A/n: Last chapter! Special thanks to Jen (SVUlover) who helped me with the ending and gave me great ideas :D This has been an amazing year and x number of months and I want to thank everyone who reviewed and read this story. I had an awesome time writing this story and I hope you guys got some enjoyment out of it! If you did, let me know via review :) Also, I'm taking the poll down this time tomorrow, so if you haven't voted yet...you know where I'm going with this :P If I'm doing a sequel or not depends on the outcome of the poll this time tomorrow and if I feel like I can write a story that people will enjoy. Once again, thank you all SO MUCH for all the support. You guys rock my world :D


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres...And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." -- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, 13


SIX MONTHS LATER:

I woke up alone.

I laid still for what could have been minutes, wondering why I wasn't used to it yet. But I guess some part of me still expected to turn over and see Jake sleeping beside me. I glanced over, but his side of the bed was made. His pillow was perfect and his blankets were tucked in. No one had slept there in months.

I forced myself out of bed and I stood in the middle of the bedroom, unsure of what I wanted to do. The babies were still sleeping, Cole was still sleeping…these were the loneliest moments. The moments when I had no one to take care of but myself. I wasn't used to be all alone. I guessed I'd never get used to it. I'd never get used to waking up and rolling over to find Jake's side of the bed empty. I'd never get used to going to sleep without seeing his face at least once during the day. I'd never get used to being without him.

I sighed heavily and tried to force the pain from my heart. I missed him so much sometimes. But I had two babies and a son that I had to take care of. I tried to tell myself it wouldn't be that long until I saw him again, but I didn't believe myself. My heart didn't believe me either.

I took a shower and got dressed as if I had somewhere to go. I put on a necklace he'd gotten me a while ago and twisted my wedding band and engagement ring around on my finger. My finger felt naked without them. It felt almost as empty as I felt without Jake.

I sat on the edge of the bed. The clock in the bathroom could be heard from where I was. tick, tock, tick, tock…

Time went by so slowly. I laid back on the bed and pressed my face into his pillow. The months had faded the smell of his shampoo. The months faded everything.

The air conditioner started up and a chill filled the room. I slid off the bed and walked over to his dresser. I opened the drawer with long sleeved shirts and froze. On top of a red shirt was a folded piece of paper. I hesitated, wondering if this was some kind of sick joke. The déjà vu was astounding. I touched the paper, a little unsure that I was awake. When I was convinced it was solid, I grasped my fingers around it. It was actually more than one page. I sat back on the bed and forgot all about my chill. Jake's handwriting. I started to read the letter when it was gently pulled from my hands.

I glanced up and an excited smile overtook my face. Jake grinned and I was in his arms. He staggered back in surprise as I flung my arms tightly around him. I hugged him as hard as I could.

"Did you miss me?" He teased. I squeezed him harder and kissed whatever skin I could reach. I let my face rest against his shoulder.

"No." I lied. He laughed and hugged me tighter than I was able to hug him. He wasn't supposed to be finished filming for two more months! He left to film four months ago and he had said it would take about six months.

"How did you get done so early?" I asked. He sat down and pulled me down in his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist and turned my face. He kissed me and I had missed kissing him.

"I'm amazing." He answered simply. I leaned against him for a few moments before I remembered what I'd been doing before he got here.

"Hey, what was that letter you took from me?" I asked. I turned my head around and he had the most innocent expression on his face that I couldn't help but laugh.

"What letter?" He asked. He leaned forward and kissed me so torridly that all I could think of were the colors I was seeing behind my closed eyelids.

I broke the kiss and gently flicked his nose.

"Nice try. I want to see the letter. Pronto." I held out my hand. He simply stared at it.

"Jaaaaaake," I whined. I gave him the best version of my puppy dog pout and he sighed heavily. He leaned back on the bed, pulling me down with him. I landed on top of him. I rolled off and sat up, holding out my hand again. It's one thing for a mysterious letter to be in his drawer, but it's in a completely different league of weird that he won't let me read it.

He sat up also. I wanted to be back in his arms more than I wanted the letter, but I'd have years and years to spend in his arms. Blissful years that were a blessing from a force so strong it could only be God.

Six months ago, I woke up in a hospital room, completely alone.

