Emmett's POV

"Emmett, will you please tell me what's going on with these people?" Alice mumbled, frustrated as we stepped into the elevator next to a girl that smelled strongly of tequila.

The world felt like it was pressing down on my shoulders, my ears were ringing with so much pressure. I knew Alice wasn't going to go without an explanation for much longer and it wasn't really just my story to tell.

Rosalie wasn't answering her phone.

I reached for a cigarette I didn't have, and groaned, realizing the desolation of the current situation.

Matty was throwing an after party for Rosalie at a penthouse he'd rented, and even though I knew it would be better for her to just go home after how emotional she'd gotten at the gallery, she insisted it was tacky if she didn't go and Alice seemed like she really wanted to go too, at least before an hour ago.

"Alice, I can't get into this right now." I exhaled, trying not to acknowledge the girl in the corner of the elevator looking at Alice like she wanted to consume her.

With a ding the doors opened to a room that resembled something out of a movie. It was an immaculately decorated penthouse filled with beautiful people, loud music, endlessly pouring alcohol and the smell of sweet cigar smoke.

Now, just to find Rosalie.

I tried calling her again.

"I don't understand any of this." Alice's voice rose in pitch, and she seemed at wits end. "I don't understand why you can't just have a normal… happy life."

"Alice." I said sharply, stopping her and putting my hands on her shoulders. "I am happy. I am so happy, it's just… it's hard sometimes. Life is hard sometimes."

Alice's eyes were wide and I could imagine this is a lot to take in. I'm sure she was overwhelmed… I was too and I lived it every day.

Rosalie didn't answer.

"Why is Rosalie so upset at Vera?" She pressed with just the right question.

Rosalie had every right to be upset. She was blindsided during one of the biggest nights in her career, on a night that was already pretty high stress, with information she was already extremely sensitive to. However, Vera was afraid, alone and confused and needed Rosalie. Vera felt alienated by Rosalie's reaction and excused herself early, which only made Rosalie more upset. Then, I tracked Vera down to talk to her and Rosalie was even more upset that I'd left her so she told me that she was leaving with Matty and James, the guy that did the music for her show….

Vera didn't want to tell Rosalie... Vera didn't even want this at all. She told me she was finally being considered for principal dancer at NYCB and that was her dream. This would derail everything. She didn't know whose baby it was, and she needed help. She knew Rosalie would be upset, but Vera was just afraid. I'd never seen Vera like that, but Rosalie was incredibly distraught, and was not able to be reasoned with at all right now.

I never knew just how much Rosalie truly wanted to be a mother until this night.

"It's complicated," I said shortly.

"Emmett, I just… You're… not complicated. You've never liked complicated. Why do you insist on-"

"Because things got complicated, Al." I felt my voice straining as I tried to weave through the crowd of people, hoping to find Rosalie.

We found ourselves down a hallway that seemed to be the transition of space and time. This side of the penthouse was an entirely different planet. It was dark, yes but it was also eerily quiet except for low mutters, pulsing music, and breathing. I could hear my own heartbeat and the light had a bluish tint to the air.

I'd been in one too many corners like this before, and my throat burned.

"Why?" Alice was pleading.

"I…." I started, but couldn't quite make myself finish.

I heard that familiar sharp inhale and my eyes darted to the corner.

A gorgeous brunette was bent over the counter, her hair falling on the side of her face like a curtain.

It wasn't that she looked anything like Maria, but it was still too close.

My heart was racing.

She stood up straight and closed her eyes, grinning as she turned to a guy dressed in an ironically old-fashioned way with a handlebar mustache and slicked back dark hair. He kissed her quick then held her chin as he traced his finger across the inside of her bottom lip. The corner of her mouth turned up and her dark brown eyes were bright.

"Emmett, hello?…" Alice's voice sounded a million miles away. She didn't notice and I didn't want her to.

"Let's go." My voice sounded hoarse.

Alice wasn't moving fast enough.

I caught myself staring, and the girl met my eyes, tethering my gaze to hers.

I couldn't stop. Why was it so easy for everyone else? I couldn't stop. I wouldn't stop.

My fist pounded into the wall, frustrated and I lifted my head up looking at myself in the bathroom mirror.

I didn't recognize myself at all. My eyes were black holes.

I couldn't stop. I didn't even know why.

Yet another thing I failed at.

"Em, will you come on?! I wanna dance!" Maria called from outside yelling over the music and banging her fist on the door.

