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Chapter Forty-Nine:
If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. - Ludwig Wittgenstein
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24/12/18
Shit.
Christmas tomorrow, and you know what? I am the biggest idiot in the history of ever. I forgot to get Naruto a present! So, in about five minutes I am going to make a mad dash out of the building to the shops to find something for the silly boy. How the hell could I forget Naruto? I am in lots of trouble.
Well, I'm not, because he'll never find out. Ever.
Goodbye. I'm off to run to the shops like a mad woman.
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Later
Okay, I had to choose between a large tin of chocolates and three pairs of thick, woolen socks that came in green, brown and that colour purple that you can only ever find in your great-aunts house.
Naturally, I chose the chocolates. Chocolates will be fine. He'll like chocolates. Not as wonderfully thought-about as everyone else's, but he won't know. Ahhh, I feel so bad, but I guess…er, well. No excuse.
I am just going to make him a very pretty card and tell him I love him lots, so he won't suspect a thing.
The wonderful kitchen staff have put up a Christmas tree. Good timing, guys. Day before Christmas.
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Wrapping Naruto's wonderfully thoughtful gift.
Kimimaro still hasn't replied. I shall take Sasuke's advice, and leave it for a bit, and then in a week or so I will send another, that will take him totally by surprise, so he'll HAVE to reply. Because he'll be so shocked, you see.
I proposed this to Kakashi.
"Surprise attacks are hard to pull of via mail, Sora."
"This'll work. I'll scream at the paper for a while, he'll understand what I'm saying."
"You could send him a tape?" Iruka suggested. "Paper doesn't record things," He told him, frowning.
I look crestfallen. "Oh…," I look slightly more downcast. "That's only in Harry Potter, isn't it?" I sighed miserably. "Y'know, the bit where Ron's mum sends him a yelling letter? Coz he stole their car?"
Iruka patted me on the back, and refilled my teacup. Kakashi broke the news to me. "That's Harry Potter, Sorano. This is Suna, and Ron, and Ron's mum do not exist."
"I never liked Ron, so that's okay." I grinned.
"Harry doesn't exist, either, Sora."
I take a defensive sip of my third cup of tea. "Ruin my dreams, why don't you. I always wanted to be Mrs. Potter."
"I like Beatrix Potter," Iruka said absent mindedly.
I scowled at him, and drank more tea. "But Harry Potter wasn't really that attractive, was he?" I paused. "But that could have just been Daniel Radcliff, I guess." I sighed some more.
And so the day went on.
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9:00
Christmas Eve, Naruto and Sasuke and Kakashi and Iruka and I are sitting in the lounge room, watching the Jim Carey version of the The Grinch.
I happen to know the ending, since I have watched this every Christmas since it was invented. And Before Jim Carey was born, I watched the cartoon version. But I won't spoil it, plus, there are bigger and better things to do, because I also happen to know that Kankuro is a hungry hungry woman who is hiding behind the curtains, waiting for a suspenseful bit to happen so he can dash around, shovel some pizza onto his plate and shuffle off like a crazy man.
But nobody, especially on Christmas Eve, wants him to do that. Especially me.
"Hey Kakashi," I paused, thinking the whole thing through thoroughly. "Could you open the curtains?"
"Why? Sasuke's closer." He muttered, frowning.
"Yeah, but, I think you should have the honour."
"Honour?"
"You are in the Kazekage's offices, opening the curtains is an honour!"
"Serious, Sorano, why'd you even want the curtains open?"
"I want to see the stars, is all," I tell him defensively.
"Why me?" He
complained, but got up none-the-less. I saw the outline beneath the
fabric stiffen. I grinned mischievously, and watched the fun
begin.
The curtains were pulled across stiffly, and underneath
them the thick-thighed figure of Kankuro was revealed. Kakashi drew
himself up and scowled at him. "Were you eavesdropping?
Hoping to hear something scandalous?"
I have never, in all my years, seen Kankuro intimidated by anyone other then his lovely brother, and I was enjoying this immensely. Former-teachers, it seems, are Kankuro's weak-spot.
"N-no, sir." He squeaked, and dashed from under the curtains, but of course, being Kankuro, he did stop to haul some pizza onto him plate, before sprinting out of the room. I laughed quite a lot.
