Ch 48- Becky Lass, Part I
March 1921
"Shuu…shuuu, Miss Lucy, my Miss Lucy Carson." The butler soothed, his voice booming loud, echoing through the dark.
Lucy, now almost three months old, woke up at the same time every night to find the normally well-lit house pitch black, and as result, started screaming her head off. Usually, she was inconsolable for at least a half an hour and as a result, her parents were exhausted. Carson was doing his best to cater to the newborn without the aid of his painfully tired wife.
"There my wee lass, it isn't so bad." He insisted, patting her back.
"Charlie is she up again?" Elsie asked, barely able to open her eyes.
"Yes our lass, is wide awake."
Elsie was so tired she could barely lift her head, but willed herself to move, first getting on her hands and finally sitting up. Carson placed the screaming baby in her arms. Elsie said not a word and went straight to the work of nursing. Lucy fussed frantically as if in a panic and feel silent as soon as she began to eat.
"I'm sorry I cannot feed her Elsie."
"It's alright Charlie." She promised, rubbing the baby girl's back. "I'm awake, I'm all right… remember how far we've come from two of them fighting to feed?"
"Yes I do." He chuckled.
"Waaaaa…"
"Samuel." Elsie sighed. "He'll want a little…"
"I'll get him and we will get a midnight snack."
…..
Carson was amazed to find his twin children snoring when he walked into their room. Samuel stood awake in his crib, holding his teddy bear and crying, his lip trembling. Carson would never know, but Samuel was sad, having thought his mum had forgotten about him because of the strange, tiny, screaming thing called Lucy.
"Awe, there he is my wonderful wee little boy!"
Sam reached up eager for his dad to hold him, soothed when he pressed him against his chest and started to cuddle him as he took him downstairs to the kitchen.
"How about some milk?" Carson offered, kissing his forehead.
Sam was hungry but fussed, at first refusing the baby bottle of cow's milk (wanting his mother's instead), but took to it eagerly as his father thumbed through the post he'd neglected earlier in the day.
"Oh good heavens… it's about your aunt!" Carson cried. The baby merely raised his eyebrow. "Hmm. I think we must consult mummy on this, expediently!"
Sam's eyes lit up at the word mummy. Carson found himself a bit nervous and reread the letter as he rushed up the stairs.
Mrs. Charles Carson,
We regret to inform you that after a hundred and forty-six years in operation, St. Anne's home will be shutting its doors and as such will no longer be able to care for your sister, Miss Rebecca Hughes…
Carson's mind spun, wondering how they would deal with Becky now when they were so overwhelmed with everything their own life had to offer. Oblivious to his father's worries, Samuel grew excited once they neared his parent's room, knowing it would mean a visit with his mum.
"Memumumuma!" Sam babbled, squealing a bit too loudly.
"Hello, Samuel my love, shuuuu! Charlie what are you holding?"
For a moment, Sam was stunned to see the bundle in his mother's arms. He looked down at it quizzically as his father got into bed, his little eyes daring back and forth in horror. He'd momentarily forgotten about Lucy and now found himself crushed all over again.
"Memamumuma!" He cried, trying to argue even though no one was listening.
"Elsie, I don't know how to tell you this… it's about Becky."
"WHAT?! What's wrong?" She asked, taking the letter from her husband, reading quickly. "Oh no Charlie… what are we going to do? What are we…"
"I… must admit, Mrs. Hughes I really don't know."
"Those other places are so expensive … every cent we have will have to go toward it, not to mention she'll be scared and miss all of her friends… And what about the children, and their schooling and their futures… And our future!" Elsie started to panic, not allowing her husband a word in edgewise. "Charlie I can't take care of her when I've two whole houses to take care of and four little people who depend on me for everything. When we've got two babies!"
As if on cue, Samuel pushed the bottle aside and started to fuss, reaching desperately for her.
"Shu! Samuel my baby lad, mummy's a bit busy as you can see." Carson whispered, rocking him to try and assuage him.
"Charlie it's all right, give him here. What's wrong my wee baby lad?"
Sam looked down at Lucy, blinking twice in confusion, wondering why she was still there, but nonetheless, held onto his mum tight, clinging to her shirt and burying his face in her neck.
"You see, I've so much to tend to, Mr. Carson." She was overwhelmed. "I don't know how I'll handle Becky too." And with that, Elsie started to cry.
…
"How do you read so good?" Ben asked.
"Read so well Benjamin." Their tutor corrected. "Charlotte, continue."
Charlotte proceeded, clutching the book she was reading while her twin snuck another piece of candy from his pocket (which his little brother had handed to him that morning). Unbeknownst to them, Mary stood outside, laying in wait.
"Can I help you, m'lady?" Anna asked, noticing her standing by the schoolroom as she walked past.
