Author's comment:

Saaay, anyone catch that latest episode of Samurai Jack? You know, the one where Gennedy showed that he had more or less the same diabolical idea for romance that I did?

For the people of the future, that episode is Season 5, Episode 9, first aired on May 9, 2017. That chapter you just finished reading, in comparison, was published on May 2, 2017. Never have I been so pleased... To have had absolutely nothing to do with something.

And on said idea, I swear on me great-grandmother's grave, this is the LAST consecutive chapter with Uzume's romantic drama. I wanted to hold off on it. I wanted put a buffer chapter in between. I wanted to let some of tension unwind, like the in my right lateral.

But then I settled on the chapter title and went, "Do-oh, it's just too freakin' PERFECT to not put here!"


Chapter 54: Show Them No Fear, Show Them No Pain

"Minato…"

The former college failure knew he was in hot water now, what with Kazehana's attire leaving her practically naked.

"Can't we take a break?" The Wind Sekirei playfully whined, having draped herself across Minato's bare back, hanging on to his chest with her arms. "Chores like this can be sooo exhausting…"

A spherical mass of water splashed against Kazehana's face, as warm as the spring air surrounding them.

"Consider thyself refreshed," Tsukiumi harrumphed.

Kazehana dislodged her bikini-clad body from Minato and allowed him to go on sponging the wall. She flipped her dripping bangs back over her head and spread her arms, a gust of wind billowing through her hair. Tsukiumi raised a wary eyebrow at such a display, doubly suspicious since Minato gazed not at her sister-rival, but at the still-very-smaragdine wall. Surely, Kazehana woult have saved such a display to tempt Tsukiumi's husband; 'twas her way as "Ms. Public Obscenity", as she'd overheard Miya dub her. A fitting name, to be sure.

"Aaaahh…" Kazehana let out a satisfied sigh, running her hands back across her salwan locks, all the way to her violet hair tie. "That felt nice. Thanks for the rinse, Tsukiumi."

Tsukiumi decided not to fume at her gesture backfiring, refusing to give the older Sekirei the satisfaction.

"Thou art welcome," said The Water Sekirei, with such a tone as to imply a much less courteous notion.

Her water powers came in handy once Minato had scrubbed the green from of the walls, rinsing off the suds and washing the detritus down the drainage ditch. A handy thing for maintenance, and it doubled as flood-control, should a rainstorm attempt to drown the nearby flowerbeds. It seemed the inn's original owner, Miya's deceased husband, a former researcher at MBI, had taken care to include his wife's love of gardening while laying out the architecture. Tsukiumi hoped that Minato would be as considerate, once she won The Sekirei Plan and they could move out of the Inn.

It was then that Tsukiumi recalled that MBI's first chief scientist, Takehito, had also perished prior to the start of The Plan. She wondered…

"K-Kazehana?"

Tsukiumi was brought out of her reverie by her husband's stutter, and one of Kazehana's more ludicrous displays. The Wind Sekirei had secured her own sponge, and in a move that struck Tsukiumi as more strange than erotic, was squeezing all the suds and water on to herself, covering her body and obscuring her form.

"Thou art…" Her eyes drifted to Minato, who was staring at Number Three in wide-eyed bewilderment. His eyes trailed up and down Kazehana's body, following the path the suds left from her flat stomach up through her cleavage.

Kazehana caught that look he was giving her. "See a problem, Minato?" she asked coyly.

"W-… It's just-" he swallowed audibly, glancing at Tsukiumi before returning to Kazehana. "That water's-"

"Dirty?" Kazehana finished for him, lustily narrowing her eyes and curling her lips into a smile. "So what does that make me?"

Minato's eyes finished wandering and fixated upon the suds, trailing down between her enormous breasts and etching the voluptuous curvature into his mind. All blood was leaving his common sense and gathering elsewhere. There, once the opposing parties of the Reds and the Whites participated in many rounds of debating, discussing, deliberating, drinking, shouting, cursing, threatening, barfighting, and hungover groaning, a consensus was finally reached.

So round... So big… So perfect.

