Chapter 51 Silence, horseshoes, pots of tea

Erik had finished nearly everything on the platter, being much hungrier than he first estimated. The cores of the apples lay neatly carved on the platter, the shells from the nuts tucked in the bowl. He had truly enjoyed sitting by the hearth, relishing the silence. Silence was his refuge. He enjoyed music much more because of silence, the two opposite ends of a delightful spectrum, each making way for appreciation of the other.

Even in the silence, music raged in his head, though not audible to anyone else, it was rich and splendid in his own mind. This was his peace. He sat gazing long into the fire, letting thoughts wash over him, recalling the past week, and how his life was changing so dramatically.

One by one, the cast-iron walls of his heart were coming down….he was beginning to feel…..human…..alive in the flesh……a man. His thoughts now wandering to Christine. In so many ways they were different, and yet something drew them to one another like an invisible magnetic force, one never seeming quite whole without the other.

She was tender, young, beautiful. He was none of those things, nearly the opposite. Then it occurred to him…like the silence and music he so loved, he and Christine were opposite ends of the spectrum…light and darkness….tender and hardened…they were meant to complete each other. In only two ways did they share the same freshness, in their love for music….and the new beginnings of their passions…in those ways, they shared everything intimately, jointly, freely. Erik closed his eyes, a smile washing over his face as he leaned back into the comfort of the chair.

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Joseph had gone to look after the horses, examining each one carefully. It had been a long hard ride from Paris, and each had given it their best. These were his family, his bread and butter, he looked after them much like children.

He patted the first beast, giving him an apple, and a long stroke along his mane. The second horse lay on his side, sound asleep. Joseph set about checking each hoof, only to find that one shoe was missing. He looked about the stable where the horse had been wandering. Using a pitch fork he dug about in the hay…nothing. He went to the carriage, unlatching his working kit, digging around in it feverishly…not one shoe…not ONE SHOE! He had been rushed that morning but was absolutely certain that he had packed extra shoes…how careless of him. The blacksmith's shop in town would most certainly be closed.

Joseph summoned one of the stable boys telling him to fetch the master of the house regarding a blacksmith. He disappeared into the darkness that now surrounded the Inn. Surely there was something to be done…if not, they'd overnight here and continue on in the morning.

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Madame Giry poured the last of the pot of tea among the three cups. The women had just finished a long conversation about the first production that Meg and Christine had been in, so very long ago. Their parts had been small, and Christine was inexperienced, having been at the Opera House less than two months then. She had still been grieving her father, and the sad tones of the Opera made it all that much more difficult for her. They had laughed about how Christine had stumbled, knocking one of the prima ballerinas to the ground. Her temper had been much like Carlotta's was now, and she had scared Christine to death with her verbal lashings. Meg laughed, "now she's a mother of four, an old cow, one leg being larger than her whole body was then!" Madame Giry gave Meg a look, she did not approve of berating others. This was something Christine and Meg had indulged in when the two would sit up late at night. The ends of their beds touching they would push their pillows together and sit and talk late into the night sometimes, unless they were discovered.

Meg smiled at Christine, something was apologetic in her eyes, and Christine knew what she was trying to say, without ever having to say it in words. Madame Giry sensed the two needed to spend some time alone, it was a necessary step now…some things needed to be aired…things shared between sisters, a mother's presence only hindered their ability to speak freely.

Madame Giry rose, tea cup in hand. "I think I will wander over and find Stephan. We've tarried much longer than I'd expected, we should be getting on our way, we've still a distance to travel." She paused, looking down at the two girls who she'd raised. She loved them both dearly, and silently prayed that the recent developments would not drive a wedge between them. "You two stay and enjoy the rest of your tea." She turned and walked to the doors, sliding them open, disappearing on the other side.

The silence was at first awkward. The two sat sipping their tea, feebly fumbling with their silver spoons to stir the cooling brew. Christine stared at the ground, swallowing hard she began, "Meg, my dearest Meg, you and I have shared so much, been through so much together." She paused, looking Meg in the eye, and continued. "These last days have been extraordinary…so much has changed our circumstances." She drew in a deep breath and sighed.

