"Hoo! Hoo hoo!"
Looking up from his textbook Sasori smiled at the child playing innocently on the floor with a group of new realistic owl toys his father had sent him in the mail a few days prior. Mercy did Deidara ever love these owls; he never put them down! They had little talons that perched onto your finger, their wings had a slight bend to them and each engraved feather was impeccably colored with the proper neutral brown stripes. Truly they were a lovely set of bird toys...unlike a couple plush birds named Bard and Birb who still found their way into his nightmares.
"Yeesh..." Sasori shuddered quietly.
"Hoo, HOO!" Deidara yelled with a giggled as the birds pecked at a few old Cheerios he had stuffed into his pockets from breakfast earlier. "Mm! Hoo hoo!"
Smiling, Sasori slowly lowered his head back into his book until...
"Un! Danna! Come play owls with me for a little bit! It's so super duper fun!"
Sasori simply rolled his eyes and put his text book down. A little break to play birdies wouldn't hurt. Besides, now he wouldn't have to play later on when the boy would ask! There was a limit to the precious Sasori-play-time and once it was used up, it was used up.
"Sure."
"Yay! Hoo hoo hoot!"
Taking the one owl he had been handed, Sasori swooped the bird around, making sure to just whiz past Deidara's head. You know, just for that extra added excitement.
Boy did it ever work. Deidara loved every swoop the owl took as it dove for his head, in fact he even handed his Danna ANOTHER one of his owls so he could have TWO of then flying over head. Things for the two of them were going perfect. That is until SASORI made the mistake of opening his big dumb mouth spewing a pile of word vomit over and over.
"Scree! Scree!"
Deidara froze as he watched the owls scree pathetically at him. Leaping to his feet, he held his breath as he jumped head first into the spiral of his owl friends almost getting smucked in the head by them. This of course scared the daylights out of Sasori since the last thing he wanted was to accidentally or ever hurt the boy.
"Whoa Deidara! W-what's wrong?"
Fury grew in Deidara's eyes. What's wrong? What's wrong!? What did his Danna mean by that? Does the guy not know anything about ANYTHING? Danna was supposed to be SMART!
"DAN-NAH!"
"..." Sasori narrowed his eyes as he cringed. It was time; he was in for it now, "Okay okay, what did I do wrong?" he asked knowing already what was coming.
"What'cha doin wrong? What'cha doin wrong!? You made an OWL go SCREEEEE!" Deidara yelled as loud as he could with that scree, almost as if he could feel the owls offense for them - if the toys could feel things like that in the first place. "OWLS. GO. HOOT!"
Sasori raised a brow and kept his eyes narrowed, carefully thinking about his next words so as to not trigger the boy into another storm. Birds were a very sensitive subject to the boy of course. Their beauty made him laugh, cry and squeal in sheer delight. To wrong one of them would be a catastrophe.
Just how long until Deidara would realize he eats birds on a regular basis. Oh god no, Sasori was not dealing with that! He'd rather have to deal with a pre-pubescent Deidara going through puberty than tell him his beloved teriyaki was actually teriyaki chicken. Or his fried chicken isn't called that because chickens like to eat it.
That sent shivers up Sasori's spine. How in the world could Katsuya tell a lie like that?
"Yes... I made the owl go 'scree'. And I uh, did it b-because they can actually make that noise...when they're very angry! Yeah, that's it!" Sasori explained with much vigor after he figured out how to word it properly.
Deidara pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at this explanation. Reaching up he yanked his new owl toys out of Sasori's hands and stroked their heads and extended wings. It truly was a lovely toy... That was now in his mouth as he chewed the tip of one of the wings while he thought about what his Danna had just said.
Could an owl really go 'scree'? Surely he would need some hard evidence and -
"Hey!" Sasori hissed bitterly, "You can just rip a toy out of my hands."