"You knew he was there?" Kakashi enquired.
I shugged. "I hoped he was, otherwise I would seem like a star-loving spaz, wouldn't I?"
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MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOODMORN!
Christmas woke me with a bang. Gaara, it seemed, had the day off and so had decided in all his wonderfully festive spirit, to pop a Christmas cracker in my ear.
"SCREW YOU, I WAS SLEEPING!" And I threw all six pillows off the bed and into his face, as little bits of glitter and a few paper-crowns fluttered to the floor in a particularly annoying way. I angrily shoved a silver one onto my head, rolled over, and tried to go back to sleep.
Gaara laughed quietly, and then popped another one in my ear. I jumped nearly to the ceiling, as this time, little bits of plastic and small bad jokes reigned down. I gave up, and sat up, adjusting my paper crown angrily.
"Where did these even come from?"
"Cleaning crew, they say merry Christmas." He grinned lopsidedly. "I'll make sure to thank them, you know. I thought I'd never get you up."
I scowled at him, and picked up a joke. "Why are elephants big, grey and wrinkly?"
Gaara shrugged.
"Because…er, if they were small white and smooth they would be an aspirin?"
Gaara just gave me a strange look, and moved towards the pile of crackers, but I wasn't going to let him get another shot in, I dived for the pile, picked one up, and aimed with all my might when the mild smoke cleared, Gaara was covered in confetti.
"Red and green suit you, you remind me of Minties." I laughed.
"There's one here, if you want it."
I picked it up. "Wow, these guys shove a lot into these things, don't the-HEY!" Gaara was too quick, and I'd got confetti'd in the face.
"Red and green don't suit you. I hate Minties."
I laughed, and fell back into the pile of Christmas spirit (confetti) and popped one of them into the air. I caught a paper crown in gold and shoved it on Gaara's head, and grinned to myself. "Lovely."
We spent at least another half an hour popping the rest of the crackers, and laughing at really shitty jokes.
"Okay-okay… How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?"
Gaara shrugged, giving me a dry look.
"Okay, ready? Ready? You wave to him! Coz he only has one arm, he'll FALL!"
"What if he doesn't wave back?"
"Gaara, he's a one-armed man, it's like instinct. They have to wave back," I don't think Gaara was laughing at the joke, more at the fact that I was laughing at the joke.
And the morning passed fairly happily, a while later Naruto burst in like a crazy person demanding a reason for why it was eleven on Christmas morning, and I hadn't kicked him awake already. Sasuke followed, looking mildly amused, followed by Kakashi and Iruka, who were bearing gifts of wonderful goodwill.
I was sitting next to Gaara, leaning against him and idly throwing confetti and paper crowns into the air. As soon as Naruto walked in, I picked up one of the few remaining crackers and aimed it at his face, then came Sasuke, and I had the pleasure of repeating this procedure. Despite Sasuke's attempts at being the cool, calm, and collected one, I know that sudden and loud noises (eg. Me jumping from vents unexpectedly) scares the bejeebies out of him. Loud, colourful Christmas crackers fit most, if not all of those requirements, and he hit the floor like a mad woman.
I laughed a lot, and
Sasuke looked like he could commit murder. He picked up a joke, read
it, and glared.
"Hey, Sorano, why'd the blonde bring a
ladder to the bar?"
But I'd beaten him again. "'Coz she was told the drinks were on the house!" I shot in, and grinned widely, he threw the piece of paper at me, then picked up what I think was Iruka's present to somebody, and threw it at me too.
After a while, we vacated to the sitting room, and I made tea, and we shoved all presents to everybody on the armchair, which, to all of our secret (and not-so secret) glee, was almost overflowing, despite there only being six of us. Six… I sighed.
"You know who is probably all aloney on his owny, on Christmas?" I said to Gaara as I shoved some tea-bags in the recycling.
"Kankuro?" he asked absent-mindedly.
"Wow, good guess."
"You're kidding, me, right?"
"Er, no."
"He won't come in." Gaara told me, giving me a look.
"It's worth asking, I mean, he'll feel loved at least."
"Whatever."
