The next morning Nikki woke up earlier than she had been and she instantly tensed when she felt a warm body pressed up against her from behind, an arm draped over her waist. She then remembered that it was Harry and she relaxed, his body warm and strong and not thin and weedy like Mumford's was. She closed her eyes again and took a deep calming breath before sitting up slowly as not to disturb the man sleeping next to her, hissing as a pain shot from her abdomen but it wasn't as harsh as the night before. Nikki climbed slowly out of the bed and turned to look at Harry, a smile crossing her face when she saw him sleeping peacefully, his hair ruffled and his mouth open slightly. She stood up and pulled the duvet further up his body before turning and walking out of the room to check on their boys.
Nikki made her way into the nursery and shrugged on her dressing gown, wrapping it around her and tying it up as she looked into Donovan's cot, the deaf baby sleeping soundly, his chest rising and falling rhythmically and his small hand clenched around the foot of his toy caterpillar. She smiled and then walked over to Gabriel's cot, leaning on the side and staring down lovingly at her oldest child who was sleeping soundly, the blanket that covered him had slipped down his body slightly and she reached down to pull it over his small body again to ward against the chilly November weather despite the heating that was on in the entire complex. After seeing that her children were okay Nikki turned and walked from the nursery, closing the door quietly behind her and then walking through the bedroom and then through to the small entrance room at the front of their rooms. She then unlocked the door and walked out into the quiet and still dark hallway, closing the door quietly behind her so she didn't wake Harry and made her way down the hall towards the kitchen, not at all surprised to see the light on and seeping into the corridor. It was half past six and normally someone was up with one of the babies, she pushed the door open and walked in, smiling at Jennifer as she saw the raven haired woman feeding Adrian at the table.
"Morning"
"Morning" Jennifer smiled as she looked up from her baby "You're up early"
"Couldn't sleep" Nikki murmured, walking over to the kettle and turning it on, water already in there from where Jennifer had made her drink.
"Are you still worried?"
Nikki shrugged and pulled her mug out of the cupboard above her, placing it on the counter and then picking up the jar of coffee.
"Nikki?" Jennifer asked quietly and Nikki heard the worry in her voice. She turned around as she grabbed a spoon from the drawer next to her, smiling at Jennifer.
"Sorry, I'm just..I'm still a bit messed up at the moment" Nikki shrugged and Jennifer nodded in understanding "I'm so worried"
"How many times have I told you don't be and if anything does happen then we're all be here for you, especially Harry of course"
Nikki shook her head and bit her lip, turning away from Jennifer to pour the boiled water into her mug.
"Harry said last night that a baby right now would be bad"
"You told him?"
"No we were just talking about how Gabriel and Donny had grown and Harry said it would be difficult to raise a baby, a young baby, right now so I have no idea what would happen if.." she couldn't continue as her throat closed up and she bit her lip to stop herself from sobbing "That's why I had to go for a walk last night and.."
What happened during her walk suddenly came to the forefront of her mind and she slammed her spoon down on the side as a waved of dizziness washed over her. She took a deep breath and lowered her head, closing her eyes and hearing Jennifer's worried voice.
"I'm fine"
"No you're not"
"I'm fine" Nikki snapped, straightening up and turning to glare at her friend who looked shocked "I'm fine" she whispered, nodding as she turned back to her drink and practically throwing the spoon into her mug, the loud noise echoing around the room before she picked up the mug and walked over to the table, wincing at the now familiar pain before she sat down opposite Jennifer.
"Would you get rid of it?" Jennifer asked quietly and Nikki closed her eyes, sighing and resting her elbow on the table, leaning her head on her hand and turning her head towards the window at the slowly lightening sky where her friend had pulled the blinds up.
