Hey everyone! Thanks for the great reviews! I appreciate them so much! Since my husband decided he needed the computer the whole day to get his video game fix in, I was unable to type the whole chapter so here is the first part. Pay close attention! Hopefully some of you might figure out what is going to happen next!
I am happy to announce that my daily updates are back in full force once more and I am very grateful that I was able to take the two day break to refuel for the next chapters in this story!
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What else could Severus Snape do than to watch his life crumble in front of him? He had done so much. When would it ever be enough for the world? For everyone? Had fate damned his life to misery? Was he ever going to find happiness? Hermione's words rang through his mind. Her comforting thoughts were his only solace. Even those long months when they were apart… when he was ready to give up and get her back, he would hear her words and they would remind him to keep on going. To keep on fighting for what he wanted. And Snape wanted Hermione Granger.
Why must you play everything by the rules? You are worse than I am. Stop being a teacher for just one minute! When will it be enough? When will you decide to do something for yourself?
Be selfish, Severus.
He gave a shaky sigh through his torn emotions, since when did he ever show his feelings? He had locked them all away when Lily had left him for good when he was just a teenager. He truly did not want to give up but he had no idea how to fix the mess they had gotten themselves into. Hermione was his responsibility… from the moment she walked into Hogwarts that past fall, she had been under his watch and protection and he had just let her take over. She had brought the ministry into personal affairs, practically ruined her chances of becoming a Potions Mistress, and had indeed stolen his heart. How could one young girl outshine, in every possible way, the woman he had loved his whole life? He rarely ever even had a passing thought about Lily and if he did, it never evoked the feelings in him that it had before.
You can't just give up!
The young woman demanded all he was. She was not easily won over by any means. He had never fought for someone before… fought to have someone or even something for himself. Snape had never gone after Lily for he was much too proud and stubborn at the time. He was a fool for not doing more for himself earlier on. Hermione had always told him that he was a great wizard, brave and loyal. He scoffed at himself quietly, How am I so amazing if I never had a purpose for anything? Hermione was his purpose now and he could not leave her. She had him completely: heart, mind, body and soul… and she seemed to return all of his feelings, if not even more so, although he could not fathom how it was possible. Either way, he could not lose his insufferable know-it-all. Yes, he already claimed her as his own. Hermione belonged to him and no other. If she was willing to throw away her life so easily to run off to be with him, then that must have confirmed his feelings even more that she was only loyal to him.
If the Ministry was not involved and their relationship was somehow accepted among the Wizarding World, then he knew he could give her an exceptional life. Not with money, neither of them cared for it or needed it to give them happiness, but with books, magic, knowledge, teaching… and just each other's company. They challenged each other every day and Hermione's years would be filled with serving others with her intellect as a Potions Mistress and passing down her own knowledge to new students that could only dream of becoming the powerful witch she was. How could he give up all of that? He shook his head and stood, wiping whatever salty liquid residue that remained on his cheeks with his sleeve and he quietly headed for the door to the hallway. Snape had to do something. He could not lose his future and Hermione was absolutely right, he was the only one stopping himself from his dreams and she was the only one he wanted. She was the only thing worth living for… worth fighting for.
He headed towards the office of the Headmistress in a brisk walk with long strides. His cloak billowed behind him like a triumphant flag being waved and claiming freedom. No longer would he be ruled by someone else. He would claim his free-agency and tomorrow, whatever happened would happen. But it would not be under someone else's orders but his own. If Hermione truly wanted him, she deserved a man that could control himself and lead her with confidence instead of a man being used as a puppet, directed in every point in his life. Many would dispute him, but Snape knew that the reason his life had been so miserable was partly his own doing. He had let the more powerful order him to do their bidding and he would oblige. He let himself be a servant and did not stand up for what he believed to be right and true. Although it would be a small act, taking back his life and freedom from everyone else would be a huge step for him in becoming the man that was truly worthy of the young witch.