And, so I went in search of Kankuro, who I found within ten minutes (seven of which I had stopped to share a cracker with the Minister for Communications, who happened to have left something in his office, and I was happy to see on Christmas morning) in the lounge, which was still decorated with the very large Christmas Tree.
"Cantankerrouusssss!"
"I wish you'd stop calling me that!" Kankuro snapped half-heartedly from his spot on the couch.
"I hardly ever call you that," I sniffed defensively. He shrugged, and I grinned. "Soooo, any plans for Christmas?"
"I'm not coming."
"Yes you are," I said simply, and with that, I, against all laws of physics, practically dragged him back to Gaara and my room. I think it was more sheer will combined with the absolute power of Christmas spirit then strength.
Gaara looked mildly surprised to see I'd succeeded, but just shrugged it off, and sat down. I could tell he probably wasn't that comfortable with everyone, but he wasn't gunning them down or anything, so I was very proud of him.
And so, with many cups of tea, and breakfast of biscuits, we started unwrapping presents. I just generally threw my gifts at people, and if they didn't catch them then it was their own fault.
To me general amusement, Sasuke was the first to open his. He opened the cover, and read. " 'To Sasuke, Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight, etc. Love, Sorano. 25/12/19'" He half smiled, and open the book, and then dropped it in horror.
"Sora, why is your head on a rock-wallaby?!"
I burst into laughter, as Naruto and Kakashi crowd around for a better look and go slightly pale. "Sora, why is my head on a pair of walking boobs?" Naruto asked, in a nervous voice.
Ah, so he had seen Sasuke's voluptuous wife.
"Is this person supposed to be Orochimaru?" He asked. "Because it's just a really greasy person with fangs…,"
It was true; I had liberally applied hair gel to the paper before gluing it on. It gave it a very, err, sleazy effect. I had also given it fangs.
"I'll, er, treasure it forever," Sasuke said, putting it on the arm of his chair. I laughed again.
"I know you secretly really adored it."
"Er, yes. I may never be able to look Naruto in the eye again…," At this comment, I laughed so hard I almost choked. After that huge laughing fit at the indignant look on Naruto's face, I, unfortunately, got the hiccups.
Next was Kakashi, who was looking mildly annoyed. "Sora, why do these men have wedding dresses on?" Next to him, Iruka peered over his shoulder, and promptly burst out laughing, I grinned at him.
"Because- hic- I think they look very pre-hic-tty," I paused to re-cooperate after a particularly violent hiccup. "In their bridal gowns."
"I like this one-," Iruka started, pointing to something on the page that I sincerely hoped was a wedding dress, and not some kind of dirty sex object.
"Why that one? You can't see anything! He practically belongs in a convent-,"
"I'm talking about the dress!"
"Oh, um…okay then…," and so their conversation continued, I shifted my gaze, to Naruto, who was eating his chocolates already, I grinned and moved on, Kankuro was examining his coffee syrup intensely, I grinned, and threw him a cracker, which we popped, and I won. Probably only because I hiccupped when we pulled and the force of it gave me the upperhand and I pulled it my way.
I shoved the crown on his head though, and he glared at me, and then unscrewed the lid and took a swig of the coffee syrup. This was so unexpected, it almost cured my hiccups. He grinned at the look on my face, and then shoved some in his mug of coffee.
I was sitting on the arm of Gaara's chair, so I hadn't seen him open his, and swiveled around to see him examining the picture with interest. I shuffled down to sit next to him and look at the photo.
"We're a bit fat, aren't we?" He muttered, and I laughed a lot, and that combined with hiccups made it very, very painful.
"Hic- y'know, I thought that too, but we're not fat, just a little- hic- er, round."
"Everything was so easy, wasn't it?"
I ran my fingers through his hair. "It was," I smiled. 'And it will be again, yo-hic-ou just wait. It'll be just like that, except we w-hic-won't be so round." NB: hiccups will, without exception, ruin all inspiration promises and/or speeches.
Everyone was excited, Naruto mainly got food from everyone, for which he was forever grateful, Iruka got vouchers from Sakura and Shika, nothing from Kakashi (ungrateful bastard, or he had a 'later-on' present which I do not want to know about) and er, food from Naruto.
