Dreams of Love
Chapter 53: Discussions
"Grey!"
"Yes, sir," Meredith had gone back to professional courtesy since Mark had kicked her butt after catching her in Joe's two days ago.
"Come to my gallery at two; Sio can bring you in a wheelchair. Karev you're with me on the floor. I want you both to watch me perform a facial reconstruction for one of the burn victims. I want you where I can personally keep an eye on you and where there's a possibility of cramming some learning into both your demonstrably empty intern heads, while I'm at it," he grumped that last at their overjoyed expressions.
Mark had kept Meredith almost on lock down for the last two days, irritated like the prima donna he was, that she'd risked herself and all his careful work. Alex, unfairly, had been put on changing bed sore bandages. Meredith, knowing that she deserved some of it, had gritted her teeth and born her punishment. Alex had groused but had grimly hung on. So this was a major concession that thrilled them both. Of course, Mark was also sending Sio and Cristina with Mer to keep an eye on her in the gallery, but who cared? Meredith and Alex were about to get some major surgery time. Yay!
"No more than an hour, Meredith," said Shepherd, his arms crossed over his chest.
"But, Derek, really, I'm fine. I'll just be sitting there. What harm is there in that?" Meredith tried an innocent, meek smile, "I slept most of the morning away."
"I don't trust that smile for a second, lady. Sio, keep your eye on the time and on my girl, will you? Thanks," Derek leaned over and kissed his mulish girlfriend on the lips, naughtily running the tip of his tongue across the seam of her tight pressed lips. With his worry vastly reduced, he was starting to miss her in his bed, so he teased her a little.
"Derek, hover much? Telling Sio to hover is really you hovering! Stop it!" Meredith crabbily refused to kiss him back, turning her face away.
Derek just kissed her again with soft lips, sweetening his kiss until she gave in.
"You love me, baby, even when I hover," Derek smirked, annoyingly cute, "And you have to give me points for going back to surgery and letting you in Mark's gallery. Right?"
Meredith just stuck her tongue out at him childishly.
Two days ago, Derek had gone ahead and issued an order to all the interns to limit their visits to Meredith's room. They all had to eat in the dining mall again. If Meredith wanted to join them there, maybe she could, when she was up to it. Adelmann suggested starting the rehabilitative therapy for Meredith's shoulder, so her frustrated energy would now be put into something necessary and useful. She was obviously ready to be challenged. He was about as happy as Mark with Meredith's outing and expressed it with a creased forehead and basset hound eyes, followed by a twisting of his fat fingers, interlocking them together. Meredith felt like a criminal and sank low in her bed to avoid his look.
"Dr. Ingersoll will be down to see you before you head to the gallery. Love you," Derek kissed Mer again and stroked her soft hair from her face before he sped out the door to scrub in for his next surgery.
Meredith knew it was a mark of how much better he considered her that he was scheduling two surgeries a day now, but she still resented Derek's and Webber's insistence that she take therapy from the top psychiatrist on Seattle Grace's staff for the assault at work. Derek had said that this time they weren't going to go it all alone, either of them. Derek was getting closer to both Maeve and Siobhan, as well as Mark again, accepting their support, and their counsel. Dr. Ingersoll, who had been giving Izzie therapy since she asked for reinstatement, made time to talk with Meredith daily now. Psychotherapy was mandatory for Mer's eventual return to work too, like Izzie.
"So, how was the head shrinking?" Cristina asked as they settled in to watch the surgery a few hours later.
"You tell me, Cristina, you and Izzie have to see Dr. Ingersoll too, since you were also assaulted," Meredith replied peevishly.
At first, being forced to see Dr. Ingersoll was one of the things Meredith had deeply resented (feeling as if she were being punished) and one of the stressors that had pushed her out the doors to Joe's, but after the anxiety attack in the parking lot and her unreasonable break for impossible freedom, Meredith had quietly admitted to herself that she could probably use the help. Talking to Cristina snarkily on the phone just wasn't cutting it. Besides, Ingersoll was amazingly mild mannered and easy to tolerate. She was one of the least judgmental people Meredith had ever met, right up there with neurosurgery's Dr. Adelmann and the morgue's Dr. Yarber.
