Chapter 54
Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer - this is a work of fan fiction, except for the legends and histories of the Quileute that, of course, belong to them. I pay my respects to their gods.
Thanks to BanSidhe [ruadh sidhe] and Feebes86 for betaing and pre-reading.
[AN: seems all very dialogue heavy here - but they have a lot to chat about.]
"Is Charlie home?" Bella asked suddenly; her voice dropping to a whisper.
Paul whispered back, "Yeah. I heard him come in late."
"So he doesn't know you are here?"
"He would have seen my truck parked out front. He's not stupid."
"So we have to be really quiet."
"Can you do that? Keep quiet?" he teased.
She giggled weakly. Then blinked quickly.
"Oh, no," he crooned at her. "Don't get sad."
"Make love to me, Paul."
"I don't do that."
"Yes, you do." She clutched at him. "Make love to me the way you always do. Gently."
He looked into her eyes. And all his plans went out the window. He stared into her face; with her devastated, tear ravaged eyes and he held her close. He whispered to her that she was beautiful and that he wanted to have her. He almost said the L word, but he stopped himself.
He slid his hand down under her thigh and lifted her leg up onto his hip. He reached down and stroked through her folds. She was still gripping him and she stroked her hand along his length. She often felt tentative and hesitant. He actually liked it. It reminded him that he was still Bella's one and only, as far as he knew. He was special to her. And if he was going to admit it to himself, she was special to him.
He shifted her a little against him and kissed her. Gently. As requested. Tiny little pecks that deepened only when she asked for it. And then she got a touch of desperation. She clung to him. Her fingers dug into his shoulders and she wrapped her legs around him; holding him as hard as she could.
He crooned at her. He called her 'baby', like Leah usually did. He shushed her when she cried out. Pushing her face into his chest to keep her quiet, so that her father didn't hear them. He had to work his way into her; she was so tight. He wrapped his strong arms around her and held her tight, rocking her onto him.
When he needed more room to move, he rolled her onto her back and lifted himself above her. He made long slow movements into her, that didn't jar the bed or thump it into the wall so that Charlie could hear them. He just rolled his hips; the way he knew she liked it.
"See," she whispered to him.
He smiled at her sadly.
Her head threw back and she groaned. She put her own hand over her mouth to keep quiet. Knowing she was so close, he increased the pace. He watched her intently and lost track of whether he was doing this for her or for himself.
He had missed her, too. That was the last coherent thought he had before he lost himself in her.
He and Bella had always talked to each other. They lay in her bed, with his arm around her shoulders. She was drawing on his chest with her fingers.
"So explain to me why you didn't keep fighting," he said.
"Fight for Leah? With him?"
"Yeah. What's his name?"
"You don't know?"
He did, but he needed her to talk about it. "I've been kind of avoiding phasing lately, so I missed all the pack stuff, except for what Seth filled me in on, on the way back."
"Leah isn't phasing, either."
"Seth told me she was stuck. What the fuck? So why the imprint?"
"She resigned from the pack - you remember? After you…"
Yes, he remembered. "We talked about that before. So, what's his name?"
"Kirrin."
"Isn't that a girl's name?"
She chuckled weakly. "Sounds like it, doesn't it? But no, he's all man." She said it as if he had the plague.
"So he's one of those?"
"Those?"
"Super straight laced conservatives."
"Yes. At least, I think so."
"What was he like to live with? Did he move in?"
"No. He sleeps at Emily's but stayed around a lot."
"Seriously?"
"Dinner on the table at seven pm."
"Let me guess, you cooked it anyway?"
"Yes. He doesn't cook."
"And Leah can't cook."
A pause. He was trying to imagine Leah as some nineteen fifties housewife with a frilly apron… and failing. "Jeez. Well, look at it this way; if she is cooking for him now that you are gone, you only have to wait it out."
"Pardon?"
"He'll be dead within a month if he eats her cooking."
She chuckled again. It sounded stronger this time.
"So why didn't you fight for her?" he asked. "You said you felt like killing him - why didn't you try? Grab the cooking knife and threaten him."
"Kill him to get her back and ruin her one chance for happiness with her imprint?"
"Oh, Bella." He hugged her. "You love her that much?"
She just nodded mutely.
"Now, don't cry again," he begged. "Just think about those two probably having sex in the dark."
"If they are even having sex."
Paul snorted. "Oh heck. Is he a wait until marriage, kind of guy, too?"