When he got to the entrance, he briefly mumbled the password before climbing up the steps to hear voices coming within and McGonagall spoke out,
"Mr. Potter was the mind behind this. I have full faith that this will succeed-" the discussion stopped when they heard the Potions Master enter the room. He raised an eyebrow before shaking it off and drawling out,
"Headmistress, might I have a word… alone?" he glanced at the others occupying the office and saw two centaurs, Firenze and Lerehc, Hagrid, Argus Filch and Aberforth Dumbledore rather cramped into the head office.
McGonagall went pale and stood, "Oh yes, Severus, come in," she turned to the others, "I trust you know what to do, Gentlemen."
They all nodded one way or another and filed out slowly and awkwardly before Snape glared at the Headmistress once they had left, "What was that all about?"
McGonagall saved herself and lied quickly, "Harry Potter has proposed a plan for the Inferi to be removed from the Forbidden Forest this following week."
Snape rolled his eyes at the mention of the boy-wonder and sighed, deciding not to care or question further on the topic. There were more pressing issues at hand, "I am done, Minerva. Hermione knows everything and has seen through this whole plot. I will not be following through with this anymore."
Minerva's brows furrowed in confusion, had he heard more of the previous conversation and was calling her out? She composed herself, "Severus, you must stick to the plan! Why veer from it now… the night before the trial?"
"It's useless. She knows, there is nothing more I can do."
The portrait of Dumbledore jutted in, "There is one more option which you have refused up until now."
He shook his head, "I will no longer be a fool and be made to do your dirty work. I have my own life, I am no one's servant. I deserve to have just as much happiness as anyone else, not to give my life for others when I am receiving nothing in return. What has the world ever done for me? I have finally found the meaning to my sorry existence and I do not need either one of you to tell me how to live it."
The headmistress shut her eyes slowly, dreadfully, "Oh Severus…"
He ignored the older woman and stared up into the portrait and hissed, "There is no way you will ever see me obliviate the memories of the only woman to ever love me in return. I'd rather be thrown into Azkaban and be split up from Hermione then to erase all the memories and feelings she has for me. I cannot and I WILL NOT."
Dumbledore sighed sadly, "Severus-"
"A wise woman told me to be selfish for once in my life… and I feel the need to follow it."
"Sev-" the painting started but Snape interjected with a sneer,
"Go to hell." He turned on his heel and started towards the exit when he heard an emotional Minerva McGonagall,
"Severus, please," she joined his side and put a hand on his shoulder, and he watched her with narrowed eyes as she gave a sad reassuring smile, "Be careful… Good luck."
Snape was stunned that she was giving him her blessing to defy everything that they had worked for, for months. He did not say anything but let his eyes silently thank her before quickly leaving. Tomorrow would be a fresh day to start anew and to let his feelings come out raw. Never had he done anything for himself and he had never experienced the joy of fulfillment but the next day would prove to him whether he made the right decision or not to listen to his heart or continue being ordered around. He would like to believe that the latter would be eliminated. Snape turned the corner and grunted from the impact of running in to someone,
"What are you doing out of bed?" he groaned, more than annoyed and tried to look for a familiar face to extract an inhumane amount of points from their house just to make him feel somewhat better and he just hoped it was a Gryffindor. He growled when he saw who it was,
"Sorry Professor Snape…"
"Potter?" he snapped, why was he always running into the wretched boy?
Harry re-adjusted his glasses, "Sorry Sir, I was just on my way to McGonagall's office."
He raised an eyebrow curiously, "In the middle of the night, Potter? Does this seem like a reasonable hour to you?"
Harry changed the subject, not wanting to argue with the older man, "Sir, how is Hermione?"
Snape sneered, "Better without you." He started to walk away as Harry called after him.
"Take care of her, Professor, she loves you very much."
He turned around and glared at the younger boy, "I do not need to be told the obvious, now get back to bed, Potter, you are being a bad example for the students."
"Was Hermione with you tonight? That was why she was not at the wedding?"
He rolled his eyes, "Goodnight, Potter."
