Chapter Forty-Eight
Love or Revenge?
The following morning Trowa had to go into the office for a few hours. He had apologized profusely to her. Promising he'd be back as soon as he could. To Serena, it didn't make much of a difference. She'd most likely sleep the whole time. But after he left, she realized it was the perfect opportunity to look at the data stick. There would be enough time, and she didn't have to worry about him looking over her shoulder. Not that he would, but Serena knew he was probably curious as well as to what was on the small device. Even when he didn't voice it.
Getting herself out of bed, she managed to find her footing. For the first time in days she was starting to feel more like herself. Although she didn't think it would take this long to recover. Normally after a day or two she would be back on her feet, running at full speed. This time however, it seemed to be taking longer than she had expected. It was becoming more frustrating with each passing hour. How was she supposed to do anything if she wasn't at her best?
Searching around the apartment she was able to locate her laptop fairly quickly. Trowa had left it on coffee table. Right where she had last used it. It had been over a week since she had fired up the computer. Sitting down, she wrapped a blanket around herself waiting for her login screen appear. Checking the battery life, she was surprised to see it had a full charge. Must have charged it at some point. She mused to herself. Logging in, she waited a few minutes before she inserted the flash drive. Did even want to know what was on here? Her fingers moved the cursor to an icon in the lower corner of her screen. Highlight the icon, she saw that there was only one folder available.
Taking a deep breath she clicked on it.
A series of codes filled her screen. She frowned as she stared blankly at them. It was too easy. A child could hack this. It was almost laughable, till she noticed something. One of the lines looked as if there was a glitch in the programming. Her eyes scanned the rest of the coding as her fingers worked to break it. Why was this one line different from the rest of them? Then she realized what the numbers were. They were her own personal code. Her digital footprint. 33582-763.
Serena froze in her work as a realization came crashing down on her. Heero had said that he asked J for her file. Had read everything, seen everything. Heero had willingly turned over her own file. But why? She thought to herself. Did she even want to relive things? Remember everything she had gone through? She could destroy it all, in that very instant. Whip all the evidence and burn the stick. Bury it deep in the past where it belonged.
Her fingers hovered over the keys, thinking over her options. But the more she stared at the lines of coding the more she wanted to know, know why her code was used. It could easily be overlooked. If Heero had found anything worth bring up that wasn't related to her life, he would've said something, right? But what if he hadn't notice, didn't think twice about those numbers? They meant nothing to him in the grand scheme of things.
Hardening her eyes, she dove back in. Unlocking everything she could before she started looking through everything. There was a reason those numbers were there. There just had to be. Not like Heero would've known what they meant, but J could've simply added them without having them affect the original coding. It was trick he had taught her, but that also meant that J had also taught it to Heero as well.
Once she was done, three files sat in front of her. Two were dated but the third had no date, other than for ".763" as the file's name. Taking another deep breath she opened the first file, dated "Aug, 23, A.C. 197." What was supposed to be her "birth date."
Serena skimmed through the pages, all the information she already knew. Pictures, training logs, test results. Everything was all there. Skipping over J's personal notes about her. She didn't care to know what he thought or felt. It was in the past and those times were over and done with. It didn't matter that there were a few times they had enjoyed each other's company. The times she'd sit down and play his favorite songs on the piano that he had found and brought back to the lab. Older songs from when he had been a child, through his teens and early twenties, as well as some classical ballets. The ones he had made her learn, not because they were his favorites but because he wanted her well round. Or so that's what he used to tell her. He had always enjoyed her rendition of the songs. Sitting in a chair near her as she played. Those were the better times.
J hadn't shared much of his life with her, but there were times when he would sit down and tell her things. Things that he had kept secret for so long. The truth about how he had lost his legs and hand. Why his eyes were damaged. At the time it made her feel guilty that he was able to recreate someone, but he couldn't or wouldn't bother to fix his own problems. He only ever told her that he was old, that his life's work was more important. That she was more important. Why had she been important? She never asked. Just accepted the fact she was who she was. She trained hard, did as he asked and she had been rewarded with the opportunity to explore herself in new ways. Music had become her beacon, a light for her to run to when she felt she wasn't good enough, or when she just wanted to relax. They were also some of her most memorable times with J.