Tsukiumi's growl broke his reverie; he'd said at least one of those phrases out loud.

An image of much younger Yukari playing with him in the woods flashed before Minato's eyes, followed by his first attempt at soccer while in primary school. Then his high school education, followed by his first attempt at the Tokyo U entrance exams. He began to turn towards his blonde Sekirei, his male eyes naturally following the curves of her body down to the valley between her breasts. The black bikini against her fair skin suited her well; for some reason he found the metal ring holding her top together to make it slightly more alluring than a simple string.

And then it was all gone, replace by the sight of Kazehana's face thrusting towards his own.

She caught his mouth, then his tongue, and her legs left the ground to grip his sides. Her pink wings flared out behind her, and she pressed her breasts against his shirtless chest in an effort to touch as much of him as possible, bikini or no.

The sudden change in balance sent Minato stumbling back against the wall, Kazehana planting her feet and pseudo-straddling him as he began to slide down the wall. The surprise in his eyes had dimmed to simple contentment, though he felt Kazehana's grip on his arms and the soft pressure against his chest grow a little more desperate.

Even when a deluge of water came crashing down on them, Kazehana clung to her man. She wouldn't let him go that easily.

"Filthy woman." Tsukiumi's jealous glare burned into Minato's eye sockets, even though she wasn't looking at him directly. "What thou needest is a shower."

Kazehana opened an eye to glance at Tsukiumi, before parting lips with Minato. He let out a small sigh, the breath escaping his mouth, and then Kazehana was right back to kissing him. That eye which had glanced at Tsukiumi now rolled back in orgasmic pleasure, the back lawn bathed in pink for a second time.

Tsukiumi was, by now, absolutely livid. "He. Is. Mine, thou harlot," she seethed, her teeth clenched as a much harder, deadlier ball of water began forming around her taught, clawed fingers.

Now this did make The Wind Sekirei part from her hubby, as she gently pushed off of him to square off against Tsukiumi.

"You know, Nine," Kazehana said, a hint of hostility entering her syrupy voice, "ever heard of a thing called 'sharing'?"

"One doth not 'share' one's spouse, Three," Tsukiumi retorted. "And thou art one to lecture me on my behavior, when thou wert the one adultering with my husband."

"Oh, but he's not your husband," said Kazehana, the final pretense of teasing dropping from her features as a wind began picking up around the yard. "He's mine."

"We shall see, when thou art lying beaten before me."

"Stop it!"

The two of them started, and glanced over at Minato, who had recovered from Kazehana's kiss and was now jogging out in between them.

"Look," he said, turning his attention to Tsukiumi, "I get it."

Then, to Kazehana. "Both of you want to be my w-" He stopped as the word caught in his throat. "Wife."

What was up with that? Minato's tall body obscured them from each other, but both Sekirei were sharing the same worried thought.

"And, believe me, any other guy would kill for girls like you two to fight over him. But-"

He stopped. Once more, the words caught in his throat, and that fire that had been lit beneath him dwindled. Where before he stood tall, almost imposing, with a look that both unnerved but also excited the two women, he seemed to shrink, returning to that skinny schoolboy that they'd seen when they each first encountered him.

"Just please don't kill each other, okay?" he sighed. "We have enough problems already."

Fwap!

Tsukiumi flinched upon the impact and rubbed the top of her head, the spatula Miya wielded having struck her just behind her bangs.

"The yard is still part of my inn, and therefore subject to my rule against violence," the Landlady told them.

Kazehana chuckled under her breath. "That's what you get for throwing a hissy fit," she muttered, her mocking tone returning a little.

Fwap!

"I am not hard of hearing, Kazehana," Miya stated pertly, before taking her spatula back inside.

"Hmph, serves thy lewdness right," Tsukiumi huffed.

"What? Minato likes it. Right, Mina-kun~?"

Minato shrunk back. "Guys, can we not start this again?!"

Tsukiumi nodded towards her husband. "Even he knows better, despite his tempestuous faith in his wife."

"Hey! Come on, Tsukiumi, don't be like that!"

The Water Sekirei ignored him. "Tell me, Three: doth the word 'restraint' mean something to thee?"