I put both of my hands over my face, exhaling slowly before I did it all again.

In a matter of minutes, I forgot I wanted to stop. I became what I wanted – confident, on top of the world, energized, euphoric.

That was the last time.

Maria and I got into a fight because I'd shown some attention to this French girl and she couldn't understand us when we spoke in French.

For the first time in months, she went to bed alone.

And she never woke up.

But I did. That was the last time.

"Emmett!" Alice grabbed my hands.

"I'm sorry." I snapped back to the present. "I got lost in thought."

"I'm trying to understand you, Em. You're just making it so hard." Alice noted. "I just…"

Then she was interrupted, and my eyes refocused.

"Welcome, welcome!" Matty grinned, a bottle of vodka in his hand, his arms hanging around two different girls.

They were both short with dark hair and childlike features, but in dresses that were far from the innocence of childhood. His shirt was unbuttoned and he seemed to be enjoying himself.

"You got a little party left in you?" He asked with a smile.

"Where's Rosalie?" I asked, worried about her immediately.

And, I was worried about myself. I couldn't be here. What would I do? How far could I fall?

"She's around here somewhere." He shrugged. That wasn't good enough for me.

And he saw that. I stood over a head taller than him.

"She was with James and Felix that way last time I saw her." Matty nodded to his left.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"You wanna nother drink for the road?" He shook the half-empty bottle and Alice and I refused politely.

"This party is great." Alice grinned to him and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"Of course it is." He smiled and turned up the bottle. "Enjoy!"

I turned and Alice followed, her heels clicking on the floor behind me even over the pulsing music.

"What?" Alice pursed her lips, a light blush on her cheeks.

"Nothing. I just told you to act unimpressed." I joked with her, picking at her hair, knowing that would annoy her.

"WOULD YOU STOP?" She shrieked as she followed me. "You know my hair is off limits!"

I just laughed, loving that I got a rise out of her and loving that she was off my back.

I led Alice down the hallway, further and further until I finally saw Rosalie through a crack in a door at the end of the hallway.

I exhaled, relieved. The muscles in my legs ached and I wanted to run up to her and sweep her into my arms.

Rosalie's bare feet were moving gracefully, dancing in the center of the room to a song that seemed to pulse through her very veins as she closed her eyes and lifted her arms above her head.

God, she was beautiful. But God, was she drunk.

"Oh my God." I just laughed, and Alice made a face, a tinkling giggle finally escaping her mouth.

She turned up the champagne bottle in her fist and I could tell she'd gotten to the end of it. A smile lit up her face while she moved, her angel blonde hair sticking to her face in a light sheen of sweat.

I had never heard the song before, but Rosalie knew every word and the lyrics slipped off her beautiful tongue as her body moved sensually and instinctually.

The rest of the room was pretty low key, and a few people were kissing and dancing or doing a little bit of both.

You could tell this acted as the "VIP" area. It was absolutely decadent. There was a television bigger than the length of mine and Rose's entire apartment it seemed, hanging on the wall and four basketball games were playing in four different segments of the television.

Bottles and bottles of expensive looking champagne in ice were sprinkled around the room and a young man offered Alice and I one when we came in. There was a huge fish tank on another wall filled with exotic animals. It was like a bachelor pad out of the movies. I noticed a girl lying on her stomach on a long ottoman in a slip dress and her high heels kicked up behind her. A string of pearls was twisted around her dainty fingers and her long black hair fell in a waterfall around her shoulders as she made eye contact with me and beckoned me into the room.

I wondered if I would ever stop feeling out of place in this network of people Rosalie was immersed in.

Finally, there were two men on a large, enveloping couch talking seriously. They were both smoking expensive cigars and talking in low voices. One was Felix and the other one must've been James, his long blonde hair pushed back away from his face. We never formally met, but he recognized me before Rosalie did.

"Ah, come on, have a smoke with us," James said with a warm smile. "Any friend of Rose's is a friend of mine."

Thank the good Lord for James and his cigars.

"I'm James by the way, and you're that 'something serious' Rose was just talking about.'" He laughed freely but raised his eyebrow, as if that wasn't something he heard from her before.

He seemed genuine as he handed me a cigar and asked Alice if she wanted anything, introducing himself charismatically.

Rosalie turned, and when her glassy eyes met mine I knew she was drunk. Her smile brightened and she put the champagne bottle down to outreach her thin arms to me.

"Hi honey," she cooed and I saw her eyes were far off as I approached her.