Shaking her head she dispelled the memories of the past. There was no point dwelling on the past.
Once she finished the first folder, she moved on to the second. It was simply dated "A.C. 198." It didn't take a genius to figure out what would be in this one. She didn't need to guess, she had lived through it first hand. But this time she took her time reading through the pages. Skipping the videos and trying not to let the images linger in her mind. But one stood out. She was covered in blood, her clothes torn and her eyes hollow. Her arm and one of her legs twisted into positions no human body should ever be in.
It was the day she self-destructed the cockpit.
She had been severely hurt, but she hadn't died. Or maybe she had, she only remembered what happened after she woke up. J scolding her for being foolish, after Edwards had come down hard on her for destroying the very thing that was supposed to make her immortal. She remember laughing at herself afterwards. She had failed to kill him and herself. A Gundam didn't make one immortal, there was no such thing… even if she had faced those odds head on and won. She wasn't. She could die any day, it would be easy. If she had really wanted to, she could've turned the gun on herself, taking her own life. Instead she choose to fire at him, before she was apprehended by some of his guards. Those few days, or maybe it had been a few weeks, went by in a unfocused haze. She barely remembered any of it. It was her lowest point then. She had failed. She never failed… and yet she had.
None of it matter in the end. She was just thrusted into the hands of a new leader. Gavin had stepped up to take command. Any of the other ones who had been in charge of their own units could've, but Gavin was the one to win it out. It was frustrating that there were so many of them, but at the end of the day Edwards always had the final say, till Gavin came into the picture. The only thing Gavin did that was smart, was removing her. She'd most likely would've went after him, but to send her away, locked away, somewhere was the perfect plan. She was less of a threat if she couldn't do anything. And when she had to see anyone, they were always armed and she figured out quickly that it wasn't worth trying anything. They were covering their bases with her.
Serena tried not to dwell any longer on the photo, instead she focused on finishing the last few pages. J had kept his notes short and to the point. Nothing seemed amiss with what J had stated. His reports and test results from her experience with the ZERO system were accurate, from what she remembered. Her whole life, however short it was, was all there. At least the gist of it. There was more, but did anyone really need to know all the other terrible things she had done? All the men she was sent to watch over. All the ones she had killed after spending the night with them. The woman and families that were involved in some form that she had carelessly thrown away. No, no one needed to know, and she'd rather not remember those people. They were nameless faces to her now, but it didn't make the feelings she had about them go away. They were people, some regular everyday people with no political power, or of wealth. They were just people who had turned away from ROE that needed disposing of. That was one of her jobs. To kill those who abandoned their positions within the organization.
Lowering her head, she felt guilt wash over her. She had ruined so many lives. Had killed so many, even before she was revealed to the world. If she had stayed, the Gundam would've been completed and she would be piloting it towards Earth. Destroying anyone who stood in her way. People like the ones she had learned so much about before she even met them. Duo, Heero, Quatre, Wufei. She knew so much about them and in a small way she had allowed them to get to know who she was. And the girls. Catherine, Hilde and Relena. Even Dorothy. She had learned so much about them. Relena she knew, but not on the level she did now. Was is too much to say that she had grown close to the other woman? And what about Catherine? She had only spent a weekend with her, but Catherine had accepted her with open arms and had even shared a few things with her. Was this what it was like to have friends? To have people close to you that you could trust and share things with.
Then there was Trowa… He had always been the most interesting to her. For some reason she had always wanted to know more about him. But the chances of her ever meeting him were slim at best. So when she had first seen him, that night in Russia, she had been shocked. Kneeling in front of her, his expression was one of surprise and confusion. She remembered it so clearly. Those green eyes taking her in. How many times had she dreamed about meeting him? Then the world around her went black, only to wake up to find him sitting next to her...