"She's not so bad," was the rave review from Cristina, who shrugged, eyes glued to the surgery below.
"How are the wedding plans coming?" Meredith asked, changing the subject from one that was still very uncomfortable for her to one that was very uncomfortable to Cristina instead.
Cristina immediately puffed up like a porcupine with its quills at the ready.
"Mama," she spat, "has told me that I absolutely may not wear a backless or strapless dress now that my back is scarred. Mother has been on the phone to me at least five times a day torturing me with colors, and doilies, and napkins! She wants me to pick bridesmaids! Bah!"
"Well, what does Burke say?" Meredith asked while admiring Sloan's adept speed, knowing that Derek would have protected her from his mom. There was a positive side to the hovering, after all, she mused.
"That's just it. When I said 'yes' to him, he agreed to getting married at the courthouse with just you and Shepherd as witnesses. But, now, it's as if he never heard me or at least has selective memory about what he agreed to. I tell him what I want and he ignores me to shove enough wedding cake down my throat to choke me," Cristina said, as dark and twisty as Meredith had ever heard her. This just couldn't be good.
"Have you asked Dr. Ingersoll about it? Maybe she could teach you how to communicate with Burke so that he really hears you," Meredith suggested.
"No, all I talk to her about is what it was like to see a pervert killer standing over my best friend," Cristina bared her teeth in a fake smile, "Burke's never even asked me exactly what happened that night. He just told me 'you make foolish choices sometimes, Cristina'. What am I supposed to say to that? Should I have run away and let you be raped with a knife? Damn him!"
Both women shuddered.
"Thank you again, Cristina. You saved my life at huge expense to your own," Meredith said humbly.
"You and McDreamy and McDreamy's family have already thanked me a hundred times. Enough ... stop irritating me. You would have done the same for me. It kind of rankles that I have to thank Izzie though. Barbie saved my life," Cristina shifted miserably at the admission.
"Cristina! You haven't thanked Izzie yet?!"
"You thanked her enough for both of us, don't you think?" Cristina said crossly, knowing what she needed to do, but unable to make herself behave.
"No, Cristina Yang, I don't think. You owe her and Derek. Be a woman. Pay up," Meredith said sternly.
After that the activity below heated up, and they sat enthralled, no longer talking.
Eventually, "Times up, Meredith," said Siobhan, who'd been maintaining silence the whole time on Meredith's other side, "Come on, I don't want the lecture Derek or Mark would give us if you stayed longer."
As Siobhan and Meredith made their way back to her room, leaving Yang in the gallery, Siobhan finally struck up the conversation Meredith had been dreading, but now couldn't escape.
"I'm sorry you had to hear the details of my life in the bar. I'm sure that wasn't pleasant for you," Siobhan said deliberately, above Meredith's head. There was a slight question in her tone asking Meredith for confirmation that she actually had overheard Sio's private conversation with Mark.
"I'm sorry I was there too, Siobhan. I'm not a gossip and I certainly won't repeat anything I heard. It just isn't any of my business," said Meredith bluntly after taking a deep breath.
"You haven't told Derek?" ask Sio curiously, still interested in the character of this slight girl that so enthralled her brother.
"No, it's not his business either. If it were, you would have already told him," Meredith stated.
Siobhan quirked an eyebrow. Hm. Meredith really did have a thing about gossip if she could keep silent to Derek over such a juicy piece of news as this. Meredith notched upwards in Siobhan's estimation again. She'd already raised considerably, after Sio had heard all the details of Meredith's spirited self defense in the parking lot, and again after she'd learned all about Ellis. She knew now that gossip was a key to Meredith's trust. Gossip and she wouldn't trust you, don't gossip and she would. Good to know.
"It's alright, Meredith. I'm planning on telling Derek tonight. And you should know the rest. Keith and I are thinking of moving to Seattle," Siobhan stopped walking and circled around to sit in on a bench, where they both looked out over the view, and Sio could see Meredith's expression, "He has a job offer from Microsoft that we both think he should take. It would be a huge step up for him and his lover has already moved here. I've been exploring job opportunities and neighborhoods while I've been here. But ... I wanted to ask you and Derek what you thought ... I've been waiting for you to be well enough ... I don't want Derek to ..."