I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight and picking her up off the ground like I hadn't seen her in a while. I spun her around once but it was obvious she didn't want to be put down after with the grip she kept around my neck so I grabbed her legs and cradled her. I chuckled lightly as she laid her head on my chest and closed her beautiful eyes.

"Hey Rose," I tried to conceal my grin as I sat down on the couch with her.

"Emmett, is she going to be okay?" Alice mumbled, sitting down next to me.

I didn't expect to find her in this condition, but I wasn't surprised. I just nodded.

Rosalie's legs draped across my lap and she lay back on the couch, her blonde hair spilling behind her. Her eyes closed and I saw just how drunk she was. It had been quite a while since she had been drinking like this.

I was almost a little angry.

I got a light from James and held the cigar between my fingers. It was absolutely outstanding. Rosalie's body was pretty limp and her limbs heavy on the couch as she rolled her head over to the side to smile at me.

"What happened tonight?" I brushed her hair out of her face.

She sighed, her eyes opening as she pushed herself up on her hands.

"I was celebrating." She smiled sweetly, but in the tone of her voice I could tell she was speaking sourly and full of sarcasm.

"I'm so happy you're here now." Her glazed eyes immediately transformed to bedroom eyes as she crawled to sit one knee on either side of my waist. No… focus.

"Rose…" I laughed freely, shying away from her kisses and taking her roaming hands by the wrists to restrain her.

"I just want to sit with you, Em." Rosalie pouted.

"Rosalie, stop. You're drunk." I couldn't take her seriously as she tried to land a kiss on my cheek. "And we aren't alone."

I didn't even want to look at Alice, but Rosalie gasped lightly, acknowledging her as I heard James and Felix chuckle under their breath. I felt my ears get hot and turn red.

"Alice, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Rosalie reached out clumsily, dropping her hand on Alice's shoulder.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." Alice said expressionlessly, but shot me a look. "It happens."

"I'm sorry." Rosalie's head was heavy and she dropped her forehead onto my shoulder. "I drank too much."

"Rosalie, it's okay." I tilted her chin up so her big blue eyes met mine.

Her bottom lip quivered and she dropped her eyes to the floor.

"Hey, it's okay." I said softly. "Look at me."

Her eyes slowly came up to meet mine, and a glimpse into how much she was hurting was evident before she looked away again.

"I'm going to get her some water." Alice said patting my shoulder as she hopped up from the couch.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I looked to Rosalie, whose countenance changed.

"You guys met my Emmett right?" Rosalie asked Felix and James with no acknowledgement of how socially unorthodox she was being.

"It's a pleasure." I laughed, trying to make light of the situation.

I was being introduced to two people I'd never met while she was in my lap, her skirt hiked up. They both seemed cool and made a joke of the situation as well, by reaching around her to shake my hand. Rosalie seemed satisfied, so I tried pushing her away a little. I couldn't have her in my lap or I wasn't going to survive the night.

Or Alice wasn't going to survive the night. Alice had been pretty squeamish about the whole thing, acting like a true sister, particularly after how irreverent Vera had been today. God, it was incredibly embarrassing. Alice and I really did used to tell each other everything, but there came a time we both just drew the line and now we both got uncomfortable about the littlest things. Well… I guess I drew the line after I found out she slept with my best friend junior year after homecoming. That really pushed me over the edge. There were things even twins weren't close enough to discuss.

I shook my head, trying to forget I knew that.

"You did so good at your art show, Rose. You know that?" I brushed Rosalie's hair out of her face with my free hand, pushing her away a little so she'd hopefully have some sobering thoughts.

She scooted back, and I could tell I had disappointed her as she retreated to sit next to me. I took a long inhale of the cigar and Rosalie put her head on my shoulder.

"How does a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sound?" James asked her with a grin, like this happened often. "I'm sure there's someone around this palace that can make you one."

"There's 350 calories in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich…" Rosalie exhaled a slur in her words, reaching out an arm with drunken weightiness. "There's 570 calories in a bottle of champagne."

My stomach dropped.

James squeezed her hand with a laugh as he walked away.

"But will you play us some London Grammar while you're up, please?" Rosalie didn't acknowledge how scary her last statements had been.

"London Grammar? You want to hear 'Help Me Lose My Mind' don't you?" James turned around in a whirl, an accusatory smile on his face. "And, I'm getting you this sandwich in case you change your mind."