Everything seemed like a lifetime ago, but in actuality it wasn't. She had learned so much about them, and she had also grown to care for them. Could she live with herself if these very people were hurt or killed because she failed to stop ROE? Even when she was once going to be the very killer that would end everything, but not anymore. She couldn't, wouldn't be the one to pull the trigger. Not after everything. Not after him.
Serena closed the folder. She need to refocus. Checking the time she knew she didn't have long before Trowa would return. He had messaged her some time ago letting her know he wouldn't be much longer. Taking another breath, she clicked on the last folder.
".763"
Serena felt like she had stopped breathing the moment the folder opened. Her hand hovering over the touchpad. It was her Gundam. The blueprints along with the weapon detail. How was this possible? These were destroyed after Edwards had approved the design. He had J sectioned off each part before sending them off to the engineers. None of it made sense. Serena clicked through the pages, they were the exact design she had recreated for Une. Down to every last detail. She knew her memory was good, but why would J include this? It wasn't until she landed on the last page.
One last attempt.
One last opportunity.
One last mission.
It was all there. The Gundam had been completed a mere two weeks ago. That's why they wanted her back, they needed someone to pilot it. Needed her to pilot it. The only thing missing were the coordinates to where it was. But J had told her that when the time came, she knew how to get in touch with him. Unconsciously she reached up, touching the back of her neck. Her fingers grazing the bandage. Was he giving her a choice? The way he had worded his message left room for a variety of conclusions. She could bring this to Une's attention and go from there. Or she could tell Heero and see what his thoughts were. Or... she could keep it to herself.
If she went to Preventers there was a risk they'd could be injured if she sought out the Gundam. But they needed it to stop ROE. Was it worth the risk? If she kept this information to herself, she could find a way to leave. Prevent them from following her and steal the Gundam herself. Minimal risk was involved when it came to the others. She wouldn't be putting their lives on the line. Worse case she could return to Gavin, make up some story and wait to strike back. She could blow the whole place up, along with herself. Maybe she'd get lucky and find out where Edwards was hiding…
But what would it do to Trowa if she left? Would he be upset, or understand? Could she leave him?
She had gotten to know him on a deeper level. He was kind, gently, willing to do anything and everything for her. He was intelligent. Although she already knew that. But to hear him speak was almost memorizing. She couldn't have ever pictured what it would've been like to talk to him till she finally got the chance. In the words of Duo, he had everything and more. And he wasn't wrong. Trowa was incredible to her. She thought so highly of him and trusted him. Trust. Serena paused in her thoughts. She trusted him with her life and he trusted her with his. She had never given anyone that kind of power, not on this level. She trusted Heero, even if he had decided to end her life when they first met. She'd never tell him, but she always trusted him. Knew she could turn to him. She just wished it hadn't taken him so long to see that.
Her breath hitched as her hand came up to her mouth. A wave of emotions washing over her the more she thought about things. Thought about what Trowa meant to her. Everything finally clicking into place. Then fear washed over her. Was she really in...
Serena's head shot up, as she slammed her laptop shut. The door to the apartment opened before closing. Turning her head, she saw Trowa smiling at her as he walked towards the couch. Sitting down next to her, he reach his hand out cupping her face. His smile grew wider as he leaned in to kiss her. Pulling away she stared up into his soft green eyes.
What was she going to do now?
A/N
Happy It's still Hump Day! (Happy Thursday for those of you reading this on Nov, 2. :D )
This was a short chapter, as I wrote it one day. Yes that's right, I wrote this all today. I'm crazy enough to attempt NaNo, though I will not be writing a novel. I will be working on TC and the other thing that's consumed some of my time. But anyway, I figured since I took so long updating the last time, that I'd spoil you all with a double. Please don't not expect chapters to roll out in doubles like this. I just happened to write it and I felt it's perfect on it's own as a chapter. Yes this was an all Serena chapter, but hopefully you got a little more insight into her and also.. is she finally in... ;) with Trowa? We'll have to see. Also um, come again? The Gundam is finished? Oh boy... this is not looking good for our favorite pilots. Lets just hope Serena picks love over revenge! OR there might be a war... *shrugs shoulders*
Alright! Have a great day guys and I'll see you soon!
-MM