"Yeah." Kazehana clasped her hands above her head and leaned back, stretching whilest showcasing her two enormous assets. "It's something I keep on the broil for fights, cooking, and pretty much nothing else."

The next moment, The Wind Sekirei smiled. "Still got my top on, don't I?"

"Not if thy ways were law of the land," Tsukiumi shot back, glancing over to see Minato ogling the other woman's bosom.

Kazehana chuckled. "You'd be surprised."

A tic mark appeared on Tsukiumi's forehead. "If thou seekest my husband's attentions-"

"You mean my husband," Kazehana interjected.

"ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT! ENOUGH ALREADY!" Minato shrieked. He turned around, marched up to Tsukiumi, placed his hands over her ears and pulled her into a kiss. Tsukiumi squirmed a little but ultimately relented, her tongue cautiously entering his mouth to kiss him back. He tasted… wrong. That usual sweetness that came with the emergence of her wings felt bitter and dull, like an unripe banana. Perhaps that was why she made no attempt to keep him when he pulled away.

"Fair is fair!" he cried, a crack in his voice from straining it. "Now I'm going inside, and if anyone terminates anyone else…"

He took a deep breath, then blurted out, "Then they can just stop being my Sekirei!"

And so he turned around and marched back inside, leaving his self-proclaimed wives standing in their bikinis, gawking, and utterly stupefied. Those words, with that tone, coming from that man, were utterly unbelievable. If they hadn't seen it with their own eyes…

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Neither of them really knew how much time had passed when a third bikini-wearing girl came soaring out of the skies to touch down in the middle of the yard. Her hard landing made her feet sink into the mud, so much so that the small child that clung to her back had to hop off and ask the nearby beech tree to lend her a branch.

"Ah, thanks Ku!" Musubi said, stepping over the two new holes in the yard.

"And?" Kusano said, crossing her arms.

Musubi tilted her head She already said "thank you" (well, she didn't say "thank you" exactly, but she was pretty sure Ku didn't mind), so what did the little girl want her to do?

"Aaaaaand?!" she repeated, her lips pursed in an effort imitate Tsukiumi's usual angry look.

"Oh, right!" Musubi turned to the nearby beech and bowing her head. "And thank you, Mr. Tree!"

Ku unclenched her face and nodded. "The tree says, 'You're welcome', but it wants you to know that it wasn't nice for you to forget about it so fast."

"I know," Musubi sighed sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head. "I'm sorry."

That was when the two girls noticed that the two women were still coping with their shock.

"What's wrong, guys?" Musubi asked. No response.

"Maybe they saw a really big bug," Kusano whispered into 88's ear.

"You think they're trying to catch it?" Musubi whispered back.

"Eeeww!" Kusano addressed her two elders and raised her voice. "You guys are gross!"

Kazehana and Tsukiumi didn't hear. They slowly turned to look at each other, finally closing their mouths, before walking inside, silent as the grave.

Minato saw them head upstairs, not making eye contact with them, not even sneaking a peek at their unmasked cleavage. No way was he letting them off, not even a little.

Passing them, though, was another familiar face, trying just as hard to not meet their gaze.

"Uzume?" Minato un-sat himself from the front step and turned towards the door. She met him at the frame, where she was halted by him placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

The shadow of her bangs obscured her eyes a little, but he could still see her slightly trembling smile. "Yeah… Everything's fine. I just… Need to get away for a while."

"What do you mean?" he inquired, releasing her shoulder.

She suddenly looked at him. "Hey, Minato? If I were to suddenly disappear out of the blue, would you look for me?"

The former ronin frowned a little. "What do you mean? I mean, yeah, I'd look for you. I'm pretty sure everyone here would look for you."

"That's what friends are for," said another voice, this one belonging to Homura, dressed in a loose-hanging button shirt and slacks.

"Friends," Uzume repeated. "Yeah, kind of a stupid question now that I think about it. You sure it's not because you're the Sekirei Guardian?"

"I'm not the Guardian anymore," said Homura. "All the- Well, actually I am, but that's beside the point."

