AN: Thank you for those who took the time to review! Sorry, but writing that fast ended with me having no life other than work and, well, writing. So back to slower updates, but hopefully not as slow as a week. This chapter was rushed, therefore mistakes probably exist.

End of this chapter is where the risky part I told you about comes in...If you don't like it... wait till this part of the story is over I guess. I wanted to write it cause it would be more challenging and fun... plus angst

Warning: Small spoilers for Season 2...if you're worried, PM me before you read.


Chapter 53 Reality

Skye stayed low on the hill, one hand fidgeting with the necklace that FitzSimmons had made for her as her mind worked hard to focus on anything that didn't involve the word dark or stranger...or about a thousand other triggering words.

Instead, she imagined what they would do after the mission. She tried to pick out the flavor of ice cream she would have for the breakfast that Ward had promised her. Went through movie lists of what they could watch...tried to remember what it felt like when he tucked her head under his chin and she felt safe. Pictured herself matching his slow steady breathing in order to prevent the current panic that was looming at the edge.

But the small ray of light was snagged away when the analyst's attention was forced back to the present.

Her heart dropped the second that she heard the gunfire followed by the sound of a loud grenade coming from the direction of where her team was. The night vision goggles confirmed her suspicions quickly.

"They need our help!" she stated, keeping her voice low before getting ready to push herself off of the ground only to be met by an eery silence that set her senses on edge. She slowly turned her gaze to Nelson, her fears confirmed when she saw the gun pointed directly at her.

"You going to be good?" he asked, his words triggering a deja vu in the analyst.

She'd been walking to her van, finally getting some time off and feeling slightly guilty at her lack of attention to her old home when a hand wrapped around her face, a cloth held over her nose and mouth. Her struggles had been minimized by the arm securing her waist, holding her firmly to their chest. Her lungs began to run out of air as she resisted breathing in the fumes from the cloth, but after a minute of no luck, her body began to tire. "You going to be good?" he had whispered in her ear.

Skye immediately staggered back. "It was you..." she disbelievingly stated, the air around her thickening.

"We don't have time for this, flying bullets and all," he simply replied, shaking his gun towards the way that she should go.

The analyst looked back to where her team was before raising her trembling hands.

I can't go back! her mind screamed as she felt the fear begin to consume her, the memories of their rough hands on her; the laughter and humiliation at her pleas and weak attempts to fight back...

She felt the bile in the back of her throat, making it's way forward as the whispered words resounded in her head, 'are you going to scream for me?', her body feeling as if it was pinned down.

Focus! the agent in her demanded. Skye stole a deep breath before glancing one last time over to the teams position. She pushed the memories that were forcing their way through and begged her mind to keep it together, if not for herself, then for them.

But her argument was crushed the moment that he spoke again.

"Don't worry, they won't make it out. Which means there won't be anyone to be pissed off at you."

The analyst's eyes widened in realization. He was doing all of this because of her….

What they were facing was because of her!

Skye wanted to cry, to beg him not to do this... to make him understand that she wasn't worth their lives….after all, she wasn't worth anything.

How could he not see something that was so obvious?

The Agent tilted his head. "You must be pretty special for them to go through all of this."

Her frustration and desperation grew. How could he be so wrong! Did he really not see that she was nothing more than an empty shell guided by fears?

"Let's go," he stated, unaware of her disagreements.

Skye began walking slowly, Nelson following behind her at a much too close of a distance for her liking. With only the light of the moon to guide her, her foot caught onto a rock as she stumbled forward only to be caught by the other agent.

Skye immediately pulled her arm away, not standing the idea of him touching her before she continued walking once again.

She slowly felt the world crumbling around her, any control she had gained over the last few months disappearing in the dark, dieing with the people who were 300 yards away….300 yards too many.

She was tempted to turn the gadget that Fitz had given her on but what little part of her mind was still able to think told her to it was a bad idea.

Her trained behavior wanted to give up, reminding her that struggling only prolonged the pain, and yet knowing that her team was out there under fire forced her fears to switch from where he was taking her and onto to the safety of Coulson, May, and Grant.

She had to focus, had to remember everything that they had taught her. You don't even know if they're alive! her fears shouted. But she pushed past it, not for herself, but for them.

She had to try!