Physical pain mingled with emotional and I laid there for two hours, soaking in it, before a nurse came in. With the nurse came my son and I remember missing almost everything she said to me about my injuries. I held him tightly and marveled the fact I had done something right for once. He was perfectly fine. A few moments later, Alana and Jim arrived with my tiny newborn babies.

But there was no Jake.

The only news anyone would tell me was that he was in surgery. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't relax, I could barely keep from having a panic attack. After what felt like days and days, we were told he was out of surgery. Luke's shot punctured his right lung. I remember, hearing that, it felt like the breath had been strangled out of me also. But he was okay. He was fine.

After I demanded to be wheeled to see him, my common sense took over. Jake…my children…me. Things this good don't happen to me. After Jake and I craftily retold our story to a detective, I asked about Luke. He told us he was dead, but how many times I had heard that one? It was like an overused knock-knock joke alcoholics told over their sixth shot. I demanded to see the body. This time someone was going to identify the body, and it was going to be me.

They brought me to the curtained off area, and time slowed down. It seemed to take me hours to shakily stand up. I walked over to the table he was on, and pulled the white sheet completely off his face. The tears streamed down my face when I saw him, and I'm sure the detective thought they were tears of regret. After all, in the version Jake and I made up, I didn't ever want to take anyone's life. I didn't have a choice. I had to stab and shoot him to keep him from hurting us, but I did that in hopes of not having to take his life. In the end I had to kill him because he shot Jake.

But they were tears of utmost joy, and I didn't feel bad at all for crying them. Because I had wanted him dead. I had wanted to see him suffer. I wanted to see him cry out in pain. There wasn't one minuscule part of me that wished him to be okay. I touched his skin and it was cold. He didn't move. I almost expected his eyes to jump open as I stared at his body. But Death—if it ever were a solid thing like it was in my nightmare—had him in his grasps, and he wasn't getting free this time.

I turned around from the table and I could only choke two sentences out.

"Alyssa and Caitlyn Mongelli. They should be called."

He may have been Satan's apprentice, but he was also someone's husband and someone's father.

I was released before Jake, but I stayed in the hospital with him until he could leave also. Cole stayed with Alana and Jim, except for a few hours every day when he went to the house to feed and play with Paint. The babies stayed with us at the hospital. I slept in an uncomfortable chair with them in my arms every single night for two weeks. And when Jake was finally released, we all went home, where we belonged. Two months after everything, Jake got offered a part in a movie. It turns out Orlando Bloom was supposed to play the lead, but they preferred him. When Jake heard they sent Orlando packing when he expressed interest, that about sealed the deal. I guess my sixteen year run of Orlando jokes affected him…just a little.

And here we were, sitting on the bed we've been sitting on for years. Here we are, playfully arguing over a piece of paper that holds maybe just as many mysteries as our life has had.

But who really knows?


COLE'S POV:

Emily came over for lunch, just as she did almost every day. Since my parents got out of the hospital, it'd been kind of a tradition to all have lunch together. Michael and Gavin and the other guys didn't understand why I stuck around for that, but I guess they wouldn't understand what it's like to see your parents lying unconscious in a puddle of blood. That sight had changed the way I felt about time in particular. When Emily and I had finally tagged down a cop, and by the time they finally got the search dogs out there, we thought it was too late. But somehow, everything had turned out okay. However, I will never take time for granted again. Just because someone is sitting right across from you doesn't mean they'll necessarily be there in the morning.

Emily and I sat down in our usual seats. We usually ate lunch at our current location—the back deck. When the weather was bad we ate in the dining room. It was nice and warm outside now though, so Mom and Dad and the babies were already out waiting. Paint was curled up under the table as usual, waiting for someone to drop something he could eat.

Odette babbled something when I sat down and I grinned at her. Odette and Adeline were the cutest babies known to man. They always babbled like they were trying so hard to talk. Adeline was currently in my dad's arm, which was where she preferred to be ninety-nine percent of the time. She was a wreck these past few months when he was gone filming. Odette was content in her high chair. She smiled happily and pulled at the hem of the little dresses she wore.