Harry paid him no attention when he walked back up to the Potions teacher, "Sir, might I have a word with you? I know something that can help the both of you-"
"I do not need the wonder-boy to tell me what I should do. This is no matter to meddle in, Potter," he hissed in Harry's face, "And whatever it is that you are plotting, it won't work."
"Sir if you would just listen to me!"
Snape turned and briskly left Harry trying to call him back. He would no longer be told what to do, especially by Harry Potter, himself. He had resorted to walking out his anger and Snape had taken detours, paths and hallways through the expansive castle and grounds, trying to get a hold of himself. He knew Harry was up to something but at that point, he did not care. Was it too terrible to not want to know? He was finished with plans and schemes. If anything, he should have learned by then that most plans never worked or followed through to the heart of the matter and problem. The weather outside was much more tolerable than the frigid cold that had swept over the castle with sheets of snow and ice just months before. He enjoyed not have to put on layers of clothes to go out and was grateful for the warmer temperatures. He had almost forgotten about Hermione asleep in his bed. What if she had woken up without him? She would be a little more than upset but he could only hope that she had slept as soundly and as deeply as he thought she would. He had never seen Hermione so drained before until that evening and he was just comforted knowing that she was tucked in safely in his own quarters.
What would it be like for him to have Hermione securely sound asleep in his own domain every night? What would it be like to have her by his side when he woke up every morning? He could only imagine it would be something close to a heavenly state of peace. In a perfect world, she would be the new Potions teacher and he could finally move onto his real passion, Defense against the Dark Arts, and they could happily teach together forever. She would dine with him every day and they would retire together every night. Snape had to stop day dreaming, it was getting to be a nasty habit that he could only compare to the queen of dreams, his own Hermione Granger. The sun was rising and the sky had turned a soft purple and the landscape was becoming more visible. Snape could see the sun already hitting the highest point of the castle, the Astronomy tower, with a dramatic glowing orange. He still had about a half an hour before the sun would be fully risen and he decided to take his leave from the grounds and retreated back to the woman that he hoped would be sound asleep in his room.
As he had suspected, Hermione was still in a deep slumber when he returned. He decided to take the opportunity to prepare himself for the day and put a silencing charm on the bathing room so that he would not disturb the angel peacefully dreaming just a few steps away. Snape had washed himself quickly, shaved thoroughly, despising the unclean look that he had received with just over a day's worth of not taking care of himself. He quickly changed into his usual attire and fastened the button on his dress shirt before slipping on his freshly pressed, knee-length coat and tugging the cuffs of his sleeves to peak out past the black, over his hands. He did up the buttons on each arm before glancing at the clock and realizing that Hermione needed to be woken up to get ready herself. Snape quickly wrapped his neck piece around his throat and tied it before pulling up on his white collar.
He filed over to where Hermione had pulled the pillow atop her head and was fast asleep, tangled in the sheets. Snape desperately hoped that this would not be the last time that he would be able to see her so comfortable… in his bed. He removed the pillow to see a mass of curls sprawled out around her and he pushed them away to finally reveal her peaceful face. Her back moved rhythmically up and down, deeply, before Snape brushed a hand over her hair lovingly. Hermione fidgeted but tried to fall back asleep before getting softly shaken awake. She braced herself on her elbows and moaned until she recognized that the sheets were not her own. Hermione blinked several times before turning on her back and lying back down on the bed, staring up at the man sitting beside her. Her caramel eyes were somewhat red with tiredness but he thought she was beautiful all the same.
"Good morning," he breathed quietly, "I need you to get up for me."
She whined with a soft smile, "I was so comfortable…"
Her child-like attitude was coming back with the early morning and he found himself not minding at all. It was rather heartwarming to see her not want to leave. Snape grazed her cheek with his fingertips and sighed, "You need to get ready for the hearing today, my dear."