"No, no I was just thinking of taking the children riding." Mary almost.
"Charles." The teacher called out the little boy who stared out the window.
He jumped, looking up. "Yes, sir?"
"What's so interesting about the out of doors Charles?"
"Rugby sir." The little boy bit his lip; still staring outside.
It was a new fascination, and one that would stick. His father had taken him and his baby brother to their first match in York not quite a month before and ever since he'd been obsessed. Charlie had liked cricket since he was a very small lad, but now found that nothing could compare with his admiration for the rougher sport. Sam had enjoyed it also, laughing and clapping every time a tackle was made. Charlie stared out into Downton's lush, green lawn, longing to play rugby out in the mud. Nothing, he thought, especially not schoolwork, could be more important.
"I want to go play rugby too." Ben pouted.
"Charlotte, the passage." The teacher said, dismissing the boy's requests.
…
"It's not a good time!" Elsie sighed at her husband's suggestion, it was one of the most absurd things she'd ever heard. "Samuel is your da being silly?" She asked the little boy who sat in his highchair snacking. In actuality, he was in a time out.
"Mrs. Hughes I don't see anything wrong with it! The children are growing, they need adventure they've barely been out of the village." A trip to York with his boys had gotten Carson thinking.
"This one's got adventure alright!" Elsie nodded toward Samuel.
She jumped when there was a loud crash. Samuel pushed his bowl onto the floor. It landed up side down, but unscathed. Sam clapped: proud of his achievement.
"Uh-oh!" He said, looking down at it as he chewed on the remaining toast.
"Uh oh is right." Elsie admonished. Mr. Carson, two of them talk a mile a minute, this one runs me ragged, and the one in the cradle doesn't let me sleep!"
"You sound almost resentful Mrs. Hughes…" Carson was surprised.
"I'm not… resentful I just… I'm a mum of four little ones now, and I'm exhausted. A vacation isn't exactly the first thing on my mind and if it were, it would be a good long sleep, not chasing this one down a freezing cold beach, not worrying about my newborn girl catching her death of cold. And not…" She lowered her voice. "Going to see my sister!"
"Elspeth." Carson said sternly. "It's not really a proper vacation even… it's something that must be dealt with and an excuse to get away. You know that."
"Yes." She sighed.
In that moment, Lucy began to cry and Carson rushed off to retrieve her.
"Samuel, stop dumping everything you eat on the floor." Elsie said, cleaning off Sam's face.
He clapped when his mother said this, thinking the whole thing was great fun and just a game. He liked the crash sound.
Stern at first, she smiled and started to baby talk. "It's a wonder mummy had time to have another baby when you're such a big baby!"
"Don't admonish the lad." Beryl interjected as she came back in the kitchen, feeling the need to defend her Samuel.
Elsie sighed. "Mrs. Patmore, you'd spoil him rotten, I swear! Mr. Carson do you really expect me to take him on a trip?" Elsie quipped when Carson came back in the kitchen, a fussy Lucy in his arms. "It'd be chaos."
"It would do everyone a world of good." He said confidently. "Samuel, would you like to dump your food on the floor in a whole other town?"
The little boy considered this for a moment looking up at his dad, confused.
"I'll have to agree…" Mrs. Patmore added handing Sam a cookie. Elsie narrowed her eyes at her friend, feeling Sam had already eaten too much that day. "I'm not sure it's a good idea, not when they're all so little..."
"Well…. What about just a day in Lytham St. Anne's then?" Carson suggested. "An overnight."
"I find this highly suspicious Mr. Carson." Elsie said, putting Sam on her hip. "You do plan on going too?"
"So do I. Are you trying to get rid of her?" Beryl raised an eyebrow.
"If I didn't know better I'd say he weren't." Elsie agreed.
"I…" Carson paused, finding himself rather stuck.
Beryl knew that Carson almost never went with his wife to see her sister, and that she herself had only been a handful of times in recent years. It was simply too stressful. She'd gone once while pregnant with the twins, twice when they were small (and brought them on her own), once while pregnant with Sam… but not since. Life had been too hectic with her cancer scare, the unexpected pregnancy and the trauma of Lucy's birth.
Elsie turned without a word when her husband didn't answer, and Carson followed as she made her way up the stairs. It was time to take the smallest Carsons back to nanny for the afternoon.
"No of course I'm not trying to get rid of you my Elsie." He balked at the absurdity of the statement. "But we must address this, and find a place for her to live. Besides, you've not visited Becky since you were expecting our Samuel… she's the only extended family we've got and she deserves to see the children."
"I know I must go. But Mr. Carson, I think it best if I go for an afternoon and take Lucy only because I have no other choice… But I'll think about it." Turning to him when they reached the second floor landing. He didn't pick up on the fact that she was angry. "So long as you promise to go with me."
"I… I promise." He gulped, Elsie smiled, satisfied.