Emily touched my hand under the table and I turned to her. She smiled and her brown eyes lit up like the sun that was dancing on her curls. We were doing better than ever. She still made my heart beat fast and I still dreamed of her every night. That evil little voice that I tried to silence so much was slowly taking over, and I was letting it. After all, what could come out of spending the rest of my life with her that would be bad?

"How's school?" Mom asked. Ugh, boring topic. Why must the woman who gave me life always nag me about grades? I didn't even want to go to college. I had much different ideas in store for my future, but I didn't dare tell her what they are. She'd probably faint.

"Fine. Hey, Emily, did you tell her about the award you got?" I quickly changed the subject. Dad rolled his eyes at me. I listened to Emily's excited voice explain to my mother about the award she'd received for her dancing and took a bite out of my sandwich. Adeline smiled at me. I smiled back and she giggled. The laugh of a baby was the cutest thing in the world.

"What are you giggling about?" Dad joked. He tapped the tip of her nose and she erupted in laughter again. He lifted her up and kissed her cheek and she gave him her version of a kiss. Adeline had already mastered giving slobbery but sweet kisses. She pressed her open mouth the person's cheek. Odette hadn't quite caught onto that yet, but she was trying to sing more and more every day. She would babble in a sing-song voice. Whenever my mom sang to the babies, Odette tried to sing with her. Adeline was content with cuddling and giving kisses.

Speaking of kisses, my lips were really missing Emily's at the moment. Her kisses were a lot tastier than this sandwich, which was kind of gross. I was in the process of thinking up ways to hide in the bathroom with her when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Emily said cheerfully. She stood up and I quickly followed.

"I'll go too!"

Odette babbled something loudly at us and I heard my parent's laughter. Sometimes it was so happy around here it was sickening. But sickening in a very good, much awaited kind of way.

Emily flung the door open before I got there, and I could tell by her posture that it wasn't a good visitor. I expected Lila, or maybe Chris, or another one of my friends she didn't like, but I wasn't really prepared for who it was.

Caitlyn smiled at me when I peered out onto the front porch. She was actually covered up and didn't have any makeup on. She was still beautiful, something I unhappily admitted to myself. Emily still blew the gorgeous meter out of the park, though.

"Get the hell off my property." I hissed. The last thing I wanted was my mother knowing she was here. I started to shut the door, but she wedged her shoe between the door and door frame. I was seriously considering smashing her foot to teach her a lesson when she touched my arm.

"Cole, I just want to talk to you. I think you made a mistake—"

Emily shoved the door open. I jumped back in surprise and Caitlyn did also. Emily advanced forward and I didn't know if I should hold her back or not. This was so unlike her.

"No, I think you're making a mistake." Emily snapped. She rested a hand on her hip and Caitlyn raised an eyebrow.

"I'm going to say this once so you better listen." Emily muttered darkly. Damn, who would have known she could be so intimidating. "Cole doesn't love you. He loves me—"

"YOU DON'T—"

Emily cut Caitlyn off again. She turned to me and her face was so hard it was unrecognizable. I was so used to seeing her friendly, kind face.

"Cole, do you love Caitlyn?"

I looked past Emily and met Caitlyn's eyes. I felt bad for her. But not bad enough to lie.

"No." I answered.

"Do you love me?" She asked. I tried to bite back the smile, but it wouldn't stay away. I allowed myself to grin.

"Yeah, I do."

She smiled softly too, before she turned back around to face Caitlyn.

"See? You aren't welcome. I'm a nice person, Caitlyn. I hate hurting people and I hate causing discomfort. But by God if you don't get away from this house I'm going to kick your ass!"

Caitlyn snorted.

I could tell by the way Emily straightened up that she raised her eyebrows, and that she was pissed off. She advanced toward Caitlyn.

"You think I'm joking? Why don't you take one more step closer to this house and see if I'm kidding." She whispered. Somehow her whispering sounded scarier than yelling.

Caitlyn measured her expression and didn't move. Emily backed up.

"That's what I thought." She muttered. They stared at each other for a few moments before Caitlyn turned around sharply and walked away. Emily turned around and walked back into the house and I followed.

"I feel like a bitch." She whispered miserably. She sat down on the couch and I couldn't imagine how she could feel bad for being mean to Caitlyn, of all people.