Uzume sighed, then turned to the two in the door and slung an arm around each, pulling them close. "That means a lot guys. Thanks. But…"

Her grip on them got a little tighter, and her chin came to rest between their shoulders. "Don't, okay?"

"Wait, what do you mean, 'don't'?" Homura asked.

Minato was equally worried as Uzume hopped off of them and began making her way towards the sidewalk.

"If there's something on your mind, let's talk about it!" the Ashikabi called after her.

They couldn't see it, but Uzume had a weary smile branded on to her face, forcing herself not to cry. At the front gate, she screwed her eyes shut and her brisk walk turned into a run.

The two men's eyes followed her until she had disappeared behind a nearby insula. They then looked at each other, before Homura's eyes widened a little and he quickly made his way back inside. Despite Uzume's cryptic warning, Homura's behavior worried the Ashikabi as well.

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It was almost evening when Kakizaki got the call.

"She is?" he asked. The voice on the other end confirmed it, then gave him a very specific set of instructions. "Understood. I'll make sure of it, sir."

A "click" sounded on the other end. Once more, Higa was giving him a rather tricky task, lest Number 10 catch on to the truth. "It wouldn't do for my bishop to be taken off the board from lack of… enthusiasm." Kakizaki understood, but he also understood, that Higa understood, that said enthusiasm might cause 10 to snap and just run Kakizaki through, damn the consequences. Luckily, Higa had allowed plenty of time for the Sekirei to grow close to her Ashikabi before approaching with his ultimatum. She loved that Hidaka girl too much to do anything stupid.

Sighing, he got up from his desk. He made a small detour to head Kochou off at the pass, Kakizaki's Sekirei still slaving away at keeping 10's profile hidden from the so-called "Wisdom" Sekirei. Not very wise if she still hadn't figured out the way Kochou was keeping her out. It was rather ingenious, actually. Nevertheless, keeping up the blockade was a tiring, thankless job, and so Kakizaki popped in to her isolated office to give her a word of appreciation, a kiss to light her Norito, and a quick squeeze of the left breast. Suddenly, Kochou didn't seem as fatigued, and Kakizaki was even graced with a small smile from her.

But he knew he was just stalling for time, and it wouldn't be very professional to continue.

So, one elevator ride later, he was at the bottom floor, walking through the automatic doorways to greet Number 10, as per usual.

10's lip wrinkled in scorn when she saw who had come to greet her.

"I told your boss I wanted to see him," she said, a scowl forming on her (admittedly) lovely features.

"Higa-sama has more important things to do with his time. And besides which-" he held up a hand as it looked like 10 was about to non-lethally accost him. "As his secretary, it is my duty to see those who wish to speak with him, and determine whether they might be allowed to. I'm afraid Higa-sama simply does not want to see you right now."

10's eyes narrowed. She looked up, at the smooth mirrored surface running along the sides of the hospital. Her Sekirei eyes could see those areas where the light passed through the one-way windows, revealing which hid rooms and which were simply fancy walling.

"Now," Kakizaki began, "regarding your fight with 67 and your task to eliminate him-"

"I don't need your lecture," Ten said, moving past him. "I'll just go find a doctor and tell them to unplug Chiho."

Kakizaki raised an eyebrow at this. "You realize what moving Hidaka-san will mean for her, yes?"

"Of course I do," replied the Sekirei, stopping. "But if Higa's going to cut us loose anyway, what choice do we have?"

"Indeed," Kakizaki said, giving a slight nod. He paused, letting the tension build, but also trying to get a feel for what was going on in Ten's head. She seemed awfully quick to let herself drown, without so much as a plea or an appeal. And that put the well-seasoned secretary a little on edge.

"However," he continued, opting to cast the die anyway, "if you were to make your case to Higa-sama, he might be persuaded to retain your services."

Uzume looked over her shoulder, at the back of Kakizaki's head. "Are you serious?"