She shrugged like it was secretly one of her favorite songs and had played it to death. I noticed in the small, seemingly insignificant exchange how much history they really had.

He made his way over to the Mac desktop in the corner of the room, searching through what seemed to be an extensive music library, characteristically of course. Soon, an ethereal voice and a steady lightly electronic beat came from the speakers.

"You're so predictable," he accused her with a playful chuckle as he went on the hunt for someone to make this sandwich I couldn't see her eating.

I tried not to put pressure on her so I avoided the obvious.

"Have you had fun?" I didn't know how to bring it up, so I just stroked her hair and she bounced on her knees next to me, her eyes fluttering. She looked ready to go to sleep.

"I really have," she took the cigar out of my hand teasingly, taking a long smoke. Her big blue eyes closed on the inhale and her face looked like flawless porcelain.

"Rose, are you doing okay?" I asked and she nodded, her jaw clenched. She knew what I was getting at.

"You can't do this to yourself again."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She was confused.

"Did you eat today, Rosalie?"

"I just forgot. I was busy and I was stressed out." Rosalie said defensively. "I've got it under control. Really Em I swear." She looked at me with open eyes, her face unreadable.

I was speechless. I didn't know how to deal with this.

"Nothing bad is going to happen. I swear." Rosalie brushed my hair off my forehead with a tender smile.

Alice walked up, the look in her eyes assuring me that she wasn't asking any questions.

"Here, Rosalie, drink some water okay?" Alice's voice was calm, cool and collected.

Rosalie took the glass with a soft smile bringing it to those perfectly plump lips of hers. She took a few long drinks and Alice took the glass from her once she was finished without a word. The waitress in the corner of the room came over as Alice asked if she'd mind bringing some more water.

"Alice, I'm sorry." Rosalie was fixated and was not going to move on.

Alice chuckled under her breath.

"Rosalie, it's fine." Alice smiled, and I saw a genuine kindness in her eyes. I knew that took a lot for her.

"I don't… I don't usually." Rosalie trailed off, and I watched her eyes fixate on the tiny brunette across the room that just came in wearing a nice green dress and knee high socks with a headband pushing her shoulder length brown curls away from her round face. Even by the way she carried herself I knew she was rich.

Felix had gotten up to greet her just out of earshot, but I could see by how they interacted this was his fiancée Carmen.

Rosalie curled up, putting her head on my shoulder.

"They're having a baby," Rosalie spoke softly like she was telling a secret.

Felix kissed Carmen's fingers and I got a look at that huge diamond ring on her hand.

"A baby." Rosalie repeated as if we hadn't understood her. "Everybody's having babies."

Her teeth gritted in the last word like she was disgusted.

"There must be something in the water here!" Alice said sweetly, not picking up on Rosalie's disdain.

Alice began to laugh at her own joke, but trailed off uncomfortably once Rosalie and I didn't laugh.

This was incredibly awkward.

Rosalie turned to look at me, her eyes intense.

"They're getting rid of it Tuesday because they're afraid of the bad press and since their wedding is so high profile they can't risk it."

Alice gasped, her hand covering her face because she'd just put her foot in her mouth. I narrowed my eyes to search Rosalie's face. I knew from how much Rosalie and I had talked that week in the snow that what she believed politically was very typical of an artist, so politics had nothing to do with the heartbreak I was seeing on her face.

"That's what Felix told me at the gallery." She elaborated. "He wanted to know what I thought."

Rosalie's voice was quiet, but I could feel her retreating back into her shell. I saw her bottom lip quivering, then after a sharp inhale she started to push herself up to an upright sitting position.

"Oh no." Alice misread the pain on Rosalie's face and reached out for her, hugging her shoulders. "That's hard."

"Alice…" I took a deep breath not knowing how I was going to finish.

"Is Vera getting rid of her baby?" Rosalie wiggled out of Alice's arms and looked at me like I'd betrayed her by talking with Vera.

"She's not deciding until she can talk to you," I mumbled, not sure what answer she would want to hear regardless.

"I mean, it's not like it's any of my business." Rosalie's eyes were cold and she turned away from me.

"Rosalie…" I reached out hoping that in the way I spoke her name she would hear the thousands of words I wanted to say, but just couldn't.

She exhaled, curling up in my lap and giving up.

"I'd be a terrible mother." Rosalie grumbled.

"Please, don't start with that again," I adjusted her on my lap so she'd have no choice but to look at me.