Skye reached towards her ear, attempting to make it look like she was brushing her hair out of the way when his voice intruded again. "I wouldn't even bother. I used a scrambler and honed it on the frequency of the Comms. They can't contact you. Not that they would be of much help."

The young hacker felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. She turned to face the other man.

"Lets just say that I happened to tip off the people about a certain Bus and it's location," he shrugged.

Oh God, FitzSimmons...they were going after FitzSimmons!

"Why are you doing this?" Skye asked, doing her best to keep her voice steady, yet knowing that all of the deaths were her fault...

"Keep moving," he ordered, wanting to get out of the firing zone. He might have called the crew of mercs and let them know about a few details of the mission, but he was by no means on their side as he had done it as an anonymous source.

There was no evidence of him ever having betrayed SHIELD. It would all be charted under some lack of intel...no one except for Skye, whom he was promised would be taken care of.

"Its nothing personal. I need the money," he felt the need to explain himself, wishing she never had escaped in the first place; putting him in this position.

Skye resisted scoffing. Her team was being taken out because he had turned them in and he had the gall to state that it was nothing personal. The anger at his words only worked to contain her fears as she focused on making him pay.

The analyst angled her direction so that she ended up on his side that held the gun before she slowed her pace so that she was closer to him.

This time she purposefully tripped and as she had suspected, he quickly attempted to stabilize her by using the same hand with the gun to wrap around her arm.

Skye immediately squeezed her upper arm, trapping his hand in before she reached for his gun with her free hand. Once her fingers found his pinky, she didn't hesitate in pulling the digit all the way back, with May's voice guiding her to go for his weakest joint.

With a surprised shout, his grip loosened enough for her to take control of the ICER before executing the moves that Ward and May had taught her. The analyst quickly turned, before stepping back and pointing the gun at the man who was currently on the ground.

"Skye listen," Nelson began, his hands held up in surrender.

Skye took one shot near his foot, the chaotic sound of the bullets in the background forcing her to be brave. "Shut up and start walking," she practically growled out, seeing as they weren't far from the SUV.

Once they reached the car, "Get in the trunk," she instructed, surprised at her own steady voice.

Nelson smiled before slowly opening the back of the car. After all, he needed her in the car. He turned around, "Skye..."

The analyst pulled out the 9mm that Ward had made her carry and clicked the safety off. She pointed it at Nelson, her finger on the trigger.

He saw the small trembles as the gun shook in her hand before his gaze met hers. The agent immediately recognized the desperation in her eyes, the glow of the moon making it all the more terrifying.

"Ok," he stated before climbing in, his smile gone at his realization that desperation made people do stupid things.

Before he could say anything else, the analyst shot him with the ICER and hurried to shut the back door.

She didn't slow down as she ran, quickly making her way to the drivers seat before putting the code in. She took off with the bullet resistant car towards her team, her heart racing, begging for them to be alive.

Skye saw the explosion in the rearview mirror, but her mind didn't care that she had been on that same hill that was currently burning only mere minutes ago, too focused on her destination.

Too focused on people that did matter, that were worth something.

It's all my fault! her thoughts reminded her as her foot dropped onto the accelerator going straight to the small shack building where she had seen them last.

*******AoS*******

May and Coulson reloaded their guns before giving each other one last look of appraisal. The team leader nodded at the specialist, each of them having accepted their fate.

The 084 had stopped vibrating as Coulson had walked up to the object and cautiously touched it.

No one had disappeared; nothing had changed as far as Coulson could tell.

They didn't know what had happened to Grant Ward, but their situation wasn't looking any less bleak, the approaching enemy not giving them much time to think.

As they got ready to cover both sides, they were surprised when the gunfire was no longer hitting the building, it's focus turned away. The SHIELD agents didn't see the SUV till the car screeched to a complete stop right in front of them, hidden from the enemies by the shack.

The door immediately flew open as Skye climbed between the front seats and into the back, allowing May to take the drivers seat as Coulson snagged the metal object from the ground with the tarp and tossed it in the back before he happily jumped into passenger side.

"It was Nelson!" the young hacker blurted out even as the agents were getting into the car. "He scrambled the signals so we couldn't communicate and now they're going after FitzSimmons! He told them where the bus would be," she continued, her voice shaking with adrenaline laced with fear.

"You're ok!" Coulson stated disbelievingly as he turned to assess the young hacker, the quiet desperation in his voice causing the analyst's heart to ache.

