Chapter 50 ~

"No…no…no! This can not be happening." Theresa still had her head buried in Ethan's shoulder, her tears making his shirt wet.

"You don't know if you can save our baby? What does that mean exactly? What kind of chances are we talking here? I mean—does he have a fighting chance? Do we prepare for the worst? What are we dealing with?" Ethan demanded.

Dr. Malloy looked thoughtful. "I can't really give you an answer."

"What? Why not?! Theresa snapped. "You're the doctor! You're supposed to have all the answers!"

"Believe me. This is the part of my job I don't like." The doctor seemed unfazed by Theresa's outburst. "I can only advise you based on my best medical knowledge. And that knowledge tells me that there are too many variables here for me to give you a 'straight answer' if you will.

"At six months gestation, your son is not ready to live in this world on his own. You know that. His lungs are immature—underdeveloped. We won't be able to even think of his maybe beginning to breathe on his own for at least two more weeks, and then we'll have to be very careful. Breathing on his own will require a lot of work on his part and he will tire out if we try to get rid of the ventilator too soon.

"Also, his immune system is not fully developed either. At his age, he only has produced a few agents needed for a functioning system, and he no longer has any of the agents that are passed on through you, Mrs. Winthrop. He'll be much more susceptible to infection right now. In fact, that will be one of the main things that can mean the difference between..."

"Our son's life or death?" Ethan finished.

Dr. Malloy nodded. "Those are the two main things. We still don't know how he'll respond to his new environment. Some babies can handle it fine, others can't deal with the stimulation of the world, and need a perfectly quiet, dark, and strictly controlled environment. And we don't have any idea how much his small birth weight will factor in. I think it will make this more challenging, but we just won't know."

"Stop. Stop! I can't take this anymore." Theresa's heart was breaking thinking of her son's suffering, and Ethan was silent.

Dr. Malloy looked at them with empathy. "Look. I just want you to know all the facts and be as prepared as possible for what's upcoming. But parts of my job I love most are some of the miracles I see. Sometimes there are children that leave here and we never expected it to be possible. I don't know if that will be the case with your son. But I do know that if we are going to save him, this is about the youngest he could be. So don't give up hope. It's only the first night. A lot of good can still happen."

"I need to see him." Theresa suddenly seemed to gain some control over her emotions. "I need to see him right now."

"Of course. Right this way."


"He's so small." Gloved and gowned, Theresa and Ethan were standing beside the incubator that would serve as their son's bed for the next several weeks, probably months. Besides the ventilator, he was hooked up to IV solutions, monitors; there didn't seem to be a part of his little body that wasn't connected to something—even his head.

Ethan turned to the nurse standing with them. "Can we touch him?"

"Sure." the nurse answered. You can reach your hand in through one of the holes on the side. But be sure to touch lightly and softly. You may even have to go one at a time. We figured out during his admission that he can't handle excessive amounts of stimulation at one time. You can talk to him too. At this age he can hear things."

Ethan and Theresa nodded, then turned to each other.

"You go first." he said to her.

Theresa shook her head. "No. You. I've been feeling him inside me for six months. You go first."

Swallowing hard, he nodded his thanks, and slowly reached his gloved hand into the incubator.

"Hey, Champ! It's me—Daddy." Tears clogged his throat, and for a moment all he could do was stroke his son's tiny hand with his index finger. "You sure where in a hurry to get here. I guess you were just too excited to be out here with the rest of us, seeing what all the fuss was about."

Theresa chuckled tearfully, and listened as her husband continued.

"We might have to work on that impatient thing you got going on when you get older." he said with a chuckle of his own. "But I'm so happy you're here—even if it is a little early. Don't plan on going anywhere, you hear me? The only place you're going is home. Home with me, and Mommy, and Bud, and Jane, and Lily, and all the other family that can't wait to see you."

It was Theresa's turn now. She wanted to hold him in the worst way, but since that was impossible, she tried to make do with the next best thing. Reaching in, she placed her hand on his stomach, and felt her heart clench at how tiny he was. Basically, the whole trunk of his little body fit in the palm of her hand. She rubbed his tummy gently while she tried to think of everything that she wanted to say.