She was still incredibly drunk and I was worried what else she would say. As polar opposite as we were as people, drunk we were one in the same. We both spilled our guts to anyone who would listen.

Alice shot me a look, and we didn't need to have twin telepathy for her look to tell me she wanted answers.

"Get him away from me while you still can Alice," Rosalie turned her head to the side. "I can't cook. I'm selfish most times. I hate cleaning and I'm a little crazy. I'm an avoider." Her voice was dark as she quoted me from last night.

"Would you please stop?" I spoke harshly, taking her chin in my fingers. She looked at me guiltily. "I hate when you do this."

"I don't think he believes any of that," Alice chuckled, but I could see the wheels in her head were turning as Rosalie wrinkled her nose and pulled her chin out of my hand.

"Alice, you must really hate me." Rosalie exhaled.

"Rosalie…" She objected with a sigh. "I don't hate you."

"I'm a terrible person." Rosalie went on, and I tried to hush her.

"Rosalie, no you aren't." I tried to correct her. This bout of self-hate was alarming and quite frankly frustrating.

"I should've called you, Alice." Rosalie told her intensely. "I'm so sorry."

Alice chuckled uncomfortably, confused.

I looked away.

"I thought about you all the time." The seriousness of Rosalie's voice sent a chill down my spine as she grabbed Alice's hands.

Alice's eyes were wide and intense. She pressed her lips together so I knew she had a lot to say and the words were threatening to boil over.

Alice really looked like our mom in this moment…

Rosalie reached out to Alice, wrapping her arms around her.

"I'm sorry." Rosalie repeated.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Rosalie." Alice broke into pieces. "I should have been there for you after all that mess in high school. I called you my friend, but I didn't act like it."

"Alice… no." Rosalie started, furrowing her brow.

"No, no it's true. I could've stopped all of this." Alice said. "I could've…"

Alice looked at me, tears pooling in her eyes and memories floating in them. Then, she spilled over.

"I should've come to see you at NEDA. I just… I just got scared. Bella asked if I would go with her to visit you at NEDA… She told me you were in bad shape and… I didn't know just how bad until she showed me a picture of you at graduation." Alice's voice shook.

This was the first time I was hearing any of this, and by the way Rosalie reacted it was the first time she heard it too.

"Y-you looked like a ghost. And… I just… I was afraid." Alice admitted.

"Why?" Rosalie's voice was probing, and her brow furrowed.

"I just… I didn't know if I could see you like that… Talk to you like that. I… I didn't think I was strong enough."

"My dad never came to visit." Rosalie said, hollow. "Bella was the only one that even showed up to my family therapy session." She chuckled darkly.

"Edward told me he visited right before they released you." Alice said.

My heart stopped. I felt like I'd been betrayed by everyone. All those nights thinking she was dead. All those days I asked, begged, pleaded to know anything about her. All those times I…

"You shouldn't feel bad, Alice." Rosalie touched her face, tenderly, familiarly. "And Edward passed out after one good look at me. And he saw me after I'd put some weight back on." She shrugged.

"I just… I can't help but think if I'd gone to see you that day…"

"Alice…" Rosalie sighed. "I was messed up for a really long time. It wasn't his fault. It just… Sent me over the edge is all. I'm fine now."

Rosalie reached for my hand. I was glad I didn't see her like that, but I would've given anything to know she was okay, that she was getting better. I would've given anything just to know her these past few years…

"Yeah, but Em wasn't okay. He…"

"Alice, it's over." I cut her off, panicking. "It's been years. We've all moved on. It's done."

"No, it's not." Alice exhaled like she'd been holding her breath for years. "Em, I love you and I watched you put yourself through hell over this. Rosalie deserves to know what happened in -"

"Alice!" I said sharply.

Rosalie couldn't know about London. Yes, it had a little, or I guess a lot to do with her, but she wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to know I almost succeeded in wiping myself off the face of the earth. The come down after stopping cocaine and finding Maria cold and dead was the second worst come down of my entire life, second only to the come down after losing her. But, it was just too much… All of it. Too much.

"Let her talk." Rosalie insisted, having some sobering thoughts.

"Em, I just… I watched you go through all that and I can't help but think… I can't help but think I could've stopped some of it." Alice trailed on, but was careful not to bring anything up. "I could've stopped some of it if I'd just… If I'd just visited you that day and talked to you, but then… I couldn't stop blaming you, Rosalie."

My heart stopped.

Rosalie was silent.