Her face filled with a sense of dread of misery, having forgotten for just a little while that they were going to be facing their fears that day and she sat up, unhappily, "Why can't we just stay here? Just let the rest of the world go by and we can stay in your room forever together," She leaned her head against his shoulder, inhaling his scent deeply. Snape put a finger beneath her chin and tilted her head up so she could see his knowing eyes, she sighed, "Alright… it was worth it to ask though… " she looked around and groaned, "I need to get my things from Cho's room…"
She was about to get out of bed but he stopped her, "Figgy and a few others are bringing up the luggage, no need to go roaming the castle this time of morning."
Hermione sighed in relief and collapsed back into the comfort of the sheets around her, she smiled at him, lazily, "It appears you still need to finish changing." She pointed to his open coat and he smirked trying to stand up but was quickly pulled back by the girl next to him,
"Let me," she sat up once more and motioned towards the buttons. He realized what she wanted and he nodded. Hermione smiled before bringing her hands to the many fastens on the new jacket and started to button it down, closing it. As she tenderly worked, Snape ran a hand through his now dried hair and sighed,
"I must go to Minerva's office this morning and check to see what time she would like us to leave. She will be going with us, you know." He commented softly, "Hopefully while I am gone, you will be able to ready yourself in time for us to catch breakfast before departing," He droned and Hermione loved how calm and collected he was, he smirked, "I know how much you love pastries in the morning."
He made everything sound so simple, like they were starting a normal day together and nothing was out of the ordinary. Very orderly and proper, just the way Snape liked it. She supposed that he was probably doing it more for her than for himself. She knew he didn't want her to have a nervous breakdown and she appreciated him staying so light-hearted at such a grave time for them. He even amused her by letting her do up the buttons on his coat which she had such an odd fascination with. Once she was finished with her his coat she straightened his lapels before smoothing down the black material over his chest and looked up at him lovingly,
"No matter what happens today… just please know that I love you." She spoke softly and he bowed his head.
"And I love you, my dear." He replied dejectedly but with much emotion.
There was a short pause before Snape realized they were wasting time and he stood up and sighed, "I must go find the Headmistress. Please get ready, feel free to use whatever you wish." He motioned towards the bathing room and Hermione blushed before nodding.
"Wait," she started and hopped out of bed, her nice dress that she had meant to wear for the wedding was wrinkled up but she didn't care. Snape didn't move as he saw her coming near and raised a quizzical brow when she stopped in front of him.
"Yes, what is it?" he asked.
Hermione stood on her tip toes and grabbed his lapels for leverage as she softly kissed his cheek. Snape felt her warm breath on his face and gave a satisfied sigh as she pulled away with a smile, "I will see you soon."
He just watched her file in the bathroom, content now that she had given a more proper goodbye to him. That was one of the many things he loved about her, no small occasion went without notice. He was only going to be gone for a half hour at best and she had taken the time to give him a small kiss in departure. It was the little things that meant so much and he pondered more on this after he had exited his room.
Hermione had finished her warm bath and wrapped a towel around her form and she tip toed across the floor, looking for her clothes which were unfortunately out in the cold living room, unheated from the lack of a fireplace. Her hair was dripping wet and creating drops across the floor and she quickly fumbled with the locks on trunk to retrieve her daily outfit. As she her fingers slipped around the icy metal, the door to the hallway was being pounded on very recklessly and loudly. Hermione cursed her situation and stayed silent, not wanting anyone to know that she was in Snape's private rooms. How would it look if she answered the door soaking wet with nothing on but a towel wrapped around her? The pounding didn't stop and Hermione finally could make out a familiar voice calling for her,
"Hermione! Hermione open this door up! It's Cho! Open up-" Hermione cracked the door open slightly and gave an exasperated expression,
"Really Cho? Right now is when you need me?" water was dripping from her hair onto her bare shoulders and she was freezing cold.
"Hermione I need to talk to you!" Cho had a more worried look on her face than Hermione cared to admit but she groaned and opened the door wider so that the Ravenclaw could barely fit through.
She closed the door and Hermione went back to trying to open her trunk, "What do you need? Professor Snape is going to be back any minute now and I need to get dressed."
"I know you stayed here last night," Cho eyed her and she watched her stiffen, "Hermione I know what is going on."
