Miranda dragged Kaidan by his arm into a small apartment in the seediest part of the city. Annoyed, he shot her a dark look and took his arm back. Completely ignoring him she pointed to a shabby chair in what passed for the kitchen.

"Sit."

He reluctantly did so.

She leaned against the fridge, cocking one hip out and gave him a piercing look.

"Shepard?"

He knew what she was asking. To her credit, he did think she was concerned.

"Injured. But alive, thank god."

"And you think the shooter is on this planet?"

"Gotta be. The intel matches."

She bit her lip in thought. "I find it highly coincidental that I just happen to be here too."

"Or criminals tend to flock to the same planet?" he offered archly.

She ignored him. "No. It's probably his doing."

"His?"

"The Illusive Man. Let's just say he's not exactly my biggest fan at the moment."

"You think Cerberus tried to kill Shepard?"

She shook her head. "I'm not sure. It doesn't make sense. What leads do you have?"

"Shipping manifests, armor requisitions, bullet casing and tracing. It leads here."

"So it was sloppy work or someone intentionally led you here?"

She opened the fridge and pulled out a beer. To his surprise, she offered him one.

"Thanks."

The drink was cool and refreshing, the bitterness familiar. She drank for a moment and then said, "So either the shooter was Cerberus, or Cerberus used them."

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You still don't get it do you." She laughed. "Cut off the heads and three grow back. Cerberus is behind more than you know, more than I'll even ever know. It's bigger than us. And they use people without them ever knowing. Like they used me. And Shepard. And even you."

She sighed and hoisted herself up to sit on her kitchen bench. There were fine lines around her eyes he'd only just noticed. He watched her carefully for a moment, noting her frazzled hair, the dull hue of her eyes.

"Who is Miles?" he said carefully. "Shepard mentioned him."

"She did?" she replied lightly but it was forced, he could see it. She picked at the label on her beer. "A mutual acquaintance that I'm afraid is Shepard's business. Not mine. Ask her."

"Seeing as she's in a coma, that's kind of hard."

She laughed but it was forced and high. "God. You know, you do so much to a person, put them through so much. And when you have to make a choice for them, you're so terrified you'll make the wrong one again. I don't want to anymore. She changes you, you know?"

He sighed and looked at his beer.

"I don't mean she makes you different, not really. But you end up looking at the galaxy differently. At the choices you've made."

"I know."

"Look, it's Shepard's... It's just Shepard's okay? Not mine. I know that. And I know that she'll tell you. Just give her some time. Don't give up on her."

She looked so sad and tired all he could do was nod.

It was like there was a whole other life Shepard lived away from him, full of secrets and shadows and lies. Something he couldn't understand. Just when he thought he knew where he stood something else would remind him that he really knew nothing at all. He knew everything and nothing about her. Her past was a continual mystery. And the future uncertain.

He just wanted the truth. No more lies.

But time was running out.

Miranda seemed to read his thoughts.

"The Reapers are coming, you know."

"I know."

"Shepard slowed them but didn't stop them. That's why she blew the Relay. It was that or they would have swarmed through."

"The whole system was wiped out. Do you have any idea of the climate on Earth? The Alliance doesn't know what to do, half believe her, half think she's a liar. The Hegemony want her head."

"They'd better get in line then," she said, raising an eyebrow archly.

He sighed and shrugged. "No wonder I'm going gray."

"It'll get worse, trust me," she laughed. "Such a shame you don't have my genes. I'll look great when you're old and wrinkly."

He shot her an dirty look but didn't say anything. She just smirked.

They sat for an hour while the sun set and she tapped away at the files he sent her from his omni-tool. The ones he trusted her to see anyway.

"Spectre now," she said out of the blue.

"Yep."

"Doesn't suit you. Too straight laced."

"Mm hmm."

He wasn't very interested in her barbs, he found. Actually, he half suspected she did it just because she was bored and wanted a reaction.

"I knew where they are," she said suddenly an hour later when the sun was fully set and they sat in darkness only lit by the orange glow of the omni-tool. "It's rather easy when you can hack into transport schedules and satellites."

