Warnings- depression
"It started a few years ago…" Papyrus started weakly. Sans stared at his brother with shock and a small bit of horror. He had never seen his brother in clothing like that, let alone smelling of cigarette smoke. He thought back… he had seen his brother like this. Once. A long time ago.
"Wait, Paps what's going on?" Sans' voice was shaky despite him desperately trying to hold on to the grin on his face. Papyrus stopped mid-sentence to look at his brother with an expression the shorter had never seen on his brother's face before.
Guilt.
"I have a confession," Papyrus said. Sans wasn't sure how to feel. His brother – ever happy Papyrus – sounded like he did. And that thought made his soul ache. "I have not been entirely honest with you these past few years. The Human and I have come to a sort of agreement. We will work together to stop… to stop pretending that everything is alright."
"I don't get it…" Sans said, staring over Papyrus shoulder. "Is everything not alright?"
"It is becoming alright now, but in the past it was not. You were always working and coming home with less and less HP… I got worried Brother. I had to do something to help you. I found that acting happy and innocent put your mind at ease and helped you recover a little of your Hope. I apologize for keeping this from you for so long." Papyrus finished lamely, rubbing his arm. You could see the conflict raging in Sans' eyes but the shorter skeleton didn't say anything.
He abruptly turned and walked out of the house, leaving his food on the table. He didn't slam the door, which gave you hope that he wasn't mad, but the distraught look on Papyrus' face was enough to make you tear up again.
"I don't think he's mad at you," You said, rubbing his spine in hopes to calm him down. Despite not having lungs, Papyrus' breathing was picking up until he was almost hyperventilating. You knew what was happening. You guided your friend to the couch and had him sit, whispering things like 'you have to breathe' and 'it's going to be okay' and 'Sans loves you.' Over and over until his panic attack subsided. When he finally calmed down, there were streaks of tinted tears running down his face, staining his sweatshirt.
You continued to hold him and whisper reassurances as he drifted off to sleep, all the while wondering how Sans was taking the news.
Sans was not taking the news well.
He went straight to Grillby's, the snow not bothering him. He practically kicked the door open and made a beeline to the bar. Grillby was standing there, watching the skeleton shake as he sat on the stool. Sans rubbed his hand over his face and gave a shuddering sigh.
"Grillbz, am I a bad brother?" Sans asked, his grin wavering painfully.
"What brought this up?" the fire monster asked, his flames dancing with concern. Sans had always stressed about being the best caregiving and brother possible. He did everything – even subject himself to awful experiments – to get the money and the support needed to give Papyrus a good life. The fact that he was questioning it all scared Grillby.
"Apparently Paps has only been pretending to be happy for years," he slumped in his seat pitifully. "All these years I thought he was okay, but I was so blinded that I never noticed he was just faking it. What kind of brother am I? How many times have I left him alone when he needed me? He was smoking Grillby. He always yells at me for doing it but he's been doing if for who knows how long!" He slammed his hands down on the bar in frustration. A tear worked its way from his eye.
"You aren't a bad brother Sans," Grillby said, trying to comfort his friend. "You did everything you could for him. You fought through depression and whatever horrible things they did at that lab to give him anything he could ever want."
"He was so young… he saw how low my HP was dropping and thought he needed to be the one to keep it from getting any lower. He started pretending as a kid for my sake and never stopped. Do I even know my brother? It's obvious the happy Paps I've raised isn't the real Papyrus. Is my own brother a stranger?"
"I can't answer that you for, but you can find the answer yourself. You can't run away from this. Imagine how Papyrus must have felt when you ran out – because I know you well enough to know that's exactly what you did. You bolted out the door because you didn't know what to do." Grillby didn't mean to sound so forceful, but he knew how much Papyrus meant to Sans, and he would bet his whole business on the fact that they could easily make up if only they actually talked to each other like grown monsters instead of running away from their problems and pretending everything was alright.
"I messed up, didn't I?" Sans sniffed, eyes downcast. Grillby didn't say anything. He just crackled and went back to wiping down the mess a previous customer left on the bar. Sans let out a stressed groaned and shook his head like a dog to clear his thoughts.
He jumped off the stool and thanked Grillby, who waved as the skeleton sprinted out of the building. Grillby watched him go with a faint smile on his fiery face. He had known Sans for what felt like lifetimes, and the amusing part was he never changed. Sans was always Sans, no matter the situation. Grillby went back to cleaning, not too worried about the skeleton anymore.
You were just starting to doze off yourself when the front door slammed open. You jumped, but the skeleton resting on your lap flew into the air and landed with a painful sounding thump on the floor. Before Papyrus could process what just happened, Sans tackled him.
"I'm so sorry Paps. I never should have left you alone when you were a kid and I never should have let you think you needed to take care of me and I never should have run out cuz you needed me and I never should have been such a shitty brother I'm so sorry Papyrus this is all my fault." He babbled into his brother's shoulder. Papyrus just sat there, shock written on his face.
"B-brother, it is fine. There is no need to cry," He tried to pull Sans away to look at his face, but the older just buried it back into the crook of the younger's neck. Sans kept babbling, but you couldn't make out what he was saying. "You went to Grillby's." Papyrus noted. That got Sans to lift his head.
"I didn't know where else to go… I shouldn've run out like that… I'm so sorry." His voice was cracking with the guilt and regret he must have been feeling, but Papyrus just hugged him until his hiccupping slowed to even breaths.
"I am sorry Brother. I should not have dumped all of that on you at once." Papyrus said, sounding far older than he actually was. Sans moved off of Pap's lap and rested his back against the couch, drawing his knees up to his chest.
"You should have told me years ago. I could have helped you. I would have done anything…"
"I know, and that is one reason why I started doing this in the first place. I knew you were doing everything for me, and it was killing you. I knew if I made you think I was happy and content that you would not worry as much." Papyrus wouldn't look at Sans. Sans wouldn't look at Papyrus. You were watching them both from the kitchen, wondering if you should intervene or just boil some water for tea for after their talk.
"Oh Paps… I never should have let you think that." Sans sounded so broken.
"It is fine Sans," Papyrus never used his brother's name unless it was serious. "I do not regret the years I spent helping you."
"It's not fine," Sans snapped, but he instantly apologized and shrunk away. "I mean, no Papyrus It's not alright. You never should have been put in that situation."
"Well there's nothing we can do about it now." Papyrus leaned his head back, glancing over at his brother out of the corner of his eye.
"Yeah… it's too late." Sans rested his forehead on his knees in a defeated manner.
"But it is not too late to fix things now." Papyrus was staring at the ceiling, but there was a faint smile on his face. Sans lifted his head and looked at his brother with a mix of shock and hope.
"You think so?" He laughed without any humor. Papyrus gave a similar chuckle and sat up.
"I do think so. We can start with being more honest with each other."
"Yeah, I think I can handle that." Sans smiled, and Papyrus smiled back – a smile with genuine happiness for once in who knows how long.
You watched on, tearing up. You knew it was good for the brothers to get all this out of their systems. You watched them embrace and cry into each other's shoulders with a smile so wide it almost hurt.
This is what everyone needed.
So this is a first. A continuation of one chapter into another? Blasphemous!
I have a ton of school work to get to, so I don't know when I can start the next chapter but I'm glad to be back in the game!
Until next time~
Starlight
