A/N: We're wrapping up guys, just in time for the new year from the looks of it. By my estimation we have one, maybe two chapters left depending on how I split it up. Then we're onto the sequeal. So... this chapter, things are starting to get back to normal and Alan thinks back on how he and Eric used to be (because I totally believe Eric used to be a complete jerk because he was just that bored with eternal life before Alan came along and gave him something to live for) it's kind of sweet and kind of sad at the same time. Anyway, please, continue to review and thank you so much for everyone who reviewed last chapter.


Ronald moaned softly as William moved hot, wet kisses down his neck. He trembled slightly and quickly unbuttoned William's dark shirt, a little stunned that he was being allowed to do so freely. Maybe that was his reward. He'd finally get to top William. No, chances were he wasn't going to allowed that far. Still, he lived in hope.

He smiled and slowly peeled off his own shirt, pushing William back to the bed. William might have been constantly telling him that he couldn't use sex to forget his pain about Eric's death but he'd never pushed him away or refused him. He sat above him slightly and looked him over. William lay back against the pillows, watching him through half closed eyes. Ronald swallowed and licked his lips nervously. William had given him no directions, no limits... in fact he'd barely said a word. Now, Ronald exactly inexperienced in this situation, but it was unusual for William.

He leant down slowly to rest his elbows either side of William's head. "What are you up to, boss?"

"Nothing, Ronald," William whispered against his lips and running his hand gently over his shoulder. "You have been asking for this for so long I thought it might be about time let you have your way."

"Really?"

"For now."

Ronald grinned and captured William's lips firmly, pushing him further against the bed. William squirmed slightly- as much as William ever did really- as Ronald reached down to his belt, bucking his hips a little against Ronald's hand.

"Stop," William said suddenly. Ronald frowned. "I heard the door."

"Don't be-" The front door opened and closed. Ronald frowned and William sat up, holding Ronald carefully in his arms and watching the bed room door like a hawk. Ronald frowned. "It's probably just Alan."

"I don't like probablys, Ronald," he said quietly. "Shh."

"You're being paranoid," he muttered, but buried his head in his shoulder anyway. "It's just Alan, I'm sure."

The door opened slowly and Alan stepped in. Ronald frowned and held out his hand for him. Alan grabbed his hand and let Ronald pull him in, not seeming to care that he was still on William's lap. In fact, he didn't seem to care about anything other than pushing into Ronald's chest and closing his eyes. Ronald gave William a concerned glance, gently stroking the smaller boy's hair.

"Alan?" he whispered. "What did the Undertaker say?"

"Ronald..." he whimpered, gripping his sides. Ronald frowned and kissed the top of his head as he shook. "He's gone, Ronald." Ronald shivered as Alan's lips brushed his neck so gently and briefly it could have just been accidental. His shiver didn't go unnoticed though, especially given his position on William's lap, and William bucked his hips slightly- and probably without meaning to- and Ronald had to bite his lip not to groan. "Eric's gone. I'll never see him again."

"Alan, I..." His heart sunk and his stomach churned. He hadn't really believed that he could be alive still but he hoped more than anything that Alan was right. If Alan had accepted it Ronald would have to as well. "I'm sorry."

"Much as I'm sure you two are grieving right now, are you planning on getting off any time soon?" William said quietly but Ronald noticed the low, husky tone.

"Sorry," Alan said, flushing bright red and going to get off only for Ronald to hold him tightly. "Ron-"

"I was promised a reward," Ronald said, moving his hips and William grunted. Alan's eyes widened and he glanced between them as if the situation had suddenly sunken in. "I want my reward."

William growled and glared up at him. Ronald just smirked, leaning gently on Alan's shoulder knowing full well if Alan wasn't there William would have rolled him and have pinned him down. He was probably losing his reward and heading toward punishment by now, but with Alan there he was safe from reprimand.

"Ronald," Alan whispered. "If you two were in the middle of something, it's..." He frowned as Ronald tipped his chin up and leant close. "...fine?" Ronald smiled and a strange lust filled Alan's eyes. Ronald's smile vanished for a moment. Was he thinking about Eric? He wouldn't have been the first person to mention how similar they were. "Uh, Ronald, I-"

"Wanna leave?" Ronald said quietly.