Okay, so everyone got food-related items from Naruto. Even me. I got about years supply of jelly beans. I don't even like jelly-beans that much! I think Naruto has gone nuts. But, for my birthday he did give me his mothers necklace, so I guess all can be forgiven. I still wear it.
Naruto gave Gaara a present, which he almost didn't know what to do with. I stifled a loud laugh, but then couldn't contain it when I realized he'd bought Gaara like 70kilograms worth of strawberry clouds.
What was Gaara going to do with 70kilograms worth of strawberry clouds? Er, well, feed them to me. But, still. It was pretty funny.
From Sakura and Shikamaru I got- well, from Sakura I got three pairs of lacey underwear. They were quite cool, so I have no complaints. Shikamaru gave me a voucher for a bookstore, which I don't really know what I'll do with. But it expires in like 15 years, so I think I'll have plenty of time to use it.
One of the best gifts came from Iruka and Kakashi, strangely, they gave me a train pass for next year, all paid. They were the ones who had constant income, but I was still very surprised.
"So you can visit us every weekend. And you have no excuse." Iruka told me, I just hugged them both madly and apologized to Kakashi for covering his porn with bridal wear.
Sasuke's, it was kind of like my present to Gaara. It was a small, ragged piece of paper in a tiny frame. Sasuke grinned widely when I read it. "I wasn't going to show you, but I figured you needed reminding of the lovely person you used to be."
I threw some Jelly Beans at him, hiccupped, and read.
Sasssukke,
English is boring. Going nuts… think Iruka got a haircut? Not like you'd care or notice. But y'know, maybe you could comment. Tell him you think it's good.
Why on earth would I tell Iruka his haircut's good?
Because he doesn't look like he's having a good day!
And me telling him his (non-existant, by the way, he has not changed) haircut looks good will fix it.
I think it will. Look at this, ready?
Sasuke, your haircut is absolutely amazing. You are the hottest person I have met I my entire eternity. You could be a male-model. If you didn't have a preference for men, I'd date you. Seriously, it's crazy. You're so hot, um, my er… right side is about to burst into flames.
See? Didn't you feel the magic in that? Didn't it just brighten your day?
Okay, firstly, I am keeping this piece of paper. Secondly, you expect me to say that to my English teacher?
You do know people get put in prison for that kind of thing?
"I have it photocopied, so tearing it up won't make it not true," he smirked. "You find me hot."
"WH-hic-HY DO YOU OBSESS OVER THAT!?" And with that, I tackled him, hit him with the stupid photo-frame. "I DON'T FIND YOU HOT, I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU!"
"That- AHH!- ouchhh!," he paused to splutter angrily at the fact I'd shoved Jelly Beans down various articles of his clothing. "That isn't what that says!"
"I WAS MAKING A POINT!"
"You were just looking for an excuse to tell me- OWW!" Again with the Jelly Beans.
"I was not! NOT, NOT, NOT!"
"Face it, you're right side is about to burst into flames, isn't it?"
"YOU ARE SO OBNOXIOUS, I COULD KILL YOU!"
"You're the one who admitted it- What the hell is with the jellybeans their melting everywhere!"
"It's coz you're too hot Sasuke, and because of that, you will now have jelly beans soldered to your naval, you self-obsessed bastard-," I stopped dead, and then hugged Sasuke madly. "I love you, you know why?"
Sasuke went ridged. "Why?" he muttered warily.
"Because, you cured my hiccups, you lovely, lovely boy."
While this was happening, Naruto had taken the present and was reading it, and had promptly practically had a seizure vis-à-vis laughing too hard. Iruka had said indignantly "I did get a haircut!" and Kakashi laughed out loud.
Gaara was watching the whole scene with mild bewilderment on his face. I met his eyes and grinned widely, he shrugged slightly, and I continued to tell Sasuke how lovely he was.
After that scene was over, everyone continued observing their presents and chatting idly. I considered it a good Christmas: train pass, book voucher (err, well, I can… er, buy books with it), lacey underwear, lifetime supply of jelly beans (did he win them off the radio or something!? What kind of retail outlet even stocks that many jelly beans?!) and hilarious note which I shall treasure forever.
"Sasuke, tell me, why'd you keep this?" I asked, surveying the note again.
He shrugged. "I said I would."