Hermione moaned and covered her face with her hands, "Great… Harry is telling everyone now, isn't he?"
"Harry didn't tell me, and anyways, I am worried about you." She joined her friend and easily opened her trunk for her and Hermione huffed in indignation at the ease of it.
She quickly started pushing once folded up clothing around, making them messy and unkempt, even throwing some on the ground in her rush to find the outfit she needed, "Trust me Cho, there is nothing to be worried about, I am fine!"
"You slept with him, didn't you?" Cho's voice became more emotional and Hermione quickly stood with wide eyes,
"Cho, I-"
"You did, answer me," she held her hands to her chest and her lip trembled, "Hermione how are you ever going to get through your trial… how are you ever going to become a Potions Mistress if you are romantically involved?" She was honestly concerned and Hermione couldn't blame her. The predicament she was in called for questions and shocking details.
Hermione put a hand on her friend's shoulder, "No Cho, I slept in his bed… without him, I don't think Snape even went to sleep last night. We have never…" she blushed before whispering, "done it. And I don't see that happening anytime soon."
Cho eyed her warily before finally taking a sigh of relief and calming down, "Good God I thought you had…"
Hermione didn't have time to be discussing something that did not matter at the time, "Look Cho, I am in a bit of a rush… if that is what you needed, then I need to let you go… Snape is coming back and he won't be happy at all to find you in his room."
She nodded and breathed out, "There is one other thing… Harry sent me here on an important message for you," Hermione furrowed her brow but braced herself for whatever was so important, "I know something that can help the both of you-"
Hermione groaned, "Cho," she shivered, holding the towel to her wet form, "No offense but I do not need you or Harry trying to tell me what to do… this isn't something to be taken lightly and whatever it is that either of you are planning, it won't work."
Cho started to say something but Hermione interrupted her, "Listen," she raised her voice slightly, "Do you not think that Professor Snape and I have tried everything possible and imaginable to keep us together? There is nothing else left and you will be in big trouble if Snape finds you in here, I am not kidding."
"Hermione if you would just listen to me-"
The door swung open and Snape walked through the threshold to see a barely dressed, soaking wet Hermione and a worked up, stressed out Cho in his living room. The silence was terrifying and he raised an eyebrow but said nothing for no one knew what to say. He straightened up and Hermione covered her beet-red face in her hands in embarrassment and Cho looked scared out of her mind.
"Um…" the Ravenclaw started, "I think I should-"
"Leave, now." Snape hissed quietly and it was enough to send the poor girl running out of the room.
Hermione looked up at the man before her after Cho had left and shut the door, "I was trying to get ready I… erm…"
He looked her up and down and sighed, seating himself on the couch and averted his gaze towards one of his many book shelves out of respect for the young witch, "I suggest you go attend to yourself, you are dripping all over my floor."
She nodded awkwardly and slowly backed away from her trunk with her clothes in her arms. Once she reached the bedroom, she quickly slammed the door shut in embarrassment and Snape smirked when he heard the lock click.
McGonagall was waiting for them and Snape could only pray that they wouldn't be late. He had discovered that Harry Potter had asked if he could come which Snape had instantly denied and for good reason. He and Hermione needed to figure out their future together without interruption from the son of his worst enemy. His heart was pounding rapidly and his body was shaking slightly but he would never admit to anyone… except perhaps Hermione, that he was nervous. Although he wasn't sure if he would even then because he knew that he was her rock and foundation. He didn't want to alarm her and make the situation even worse. However, considering the current state of things, he was almost sure that he would not need to justify for anything. Hermione was properly distracted from what had just occurred.
For such a looming and ominous day, things were panning out more humorously then he ever expected. It made everything much more tolerable. Much more normal… but he did not know how normal a dripping wet, barely covered up Hermione Granger standing in the middle of his living space was. But whatever it might have been, it surely distracted him from the heavy weight on his shoulders and for that, he could not be angry and upset. He could only smile and hope that he would one day be able to experience the very same thing again as a free man to love the young witch who had stolen his heart.