"I think so."
"Jesus. Tell me Leah is not going to marry him?"
"I don't know. She doesn't talk to me much anymore." It sounded as if it hurt her to say that. He winced, just hearing it.
"Why would you buy a car you can't take for a test drive?" he asked.
"I used to think that you should wait until marriage too. A long time ago," she hastened to add, at the look on his face.
She did have a previous boyfriend. The cause of half their damn problems; sparkle-dick Cullen. "Edward?"
"Yes, he didn't believe in sex before marriage."
No, otherwise she wouldn't have been a virgin for him. "Maybe he should marry Kirrin?"
She snorted. "Oh dear, me, no." She whispered, "He's not good with gays, either."
Paul thought about it. "You need to fight. So first off, you have to fight for her. Play dirty if you have to, but get her to notice you."
"So if I stay with you, she'll notice that?"
"Yes, she will. And we'll make sure she sees it; if we can. Plus you said us together is our secret weapon."
"No pack mind will make it tricky for her to 'see' stuff."
"You sneaky thing," he teased. "You'd make me flash sex memories at her, wouldn't you?'
"I would, but we can't use it if she isn't phasing."
"We'll think of something. The No Sex issue is a good thing for us."
"It is?"
"Leah likes sex. We can use that against him."
"How?"
"I don't know yet," he admitted.
She sighed. "What does the pack think?"
"I'm not entirely sure. Seth showed me the meeting where they all talked it over."
"Typical. Bunch of gossips."
"You have more supporters than you know. Kim made some snarky comment and Emily slapped her and ordered her out of her house."
"Emily did?"
He nodded.
"Oh, my God. Emily?" she repeated.
"Yep and Sam lied to Leah; said he was happy for her, but told the pack this imprint feels wrong."
"That was really hard for him to admit."
"He's the imprint poster boy. It's what he wants and he thinks that it will make everyone else happy, too. He's a big believer in the wonders of imprinting. It worked for him. Or at least, it did, up until this happened."
"But he has baby Nate and Emily and they are all happy. He thinks imprinting gave him all of that."
"Yeah. I suppose it did, but Leah isn't Sam. And he would never leave that kid's mother. That would make him a scumbag like his father."
"I hadn't thought about that. And Nate is adorable."
"Seth is worried about you both. He really liked you two together."
"Yes. I think he saw it, before anyone else did. Almost before we saw it, too." She sighed. "But that was so long ago, now. Seth tried to warn you off, too. Didn't he?"
"Yeah. Jared is another imprint believer, too," Paul said.
"Makes sense. It gave him Kim."
"Kim. You've heard that story?"
"I just knew it was sudden. She handed him his pen at school or something, didn't she?"
"It was sudden. But he had known her for years. She sat next to him in every single one of his classes and he could not have even have told you her name if you had asked him. It was weird. She, on the other hand had a massive crush on him for years. How could she be his perfect match?"
"So she didn't appeal to him in any sense? Not even looks - he would have noticed her, otherwise. Especially with the crush thing." Bella sounded puzzled.
"Voice, smell, you name them all, and he didn't notice her with any of his five senses. Until the imprint. And then the sun shone out of her damn armpit."
"But they are… happy."
"Yes, they are. But they aren't Leah, either."
"Or you," she pointed out.
He shrugged.
"What about the others?" Bella asked. "Nothing has changed recently, has it?"
"Nope. Not in the last week. They are all where they were. Embry isn't imprinted and he is fine about that. He's pretty quiet and he doesn't often say what is on his mind. I think he liked Leah, a while back, but he missed his chance. Quil is still a complete goofball. Jake is…" he stopped.
"What?"
"He's dating a girl."
"I knew that. Lily."
"But I think he's half hoping."
She just stared at him.
"I got a flash from him a few days ago before he shut it down. You're single again. I'm surprised he wasn't here before me."
She got an odd look on her face. "He was. He tried. I don't know what he was thinking, but I sent him away. Told him to think of Lily."
"Wow."
"It was too much for me. I would have sent you away, too, if I had been awake."
"Lucky for me you weren't then, eh? And of course, I probably just wouldn't have gone. And Charlie was on a shift and couldn't stop me." He knew Bella well. "Did you cry after he left?"
She nodded. "I felt worse. Too much history. It reminded me of all that, as well."
"So much for him helping." He stroked her hair. "He doesn't want to fix you; he wants you to fix him. To complete him."