Siobhan paused and looked around. It was strange to see the normally strong, straight forward woman, hesitant.
"Well ... feel like I'm crowding him. I know he came out here originally for a new start away from all of us," Siobhan turned to fully face Meredith and asked, "What do you think?"
Meredith's insides were alternately aching and clenching. With Siobhan here, Derek's family, all of them, would have a much greater influence and presence in his life. Somehow that scared Meredith, even though she knew it would be good for Derek. Siobhan was difficult to know, dark and twisty in her own way, but also very fond of Derek, as anyone could see. She'd also made a huge effort with Meredith over the last few months.
"What about Mark? You ... oh, there's no other way to say this, but, is it healthy for you to be so close to Mark again? You seem to really love ... erhm ... and he is still partying with lots of women...," Meredith miserably made a huge effort to speak her reservations.
"Mark and I continued our conversation yesterday, Meredith. He is through with Addison, for good. She was always there as his unobtainable love before, so he played around with everyone else as a total dog. He never looked at any other woman as a love interest," Siobhan rubbed her sweaty palms across her thighs, "I asked Mark to date me if I move here. I have a husband and a father for my children so I don't need him to make those kinds of changes. All I need is a boyfriend who can be an exciting lover and who shares my interest in medicine. I need Mark to let me love him and spend time with him – and I want everything he has to give me back, no matter what it is, no matter how much it is. I'm tired of doing without and I just can't seem to find someone else to love. Mark said he was interested. I think he's been lonely here."
Meredith didn't know what to say. She had grave reservations about all of this, but who was she to say anything? She hadn't lived Siobhan's life, or faced Sio's choices. All Mer felt she could do was try to be supportive, because she knew that Siobhan must already have decided. She wasn't really asking for opinions or advice.
"It will be wonderful for Derek to have you here, Siobhan. I know he's missed having his family close and he's going to love spoiling the twins. I don't know how he'll feel about you and Keith or you and Mark, but he's said that he's a lot less judgmental than he used to be before his own first marriage fell apart," Meredith shifted uncomfortably and Siobhan shook herself out of her self absorption to see that it was more than time for Mer to be back in bed.
"Darn, Meredith, I promised I wouldn't let you overdo it, and here I was the one who pressed you too hard," Siobhan quickly pushed Meredith's chair down the hallway and helped her out of it in her room.
Meredith paused in the bathroom first and then climbed back in bed. She said goodbye and good luck to Siobhan and then closed her eyes tiredly and thought, I need to go home to get some rest.
o-o-o
"Now, I know why the patients always say this is stupid, Derek. It's because it's really, really stupid," Meredith sulked, "I can walk perfectly well. Tyler probably has a million better things to do than to push me to the door in a wheelchair."
Tyler and Derek exchanged commiserating glances over her head. They'd both born the brunt of her increasingly irrational ill humor the last few days. Derek had sloughed it off repeatedly without taking it personally or running away. He was actually rather proud of himself for weathering Hurricane Meredith so well. After Maeve and Siobhan had flown home, Mr. Sandage and Guiseppe had been there to bolster him and help him keep his head on straight so he hadn't been alone.
Guiseppe had gone ahead and rented a house in Seattle for himself and Zachary through August. They planned to stay until Zachary had to go back to school. Guiseppe said both of them needed more time to get to know Meredith. Zachary would also get to spend the summer fishing and he was thrilled. Meredith was really happy about it, but so far hadn't been able to express how she really felt through her current bad tempered shell.
"Hush, petulant girl, another few minutes and you're a free woman. I'm sure Tyler and the other nurses are as thrilled about that as you are. Focus on that," Derek said with both exasperation and good humor mixed. Tyler just rolled his eyes above and behind Dr. Grey's silky head.