I sat down beside her and pressed my lips firmly to hers. I could almost taste the shame. I pulled away.

"You are amazing. You didn't do anything wrong. She needed to hear that."

But I had that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I decided that it must be from those funky tasting sandwiches.

"Yes, I loved the little dresses! Odette and Adeline are wearing them right now! Yes. Yes. No. Of course! I—oh. I see. But—right."

I looked up when my Mom entered the room. She was talking to my grandmother. It was obvious by her annoyed expression and the way she couldn't get a full sentence out. She sat down on the armchair and readjusted Adeline in her arms. Dad entered the living room a few moments later, carting along a babbling Odette. She was kicking her feet and obviously wanted to be put down. He sat down on the floor with her and set Odette in front of him. She could sit up by herself now and liked to do that. Dad handed her a stuffed bunny and she slammed it into the ground. I caught my Dad's eye and we both snorted. What a sweet child…

But a minute later, to make up for it, she grabbed my Dad's shoe and proceeded to try and hug it. Either that or she was trying to pull it off…who knows.

Adeline was sleeping now, and my mom looked even more annoyed. Emily sat down on the floor to play with Odette. She was great with the babies.

"I know. You told me. Just yesterday! Oh. Well, you did. Uh huh. Right. Well, listen, I've got to—oh really? That's interesting. I've got to—oh." She shot my dad and pleading look. He lifted Odette and handed her to Emily. I moved onto the floor and sat where he was and Emily smiled at me.

I expected him to take the phone from her, but he didn't. My mom pulled the phone away from her ear and he stood a few feet away from it.

"OW! FREAKING SCISSORS!"

Mom ended the call with choked laughter. She placed it on the table and sighed.

"Well, I guess some things never change."

I glanced at Emily and caught her eye. And then there are some things that do.

"Hey, who was at the door earlier?" Mom asked. She shifted Adeline in her arms. I hesitated.

"Just one of Cole's friends." Emily said. Mom smiled and looked back down at the baby in her arms.

"Oh."

Later that night, I had an interesting dream. I didn't remember much about it when I woke up, except the fact that I was on a Ferris wheel.


TWO AND A HALF YEARS LATER:

"Doggie!"

I looked up and followed Odette's gaze. Paint came charging out the backdoor and toward us. He slowed down and sat down beside Odette. She giggled and hugged the large animal. I smiled and turned back to braiding Adeline's hair. Both Odette and Adeline had the prettiest soft and wavy curls you could imagine. My girls were beautiful and smart and everything I had ever hoped for.

Adeline yelped happily as Paint licked her whole face. I leaned forward and smiled at her as she scrunched up her nose. Today was girl's day, and we had a picnic in the backyard. The backyard was level all the way past the pool, and then it went downhill and led to our beach access. We were sitting in the tall grass on the hill now. Odette liked lying in the grass and singing to herself and Adeline loved picking flowers.

Paint curled up between Odette and Adeline. I pulled a rubber band off my wrist and tied off the second braid.

I kissed Adeline's cheek.

"All done, sweetie."

She leaned back against me and ran her tiny hands over the flowers beside us. Odette shakily stood up and I quickly reached out and grabbed her upper arms. I had a fear that one day one of them would lose balance on this hill and go tumbling down. I helped her walk around Paint and she sat beside me. I wrapped an arm around her.

"Daddy read me Caterpillar today!" Adeline said happily in her tiny little voice. Adeline loved to hear Jake read to her. She didn't care what, but her recent favorite has been The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle. Odette preferred Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed by Eileen Christelow because she loved to jump on her bed and act out the book. Odette was a very social child while Adeline kept to herself more.

"And he read me the monkey story!" Odette exclaimed. I laughed and kissed her little head. Her blonde hair was so beautiful. Watching Jake act out the book with her was hilarious, because when he jumped on her bed, his head hit the ceiling. And yet he acted it out with her every night. That's a good father right there. Not to mention, he played every single one of the characters besides the monkeys Odette and Adeline played.

Adeline reached over and grabbed her sister's small hand.

"'No more monkeys jumping on the bed!'" She quoted in a stern voice. Her sister busted out in laughter and they laughed together for a long time. It just doesn't get any better than this. Odette leaned up and pressed her lips to my ear.