"I don't know" Nikki murmured, realising now that there was a chance she could be pregnant with a baby that wasn't even Harry's. Nausea rose in her but she forcibly pushed it down again, gripping her boiling mug tightly in her hand so the burning in her hand focused her more. "This has happened before"
"But you said Gabriel and Donny were planned"
"They were" Nikki sighed, opening her eyes and looking down at her hand on the mug, the burning sensation making her want to remove her hand but she resisted, knowing that she deserved it "A few months before we decided to try for them a condom split and I got pregnant" she explained quietly "We weren't ready then, we weren't emotionally ready and knew that it wouldn't be fair on a child to have it so we decided to.." she licked her lips and nodded as Jennifer gasped slightly "Despite not being ready it was the hardest thing I've ever done" she added as she finally removed her hand from the mug and curled it into a fist so Jennifer couldn't see how red raw it was "Harry wanted it as well but we just couldn't let a baby come into a world where we couldn't provide properly for him or her. It was..horrific and I hated myself so much afterwards"
"But just think" Jennifer told her calmly as she placed Adrian's bottle on the table and wiped her son's mouth with the bib before sitting him up to burp him "If you didn't then you wouldn't have those two gorgeous little boys would you?"
"No" Nikki shook her head, still refusing to look at her friend as she stirred her coffee.
"Look at me"
"No"
"Nikki I'm not angry or disgusted at what you did, it's your life and you did what you thought was right. End of"
Nikki looked up at Jennifer and saw her smiling and she couldn't help but smile back and nod.
"Thank you. Please don't tell anyone else, I'm not ready for them to know, if ever"
"I won't I promise"
"And don't tell Harry you know either, it was a bad time for both of us"
"I promise"
"Thank you"
"So are you feeling better this morning beautiful?" Harry murmured as he wrapped his arms around Nikki from behind and rested his hands on her hips, pressing a kiss to her neck as she nodded, making sure she told herself that it was just Harry. The man who loved her and the man who would never hurt her intentionally.
"Yes thank you" she nodded and looked over her shoulder at him to see him smiling at her, the look making her stomach jump happily as she moved back closer to him, feeling instantly more secure and loved as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "It just got to me thinking about the boys being one already, it's just a mum thing I think"
"It's a dad thing as well" Harry nodded and then chuckled "We just show it with less emotion than you mums"
"Less emotion?" Nikki giggled as she placed her hands on his and opened his arms, turning around and shaking her head as a smirk then formed on her face "Your emotions are right there for everyone to see when it's about our boys"
"Or you"
"Or me" Nikki agreed with a small nod and then looked at Harry closely as he frowned and looked her up and down "What?"
"Is there something wrong?"
"No" Nikki replied instantly, realising she had been slouching slightly to attempt to ease the pain she was still feeling, she was due some more painkillers but knew she couldn't take many without Harry noticing that the packet was going down. She'd have to forgo them for a while. "I'm fine, why?"
"Nothing" Harry smiled and shook his head, leaning down and kissing her on the forehead and then on the lips "Now I think it's time we got the boys bathed and dressed ready for nursery today"
Monday was the one day that everyone had lectures all at the same time so all the children went to nursery, the other days everyone helped others out by babysitting, something that wasn't too difficult because there was a lot of help and experience to go around.
"You are very handsome today aren't you?" Nikki grinned as she pulled a t-shirt over Gabriel's head, the little boy struggling and laughing as she pulled it down and then giggled as his face was revealed "There he is" she pressed a kiss to his nose and her son laughed again, kissing her back on the lips and clapping his hands "You have to be good today while mummy and daddy go and learn lots of things and then when we come back to see you this afternoon we can have lots of cuddles and mummy will read to you and Donny. Would you like that?"
The blonde haired little boy quickly snuggled himself closer to Nikki and she wrapped her arms around him, kissing his soft hair gently as the night before suddenly came back to her. She swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked away her tears, refusing to think such thoughts when her innocent little boy was in her arms.
"Mummy loves you so much" she whispered and kissed him on the head again before he moved away and smiled innocently at her "I love you" she signed and Gabriel watched as her hands formed the signs that he had been seeing since he was a month old. He then copied her perfectly and Nikki let out a happy sob, knowing that without them even knowing her boys, including Harry, would get her through what had happened and before she knew it it would all be in the past. This thought cheered her up and she kissed Gabriel on the forehead before using the bed to help her stand up, wincing slightly as she did so and then leaning down to pick her son up into her arms. "Let's go and see where your daddy and brother have got to shall we?"