Alan's eyes widened further and William growled. "Ronald..."

He fell silent as Alan reached up and guided him down into a soft, hesitant kiss. Ronald could see William torn between breaking them up and letting this happen, so made the choice for him, shifting Alan up so William could see their lips moving together as Alan tentatively put his arms around him.

"Is this ok, Alan?" he whispered. "I mean, Eric..."

Alan sighed and closed his eyes, leaning into his shoulder and tracing a few gentle kisses over the sensitive skin. "I... I just..."

"I think we're all getting a little irrational now," William said, gently running his hand over Ronald's side. "Come on, Ronald, put him down."

Ronald sighed and nodded. He was right. If he took this chance he'd be essentially taking advantage of him. He'd just lost Eric, he'd just finally given up hope of finding him alive. Every hope was gone... William was right. He looked similar to Eric, they acted similar. Alan was trying to find comfort in him, but Ronald wasn't going to take advantage of that. He sighed and lay down next to William, pulling Alan down with him, wrapping his arms tightly around him.

"I'm sorry," Alan whispered.

"No, it's ok," Ronald said quietly. "It's ok. No one said this was going to be easy."

"I should go home soon," he said.

"You can stay as long as you like," William said.

"Yeah," Ronald agreed as William turned him away possessively. "Hey..."

"Hey," he murmured with a soft smirk.

He leant down and pressed into a deep- if a little short for Ronald's liking- kiss, running his hand gently over Ronald's stomach. Alan went to get up, but Ronald tightened his arms around him, holding him close and slowly moving his hands over him. Alan squirmed and arched his back, pressing back against Ronald, moaning softly- moaning Eric's name weakly. He pulled William back down roughly. He knew why Alan wasn't saying his name. He was still grieving. He wasn't exactly in his right mind. Even so, it stung.

"I can go if you'd like," Alan said, twisting slightly. "If you guys would like some privacy." Ronald frowned and gently pulled him closer with a firm arm around his waist. "Eric..."

"Ronald, Alan," William said firmly. "His name is Ronald."

"My name's whatever you want it to be, Alan," Ronald laughed.

"Childish idiot," he sighed turning away. "You can stay as long as you like, Alan. No one's kicking you out. Just try to remember that Ronald's not Eric and he's mine."

"Don't be mean, boss," he said.

"I was just pointing it out," William said. "Much as we're not going to kick him out, I'd like it if he remembered you're not Eric."

"I'm still here," Alan muttered.

"I need to go back to work next week."

"How come?" Ronald said, thankful for the change of subject. "I thought you were staying to..."

"To look after you two, yes," he said. "But you two have a longer allowance for bereavement time considering how close you were to Eric. Much as I don't want to leave you on your own, we have to start getting back to normal. Life goes on."

"So, what are we supposed to do?" he said.

"I don't know," he muttered. "You're perfectly capable of amusing yourselves, I think you've just proved that."

"Awww," Ronald giggled, rolling away from Alan and nuzzling his head between William's shoulders. "You're finally getting jealous."

"I am not."

"You are. You get jealous of anything that interrupts us."

"I am sorry for interrupting," Alan said quietly.

"It's not your fault," Ronald laughed. "Just remember to knock next time."

Alan sighed and nodded, slowly curling up with against Ronald. What had he been thinking, kissing Ronald like that? He wasn't sure what he was thinking anymore. It's just, Ronald looked so much like Eric sometimes. The way he smiled and laughed and spoke... He shivered slightly and Ronald's fingers slid between his and Alan's heart sped up. He should have stayed with Michelle. She'd offered to let him stay the night instead of going to back to Ronald and William. He should have stayed with her rather than getting himself worked up. At least there was no risk of his stress bringing on an attack.


When Alan opened his eyes again he was lying in Ronald's arms, the younger boy sound asleep and snoring softly. William was already gone but that wasn't unusual. Alan had learnt quickly that William was an early riser, unlike his little blonde lover who would sleep long and deep given the opportunity. He sighed, smiling slightly, and snuggled up under Ronald's chin. Ronald laughed softly and hugged him close.

"Where's William gone?"

"Somewhere," Ronald murmured.

"You're so helpful," Alan sighed.