Hospital personnel kept stopping them every few steps to say goodbye and best wishes to Meredith. By the time they arrived at the doors Meredith nearly leaped from her seat. Alex was waiting next to Derek's car, parked at the door, with two security guards benignly watching and ignoring all the rules they were breaking. All of them felt somewhat responsible for Meredith's injuries since it was one of their number who'd been drunk and passed out the night she was attacked, so they turned a blind eye now.
"We made it, genie eyes. Now don't overdo it once you're home, okay?" Alex leaned down and kissed her petal soft cheek, "See you later."
"Thanks again, Alex, for everything. I'm sorry I've been ... well ..."
"Cantankerous?" supplied Alex.
"Sullen?" added Derek.
"Crotchety?" Tyler put in his long suffering two cents.
"Mean?" the three men spoke together, then laughed when Meredith frowned at all of them.
"We're all just glad you made it through to bust our chops, Meredith. You have nothing to be sorry for. Just get well. See ya at home later this week," Alex said as he helped her to the car.
Meredith gave a final wave to all her well wishers and slid into the car, letting Alex close it behind her. A few more minutes and Derek and Meredith were on their way home to the lake cabin. They planned to spend three day weekends at the lake and the rest of the week at Meredith's house for the next few weeks.
"Oh my God, Derek, I can't believe I'm finally out of that place! If it weren't for surgery, I'd never go back!" Meredith exclaimed, then she sighed and sat back in her seat.
"So does this mean I get my sweet natured girl back, finally?" Derek asked pointedly, signaling for a turn into a fast food place.
Meredith had asked for the greasiest, most caloric, fast food on the planet as her first meal out of the hospital and she wanted to wolf it down in the car on the way home, like a barbarian. Derek had given in this once to letting her eat hamburgers in his new car, just to make her happy. Her mood had darkened so much and her tongue had turned so acid the last few days, that her doctors would have discharged her even if she weren't ready. Vitriolic Meredith was fun for no one.
"Maybe," Meredith grudgingly said, "I'll know after a cheeseburger, okay?"
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this. Don't ever tell Burke we ate at a place with so much heart unfriendly grease," Derek said, grinning as he watched his girl visibly lighten up at his indulgence.
"I won't tell, if you won't tell," Meredith actually smiled. She was finally free! Her head had stopped aching and her wounds were sealed, if not healed. Her bruises had faded considerably, her eye was better, and she had a plan to deal with Ellis. She and Derek were going home!
"Mom and Siobhan said to call and let them know how you liked the place, Meredith," Derek said, "They're getting Siobhan and Keith's house ready for sale. Sio was offered a position out here yesterday. She said that sealed the deal for her. Her family's moving to Seattle."
"Are you okay with that, Derek?" Meredith asked, looking at him closely.
"Yeah ... yeah, I really am. Siobhan was there for us on every level when you were almost killed. I can't forget that. I don't really understand her choice to marry a gay man, but I love the twins and I could never say she shouldn't have had them," Derek shook his head, "I've wanted children too."
He couldn't imagine willingly being in a marriage with no sex. The eleven cold years he'd endured were more than anyone should have to take, but Siobhan wasn't even living with coldness, she had nothing. No wonder she was sarcastically sharp all the time.
That thought made Derek glance over at Meredith speculatively. Maybe her surliness wasn't all from the hospital, after all. He grinned and drove a little faster. He was looking forward to the process of sweetening her up. There was still a lot she wasn't up for, but he was imaginative enough to think of other ways to satisfy them both.
They drove onto the ferry and Derek dumped the fast food trash before helping Meredith up to the deck. She was carefully wrapped in layers of fabric, but Derek handed her a scarf and gloves anyway. She was still weakened and he didn't want her chilled. Meredith sighed and leaned into Derek's hard chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. It had been so long since they were together, alone, and happy. Derek wrapped his arms around his girl and looked out over the view. His face was pressed to her soft hair and her familiar scent made him content. They swayed together looking out over the Sound letting the water and the salty air, the mountains and the greenery renew them.
Meredith leaned back from Derek and looked up into his face, "I'm glad we're going home. I've missed having you all to myself," she smiled softly at him and played with the black curls tumbling over his collar.