"Mommy, I got you a present." Odette whispered loudly. I bit back a laugh. She pulled away and I moved my mouth close to her ear also.

"What is it?" I asked quietly. She giggled and Adeline patted Paint.

"You have to close your eyes," She reached forward and touched my eyelids. I quickly shut them. She stood up and I figured she was reaching into her pockets. I waited thirty seconds before I got nervous.

"Odette?" I asked. I opened my eyes. She wasn't beside me anymore. I searched the area around me and I didn't see her bright green dress or her golden spun hair. I pulled Adeline into my arms and stood up. Paint whined when he sensed my worry.

"Where'd Odette go, Addie?" I asked. She looked at me with big, green eyes and shrugged her tiny shoulders.

I looked around me again. All I saw was grass and flowers. I climbed the hill a bit until I could see the house. I didn't see her anywhere near the house. How far could she have gone?! What if someone stole her?!

I was crying by the time I spotted her tiny, blonde head behind the giant Oak tree beside the house.

"What's wrong, Mommy?" Adeline asked as I hurried over to the tree. Adeline kissed my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder. "Poor Mommy." She cooed.

I smoothed a hand over her head but didn't slow my pace. By the time I made it to the tree, I was out of breath and torn between anger and relief.

"Odette!" I said sharply. I walked to the side of the tree she was at. She offered me a smile so much like her father's it was stunning.

"Here!" She exclaimed happily. I ignored what she was motioning at and sat on the ground. I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly.

"Don't you ever run off from me like that again, understand?" I scolded gently.

"You made Mommy sad." Adeline whispered to her sister. I held them both to me until my heart rate lowered and I was calm. I let Odette out of my arms and she moved over to where she was. She sat down and her pretty dress was going to be covered in dirt.

"Close your eyes." She ordered. I gently set a hand on her tiny knee so I knew she wasn't going anywhere. I felt her clumsily trying to tuck something behind my ear. I helped her secure it.

"Open." She said.

"Pretty!" Adeline exclaimed in delight. Odette picked up another flower like the one she'd just tucked behind my ear and handed it to her sister, and I felt like I'd just fallen into a pool of ice water.

Adeline's small fist grabbed the Forget Me Not, and she set it in her lap. I reached up and touched the petals of the Forget Me Not in my hair. I resisted the urge to get rid of it, because it would hurt Odette's feelings.

"Do you like it?" Odette asked. I lowered my hands and swallowed the past.

I kissed Odette and hugged her sister.

"I love it very much, Odette. Thank you. It's…beautiful." She beamed.

"I like mine too!" Adeline told her sister. I looked over at her and she had hers in her hand still.

I stroked my fingers through Odette's messy hair.

"Do you girls want to go inside now and get some ice cream?" I asked.

"Yes!" They chorused. I picked them both up and rested one on each hip. It was too long a walk for their little legs.

As we were walking, the wind picked up. I stared straight forward as all the Forget Me Nots Odette picked were lifted by the wind and sent spinning toward us. The girls laughed and reached for the flowers as they surrounded us. I focused on how adorable they looked surrounded by the relatively pretty flora and not on the memories the flowers carried.

When we reached the back porch, Adeline dove for Jake's arms. He held her and kissed me.

"That was odd," He motioned at the flowers littering the ground. I shot him a look only he understood.

"Tell me about it," I muttered.

He picked a flower off my shirt and let it fall to the ground.

"Daddy?" Adeline asked. He looked down at her.

"Yes, Princess?" She giggled at the nickname.

"I want to watch a movie."

"Me too!" Odette exclaimed. She tapped my shoulder and I met her blue eyes.

"Can we Mommy?"

"Sure." Jake and I chorused.

I started into the house, and when I turned around to see what was taking Jake so long, I caught him stomping on the flower.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Can't hurt anything, right?" He smiled sheepishly. I let Odette down and Jake carried her into the living room too. I lingered at the door.

I looked behind me to make sure Jake wasn't watching, and I walked to the same flower. I pressed my foot on it and turned, smearing it all over the patio.

"MILEY?"

"MOMMY?"

I stared one last time at the defeated flower and turned around, this time for good.

"I'm coming!"