"I blamed you for everything that went wrong when I should've been asking you for help." Alice's eyes were glassy.

"I was to blame." Rosalie's voice was small.

"We all were." I said shortly, frustrated. "This helps nothing now."

"Em, stop." Rosalie closed her eyes like her head was hurting. "It does help."

"It's fine now." I wanted nothing more than to stop talking about tis.

"What happened?" She pressed.

"I was just miserable without you." I kissed her nose, keeping things light.

"We're better together, Em." Rosalie pressed her forehead into my neck, her nose trailing across my skin sweetly as she laid her cheek on my shoulder, comfortable and content.

She knew I didn't want to tell her right now and I wasn't budging.

"We really are." Alice agreed with her, shooting me a look with a million words in it.

"We needed you, Rosalie." Alice returned to the weightiness of the conversation.

I watched Rosalie's eyes open up like the parting of a sea.

"I needed you too." Rosalie admitted, her voice low and open.

I guided Rosalie into my lap and she put her head on my shoulder tenderly.

"I love you," She whispered.

"You're my family, Rose." I kissed her temple and she turned to look at me.

"That's all I've ever wanted." She exhaled. "We should tell Alice everything."

My throat tightened.

"Rosalie, you're drunk." I dismissed her, but I knew she had sobered up with the weightiness of conversation.

Luckily James came back with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in tow to distract her.

"My hero!" She clasped her hands together excitedly.

James just laughed as he handed her the sandwich.

"Eat up, Rose. You don't want a headache in the morning." He raised an eyebrow.

He knew…

"This is the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich I have ever had." Rosalie raved overdramatically, taking a bite so small it looked like she didn't even take one.

"Rosalie," I pushed and she took another bite.

"I'm fine." Her eyes got wide and annoyed as she took another bite, and she took a long pause to avoid talking with her mouth full. "Oh my God, Em. We're the worst New York hosts of all time. We gotta take Alice to Denali's."

"For the love of God, Rosalie we're despicable. We gotta take her." I squeezed Rosalie's shoulders, kissing her cheek and thanking the heavens she was distracted.

Alice couldn't know about any of this.

For sure she didn't need to know about the baby. I'd told Alice a million times I never wanted kids and she'd think the reason Rose and I stayed together was for the baby, or for each other after going through what Rose had gone through. And, I'd talked marriage with Rosalie. Marriage. Alice would discount everything because of how much I told her I was never getting married or having kids.

Marriage was something I didn't believe in at all before it came tumbling out of my mouth last night talking to Rosalie. I thought it was an antiquated institution, pointless for all intents and purposes. Commitment was all I respected and held sacred.

It didn't take a therapist my dad paid hundreds of dollars an hour to tell me why I had such a lack of reverence for marriage. It had everything to do with having a cheating dad and a miserable mom that left us with the nanny any chance she could to run off to Europe. My mom had Alice and I her senior year of high school after a short fling with a young doctor doing his residency in Beverly Hills. That young doctor, my dad, already had a family of his own; he was married to someone else and had a three-year-old son. He left them high and dry for us, just sending a check in the mail every month to someone named Irina. I found out when I was fifteen before my first varsity football game.

In a weird way, I was relieved. I was relieved because it explained why my parents hated each other so much. It explained why my mom drank wine at 2 p.m. and why my dad had so much resentment bubbling over onto us. It also explained why Jane was 10 years younger than Alice and I and why she was the favorite. She was planned.

Alice reacted the exact opposite to our upbringing than I did. Alice put marriage on this pedestal, thinking of it as something holy, untouchable by the darkness of human nature. She thought that if she poured her entire soul into it, there was no way it could fail. I thought that way once… But I grew out of it.

Those were our biggest disagreements. I couldn't believe she'd actually told me about she and Jasper. Obviously I was happy for her, and Jasper is an outstanding guy, but… I was just surprised she told me she was getting married because she knows how I feel about the entire institution.

Would I marry Rosalie? Could I? Would getting married ruin everything? On one hand, the thoughts of having her as my wife absolutely consumed me. On the other hand, I was terrified.

"What are you thinking about?" Rosalie pulled me from my thoughts. I noticed she ate the sandwich.

Was I really worried about nothing?

"Just how ready I am for Denali's French fries." I dramatized my voice but I had a guilty conscience that she'd known what I was thinking.

"All this hype, it better be worth it." Alice teased.

"Oh, it's worth it!" Rosalie assured.

"Well, if you insist." Alice tilted her head to the side and grabbed her purse.