"Look at that," he teased, with his 'sexiest man of the year' smile spreading over his face, "all my girl needed was a cheeseburger, after all. I'll have to remember that path to your good side."
Meredith swatted at him, "Oh, you! I haven't been that bad! You're exaggerating!"
"The next time you go back to the hospital, you can ask Karev, Tyler, Olivia or even O'Malley if I'm exaggerating. All I can say is I finally saw the genetics of Ellis Grey in action in something besides your skill in medicine. If it weren't for this, I'd still be doubting you were her daughter."
"Derek! That's a horrible thing to say! I wasn't as mean as Mom! Was I?" Meredith asked uncertainly, worried now.
"Honey, no one is as mean as your mom. I'm just teasing you. I can't help it, I'm so happy to have you back," Derek leaned down and covered her soft, surprised mouth with his own.
Meredith instantly melted. He was so hard and warm, his mouth delicious and perfect. She twined her fingers in the curls at the nape of his neck and held him tightly as he deepened the kiss, touching her heart with his tenderness.
"I love you, pretty girl, I love you so much," Derek's voice cracked as gratitude that she was here with him overwhelmed him again. It was going to be a long time, if ever, for him to take their time together for granted once again.
Derek sat on one of the few benches on the ferry and pulled Meredith close to his side. She huddled under his arm and they simply sat and enjoyed the view until it got too cold for Mer and they were forced inside. Derek talked about his latest surgery and other normal topics so Meredith felt better moment by moment. It was really over. She didn't have to go back to the hospital, except for shoulder therapy and work.
She'd also been working with Dr. Ingersoll to alleviate the anxiety and panic she still had sometimes. So she guessed she'd keep seeing her. They'd put plans together to handle both the future care of Ellis and the trial of the rapist. Meredith felt better because she had plans to follow.
"Derek," Meredith said slowly after a while, "I told Dr. Ingersoll everything that Mom said and did on her lucid day. Izzie's right, she just looks at you, and you spill your guts."
"Did you tell her about that boarding school in Switzerland when you were a girl?"
"I never thought I could tell anyone else what happened there, but I did. I'm as surprised as you are. I told her about the Giordanos and Zachary. Then I told her about Africa. And I've never told anyone all of that," Meredith actually felt nervous perspiration break out across her forehead at the thought of Tanzania, "She's surprising. We have a plan worked out for Mom and I only feel a little guilty. Mostly, I feel relieved."
"What's the plan, honey?"
"Mom has more than enough money for her care. I've been very careful with her investments. There's enough to hire two full time nurses who will serve mainly as companions for her on top of the general caregiving staff of Roseridge. They can cover seven days between them. I don't ever have to see her again if I don't want to. And right now, I don't want to. The way she refused to talk to Zachary was the last straw. I'm going to use my accountant at the investment firm for bill and tip payments so I only have to drop in and check on Roseridge monthly and go over the accounting and medical plans bi monthly. Dr. Ingersoll thinks it could work for me. What do you think? If I don't make myself go see her any more, do you think that's too harsh?" Meredith asked Derek a little anxiously.
"Meredith, frankly, I don't understand how you've stuck it out this far. If you don't want to see that woman ever again, I don't see why you'd have to. Abuse victims shouldn't be forced to take care of their abusers. You've arranged for her to have excellent care which is more than she's ever done for you," Derek said carefully.
He didn't think he'd ever understand all the history and nuances of Meredith's relationship with Ellis. All he knew was that he wanted to minimize the hurt from this point forward. Let Meredith do whatever she had to do to be easier with Ellis. He'd support it.
"Your mom has been more of a mom to me since I've been hurt than my mother's ever been. She's asked me to call her 'Mom'. You and I are together now, and Maeve Shepherd is our mom, not Ellis Grey," Meredith gave him a wobbly smile, "Thanks for giving me a mom, Derek."
Derek couldn't resist kissing her, "You're welcome, baby. I just want you to be happy and healthy, that's all. You deserve lots of good things in your life now."
"I have you, Derek. I couldn't get better than that."
