will be the last one of this story! There is a sequel though, which will be called The Resistance.
Hope you all enjoyed, and please review!