"Well?"

"There's a small facility in the desert to the west. Matches the records."

He stood. "Let's go then."

"I'll drive."

The drive in the skycar was deceptively peaceful, the sand skimming beneath them like a sand sea.

"How do you want to do this?" Miranda said, fingering her gun.

"Questions first."

"Shoot later?"

"Questions first, shoot only when necessary."

"You're so boring."

"I'm so actually following regulations?" he snapped incredulously.

"Would be a first time for everything," she said lightly, "Or is screwing your boss the regs these days for the Alliance?"

He said nothing, willing his cheeks not to heat in embarrassment. Why was she so... ? Miranda. Why was she so Miranda. And why did she remind him so much of Shepard. It made him uncomfortable. It could almost be Shepard sitting beside him making a witty stinging remark, a slight hum from her biotics he could feel in his teeth, the same dark cloud of hair and piercing eyes.

He felt a sudden flash of anger.

"Listen, I want this guy dead too but I just can't go around shooting who I want. I'm not Cerberus."

She narrowed her eyes, the only outward sign of her displeasure.

"Neither am I."

They stopped three clicks from the facility and walked the rest of the way to avoid detection. They planned on a large sand dune, crawling down onto their bellies and watched through a pair of binoculars.

"Small outfit," he said. "Not many men. We can take them."

"Capture the leader and make him talk?"

"Yeah well, more or less. You good?"

He gestured to one of the spare guns clipped to his armor.

"Please," she said sarcastically and made her eyes glow blue with biotics. She pulled another gun from inside her jacket. "I think I'll be fine."

He shrugged. "Just checking."

"You just watch yourself," she said and stood up.

He followed her down the dune, keeping low.

The first man Kaidan shot as he rounded the corner of the facility, Miranda slammed the next into a wall so hard it made spider webbed cracks. One swung at Kaidan with a crowbar of all things, but he leapt back in time and threw him across the dunes with a gesture.

Once they had cleared outside the facility, Miranda lifted one of the prone, injured men up.

"Where's your leader?" she said calmly. "Is he inside?"

The mercenary had two black eyes and a broken rib and looked ready to spill his guts.

"Inside. Basement. Real paranoid. Has a turret you'll want to disable."

"Name?" demanded Kaidan.

"Toombs. That's all I know. I don't get paid enough for this."

Miranda dropped him and he started crawling off.

"Toombs... wasn't that?"

"The soldier from Shepard's unit," he breathed. "The one left on Akuze. Who hates Cerberus."

"Of course," Miranda said. "I should have known. The galaxy thinks she's with Cerberus still."

"He's unstable. He'd see it as the greatest betrayal. He had the contacts, the ability, the military training."

"But why the sloppiness?"

"Because someone wanted us to find him. Wanted me to find him."

"Him," said Miranda. "He plays the long game, mind games, any kind of games as long as he thinks he might win. Maybe he wanted Toombs to kill you. Or me. Or maybe he just wanted to see what would happen. Never underestimate the Illusive Man."

Kaidan shook his head. "Toombs would never work for Cerberus. I saw him years ago. He was a wreck, hates them."

"He doesn't have to, don't you see? The Illusive Man just has to suggest it somehow. Maybe mind control, brainwashing, hell maybe just nudged supplies and transport his way. A mercenary group coming into a large cache of quickens luckily isn't questioned. They don't question the How, only that they have guns. And all the Illusive Man would have to do is wait for the news reports on her and the galaxy believes she's rogue. I don't think even you trust her."

Miranda picked up another spare gun and motioned to the door.

"I do, it's just-"

"The 'just' is where the problem is."

She kicked open the door and led the way downstairs. Kaidan hacked his way through the facility's security and turned off the automated defenses.

Toombs was waiting downstairs with a gun trained on them.

"Who are you?!" he demanded, red in the face and shaking.