"And I can't. I don't have enough of me left to give away."
"I understand that."
"Thanks, Paul. Charlie asked him to call me later. Oh, my God. Charlie," she panicked.
"Shush. He's still asleep."
"Still?"
"It's only early."
"You woke me up very early."
"I did." He kissed her again.
"Paul?"
"Hmmm."
"What if you imprint?"
She was not going to let it go, now. "I won't. I don't want it."
"Why not? Leah didn't want it and look what happened to her."
"I know." He sighed. "I think imprinting is rare. It has only happened to three pack members, out of the earlier eight: Sam, Jared and Leah. That's not even half of the ten."
"Maybe your partner just hasn't come home to La Push, yet?"
He pulled his head back to glare at her. "Who are you suggesting? The Black twins? They are about the only ones I haven't seen lately. Rebecca is married and lives in Hawaii. Rachel is supposed to be back from college, but she has avoided the rez since her mother died; they both have. I very much doubt that I am wolf pedigree enough to mate with the chief's daughters."
"So who is your wolf mate, then?"
"You are not going to leave this alone, are you?"
"No. Because I think it is Leah."
"Leah and I didn't imprint."
"No but I think you are wolf mates."
"Why?"
"After you tried to have sex in wolf form. I think that made all the difference to you both. She had that link with you after that."
"Not enough of a difference. We aren't together. And she imprinted, anyway," he argued.
"It did make a difference! She was different with you, than with anyone else. You remember the sex you used to have. That scared others. Even other pack members."
"Oh, yeah. I remember the sex."
There was silence for a beat.
"Don't get angry with me," Bella said.
"Why? Bella," he warned.
"I think she imprinted because you left."
"So you think this is my fault? She drove me away."
"Because you had a link with her wolf and she hated the wolf. How can I explain this?"
"Well try, coz I'm getting pissed."
"If you were here with me and Leah, then we would be a solid unit."
"A unit?"
"A block. I can't think of another word. But there would be no weaknesses in the wall. No chinks for an imprint to get through."
He frowned at her.
She waved her hands as she tried to explain her thoughts. "You think the others don't want or need imprints so it doesn't happen for them. Is that right?"
"I suppose. Unless Quil imprinted on a kid, then he'd have someone to play with. I'm joking," he added hastily at her look. "Seth is prime wolf breeding material."
"My point exactly. Seth is completely happy on his own. He doesn't need it to be happy."
"So you think you get an imprint if you need a helping hand to choose your perfect mate?"
"Maybe."
"Sam was with Leah, before Emily," he pointed out.
"She loved him. But honestly, would they have gone the distance? I am sure you said that before. That Leah was the wrong person for him. Not domestic enough."
"The fact that she fell in love with you, shows that something fairly small and shapely was missing from her life. And Sam is so happy with Emily. She is what he needed, too."
"Shapely?" she asked.
"And small."
She stared at him. "I really did miss you."
"I know." He grinned at her. "Don't change the subject; you were busy blaming me for everything."
"Yes. She didn't need you, but then you pushed your way in. And then you just left."
He looked at her. "And?" He could tell she hadn't finished yet.
"And you left a large man shaped hole in Leah's wall. A hole too big for me to fill all by myself. She liked sex with you, I know she did. And you liked being with her. I still don't understand what happened between you both."
"I don't really get it either," he confessed
"I just know that after you left or she drove you away or whatever happened, that she had chinks in her armor."
"And Kirrin happened."
"It could have been any guy. He was just the first stranger she'd seen. That's my theory."
He shifted her so that she was straddling him. He held her face and looked at her. "That's your theory?"
She nodded.
"I think the wolf has something to do with it, too. She tried to cut off her wolf, and now she can't phase. I think the wolf is hiding now."
"I would." She chuckled. "I did hide."
"You didn't even unpack. Okay. So how do we break the imprint?"
She smiled at him. "I don't know. But if I could go home with you, I think I would feel a whole lot better."
He smiled back at her and nodded. "So, let's do that. You'll have to talk to Charlie."
"So will you."
Paul made a face. "He doesn't scare me." He grinned at her. "I give good parent. You go have a nice long shower."
"Another one?"
"Just stay out of the way for as long as you can."
"You want to talk to Charlie," she guessed. "Man to man?"
He nodded.
"Okay. If he says 'no', I am going with you anyway."
"He won't say no."