"I've not known love as I do now Meg…." She lowered her voice to just barely above a whisper "Erik is wonderful…he is all that I dreamed of…all that I've dreamed of for many years." Christine's eyes began to glisten, a soft thoughtful smile crossing her face. "I'd loved him all these years…in different ways…first as a guardian…an angel…then as a tutor….a friend…"

Christine's tears spilled over onto her porcelain cheeks. She looked Meg deeply in the eye, "now…I love him as a husband…the man I dreamed of spending my life with….I know it is not logical…the choices I've made…but I must be true to my heart….to my soul….I've loved him all along…." She paused, drawing in a deep breath, glancing once again toward the ground. "Anything…anyone else along the way has been nothing more than a distraction from my true feelings for Erik."

She looked back up again at Meg who was staring at her looking so distraught Christine thought she would faint. "Meg, we are both still young, you and I, and as such we haven't matured in all ways….forgive me for my momentary jealousy…it is completely without foundation….I am now another man's wife…I have no hold on Raoul." Christine swallowed hard, she knew her own words were difficult…and would be true…in time.

Meg reached out and took Christine's hand in her own. "Christine, my sister, do forgive me…." She looked down at the ground. "I do not know what happened. It is difficult to say how really, I guess it might have been inadvertent on my part, what with trying to pretend to be sad for your loss, when I knew full well you were sitting up in your room safe in Erik's arms. I knew so much more than Raoul did, and it was almost my undoing. I had to pretend to be sad, yet I was happy for you…but the pain…the pain in Raoul's face was unbearable."

Christine looked away, the blush of shame rising in her cheeks. "He loved you Christine…he still loves you, and I know his heart is breaking for not knowing of your whereabouts."

Christine rose, walking toward the window, trying to peer out at the black night sky. "Don't think I've not grieved over this myself…he deserved so much more…" Christine's face was wet with tears that now flowed freely.

Meg went to her side. "Christine, I know that you followed your heart, you did what your heart bid you to do…you are happy…you are blessed." Christine smiled at Meg through her tears.

"Raoul will one day find happiness again…but it pains me to think he will never really know what became of you…his mind will always wonder." Christine nodded. "Perhaps one day….a very long time from now, he can know…long after he is married himself…and would no longer be concerned of such things" Christine said in a hushed breath.

Meg nodded, leading Christine back to the chairs at the table.

"Christine," Meg began, no longer wishing for there to be any secrets between them, "Raoul has offered to have me come to the city in a month or so, to stay with his sister, so I might rest in my labors of caring for my aunt and uncle." Christine's eyes flashed at Meg, a temporary rising but then calmed as quickly as they'd done so. "I see. And what have you decided to do…what did you tell him?"

Meg looked away. "I sent him a note while we were still at Sara's." Meg blushed a little. Christine's expression turned serious, that of an older sibling about to chastise a younger. "Meg, you know very well that this would be impossible. We will be far from here…we shan't want anyone to know where we are really going to be!" Christine's voice rising and lowering, it quivered.

Meg looked at Christine, mustering her courage she said "I know of the risks, and great pains would have to be taken to do such a thing, but I think it would actually provide us with more time, and more safety if I could return, perhaps several times over the next month or two, it would make the transition much easier…at some point we could say we've need to stay with our aunt and uncle for a season or two, as they were bedridden now and in need of constant care." Meg paused, waiting for Christine to reply.

Christine blinked several times. She must put her own ridiculous jealousy aside and think this through rationally. Meg's words were true. It would allow them to stay away longer without being suspected. After all the groundwork had already been laid, it was plausible that Madame Giry and Meg would have to stay to care for them. It could give them three or four months of unquestioned peace….it just might work.

"Meg, I'd fear for you while you were gone, it is much to keep to yourself, so much pretense you would have to provide. Let us speak to mother and to Erik before anything is decided." Meg smiled at Christine. The pair rose.

Christine took Meg's hand, "there is one thing I must ask you, and it shan't matter to me now, but I must know…" Meg swallowed, this was the question she'd hoped to avoid, but knew was coming.

