Aya sat on the right one of two huge stones near the shore and watched the sea. Two months have passed since he left home. He still worked for Kritiker but he got jobs all over the world. He needed it to travel, to feel free once in a while.
Sometimes he couldn't remember where he was, Japan, France, Syria. It didn't matter, a job was a job and he would do anything to please Kritiker. He knew as long as they were satisfied they left him alone and kept silent about his whereabouts. Manx promised to keep her mouth shut until he decided it was time to come home. Even though he tried to cover up his tracks Yohji followed him everywhere.
It was nice to know his lover was worried but he needed time for himself, to sort out his feelings and plans for the future.
The time in the hospital was strenuous but nothing compared to his inner turmoil after he left.
He was used to Aya-chans voice in his head, he saw or heard her everywhere he went. A soft chuckle or laugh, he saw her in other girls, like Sakura. In addition to her voice he heard Yohji, he wormed his way into his head like he did with his heart. He heard him even when they were apart, he saw him in other men but they were nothing compared to his lover, neither appealing nor loveable.
+Flashback+
Aya listened to Yohji talking about how sorry he was and that he believed in him.
He might not react but he was well aware of Yohji's presence. It was hard to listen and he chose the easy way. He hid in his own mind until it was safe to step out of his dreams.
Yohji held his hand, day by day, stroking with his thumb over his knuckles. It was like a ritual. Yohji sat down on the bed, took his hand and caressed his knuckles while he talked.
"Aya I love you. Come back to me" Yohji begged; he felt helpless. He had asked Souta for advice but he said Aya needed time and there was nothing they could do as long Aya denied his cooperation.
So he came back every day and prayed for a sign "I talked with the girls and they say the damn stalker bitch set us up. I was so stupid and fell for the trick. She paid strangers to talk to you about the nights and sexual encounters they had with you and a friend of hers sent text messages. She knew I would find them sooner or later. I couldn't figure out who the bitch is. The girls asked around and heard rumors. We put the puzzle pieces together, they threatened to rip me into pieces should I fail you. I think I already have. I deserve to and as a jigsaw" he chuckled sadly.
Aya's heart constricted. Yohji figured out the truth, it was alleviative but too late. Yohji should have trusted him. It hurt that Yohji didn't trust him after everything they went through. What disturbed Aya most was the fact that his lover had hit him. He promised to keep his anger in check. He promised not to hurt him but he did. He hit him because he believed in lies instead of him. He still felt his hand connecting with his cheek when he closed his eyes. He heard Yohji's hateful words.
"I learned to make bouquets" Yohji continued to talk "Someone has to make them while you're not around. The girls are asking for you. I said you're on a vacation. They know that we had a fight but they think we sort it out. I hope it doesn't stay a lie. I bought you a new watch" he opened a box "It seems you don't like to use the wire in your old one. I hope you think of me when you use it and don't use the fact that I bought it as an excuse to fall more than ever only to annoy me" the watch was an exact copy of Yohji's.
Yohji hoped Aya acknowledged the gesture. Aya's silence was unnerving and his patience wasn't as strong as he wanted it to be. He put the watch around Aya's wrist, carefully adjusting it to hide the flashiest part of his scar. He must have cut deeper there, Yohji mused. He must have cut slight and then deeper and then less pressure again. It was sickening, he almost lost him and wasn't even aware of it.
"I know it's hard to believe but I love you, I know I have problems, I know I abused you and I know it's inexcusable but I hope you find the strength to forgive me. I want to take you home with me; I want to see you smile again. It's been a long time" he loved Aya's smile, especially his childish kind of smile. He could be cheeky when he wanted to be. Aya didn't move a muscle. He stared at the wall and thought about the things Yohji said. He liked the watch Yohji gave him and he loved that he cared but he didn't deserve it. Aya-chan popped into his mind, her laughter, the happiness in her voice. Takatori took everything away from him. He became a person he loathed to get his revenge. This time he couldn't blame Takatori, he was dead but he didn't change at all. He remained a coldblooded and seriously disturbed killer. He destroyed everything he held dear. He would have killed Omi hadn't he chosen to be part of Weiss. He would have killed Ken if he hadn't chosen to stay with Weiss after the incident with his girlfriend. He would have killed Yohji hadn't he chosen to kill Neu. It was time to take himself out before he destroys his family. He acted against Weiss more than once, he tried to get his revenge, he tried to save Aya-chan on his own without a second thought. Aya realized that he wasn't only a danger for himself, no he endangered his friends. He loved Yohji with all his heart but their unstable relationship brought him and the team to their limits and it was time to draw the line. They proved that they didn't need him anymore; they were able to survive without him watching their backs. He was proud of them. He used the same look on them his parents used to give him and Aya-chan. His parents were proud of him, they loved him and they died protecting them. He was sure they put up a hell of a fight. Parents are parents, they aren't infallible, they aren't undying but they care and that's all that matters. That was the way Aya loved the boys, he protected them even though he needed to be mean and uncaring to reach his goal. He looked out for them, he followed them around when he had to and he killed behind their backs to give them enough freedom to find what they were looking for. Yohji was his biggest help. He knew what Aya did behind their backs; he knew they were never alone while they searched answers to their questions. He might not say anything but Aya knew Yohji was aware of his doing.
"Don't hide from me" Yohji pulled him out of his musing "I'm waiting for you, forever if I have to. If you can't stand talking to me find a different way to let me know what you feel, I beg you, give me a hint" he stood up and gave Aya a gentle kiss before left.
Aya made up his mind and put his things together. He waited for the change of shifts before he sneaked out of the hospital. He was used to make himself invisible. Aya hid behind corners or vanished in ventilation shafts. No one noticed his absence until the next morning.
+End+Flashback+
Aya continued to stare at the sea. The sun beamed bright red as it went down letting the sea glitter like a pool of gems. Emerald sparks reminded him of Yohji's eyes, wild and full of life. He smiled softly and tilted his head to look at the stone next to him. Seeing Yohji there, smiling at him.