"James, thanks for the gourmet sandwich." Rosalie grinned.

"But you're leaving me for French fries…" He sighed with a tease. She rolled her eyes.

"Really, James. Thank you for everything. You made that gallery what it was. You rock." Rosalie attempted to stand from the couch.

She had the coordination of a baby giraffe.

"Whoa, not quite steady yet." Rosalie laughed.

"No, not quite." I stood, wrapping my arm around her waist. "Now where are your shoes?"

"Found them," Alice said guiltily, as she was trying on a pair of high heels. "Rosalie… we wear the same size."

Alice spoke in breaths like she was saying some sacred ancient ritualistic code.

Rosalie's eyes widened.

"You know what, those are yours when we get back." Rosalie waved her hand.

"Are you sure?!" Alice gasped. "These are Prada!"

"I know." Rosalie smiled. "They're the quartz suede platform sandal with-"

"Criss crossed bands and a leather sole," Alice finished her sentence with a squeal. "They've got rose colored bottoms!"

This was another language to me, but I knew it meant something.

"Are you serious?" Alice held the shoe in her hand like it was a diamond.

"Wait til she's sober, Ally." I laughed and Alice wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out.

"No I mean it!" Rosalie stumbled again as I tried to hold her up as Alice helped her slip on and buckle her shoes.

Alice winked at me like she'd won then Rosalie extended her long, gorgeous leg to let Alice admire them.

"Wearable art," Rosalie smiled. "Speaking of, who are you wearing?"

"I made this!" Alice shrieked, seemingly thrilled to get a compliment on her own designs.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow, impressed.

"I always knew you'd do this." Rosalie smiled, gesturing to Alice's designs.

"I always knew you'd be a successful artist." Alice smiled. "And Em, you were born to be a writer. Just look at us!"

Rosalie turned to look at me and there was a long silence.

"You're writing?" Rosalie asked, happiness painting her voice but my heart began to beat faster.

She was making plenty of money in art, but what would she think about me trying to write, just throwing my hat in the ring, taking a chance like this.

"Yeah, I… I start at The New Yorker on Monday." I said, starting out of the room, keeping my arm around Rosalie's waist but my eyes at our feet.

"Em, that's amazing." Rosalie grinned, sincerely.

Alice's phone rang, and I could tell it was Jasper by the way she smiled when she answered.

I didn't know what to say, as we walked out of the room. I noticed there was only a handful of people here now.

I looked at the time and it was 4:57 a.m. Good Lord.

"Is that why they covered my show?" Rosalie put the pieces together faster than I thought she would.

"Rosalie, you earned every word they wrote." I replied and she just nodded.

"They came because they wanted you…" She mused aloud, under her breath. "You told them to come…"

"You know that's not why." I leaned to tell her. "Your art is brilliant. Every word was true."

Rosalie just nodded as we stepped over a couple making out in the hallway, sweaty, high and removed from a world where anyone but the other existed. I heard Alice giggle uncomfortably behind us and talk low into her phone.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be such a rain cloud. That was selfish," Rosalie said, seemingly exasperated with herself after a moment. "I'm really so, so happy for you and if you had anything to do with those articles, thank you..."

She was sincere and threw her arms around me in a hug.

Alice stopped in her tracks, confused what was happening, but kept chatting with Jasper.

"Thank you, Rosalie. I'm… I'm really happy."

"You deserve to be." Rosalie said, her voice edgy. "Finally." She chuckled, lightening the mood.

"We deserve to be happy." I corrected her lightly, as we made our way to the main room.

Matty was playing the guitar on the couch, singing softly with a couple of people passing around a bong.

Rosalie was smiling.

Alice was still talking to Jasper but I couldn't hear what she was saying.

"I wish I could give you a baby so bad, Em." Rosalie's bottom lip was trembling as she stared at the elevator doors wishing them open. "I want you to have everything your heart ever desires and… I didn't… I didn't know you'd really want that, so it makes it that much worse. I want you to be happy."

My heart sank.

But before I could answer, I saw Matty approaching, ditching the guitar to come up behind Rosalie and cover her eyes with a laugh. She had seen him already. He was way past crossfaded.

"Guess who." He chuckled and I watched Rosalie smile, forgetting the sadness of before.

"The greatest musical mind of our generation." Rosalie grinned and he uncovered her eyes as she whirled around. "But don't tell James."