The entire group felt the jolt as May pushed the car to its limits after hearing the scientists could be in trouble.

Skye's gaze stared back at the building as May sped off. "Where's Ward?" she worriedly asked when the realization of his absence slithered past her panic filled blinds.

She didn't get a reply…..

*******AoS*******

Ward's eyes didn't take long to adjust to the darker hallway. He swerved around assessing the new environment.

What the hell…Grant began to wonder if he had hit his head, but reaching to his forehead, he felt no tenderness. There was no signature headache that accompanied all of his previous concussions in the past. A quick mental assessment told him that his body felt fine other than the bit of shrapnel that had managed to imbed itself into his arm.

His mind felt slower as he began to piece together the events.

They had been on a mission to investigate a possible 084.

SHIELD had wanted Skye to...His thoughts halted at her name as grief took their place. The idea of never seeing her again was painfully unfathomable because Skye...

Skye was gone, he finally acknowledged as he took a deep shuddering breath.

He had seen the missile hit the same spot that he had left her.

Left her defenseless.

They had planned for everything else. Taught her hand to hand, worked on controlling her fears enough to function...

Maybe her biggest mistake was trusting him to keep her safe.

Ward mentally shook his head, trying to find a will to think through the situation when all he wanted to do was shut his mind off; his mind that had taken the job of replaying every tender memory of the analyst...he supposed it was his own form of torture for having failed her.

The specialist became extremely confused when he heard the team leader's voice just down the hallway, in the room to the right.

He had just been outside...outside with May and Coulson…

May and Coulson who were under heavy fire with their chances looking grim.

That thought focused the specialist's attention, pushing the grief aside.

Ward immediately followed the path, the sound of others joining the conversation echoing off of the walls.

He felt hope when he heard May's quiet yet authoritative voice cut in.

He felt his heart soar when the pilots voice was followed by Skye's.

The specialist immediately rushed his steps, his gun trained up as a precaution only to be met with his three teammates and a few other guys, including Fitz.

As soon as he was at the entrance, everyone froze in place as he slowly lowered his gun.

Ward's eyes immediately sought Skye before the relief at her health washed away.

She had bangs.

This Skye who had confidently made snarky comments mere seconds ago had bangs.

It was simple. His Skye did not.

This wasn't his team, this wasn't his Skye.

Ward's hope was crushed quickly, leaving a hollow aching in its place before the realization that his May and Coulson were still under fire, slammed into his reality.

Without a word, he quickly pivoted back the way he came. He heard the footsteps rushing behind him, but paid them no mind.

"I have to go back!" Ward stated to no one, to himself, as the pain against his chest threatened to consume him with the reality that his rookie was gone and his team was out there, alone and under fire.

Out there. Where he should be, standing with them. Dieing with them.

It didn't matter. He just needed to be with them. Because they were the first family that he had chosen as his own on his own and he needed to be there.

He quickly began feeling the walls once he reached the exact spot that his training had stored away as his starting point when nothing happened after he had walked to it.

Grant desperately turned to the group who had followed. "Please, you're not my team and they need me!" not that he could do anything to help his team.

Ward's senses immediately kicked into panic as he finally realized that they were practically herding him, four guns all raised in his direction.

It took him a second to register that a shot had been fired. He looked down at his chest where he had been hit before his eyes retraced the shot from the icer, the steely gaze of his rookie look alike giving him no comfort.

Ward hadn't thought of the possibility that his alternate self of wherever he was, might not be on the same team as SHIELD. Because it didn't make any sense.

Because in any reality, how could Grant Ward not follow Skye?

Or Coulson for that matter?

But the Grant Ward from this universe had managed to choose the wrong side. The specialist couldn't help but to wonder how far off he himself had been from being the enemy to his own team. From going too far, to a place where the relationships would have been irreparable.

He then wondered if the Coulson and May from his universe were still alive.

Wondered how long it would take FitzSimmons to figure out that no one was coming back. Not him. Not Coulson. Not May. Not Skye.

He had failed, just like Garrett had always told him he would, his ex SO's words that he wouldn't amount to anything without him echoed in his mind.

His last conscious thought wished that the shot hadn't been from an ICER.

AN:... Sooooo...Review and let me know your thoughts.

Thanks to VivaGrazia for listening to my ongoing ramblings and looking this over!