"Do you fancy him Meg?" Meg looked down. "I would be dishonest if I said I did not find him pleasing." Meg blushed. "Do you fancy him as a suitor Meg?" Christine's question becoming rather pointed. Meg looked up at Christine "that is not my intention sister, as I know that would mean you and I would be parted forever." She reached out grabbing Christine, pulling her into an embrace. The two shed tears as they stood hugging one another in the silence of the room. Another bridge had been crossed, a new gate opened.

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Madame Giry crossed the hall, trying to make sound with her shoes, something she had always been conscious to avoid.

Erik turned, hearing her footsteps he rose to greet her, guiding her to the chair next to his. Madame Giry thought how very at home Erik seemed in those surroundings, a gentleman, in a gentleman's quarters.

"Do not tell me you tire of your tea and long for a whiskey." Erik said to her playfully. "No, no, I've come to check on things. Have you enjoyed your quiet?" "Yes, I dare say I was more in need of it than I had thought. It gave me time to do a bit of reading."

"Really, and what of this vast collection did you select?" said Madame Giry glancing over at the large volume filled shelves beyond Erik.

"Tennyson." Erik said, gazing again into the fire. Madame Giry looked concerned "pray do tell me it was not 'Elaine and Lancelot'" she asked, already knowing the answer by looking at Erik's face. She sighed, remembering how he had been silent for days after returning that volume to her many years ago. It hadn't been until she read it herself that she had understood why. Now Erik was punishing himself by reading it again.

"Why do you torture yourself so? That is all in the past now. She's your wife…" Madame Giry reached out covering Erik's hand. He drew it sharply away. "You know of my life, my age, my moods….does my desire to have her condemn her to live with such a beast? One so much older than she? Erik's eyes had fire in them as he looked at Madame Giry.

"Erik, a heart wants what it will, we have little power to stop it once it's fixed on something…..without denying ourselves, forever ignoring it's beating. It was meant to be…you were meant to be together." She looked down at the same flames that Erik now stared into. "It will not be easy. There will be quarrels, there will be moves to different homes, there will be family…."

Erik closed his eyes tightly, listening to her words. Madame Giry reached out and lifted his chin so he could not avoid her eyes. "These are things that all families do. Your love is a great love…so few find in this life….how can you deny yourself, deny Christine this chance to love as no others can love? Erik, let go….let go of that self loathing and let her LOVE you. I see it in her eyes at the very mention of your name."

A small smile crossed Erik's face. Madame Giry rested back in the chair. "Did you know she dreams of you? Dreams of your family, of watching you with your daughter on the beach?" Erik shook his head "yes, she's mentioned it."

"When a young wife begins to dream of a family, she is unconsciously relinquishing her future to her husband, to her children. Christine has no other desire but to be with you, to have a family with you."

Madame Giry took his face into her hands. "She dreams of you now even with her eyes open. She loves you. You've come this far, brought us all this far…there's no turning back now Erik, she is in your hands, love her…love her as you've dreamed of for years, for surely you know you are past the point of no return."

Erik looked up at Madame Giry, a vulnerability in his eyes she'd not seen in a good many years. His eyes were thanking her, saying he trusted her, asking will you help me.

Madame Giry reached out and touched his hand. "I shall be here to help you, do not worry. You've never abandoned me or Meg, my gratitude leaves me without words to express it. I shall help you however I can, for I love you both."

Erik smiled back at Madame Giry, his shoulders squaring. "Perhaps I should go to check with Joseph. It has been some time since we've stopped. Nadir will be looking for us at the Inn, no doubt worrying about our late arrival." Erik stood and went out the front door, leaving Madame Giry alone in the room.

She sat, head in hands silently praying. "Great Lord, in your infinite wisdom, give us the knowledge we require to do what is needed, and the courage to do it."

She lifted her head, curious look on her face, "Wait, Stephan?" She called after him, alas he was gone. "Who is Nadir?" Madame Giry said below her breath shrugging her shoulders. There was much she didn't know. She'd go to collect the girls…..she laughed at herself…they were hardly girls anymore.