They laughed together and I felt emptiness in my stomach. Would we always be the messed up ones? Would we ever be able to laugh together again, have not a care in the world again? We were incredibly intense about each other, as in love as love could be, but would she be weightless and happy ever again? Were we just playing with fire? I watched her with other people, seeing how she smiled, how she didn't have to worry or cry or anything…

"Thank you for the party," Rosalie said and he shrugged.

"It's not over yet." He put a hand on her shoulder.

"You should get some sleep." Alice smiled into her phone, bouncing on her toes. She was still giddy in love.

I wanted nothing more for her.

"Thanks for calling me. I love you." She hung up.

"What was that about?" I asked her, as Rosalie got pulled into conversation with Matty, laughing and smiling and all that. He moved the other girls so Rosalie would have room sitting next to him as he played.

"Jane is dating." Alice raised an eyebrow like she was unsure of my reaction. "She went out with Jasper's step-brother Peter tonight and he got home a half-hour after curfew."

"He's too old for her right?" I was taken aback, my heart beating fast. Not little Janie.

"He's only sixteen." Alice shrugged.

"She's not even fourteen yet." I ran a hand through my hair, stressed. "She's too young to date."

"I started dating when I was twelve." Alice smiled a weird smile.

"Yeah, but that's different." I tried to reason with her. "Jane is different. "

"Have you talked to her recently?" Alice prompted.

I just shook my head. The last time I saw her, we'd dropped her off in California and she was a shell of who she was.

"She's doing better." Alice assured me. "Lots better. She just made the basketball team and that really gives her something to look forward to."

"But she's such a little shrimp." I laughed. "Like you."

Alice narrowed her eyes and stuck out her tongue, teasing.

"She's actually not anymore. She just had a growth spurt and she's taller than me now."

"I just saw her not even four months ago." I widened my eyes.

"Thirteen year olds change quick." Alice smiled.

"Wow." It was all I could say. Jane could not be dating.

"Do you ever think about coming back to Washington?" Alice raised an eyebrow.

"No." I answered honestly. "I don't think I could be in the same state or even region as mom for more than five minutes."

"Emmett. She's your mother." Alice scolded.

"I know." I didn't see the point of arguing.

"She's doing better too." She said like that would change how I feel about her. "Mom's taking yoga classes and she's even thinking about finishing school now."

"How about that." I picked at my nails in a bad habit.

"Are you coming to Bella's wedding?" Alice asked knowing she wasn't going to change my mind about mom.

"Yes, I'm coming." I groaned. I was not looking forward to going back.

"Does Bella know about?..." Alice trailed off but I knew what she was asking.

"Yeah, she was there that night we ran into each other." I shrugged.

"Are you coming back together?" Alice asked, nodding to Rosalie. She was swaying, her eyes closed.

"I mean… I guess. We haven't really talked about it. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal."

"It's just… Her dad is really messed up, Em." Alice warned, my conversation with Bella playing in my mind. "Bella told me he was hospitalized after he had a breakdown when Rosalie left for NYU and Ruby died and he hasn't been the same ever since. Bella 100% blames you for her dad and Rosalie just like I blamed Rosalie for you."

I didn't know what to say.

"I'll talk to Rosalie." Was all I came up with, but darkness crept into my mind. Rosalie needed something easy, someone that didn't come with so much history and baggage. She needed someone simple, that loved her and that was it. Was I being selfish trying to get Rosalie to stay with me?

I thought about telling Alice I needed to go find the bathroom and walking back down that long hallway. I'd find that girl. I'd find the snow-white answer. I'd stop being so insecure. I'd be the person Rosalie loved so easily in high school, and with just a little help I'd be confident, in control, happy…

"Emmett," Rosalie called, reaching her arm out to me through the wall of the blackness of my mind.

I shook my head, her voice pulling me back again. When she called for me, I had to answer. My heart could burst looking into those blue eyes. I wanted her to be happy so bad the desire felt like it was just shooting out of my fingers.

I grabbed her hand, and she saved me, as she got up off the couch, placing a hand in mine, and another on my shoulder.

"Dance with me," She laid her head on my chest. I bet she could hear my heart racing.

I made her happy. I didn't know why or how, but somehow, even as messed up as I was I made her happy.

"If it was just you, me and eternity, I'd be the happiest guy in the world." I leaned down and kissed her forehead, and as she looked up, my lips trailed down to meet hers.

"Good." Rosalie grinned, keeping her face close to mine. "Because I'm not letting you go."