Ronald chuckled and kissed the top of his head. At some stage, someone had taken off his glasses, only serving to make a slightly blurry Ronald look even more like Eric. He sighed. He really had to stop that. Ronald wasn't Eric; he never would be. For all their similarities, they were very different. It was suddenly so easy to overlook them though.

"William's right," Alan whispered.

"He generally is," Ronald said. "What about this time?"

"Life carries on," he muttered, gripping Ronald's shirt. "We need to start getting back to normal."

"There's no hurry."

"No... I should go home and start... start working again..."

He sat up slowly and glanced down at Ronald who was just smiling back up at him. After a moment, he sighed and slowly lying back down on his chest. Stupid Ronald, managing to make everything seem completely unimportant with that stupid relaxing smile... He tried to glare up at him but failed as Ronald's smile widened and his hands moved smoothly over his back, relaxing him against his will, just like Eric would.

It was so annoyingly relaxing.

His mind wandered to Eric. Was he suffering this much too? Was he already back to work and already forgetting about him? His fingers closed around the ring on the chain around his neck. Eric had promised he loved him but how long did it take to forget and move on if they could never see each other again? Alan didn't know if he'd ever fall for another man... if he'd ever trust after what happened with Eric. Then again, he supposed everyone felt like that when they lost someone they loved.

It would be easier for Eric, he supposed. Eric had always been popular. He'd seen Eric with lots of women and men before they'd got together, and Grell had told him more than once that Eric had his heart set on him since the moment they met. Apparently he'd been determined to break Alan up with the man he'd been with in the academy. Of course, Alan couldn't even remember his name anymore. Just that he was a nice man and Alan had been very fond of him, but he sort of pale in comparison to Eric and Alan had lost interest in him almost the second he'd set eyes on his mentor. If what Grell said about Eric having a hand in them breaking up with true then he doubted Eric had needed to do much really.

Of course, the things he found out from Grell over the years weren't all romantic. Like the fact that once Alan was single again, apparently Eric had made an effort to keep him single throughout his remaining time at the academy which Alan could only put down to him wanting to make sure once he was no longer a student Eric would be able to make his move without worrying about competition.

However, the thing Alan was most displeased about was learning Eric's initial interest in him was the result of a bet with his drinking buddies- and Grell. Eric had never included Grell in that term. It had always been his drinking buddies, and Grell. According to Grell they'd noticed Eric's 'adorably cute and reserved little partner' who they all saw as being a William-clone in the making, who followed the rules, did his work and never acted inappropriately. Grell hadn't said what they'd put on it, but supposedly they'd challenged Eric to take his virginity.

"You're all tense, Alan," Ronald murmured. "What are you thinking about?"

Alan sighed and turned slightly to gaze up at him. "Eric..."

"He loved you," he said quietly. "I wish someone loved me like he loved you."

"William loves you, Ronald. You just haven't been together as long as us. Give it a few decades."

"Yeah, how long were you two together?"

"Nearly forty-two years."

"Wow. That's incredible. And he was always so sweet with you."

"He wasn't always," Alan mutter. "He used to be such a real jerk."

"Somehow I have no problem believing that," he laughed. "Go on, tell me how totally unromantic he was."

Alan laughed weakly and nodded, quietly filling Ronald in on how Eric was when they first met. That was one of the major differences between Ronald and Eric; Ronald would never have taken that bet, Eric did. While Eric seemed to just sleep around with anyone he could just for the fun of it, Ronald was honestly looking for affection and wanted to feel loved. Alan wasn't like either of them though. He'd never been interested in physical affection and it was well known at the time.

By the time Eric started to take a more serious interest in him Alan was starting to see him as more that a friend and partner. He had wanted to keep Eric at arm's length, he never wanted people to know about his illness after all. At first, Eric had seemed perfectly content with it all. He would smile and kiss him like there was nothing wrong. He'd gone further with Eric than anyone else, he'd trusted Eric more than anyone. He'd been nervous when Eric had first pulled him up onto his lap for the first the time, sliding off his jacket and undoing his tie and a few buttons on his shirt, letting his hands move over him as they kissed but had quickly given in, even if he was still unsure.

