-=I don't own harry potter, etc. etc.=-

AN/ I was in a strange mood when writing this chapter. Please excuse me, if you find it strange.

Cheap Thrills

Scary Revelations and Social Grooming

*

"Say the password, I'm not listening."

Severus' head bobbed forward nearly hitting his head on the portrait. "Tickle torture," he whispered loudly.

"Tickle torture! What kind of password is that?" Greatest fear, probably.

"Thought you weren't listening." Severus gave her a death-glare. It would be have been more frightening, had Severus been capable of supporting himself.

"Remedy?" He pointed to his bedroom.

Sitting on his bed Snape summoned the phials, with a well-practised motion. When Hermione saw the cabinet open that contained the phials, she took a closer look. "Bloody hell, Severus. Every single one of these is hangover remedy. There must be vat of it here. You don't really need this much do you?"

"It'll last...I dunno, six months." She stripped Snape, then pulled the covers over him.

"Hold still, I'm going to brush your teeth."

"I'm not an invalid." Snape objected.

"I didn't say you were, think of it as social grooming. My parents are dentists for crying out loud. I can clean teeth with the best." She put the toothpaste on his toothbrush.

"You're not putting enough on." Protesting weakly.

"Toothpaste manufactures, put enough toothpaste on the brush in their adverts, to thoroughly brush your teeth twice. It's a marketing scheme."

"But..." Snape still objected.

"Say ah." Starting at the back she brushed her way to the front. Snape gargled something incoherently. "You spit when we're done. Now I'm going to the inside, top and bottom. Shame electric toothbrushes don't work here. Now you can spit, we're almost done," holding out a cup for him. "Now I'm going to brush your tongue and roof of your mouth. Ahhh." Handing over a drink of water. She pulled out a long thick string.

That was strangely intimate. "You're not strangling me, I won't allow it." Hermione wound the dental floss around her index fingers.

"You're right I'm not. Open wide, I'm going to floss your teeth."

How is it, that she's practically got both hands in my mouth? Is it really that big? He thought with horror. She shimmied, tugged, and rewound the floss. "You're suppose to floss every day."

"Must be a conspiracy trumped up by dentists. Nonsense. What's that smell?"

"That is from the detritus from between your teeth, it's the premise for the dentists' conspiracy."

"That's awful." Snape grimaced. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, quite. If you need my help, just ask. I'm going to leave the floss in the loo." Snape swished the water around his mouth, and spit.

"I feel like I need to brush my teeth again." Snape worried, tongue sliding across his slick teeth.

"You probably do. Normally you want to floss first, but you had vegetation between your teeth, figured we'd get that first." She kissed him on the forehead, "good night Severus." Hermione walked to the door, turned out the light.

"You're not staying?" His words were laced with disappointment.

"No, Severus. I'm returning to my room at the Leaky Cauldron. There are some things still left on my 'to do list.' When I'm finished I'll be back. Good night, don't let the bedbugs bite."

"Night, then." Sullenly his words reached her from the darkened room.