"Now I think it's the babe's n-a-p time." She spelled. Carson smiled.
Sam's ears perked up, knowing he was being discussed. He narrowed his bright blue eyes and grunted in frustration.
"It's settled then." Carson said, "We'll all go."
….….
Ben and the twins were excited when Mary came and took them downstairs. For the boys, it quickly turned from an escape to a session of playing in the mud.
"How are you supposed to learn to be little gentlemen?" Mary chastised, raising an eyebrow. "Look at Charlotte. Quite the lady."
Mary sighed. She hated to admit it, but Charlotte could be the perfect lady when she needed to be. The little girl fit in the family almost better than Edith did.
Charlotte, who'd ridden once or twice before, took to it like an old pro, leaving her twin and friend in the dust.
"We just wanted to play." Ben cried. "Isn't that why you brought us here?"
"No. I brought you here, Benjamin to teach you to ride. And hunt. You boys want to go out on the hunt don't you?"
The boys were confused; neither knew much of the hunt. Both could tell you red coats were involved. Ben would add that his father led the expedition. Charlie would remind you that his didn't go. Robert, meanwhile, would remind you that the hunt was almost a thing of the past…
Charlie and Ben looked up when they heard Carson laugh from a distance. Such a belly laugh was uncharacteristic of the normally formal man but he couldn't help it. It perplexed the boys further and made Mary smile bright, turning on her heals to face her favorite butler.
"You seem happy today Carson."
"Forgive me m'lady, but the lads made me chuckle. Did you find a fun game?"
"Daddy we want to play rugby." Charlie piped.
"But we don't have a ball." Ben announced sadly.
"Well is that so?" He asked. Ben nodded. "You lads look like you'll make brilliant rugby players." He remarked. "Where's my Charlotte?"
The boys pointed out at the field where Charlotte rode her horse expertly. Carson beamed with pride.
"She's doing what I brought them out here for, and she's quite good." Mary watched as her butler observed his oldest child with pride, noting her excellence.
"M'lady, if she likes it, may she continue…"
"Of course. This will be a weekly thing. To get them out of those horrible lessons." She said, taking her brother's hand. "Come along Benjamin it's your turn."
"Do I have to?" He really didn't care to ride, even if Charlotte liked it.
"Yes, you have to."
"Mary can I please learn to drive instead?" He whined as she pulled him along leaving father and son alone.
Carson laughed and picked his namesake up kissing his cheek, not minding how filthy he was.
"Daddy I only came because rugby." Charlie whispered.
"I'm sure you and Benjamin will get your rugby time. But Lady Mary is right, riding is a nice skill to have."
"Uh-uh not for me." He shook his head.
"Oh? Why's that?"
"You don't go on the hunt, so I won't either."
Carson stopped, noting his son's observation. It struck him suddenly that this was the very beginning of the twins taking note of the class difference between them and their friend. He hoped that as they grew older, it wouldn't be too devastating a blow.
"No." He said quietly. "But it's a skill I'd like you to have. You never know when you might be invited."
"Daddy!" Charlotte giggled, running to him, her arms open wide. Seeing him out here was a surprise indeed. He picked her up too.
"You were wonderful my wee princess." He commended and she giggled. "Daddy is here to give his lad and lass some news."
"No, no more babies." Charlie spat, shaking his head, disgusted as if sick to his stomach. Charlie didn't know how or why his mother kept having these babies, but wished it would stop.
Carson laughed at the assumption. "No m'lad no more babies for your mum and I." He was aware, though, that Elsie wanted to get the children a pet when they got bigger, an idea he was not keen on. "No this is news of an entirely different matter: we're going to go on a trip by the sea!"
…
Three Days Later
Elsie was overwhelmed as she sat in the car with her four children, whom she'd dressed alike: all in navy and white sailor suits (identical save the fact that Charlotte's was a skirt), and wrapped Lucy in a blanket that matched. Elsie'd not been to see Becky in what seemed a lifetime, and worried the visit would be disasterous, especially since the twins were more curious about the visit, having no clue that their aunt was any different from any one else's.
"Mr. Carson, we're going to be late!" She called out the car door.
Carson stood outside the car, lecturing Thomas who, much to his chagrin, was to be left in charge while they were gone.
"I'm sure I'll be fine, Mr. Carson." The under butler gave an exasperated sigh.
"Hmm." Carson huffed, raising an eyebrow.
"Mr. Carson, the train!" Elsie urged.
"Daddy." Little Charlotte interrupted.
The butler turned on a dime, attentive to his oldest's every syllable.
"Charlotte?"
"Daddy, Thomas' waited on me before, he did well."
"Hmmm." Charlie considered. Like his father, he didn't much like, or trust, Thomas. "But the tea service left something to be desired!"