Eric was never disrespectful though, he took his time and was gentle, but he didn't over step the boundaries until a few months in when Eric had moved the kisses gently over his neck, pulling away his collar and nipping softly at his shoulder. Of course, Alan knew what was happening, he wasn't stupid; he knew what people said about Eric and his few friends- and he wasn't close to many people back then- had warned him Eric was only interested in one thing and that was getting him into bed. And Alan knew that was Eric's intention that night. Eric's touches were more purposeful and he'd slid off his own jacket and tie, followed by Alan's waistcoat, and their bodies had suddenly been pressed far closer together, moving against each other and causing such a delicious hot friction Alan had almost wanted to give in and let Eric have his way with him. That was until he realised Eric was undoing his shirt and his free hand had been sliding down over his rear.

Of course, Eric had been highly offended when Alan pushed him off and left with barely two words. It had been rather tense in the office the next day. Alan had barely spoken to him for days, despite Eric's attempts to make the situation better.

Ronald giggled and sat up. "Aww, I can't imagine a time when you and Eric weren't all over each other. I mean, everyone keeps telling me Eric used to be a player before he met you but I could never see it. It just seemed wrong, you know? He was so dedicated to you."

"Well, like I said, he wasn't always the nice guy he is- was," Alan said quietly, sitting next to him. "I didn't want to be just another conquest to him, you know?"

Ronald smiled and nodded. Of course he knew. Ronald had always wanted to be loved rather than used. The blonde knew exactly what he meant. Of course, Eric had talked him around eventually. Eric had promised to take it slow, that they wouldn't go any further than Alan was comfortable with, because apparently he'd never met anyone who'd ever made him feel like Alan did. And Alan, like the trusting idiot he was, had fallen for it. Within days Eric had sweet talked him into following him back to the bedroom. It had hurt like hell the first time, Alan was sure he'd been crying in sheer agony and he would have sworn it was worse than some of his attacks. Even so, once the pain faded it was more incredible than anything he'd ever felt. Sheer ecstasy. He'd never wanted to leave Eric's side again after that.

Eric had left before Alan even woke up the next morning, which was saying something considering he'd woken up at just gone three with an attack. He'd ended up in the hospital, embarrassed and furious at himself for letting Eric get to him. He liked Eric as a friend, of course, but he knew his reputation. He shouldn't have been so stupid. And then Eric came in, apparently concerned that he hadn't been in for work that morning. He might have believed him if Grell hadn't already been in to and spoken with him, 'accidently' letting slip about the bed and Eric bragging to his friends.

"Ouch," Ronald muttered, suddenly reminding Alan he was actually telling a story. Ronald had been pretty much a silent for a while and he'd almost forgotten he was there. "You should never have taken him back. Whatever he said to get you back, you should have ignored it."

Alan laughed and leant against his shoulder. "Perhaps..."

"Hey, he was an idiot if he was willing to do that to you."

"Perhaps," he said quietly. "But if I had, I wouldn't have got to know him properly. I wouldn't have fallen in love with him like I did. If you ignored all the silly, insensitive mistakes William made where you be right now?"

"Yeah... I suppose you're right." He sighed and nuzzled against Alan's jaw, making an almost purring noise and making Alan giggle and squirm. "Is this helping at all?"

"Helping?" He frowned and Ronald gazed up at him silently for a long moment before it clicked in. "Oh... you mean with..."

"Eric," Ronald said quietly, nodding slightly. "Yeah. I mean... is this helping you at all?"

He frowned and nodded slowly. Actually, his chest didn't feel so empty. He felt almost... happy. He smiled up at Ronald and kissed his cheek. Ronald smiled and hugged him tightly. He felt a lot better. Eric was alive- even if he was one of the only people who knew it- and even if he could never see him again, that was reason enough to live on, wasn't it? Ronald believed Eric was dead, he was grieving, Alan was simply suffering after a break up. And yet it was Ronald smiling and supporting him and helping him to recover. That wasn't right.

"Yeah, actually," Alan said, pressing a gentle kiss to Ronald's lips. "Thank you, Ronald."

"For what?" he laughed.

"Well," he whispered. "You know, making me feel better... for everything you've done recently..." He smiled and squeezed his shoulders gently. "You're a big help. And William."

"Yeah," he said quietly. "He's a softy really."