"Hey there Little Guy. It's Mommy. And I want you to listen to your daddy, OK? You're not allowed to go anywhere but home with us, so don't even think about doing anything else. We love you very much."

"Do you have a name picked out yet?" the nurse asked pleasantly. She was attaching the small card that said "Baby Boy Winthrop" to the side of the bed.

"A name! Ethan we didn't even think of a name!" Theresa was horrified, and Ethan tried to reassure her.

"Well you know, we thought we'd have more time. And we were kind of busy with the trial and stuff."

"I guess." Theresa was only mildly pacified. "Any ideas?"

Ethan looked thoughtfully at their son. "We've always given our kids names that meant something to us, or that were appropriate to the occasion. I think we definitely should take the time to do the same with him."

Theresa agreed. "I'll have Mama go and buy a baby name book. I can't wait for someone to bring ours from home."

"Oh. You don't have to do that." the nurse interrupted. "We have a lot of parents in your same predicament, so we keep a couple books here. I also can recommend a few websites for you to look at. You can use the computer in the family lounge."


"Are you coming up to see them?"

Martin had a moment of indecision, but stood firm to his resolve. "No, I don't think so. Theresa wouldn't be happy to see me, and I don't want to make this more stressful than it already is for her."

"I think Theresa needs her family around her now. Her whole family."

Martin appreciated Pilar's emphasis on the word 'whole', but still declined. "No. I think I'll see if Mrs. Patterson will let the kids spend today with me, give them something to do to keep their minds off things. I think I'll be of more help if I just stay away."

"Well. If you're sure."

"I am. Tell them that I love them though. Please?"

Pilar sniffed on the other end of the line. "I will. We'll keep you updated too."

Pilar walked back into the family lounge outside of the NICU and found her daughter and son-in-law staring at the computer screen. Walking over, she placed a hand on each of their backs.

"What are you doing? You've already seen him?"

"Yes, we've seen him. And his name is Joshua." Theresa answered.

"Joshua?" Pilar asked, and Ethan nodded.

"Joshua Gabriel. 'He who God protects'."

"Joshua Gabriel." Pilar tried the name on her tongue. "I love it. How is he?" Her grandmother's concern resurfacing.

Ethan filled her in on everything, and then Theresa wondered where she had been.

"I was talking to your papa`. I knew he would be worried."

"Is he coming up here?" Theresa asked.

Pilar shook her head. "No. Don't worry. He knew you wouldn't want him here, and he doesn't want to make this more stressful for you than it already is."

Theresa dipped her head. Then she looked back at her mother with clear eyes. "Call him back. I want to talk to him."

"Mija?" Pilar was surprised, as was Ethan.

"Call him." Theresa said again. "I want to talk to him."

Pilar quickly pulled out her cell phone and dialed the number. "It's ringing." she said and handed the phone to her daughter.

"Hello?"

"Papa`? It's Theresa."

Martin's heart threatened to burst out of his chest. "Hey Theresa. How are you doing?"

"Fine physically. Everything else is kind of hard."

"I can't even begin to imagine. I'm praying for all of you." Martin said.

"Thanks."

The conversation stalled after that, and Martin wasn't sure how to fill the pause. Before he could try, Theresa spoke again.

"Mama said that you weren't coming up here because you thought it would be too stressful for me."

Martin swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yes. I heard you loud and clear the last time we talked."

"I want you to come."

"What?" Martin was sure he had heard wrong.

"I want you to feel free to come. I told you I wouldn't keep the kids from you, and that includes Joshua now. So I won't be upset if you come to see him."

"I'd love to see him. But only if you're sure this is what you want." Martin couldn't believe how calm he sounded.

"It is. Come anytime."

The conversation ended then, and Martin felt the tears forming in his eyes. His baby girl wanted him to come and meet her son! He tried not to hold to any illusions that this magically fixed everything between them, but he prayed that it was a start.