"And my professional skills should be left up to the judgement of a four yar old child?" Thomas asked.
"I'm six!" Charlie cried, holding up six fingers.
"Then you were four."
"All right, all right, that's enough!" Carson sighed. "Very well Thomas, but if the place falls to ruin in your stead…"
…..
Not an hour later the family was tucked cozily into their private train car, as it sped steadily toward Lytham St. Anne's. Elsie was happy that Cora had insisted on paying their way in a cabin all their own, it made it easier to nurse Lucy, watch the twins, and keep a reign on Sam who'd been getting into everything lately.
The twins sat staring outdoors, their faces pressed against the windows and Sam sat on his da's lap, playing peek-a-boo. Elsie's heart melted as she watched Sam squeak and giggle, looking up into his dad's face. The tiny boy was entranced, completely, sublimely happy to be in his father's embrace.
"You're such a good da." She whispered and he smiled deeply. "Charlie… I have to talk to the twins about Becky."
"Mummy, do our cousins have a Sam too?" Charlie asked suddenly.
Carson and Elsie froze, exchanging baffled glances. They'd never have thought the twins would assume they'd have cousins. Elsie paused, neither her, nor her husband having any idea what to say.
"Oh my loves. Your Aunt Becky doesn't have any children…" Elsie began.
Elsie bit her lip, patting Lucy's back. A wave of abject sadness washed over her and she found herself back in that dark place for a moment. The place where her longing for children was so great she thought it'd rip her apart from the inside. Elsie had always wondered if Becky had those same feelings, if her bareness ate at her from the inside. The difference was, Becky had no hope of a family, no husband to comfort her in the depth of the night. Suddenly Elsie felt guilty, not just of the life that her baby sister had lost out on, but also of her neglect of her. Elsie considered herself a terrible sister and an even worse friend.
'I had years without a family. I could've paid her more mind.' Elsie thought. 'I didn't have to hide her away…'
She gulped, knowing she was to blame for whatever loneliness her Becky lass had endured. She felt Charlie wrap his arm around her, knowing he understood what she was thinking even though she'd not uttered a syllable.
Elsie's heart warmed as she felt Lucy sigh against her skin and snuggle into her breast, now almost falling asleep. Curious about her mother's saddened silence, Charlotte approached, peaking over the blanket and looking down at her baby sister. Elsie reached up and tucked Charlotte's hair behind her ear.
"So no cousins?" She asked again, just to be sure.
"No cousins." Elsie replied softly.
Charlotte, who knew her mother had had surgery to be able to have a baby, wondered if perhaps her aunt had had the same difficulty.
"But why not?" Charlie asked.
"Your Aunt Becky never got married." Elsie began.
"But why not?" Charlie asked again, saddened by the idea.
Elsie sighed, holding her newest baby close. "My loves… do you remember your Auntie Becky?"
"Hmmm…" The twins began.
"She lived in a big place." Charlie recalled.
"With lots of other people." Charlotte added.
"That's right. It's because she's not like us."
"Is she sick?" Charlie guessed.
Charlie and Elsie exchanged nervous glances. "Not exactly. She's … she's a wee bit slow, my lad and lass."
The twins paused, tilting their heads in confusion.
"You know how my wee lad and lass are very bright?" Elsie asked. The twins both almost blushed tickled by the compliment. "My wee ones think quickly and ask good questions."
"Like are there cousins we've not heard of." Carson gave an example.
"My wee lad and lass are reading so well, and coming to understand the world … but my Becky lass, it's what I call your Aunt … she's very slow, in her head where you're very fast. She can't take care of herself and was never able to marry or be anyone's mummy."
"So she's like a child?" Charlie clarified.
"Yes, that's it: she's a bit younger than me, but in her mind, just a little girl."
"Is she like Sam?" Charlotte asked, taking her baby brother's hand.
"No, she's more … more around your age." Elsie guessed.
Developmentally, Becky was probably a smidge older than the twins now, somewhere between eight and ten. The twins paused, both saddened by this.
"Why doesn't she live with us then?" Charlotte asked.
"Yeah." Charlie agreed. "We could take care of her!"
The whole idea hurt Elsie deeply, that even her twins saw a way to caring for Becky when she'd never been able. Elsie said nothing more on the issue as the twins returned to their game and Lucy continued to feed.
"It's not your fault, my Elsie." Carson said quietly, placing his youngest son back on the floor to join his siblings in their game.
"How do you figure that? I could've paid her so much more mind, Charlie."
"You were working to provide all that time, to make sure, even though you were apart, that the state didn't take her from you, and that she'd always be your Becky lass. That was the best you could do and it was heroic Elsie Carson."
"Charlie…"
"No. You're the perfect mother and big sister… you've done all you can for Becky and will do so for as long as there's breath in you … and I will not hear more about anything other than that."
