Chapter 52 (EPOV)
It was in the seedier side of town. There were lots of motorcycles, piercings and tattoos. I was so very glad I brought hand wipes and sanitizer in my man satchel. It was my responsibility as Best Man to have all our options covered for the bachelor party.
"Dude, I can't believe that you and Garrett had to bring purses! Damn, you two are women! I bet you two will finally faint when see real live boobies. No wonder your women have bigger dicks than the two of you do." Emmett looked annoyed. We were standing outside of the KITTY EMPORIUM. It was not a pet shop as I had previously imagined.
"I've seen my Bella's breasts! They are magnificent!" I exclaimed. Bella was going to kill me. "Oh god, please don't tell her I told you!"
"I can't promise you a thing, little buddy," Emmett said, with a wicked grin.
Garrett looked chagrined. "I have yet to see Kate Hudson's beautiful breasts, but I can assure you they are lovely. Unlike this place. It is literally the most disgusting place I've ever seen. I'm so glad I brought my manly satchel. I got Edward Cullen his for Christmas!"
"Wallets can't possibly hold all the materials a man needs to keep sanitary and well groomed, Emmett," I stated. He wouldn't understand. He blissfully lives in filth. He was lucky to be so oblivious.
Jasper giggled. He always giggled. "Boobs, man."
Jasper was always so happy and relaxed. My sister was so lucky to find a man that found joy in every...
"Man, my fingers are floating. Are we in outer space? Will the boobs float?" He was waving his arms in the air and looking at them in wonder.
Hmm...maybe there was seriously wrong with the guy.
The burly bouncer at the door looked at us with disdain. "I.D's."
We handed them to him. The bouncer was skeptical. "Are you sure you boys are 18? You all look like you should be playing with your Legos."
I wish I was playing Legos. I wanted to surprise Bella with my The Lord of the Rings Lego Kingdom. Star Wars Legos has nothing on The Lord of the Rings sets.
"We are indeed, good sir!" Emmett announced. "I'm getting married to a pair of grade A breasts and want to see some others before I take the plunge!"
"Give me your wrists." The bouncer rolled his eyes at Emmett.
"Why?" Emmett looked at the bright pink wrist band with disdain.
He stuck it on Emmett. "You're under 21, kid."
"But it's my bachelor party!"
Emmett wanted his first beer. Beer smells disgusting. I wonder if they have Shirley Temples.
"Kid, you get to see naked women! Stop complaining or you can go to BACK DOOR SALLY'S instead. Those ladies have rashes, but I won't hesitate to kick you out of here." The bouncer looked like he was losing all patience with my large friend. "We have sodas."
Jasper giggled. "Boobs, man!"
I tried to make Emmett happier. "I brought bottles of water in my satchel!"
"I brought juice boxes in mine! I think Honest Organics Fruit Punch might closely resemble a margarita!" Garrett exclaimed happily.
"Damn, you boys are carrying purses!" The bouncer exclaimed. "We don't have to worry about the girls with you boys."
Emmett stomped inside. He huffed, "Fine!"
Right in front our faces were boobs. Lots of boobs. I was as flaccid as a wet noodle. The weren't my Bella's boobs.
Emmett yelled, "Whoo Boobies!"
Jasper giggled. "Boobs, man!"
I just wanted my Bella.
AN: Part 1. Hee hee.