"Ronald." They jumped and turned to the door. William was in uniform, watching them. "Are you two going to be ok on your own?"

"You're going in to work?" Ronald said quietly. William nodded. "Wait here, Al. Don't lose your place in the story. I want to see how he got out of it."

He clambered out of bed and wrapped his arms around William's shoulder and pulled him down into a deep, intense kiss that made Alan a little jealous. William pushed him away gently and Ronald sighed, pecking his lips once more.

"Be careful," he whispered, tangling his fingers into William's hair. "Please."

"Ronald..." he said gently. "I always am. Don't worry."

He sighed and nodded. William kissed his forehead and Ronald followed out on his heels. There were a few moments of muffled voices before Ronald returned, climbed back up onto the bed and nuzzled his neck again. And as before Alan giggled and squirmed.

"He didn't like being called a softy," Ronald laughed. "I don't mind though." Alan giggled and pulled him closer as Ronald moved his fingers over his sides, tickling him gently. "I'm a pretty nice guy and I'm not going to try and deny it. So, you were telling me how Eric got out of trouble?"

"I'm not sure you deserve it anymore," Alan said, squirming away and falling back the bed as Ronald tickled his sides. "Ronald!"

The blonde laughed and leant down over him with a huge grin, slowly entwining their fingers. "You don't have to go anywhere, Alan. Apparently we have a spare room."

"You didn't know there was a spare room?" Alan said, gasping for air and trying to stop laughing. "What did you think that door next to the bathroom was?"

"Well I assumed since you were sharing our bed..."

Alan laughed softly and ruffled his hair. Ronald had been so strong for him, he was still being strong. He sighed and smiled gently as Ronald's grin softened slightly. He was still just a child. He shouldn't have been suffering. Life had handed him more trouble than most reapers went through in their entire life. And the whole time he worried about other people and being liked. He was a complete idiot sometimes.

"Ronald."

"Yeah?" he said, perking up again.

"I'm going to look after you," Alan said gently. Ronald frowned and opened his mouth to argue but Alan carried on before he could. "Ronald, you've done so much for me already. I mean, you're trying to help me... let me help you too."

Ronald smiled gently and nodded, pulling him back up. "Alright, Al. Alright. Come on. How'd Eric get out of it?"


Michelle was in William's office with Grell when he came in. They were splitting up his death list for the day. They turned hearing him come in. Grell squealed and threw his arms around him and for once William allowed in for a while before pushing him away. Michelle smiled.

"Back then?" she said quietly.

"Part time for now," William said. "I don't really think Ronald and Alan are capable of being left alone for too long yet."

"Of course not," she said, picking up the list. "You and Sutcliff can handle this then. I've got kids to deal with."

"Bye then," Grell called, waving her out.

William quickly divided up the death list, handing Grell his and striding out but stopped in his office door, glancing out at the shared office and three empty desks. Grell stepped up behind him and leant against the door frame, frowning. It was suddenly incredibly empty and quiet. Ronald's desk was in the far corner, furthest way but facing his office door. It was covered in scraps of paper, a few books and magazines, a pot of pens and pencils- far more than any one person could use he was sure- a reading lamp and the brown book with that funny quilted pattern he used for his death list. And strangely enough, hiding under the desk and almost out of sight, what looked like a tool kit- probably for fixing or tuning up the engine on his scythe, even if he'd been banned from doing so in the office.

Directly across from his were Eric and Alan's, facing each other and pushed together. In the middle were a pair of lamps and a few pictures of the pair. Eric's side was almost as messy as Ronald's desk, covered in scraps, magazines, some of Alan's books and a spare pair of glasses that didn't have the blue tint that he never wore anymore. Alan's side had more books, all neatly stacked instead of scattered, a pile of papers, files and a few pens and pencils and the plain, elegant black ledger he used as his death list.

"Will?" Grell said. "Are you ok?"

"We'll need to find Alan a new partner for when he returns," William said quietly striding through the office.

He glanced at Eric's desk one last time. It would have to be cleaned off and moved. Everything would either be given to Alan, filed or destroyed. Eric's glasses had been returned to Alan, William had asked that his scythe be given too, but the higher ups had decided it was best to have it destroyed.

"If he returns, that is."