I think I'm swearing off barbeque for good. Seriously, being asleep with pieces of burned Denethor in your hair is enough to make even an adorable little hobbit lose their appetite for meat.
When I woke up, I found myself tied to the bed with an elderly woman pointing two halves of what used to be a broomstick in my face.
"You think you're getting up? Think again! I fell for your friends' tricks, but there's no way I'm going to let you do the same! I'm watching you like a hawk!" she screeched, poking me with the handle.
"Um…" If she was talking about my 'friends,' that meant that Erica and Hannah had done something completely evil to her. Maybe it would be best if I just denied ever knowing them… "You mean those two elves who were here earlier? I don't know them, noooo I don't."
I backed up my completely convincing words with a wide-eyed look of innocence.
She screamed and ran out the door, running into Faramir in the process.
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh it's Faramir! Act natural!
He stared at me. "Are you all right?"
ASDFGHJKL HE SPOKE TO ME. "Yeeeeeeeees, I'm absolutely wonderful! Why wouldn't I be? I'm fine, yeees!"
"Well, you look like you're in pain… and you're tied to the bed."
"WHAT? No, I'm all ri- I mean, yes! I'm so depressed! I have Denethor all over my hair, and I didn't even get a crack at the Witch King!" I moaned, remembering how Faramir had acted like Eowyn's shrink in the books.
"I'm sad too. My father's dead, and he never loved me!" he said excitedly, coming to sit by me and untying the ropes. "By the way, you have something on your face."
"What? Where?"
"It almost looks like somebody used ink to draw a handlebar moustache on you."
"HANNAH!" I frantically tried to scrub it off.
"Who?"
"I mean… ANGST!"
"SO MUCH ANGST!"
"FEELS!"
"SO MANY FEELS!"
"You know, I feel like we really understand each other," I sighed, giving up on getting the moustache off.
"I feel like that too," Faramir agreed. "Hey, want to watch the armies march off to their death?"
I owled him. "You mean they already left? Nobody told me! I wanted to go!"
"Now Eowyn, I know you're hurting, but there's no reason to throw away your life."
Repressing the urge to roll my eyes, I jumped up and sprinted to the balcony, where I could see the army marching off into the horizon, a giant cloud of dust billowing behind them. "Dangit."