"You've also said you're going to kill Naruto several times," I give him a meaningful look. "You haven't exactly done that, have you?"
He shrugged. "But that's easy, I just need to pick up some kind of life-threatening STI/STD somewhere."
I let out a short bark of laughter, then caught sight of Naruto's glare, I grinned back sheepishly. "I mean, terrible joke. Terrible, really. AIDS is nothing to laugh about."
Naruto went back to eating chocolates.
My stomach grumbled, and I looked at the clock, it was now one in the afternoon, I look over to my left, where Kankuro had been. Of course, I think blandly, lunch was served an hour ago. Of course he's gone.
I stand and shake off the layer of wrapping paper, and grin. "Lunch?" I suggested. This was greeted by agreement all around, and we all filed out, I stopped and turned to Gaara, who was sitting on the chair half-smiling at me.
"I don't expect you to come out, I know, you might explode from the social intereaccttt-," I was cut off, because to my surprise he had gotten up and kissed me on the mouth.
"I have something for you," he said, and wandered off abruptly. I blinked, still a little shaky from the kiss, and then frowned. I hadn't expected anything, I mean; I'd only given him a photo of us looking round in a cheap frame. He came back, and handed me a small box, I warily opened it, but somewhere inside I kind of knew what it would be.
The ring was simple, a band of silver with small white stones (I didn't even want to think about what they were, for fear they might be expensive) imbedded in it. They didn't stand out from the ring, but sat flat in their little crevices. I looked at it and swallowed. "Aren't I supposed to get this on the wedding day?"
He grinned slightly. "Consider this an engagement ring."
I put it on, and it fit my ring finger a bit too snugly, but that might have just been my imagination. "It looks perfect." I said quietly. "Thank you." And I kissed him gently, when I pulled away I surveyed him and smiled, and then kissed him again, harder, and I clung to him with a kind of weird fear.
He eventually pulled away from me, and I rested my lips on his collarbone. "I need to go to the office," he murmered.
I pulled back. "What!? On Christmas?"
"Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean nobody will try to bomb my country today." He told me simply.
I sighed, and kissed him again. "I love you," I paused and smiled. "Don't get bombed, okay?" And I sighed, and went to join the others for lunch, as I went; I removed the ring from my ring finger and put it on my middle finger. "Just in case… only to stop the others from asking questions. No other reason, okay?" I muttered to myself, and walked into the lunch room.
****
LOOOOOONG update, because I LOOOOOOOOVE YOU GUYS TO BITS. Really little bits, too.
But I love them all. Every one of them.
I have three top tips for whoever asked about the writing, (you forgot to log in, it was anonymous)… anyway, um forgive me for being crazily hypocritical in any spots, because I know I have very large flaws.
1. THE SUMMARY COUNTS FOR EVERYTHING. Don't care if you think it doesn't, you see a story that says 'Yumi is a beutiful, icy princess who can't b close to any1. but whatll happen when a sexy stranger turns up? how will she manage her mysterious tragic passed? EVERYONExOC, review pleezzz!' and you don't honestly want to read it, do you? Even an average one doesn't really draw attention. Really put effort into your summary, add humour, don't give things away, but don't be way too vague. I'm probably being really hypocritical, but y'know… just speaking from experience.
2. Personality is the key. Not only your characters, you must shove your own personality into every little crevice. It involves the reader, and brings them closer, it lights up everything and without personality, nothing is funny. Imagine telling a joke in the blandest voice possible. Something about really putting your heart into things makes a big difference.
3. TEXT-TALK IS DEATH. (Isn't much to that one, it's pretty simple, grammatical errors people should be a little forgiving about, but text-talk is the language of the unimaginative… in stories that is, everywhere else it's okay, really. Well, depending. Don't put text-talk in your English essays, kids.)
Anyway, THANKYOU. A LOT. BEYOND A LOT. I LOVE THEE, SO MUCH.
Forsooth? What is that? Am I the west… and er, the lovely reviewer is the east? Wait, no, it's the sun isn't it? Arise fair reviewer! And slay thy ugly, jealous moon for er, doing something annoying.
Okay, so I didn't do too well in last years Shakespeare unit, okay?
LOVE YOU LOTS.
Love, to-love.