"On the other hand," said the secretary, "it is a rather troubling thing you did, and I wouldn't be surprised if Higa-"

"Can it," Uzume snapped, before she shoved him aside and dashed into the hospital. A very terrified desk clerk was persuaded to reveal which floor, exactly, Higa's office was located on. Persuaded at the end of a drill-like barb of white cloth, that is. The fabric slipping back beneath Uzume's sleeves, she didn't bother with the elevator. The stairwell's locking mechanism was smashed and the door wrenched open as more cloth slithered from Uzume's jeans to grasp at the metal railings.

Her ascent was almost halted when Kaiha showed up to ruin her already-bad mood, something the psychotic Sekirei took great delight in. She appeared on one side of the stairwell to slice through Uzume's veil that clung to the railing. Her mistake, because those veils were like spider's web: their spinner could feel the vibrations of disturbance. This meant that Uzume was able to shimmy aside when Kaiha took a swing at her neck with those giant half-scissors she wore on her arms.

A wad of veil flew into Kaiha's eyes, before tangling itself around her head like a frenzied turban gone rogue. While she struggled to get it off with her hands sheathed in her shears, Uzume continued on.

Floor 13. How appropriate.

It was a simple key-lock, easily picked with a hardened veil in place of a plastic card. Ironically, luck was on her side at the moment, for a janitor was busy vacuuming the carpeted hallway.

Uzume's face put aside its simmering hatred for Higa, and adopted a more "innocent party-girl" look.

"Excuse me!" she called sweetly, the janitor a man in his early 50s and not used to having pretty young girls talk to him like that. She had him in an instant. "Could you tell me which office is Higa-sama's? I can't remember where to go."

The man dumbly nodded and gave her the office number. Uzume made a mental note to make sure he wasn't fired for "helping out a valued customer".

Subtlety was still her friend for the entrance, into the antechamber where she assumed Kakizaki usually worked, but not the actual door to Higa's office.

She kicked the door in and found another Sekirei, the same one who'd accompanied Higa to Uzume's room, waiting for her. The black ribbons sprang to life around the girl's sleeves, but these tiny shreds were no match for Uzume's well-honed control of her veils. This other Sekirei was swatted aside, pinned to the wall by a pair of Uzume's tendrils, like giant white staples.

She still had plenty for Higa, twisting yet another veil into a barb and shooting it at him. This missed him by a hair's breath, spearing through the expensive leather on that wheeled office chair he sat in. Higa didn't even blink.

That same barb now unformed into a knot in the wall as Uzume pulled herself up on to Higa's desk. With her free hand, she grabbed her jailor by the collar of his suit and pulled him up, letting him dangle like a worm on a hook.

"We need to talk."

Higa finally blinked, though not from anxiety. "Indeed we do."

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Minato had migrated to the front step, keeping the door closed behind him and fully prepared to take off should either of his self-proclaimed "wives" try to talk to him. No! They weren't allowed to talk to him right now! He put up with their bickering because he cared for them all and knew they just wanted his attention like the rest of his Sekirei, but starting a fight over a stupid kiss?

And he made a mental note that if they ever heard him say that, he would not let them lecture him about it.

"… Husband?"

Minato sprang to his feet but a hand clasped his shoulder, as such his mad dash turned into a mad pivot-in-place.

It was those two, out of their bikinis and in their normal wear. Minato took extra care that his eyes didn't drift towards anyone's cleavage.

"We…" Tsukiumi looked away. Even Kazehana was deprived of her usual happy flair, as she nudged Tsukiumi from behind. Had Minato not remained fixated on their faces he might've caught it.

"We've come to apologize," the Water Sekirei finally said. She gave a slight bow with her head. "Twas improper of us to behave as we did, and we beg thy forgiveness."

"No."

Tsukiumi's head jerked back up to look at her husband, and while Kazehana didn't bow nearly as noticeably, she still flinched at this steel-coated brick wall of a response.

"What?" the two women uttered simultaneously.

"I said no!" Minato cried, clenching his fists. "I'm not forgiving you just-like-that! You two already got a pass from the last time you almost fought each other! And that was when only one of you was my Sekirei!"

"But we didn't fight this time either, did we?" Kazehana asked.

"No."

Kazehana flinched again, realizing some cockiness had contaminated her earnesty.