"Major Kaidan Alenko, I'm with the Alliance," Kaidan replied calmly. "I'm here to arrest you for attempted murder and take you into custody. Please come quietly.

Miranda snorted softly.

"Her!" Toombs yelled, gesturing wildly with his gun. "I know her face! She's Cerberus like that bitch Shepard! And what do you mean attempted? She's not dead?!"

Toombs was on the verge of hysterics. Kaidan felt that the situation could rapidly deteriorate.

"Calm down. No one is with Cerberus."

"Lies! You all are!"

Before Kaidan could blink, Toombs tossed a small object at Kaidan.

Alarmed, Kaidan gestured and threw the object away from him. It hit the wall and exploded against it. Kaidan was knocked to his back by the blast, choking back dust.

When he could see again, Toombs had Miranda in a death grip, his hands around her neck and his gun pressed to her spine.

"I'll shoot her. Don't move."

Kaidan got up slowly. "Alright, alright."

Miranda looked furious, her face bright red.

"Don't move," he told her.

She narrowed her eyes. He was afraid she'd try something, not be quick enough and end up with a bullet in her back.

To his surprise, he was afraid for her. He didn't want her to be hurt.

"What hospital is Shepard in? I have to finish the job," Toombs demanded, gripping Miranda more tightly.

"I can't tell you that, I don't know," Kaidan lied. "I barely know her. I'm just doing what my superiors ordered."

"You're lying," Toombs said almost calmly for once.

He canted the gun and shot Kaidan in the leg.

Kaidan cursed, falling to his side. "You shot me!"

Pain coursed through him in time with the blood pumping from his calf. He tried not to panic, breathing through the pain.

"No shit," said Toombs. "Next time you lie it's the other leg."

Kaidan groaned, patching medi-gel over the wound. It was survivable, missed all major arteries but holy fuck it hurt like hell. He bit his lip, cursing.

"I'm not stupid, I recognize you. You're Shepard's crew. I met you years ago."

Miranda made a movement as if to flare and throw him with biotics but he grabbed her hair and pulled, thrusting the gun at her head.

"Don't move or I'll blow your boyfriend's dick off and make you listen to him cry."

"Please do," replied Miranda sarcastically.

"Miranda!" Kaidan yelled. She'd be the goddamn death of him.

"Shepard deserved what she got, you know," said Toombs. "How could she do what she did? Work with Cerberus against the Alliance after what they did to us? To me? She had to pay. She still has to pay."

"Did you ever think that's what Cerberus wants?" interrupted Miranda. "That they manipulated you like they manipulated all of us? That you're a fool, a tool for them to use and discard?"

Kaidan slowly reached for his gun.

"Shut up!"

He shook her again and Kaidan took the shot while he was distracted.

The bullet hit him in the shoulder. Toombs dropped the gun. Miranda turned instantly and threw him against the wall.

He slid down it slowly, alive but injured.

Kaidan stood and limped as best he could over to her.

"He shot me."

"I see that," she said, amused. "I'll cuff him. You... try not to bleed on me."

"You think this is funny."

"Extremely. I wish he shot your dick."

As she moved to cuff him he sat up, laughing.

"Ha ha ha. Not going back."

"Miranda get back!"

The world exploded into white, then red, then black.

He had no idea how much time passed before consciousness returned, all he knew was that his mouth was full of dust.

He sat up, blinking blood out of his eyes.

The room was ruined, full of debris and he guessed the red smear against the wall was formerly Toombs.

"God," he breathed.

"Miranda?!"

"Here," he heard a voice groan. "I'm alive."

She was slumped on the ground, holding her stomach.

"Shrapnel. Not bad if we get medical treatment soon."

Painfully, he climbed to his feet, every muscle on fire but especially his leg.

"This went worse than expected," he croaked.

"No kidding."

He helped her to her feet and together they limped out of the facility.

The stars were brilliant outside, stretching far above them.

All he could see was the long trek back to the skycar.

"I hate you," Miranda said quite seriously. "Let's walk, you said. Stealth, you said."

Kaidan groaned.