Deidara looked up in shock, still chewing away. Can't rip things out of hands? What did he mean by that? Danna did that to him all the time and never got yelled at!
Don't touch the knives!
Give me back my phone!
Don't color on my homework!
Give me back that puppet!
Don't touch my stuff in general!
That's mine, mine, mine!
So many unreasonable demands! At least he was being reasonable with his new birds. If you can't respect the bird, you can't handle the bird! Birds were far better than phones and homework anyway.
"Give me back the bird and try asking for it in a nice way young man!"
The chewing slowed. Deidara's eyes narrowed so much they were hardly open at all. Pulling the owl out from his teeth and lips he looked at the toy and then back to Sasori; back and forth. Finally after shaking his head, Deidara held it away taking it closer to his chest. "No thanks Danna. Besides this isn't a bird, it's an owl, un."
It was now Sasori's turn to narrow his eyes back. Instead of taking as long, he immediately shot back, "That's a bird. Owls are birds."
Deidara rolled his eyes and held all his toys close now, "I know that. These are OWLS though, un."
"Which are BIRDS."
"But these are OWLS."
"OWLS are BIRDS."
"Okay yeah, but this, this and this?" He held up his toys proudly, "They are OWLS. Call them OWLS, un."
"But OWLS are BIRDS!"
"THESE ARE OWLS."
"WHICH ARE BIRDS."
"UN, BUT THEY'RE OWLS."
"WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DIFFICULT?"
Deidara's bottom lip immediately turned up at that accusation. In reality Sasori wasn't too far off they mark. It was just something you don't say to a child's face, only something to be muttered as you stalk away pounding your head questioning why you have or work with children in the first place. For that reason though, Sasori was to face the consequences;
Thwack!
Another smack right on the face. Instead of falling for that and just giving the boy a talking to, Sasori was furious. No way, no how was Deidara getting away with such naughty behaviour, he had had enough of this.
Scooping Deidara up, much to the child's shock, Sasori stormed to the corner of the living room and placed him there. Whipping Deidara around he held him by the shoulders and stared him dead in the eyes, "You will absolutely NOT hit me."
Deidara whimpered as he was scolded and looked away.
"You will stand in the corner and only come out when I say you can."
As Sasori took his leave back to his seat on the couch with his textbook, Deidara slumped down on bum and watched Sasori as he sulked. Minutes went by and they seemed like forever. This was agony! What was he supposed to do? Sit here and think about what he did?
"Un..."
Thinking carefully, Deidara's frown deepened. Why had he hit his Danna like that? He loved his Danna! How could he do something so mean?
"Uwuuu...unnn...wuhh."
"Deidara, I don't want to hear your crying."
"Wuuuu...but I hurted you an-an that makes me s-sad unnn..."
Closing his book again Sasori sighed and stood up. Deidara sure learned his lessons fast. Perhaps he was smarter than the average little idiot. The "Standing Sadly in the Corner" trick worked great! No wonder his granny always used it on him... Only he'd have to hold a dictionary above his head and sing the alphabet backwards.
No way he'd ever be that mean to Deidara!
Picking Deidara up and taking back to the couch, Sasori bounced him lightly to soothe his crying. This was it. This was the time Sasori actually punished Deidara and was going going to teach the child a lesson. Here was the time of all times where he would be a fine teacher, a master; a Danna.
"What have you learned, Deidara?" He asked, ready to hear what the child thought about getting in a fight over a couple birds.
Deidara frowned. What had he learned? What. Had. He. Learned. Perking up immediately, Deidara smiled. This ultimately made Sasori smile until -
"Owls are birds that go scree as well as hoo hoo, un."
Sasori sighed and put Deidara down, "Ok Deidara. Go away." He muttered as he got back to his school work.
Ain't got no more time for this. Sasori-play-time was far beyond used up.
ok so I once had an argument with two little girls about owls being birds. they got so mad at me when I made my owl go scree it was ridiculous. BYE LOSERS
