Chapter 53: The Worst Birthday
Harry woke up to hushed voices talking urgently around him. It took him a moment before he remembered he'd had two panic attacks in the same day. He recognized the voices of Albus, Mrs. Weasley, Mr. Weasley, and Jeff.
Harry opened his eyes and sat up. Albus sat with Jeff and Mrs. Weasley, while Ron, Hermione, and Maggie stood nervously just inside the door. Ginny was in her mum's lap, looking worried, and looking as though she had been crying.
"Harry, my dear boy, how nice it is to see you awake," said Albus.
"I'm sorry," Harry said.
"Why are you sorry?" Jeff asked.
"For making everyone worry and for ruining the party!" Harry said, frustrated.
Mrs. Weasley looked like she was about to cry, and quickly stood up and left the room. Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Maggie followed her.
"Harry, we all care about you and only want to make sure that you're happy," said Albus.
"Did something upset you earlier about Sirius Black's escape?" Jeff asked.
"Why is Black after me? Will I be safe at Hogwarts?" Harry asked in a rush.
"Yes Harry, you will be safe at Hogwarts," Albus said. "The wards are secure. Unfortunately, the Ministry is insisting on posting dementors outside of the boundaries."
"What are dementors?" Harry asked.
"They guard Azkaban," Albus said simply. He didn't want to worry Harry even more at the moment.
Harry figured there was more to dementors than Albus was letting on, but decided that he would find out at some point.
"Harry, do not worry about Sirius Black," said Jeff. "Albus will keep you safe, along with keeping the other students safe. And while he might have killed several people, we have no proof that he is even on Voldemort's side. But no worries, you are perfectly safe as long as you have Albus or another adult with you. Now, it's your birthday! There's no reason to be so down. This conversation is not over, but don't let this bring down your birthday."
"But it's the worst birthday I've ever had!" Harry said. "I panicked two times in a day!"
"You have not missed your own party, it has not even started yet," said Albus with a smile. "And I think Mr. Weasley and I agreed that we were partially to blame for giving you the bad news on your birthday."
Ron, Hermione, and Maggie came back into the room and started talking about exam results, which certainly made Harry happier now that the subject wasn't about Black. Jeff motioned for Albus to go into a corner and put up a silencing charm.
"Albus, I'm very concerned for Harry," said Jeff. "I don't know how he will react to being around dementors."
"I will not let them into the school," said Albus. "But I don't see why Harry might have a different reaction than other people."
"He will likely feel their influence. Plus dementors are not known for their tendency to follow rules about boundaries, they may find the draw of emotions from the school too much to resist. Harry's past holds horrors of which we still have no idea. Albus, dementors cause us to relive our worst memories," said Jeff with a sigh. "We will have to keep a close eye on him. I'll be back tomorrow to talk to Harry. I already informed Molly. Harry is not coping well with Sirius Black's escape."
Albus nodded in agreement and went back to where Harry and his friends were talking. They had the cake, opened presents, and played some games, both magical and muggle.
Harry headed to bed that night and managed to avoid nightmares. He woke before Ron and decided to start reading the book about the wizarding world Hermione gave him for his birthday. He flipped to the chapter about Azkaban and started reading about the history of the prison island and the dementor guardians. Harry felt awful and wanted to stop reading but he could not look away. The author described in detail the effect of dementors on humans and mentioned these creatures were capable of sucking out a person's soul through their mouth in a harmless sounding action called the Dementor's Kiss. Harry shut the book and got dressed, pulling Ron out of bed for an early breakfast.
Harry tried distracting himself all day but found he was not hungry and Mrs. Weasley noticed his lack of appetite. She hovered a bit but Harry waved her off with vague statements about being tired and not sleeping well. She demanded he go to bed early that night, and Harry obeyed without protest. Oddly, Ron went to bed too, claiming that if Harry wanted to get up as early the next morning then he needed sleep.
Listening to Ron's snores eventually soothed Harry into a restless sleep filled with terrifying dreams.
Harry recognized the grounds of Hogwarts. He was dressed in school robes and surrounded by other students organizing a game of football. A skeletal hand turned Harry around to face a cloaked figure of a dementor. The figure lowered its hood, revealing a horrifying sight. Harry screamed and tried pulling away but the creature lowered its face to his own….
Harry awoke with a start in a cold sweat. He could hear Ron's snores across the room so he knew he had not screamed out loud. His urge to cut, which he thought he'd gotten control of, was back with such intensity that he did not want to resist. A small voice in his mind tried to make itself heard, urging him to find an adult but in his distress, Harry ignored the logic. The house was silent as he snuck down to the kitchen. In a drawer need the sink, he found a knife. Sliding down so his back was against the cabinets, the first cut was shallow but started to bring his world back into focus. The next was deeper and he watched the blood fill in the clean line. The final one might have been too deep and Harry did not notice that he dropped the knife, slumping over to the side as he lost consciousness. His bleeding arm was exposed for all to see.