Hours later after a visit to the long suffering doctor in the night clinic in the seediest part of town, Kaidan and Miranda stumbled into her apartment again. He was quite sure he wouldn't trust that doctor to even treat his dog but his leg had stopped bleeding and was wrapped to satisfaction. He could walk at least even if it made him want to throw up with pain.

"I'm sleeping," she snapped, swallowing two of the painkillers she pulled from a mysterious stash in her cupboard. "You can sleep on the floor."

"Geez thanks."

"You're welcome."

He gingerly settled on the threadbare couch he suspected came with the apartment. He didn't think she owned a single thing in the apartment aside from the beer and painkillers. It was more a tattered safe house than a home.

She threw a packet of pills at him. "For the pain. Don't die."

Then she disappeared into a back room.

Too tired to protest or lie awake for hours in pain, he swallowed one and drifted into fractured sleep, curling around himself for warmth. Her apartment didn't seem to have heat connected and it dipped below zero on desert planets at night.

He dreamt of silly things, someone calling his name, Shepard and Miranda were flying the Normandy without him as a dog bit his leg. He woke several times only to fall back asleep within minutes. He dreamt of the orchard, of endless green fields.

In one dream Shepard was in front of him, dressed only in a t-shirt and panties and telling him he looked like shit. He nodded, agreeing.

"I miss you," he told her.

"I'm not her," she said, draping a blanket over him. He huddled against the warmth, pathetically grateful in his painkiller addled state.

"You're beautiful," he said and pulled her towards him. He kissed her on the lips, fully, softly. She didn't react at first and then kissed him back, hard. Her nose was smushed against his cheek the way he liked so he kissed her harder, pulling her against him.

She didn't say anything, just watched him with her big, sad eyes.

"Who is Miles?" he asked simply. "The truth."

"Your son."

He nodded, his head pounding with pain and his mouth throbbing from dehydration.

Of course he was. It seemed to make complete sense in this dreamlike state. Shepard and him and a son.

"You should sleep," she said softly, brushing his hair back.

He lay back because she told him to, closed his eyes because she told him to.

After that he didn't dream at all.

He woke late in the afternoon the next day with a throbbing headache. Miranda sat on her bench again, drinking wine from a bottle. She didn't seem to own glasses.

He groaned. "Am I dead?"

"Probably. Kindly put some clothes on. You're gross."

Kaidn looked down and was surprised to find he had removed his shirt in the night. He was drenched in sweat and smelt like fear and fever.

Sheepishly, he put his shirt on, embarrassed to be half naked in front of her. The blanket fell from the couch to the floor.

"You're leaving now?" she said and although it was lightly worded he got the meaning behind it. She wanted him gone and he felt the same.

"Yeah." He started gathering his things, wincing at the pain in his leg although it was much better.

As he made to open the front door and leave she called to him.

"Tell Shepard I... well tell her to get well soon. Don't die, Alenko. The war is still coming."

"You too, Lawson."

It was the closet they could come to an accord and to him it was enough.

Back on his ship he got his leg treated again and re-bandaged by the CMO and antibiotics. He swallowed them gratefully. Last night had frightened him, dreams buried in dreams, reality blurring. He couldn't tell what was real or not and that was the scariest feeling in the world.

Before he could even shower, the long range communicator pinged. He had new orders. The Council wanted him on the Citadel.

He considered arguing, telling them he was needed on Earth but the truth was that was a lie. He just wanted to, not needed. He did what he always had to do. He followed orders and set course for the Citadel.

He hoped it wasn't a mistake.

Three months later, he knew it was. And then the world as he knew it ended in fire and blood.


author's note:

I'm not dead, apparently. Cerberus resurrected me. I'll try and get this finished. We're finally up to the fun parts aka ME3. Strangely ME2 is my least favorite in the series and yet I've been writing it for so long. Anyway sorry that it took so long again, life is a monster. Thanks for sticking with it if you're still here. May have wonky formatting this chapter, I'm updating on a phone. I'll fix it when I have access to my PC.