"You two," Minato said, leveling fingers at the two women before him, "almost got into a fight over a stupid kiss."

"Stupid?!" Another same-time utterance.

"I'm not finished!" Minato snapped. Whatever they were about to say to him was smashed aside. "Almost is still too close, alright? What… What if it had been somewhere else, some place with no one to step in? What if I'd just done what I almost did and gone back inside, thinking you two might cool down with me out of the picture? I know better now! I imagine what would've happened is something like how Musubi almost died fighting during the bridge escape, or how Kagedansu was almost killed by that... thing, Hametsu!"

He folded his arms, and finished them off with, "I've had enough times where something almost happened. I can put up with the arguing, the shouting, and those times where you play tug-of-war with my arms! But I'm drawing the line here: you two, and anyone else for that matter, are done fighting over me."

Numbers Three and Nine shifted uncomfortably where they stood on their feet, looking down at said feet. They wanted to be anywhere else right now, a first considering they were about four feet from their Ashikabi.

Kazehana spoke up again. "I want to make that promise, Minato; really, I do…"

She found her courage and met his gaze. It was like twisting a knife her guts, that face he wore.

"But sooner or later, we'll all have to fight. Only one Sekirei can win the Plan."

"Well tough," was all he said, startling her for a third time.

There was silence, for a moment.

Then, a slow clapping of hands called attention away from Minato's outburst, and to a rather peculiar form leaning on the left gatepost.

He was dressed in that same black gi, same shorn head, same energized swagger to his step.

A tearful smile of joy wrinkled his features, something none of the three on the doorstep they'd see, in light of recent circumstances.

His slow clap ceased. "That. Was. Beautiful." He sniffed. "They grow up so fast."

He clasped his hands in front of him and shuddered, looking like he'd just eaten something that gave him a food-orgasm. Tsukiumi, upon seeing this, wished to never know how much of their conversation he'd just witnessed, and so hurried back to the great indoors.

Meanwhile, Kazehana, more than a little euphoric over Minato's show of dominance, would've preferred said show be confined to a more private encounter, Tsukiumi notwithstanding. She suddenly felt very vulnerable, a feeling she'd never encountered before, like she'd been caught naked even though she was more than comfortable with her birthday suit. Thus, she quickly took Tsukiumi's cue and darted inside.

The big man, or rather the bigger man, had apparently gotten lost in his own little world by this point, because he was humming something on the lower reaches of his baritone range. And he was hop-flexing his knees to the rhythm as he began strolling through the front yard, treading along the walk.

"Kagedansu?"

What Minato found more alarming was that, upon closer examination, his arms were bandaged all the way up to his shoulders. Not just there: more bandaging wound around his bulky frame; Minato hadn't seen him like this since they dragged him off of the front step.

"Hey!" Minato stepped in front of the large Sekirei and finally brought him back to Planet Earth.

"Are you sure you don't mean someone else?" he asked.

"Ye-ees!" Minato whined. "What happened to you? Are you okay?"

"Uzume's The Veiled Sekirei."

Now it was Minato's turn to give himself whiplash.

The blonde man shrugged. "Yup. Makes perfect sense, actually: body type, hair, vocal timbre, all that stuff."

"Wai-…" Minato's brain was still spewing smoke. "Bu-"

"'When', 'where', 'why' and 'how', right? Am I close? Whaddo I win?"

"Whe-" Minato waved a finger around Kagedansu's torso, like he imagined Kazehana did when she was drunk and tried to point at something. "When did all of this happen?"

The Sekirei put a fist beneath his chin. His eyes went this way, then that. "Uuuuhh… Today. Honestly, I wasn't keeping track of time."

A big grin lit his face. "But I'm here, I'm alive, and that's what matters!"

"Hey, Kagedansu?"

The large Sekirei turned to him. "Hm?"

"Are you… feeling okay?"

Kagedansu's expression leveled out. "Well, Minato, considering absolutely everything I've been through…"

He pumped his fist, his face lighting up.

"I FEEL FANTASTIC!"

He said that, but as The Shadow Sekirei strolled into the Inn, those yellow of his eyes told a different story.