A/N: Hey guys! Like I said in my other diary entries this song is one of my all-time favourite songs. I'm a little bit of an American Idol junkie it seems (my two favourite artists are Carrie Underwood, David Cook and then there's Kris Allen that I'm quite fond of... I see a pattern...) I think this little gem is just the most epic of songs... and is actually perfect for Danny in one of the many situations he's found himself in. Like the chorus has his name on it somewhere, I'm sure of it.

Of course, mentions and hats off to Megan for shoving me in the direction of this song – you made mine and Kendall's summer extremely musical with this song on repeat! Heheh. I even think I caught my Dad humming it at one point.

Now without further adieu (because I am SUPER excited for this chapter), I demand everyone go to YouTube and listen to this song. Please? Pretty please? I've honestly had it on repeat for the last four months. hahaha.

Now, special thank you to those amazing folks that read, and an even bigger one to those who also reviewed. You guys are incredible. I don't know how or when or when my review count creeped all the way to like 880... well, 886 at the minute. And for 52 chapters? You guys... wow! I don't know what to say, I really don't - thank you all SOOOO much. Hugs to: Dine89, Bob (lol), messermonroeforever125, Lindsay1234, lindsaymesser1fan, saderia, afrozenheart412, brendanakai, rapidtetv, 18lzytwner, iheartcsinewyork and unlikelyRLshipper.


The Truth – Kris Allen, ft. Pat Monahan

Tryin' to be perfect. Tryin' not to let you down. Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now... While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin', the walls we built together tumblin'. I still stand here holdin' up the roof. Cause it's easier than telling the truth.


"I thought you said nothing happened today. The 'same old, same old' you said! You lied! You lied to me!"

Taking the phone away from his ear, he glanced at the caller ID, wanting to check to make sure it was his wife on the other end, because while it sounded like her vocally, her high pitched screech confused him a little.

Suddenly, it dawned on him.

She knew.

Fuck.

"Hello?"

"Hi to you too." He teased good-naturedly, trying to lighten her mood as he sensed she had found out that he had done what he did and was therefore in for the reaming of his life.

"I thought you said nothing happened today." She repeated.

Furrowing his brow, Danny licked his lips. Flack was fucking dead. Calling his wife behind his back and telling her. Who the fuck did he think he was? "Nothing did." He lied; his heart was still hammering in his chest from the adrenaline pumping through his body. "Same old, same old. Why?"

"Oh right? Why did I just see Marty Pino on the news?"

Danny's heart was going from one extreme to the other: hammering in his chest to stopping completely. "You... you did?"

"Yeah, it's funny actually."

"What is?"

"The fact that you were there too." The tone of Lindsay's voice told Danny she didn't find it all that funny. "Hales choked on her drink when she saw you."

"I... I was?" He stammered, mentally cursing the news teams that had raced to report the breaking news of the ex-ME murdering addicts and harvesting organs to create heroin. Usually he was pretty good at dodging the news teams; but tonight – the entire team had been too shaken from the day's events to even care about the news crews.

"Yeah, fancy that... So, are you going to tell me what actually happened? Or shall I catch the eleven o'clock?"

"How much did you see?"

"Well, I saw you and a mug shot of Marty, which got my heart racing... but then I saw your academy picture flash across the screen, and only yours, that's all I needed to see. Do I need to tune into the story?"

"No... Don't catch the eleven o'clock." He stumbled over his words. "Lindsay, please."

"What happened today, Danny?"

Licking his lips he closed his eyes. "Nothing happened."

"Nothing happened." She repeated, hurt and annoyance in her voice. "Nothing... Right, sure. I wasn't born yesterday, Danny."

"Linds... come on, this isn't..."

"Say healthy for me and I'll catch the next flight home to kill you! I'll completely skip kicking your ass and go straight to killing you!" She shrieked at him, and although he highly doubted it; a part of him wondered whether she was actually being serious about it.

"I wasn't going to say that..." He began to lie. "I was going to say that this isn't how I wanted to spend my nightly phone call with ya."

"Bullshit!" she growled. "You were so going to say it isn't healthy."

"Well yeah because the last thing I wanted was to worry ya," he admitted. "But Linds, it's over now and there's nothing we can do about the past. I'm safe and that's all that matters."

"What do you mean safe?" she zoned in on what he said; sensing he was holding something back. "Did something else happen? Is that why they showed your academy picture?"

Letting out a sigh, Danny ran his fingertips through his hair before dragging his hand down his face. He knew Flack had been right – Lindsay did deserve to know what he'd done, and honestly he wanted to tell her about his stupid decision. He didn't want to lie to her, but the truth right now was inaccessible to him. He couldn't. Not when she was there and he was...

"Danny!"

"I can't Linds. I can't tell you."

"You know for a damn fact that was the wrong answer, Daniel."

"But it's the only answer I have, babe."

"Danny, what happened?" Her voice was beginning to break and he sensed tears were near for her. "What happened today that you're not telling me?"

"Lindsay. No, alright? No... You don't need to know. I'm not telling you what happened."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because isn't a reason."

"Why isn't a question." Danny countered. "Lindsay, please."

"Why are you being so damn awkward and stubborn? What aren't you telling me?" she cried in exasperation.

"You don't need to know!"

"Why? Why are you being like this with me?" He could practically hear the tears dripping down her cheeks and it broke his heart – but it also fuelled his fire.

"Why? I'm tryin' to be perfect and I'm tryin' not to let you down, and I know that if I tell you, you're gonna be disappointed."

"Please Danny. Please tell me what happened."

"I promised you though Linds, I don't want to break that promise I made to you."

"Danny, I don't care if you broke a promise, just tell me the truth. I don't care what it is; I'm not going to be mad - I promise."

"I can't Linds... not this."

"What happened? You're really scaring me, Danny."

Hearing the gun shots from Little Stevie's gun ringing in his ears Danny swallowed and suppressed the feelings within him. He didn't want to share what he'd been through with her because he knew she'd only worry... But in the same breath, he wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to her to know. He wanted her to yell at him for being stupid just like Flack had done earlier. He just didn't want to hurt her in the process.

"I'm not telling you because it's easier than telling you the truth. You know I don't want to keep things from you, but I don't want to let you down Linds."

"You're letting me down by keeping things from me, Danny. I need you to trust me just as much as you need me to trust you. What happened today?"

"It's not good, Linds."

"Well I wasn't thinking you found a pot of gold underneath a rainbow being guarded by a unicorn, Danny."

"Smartass." He chuckled despite their current situation.

"Danny, contrary to what you might think; I'm not messing here. You really need to tell me what happened because I'm freaking out right now."

"I'm scared that you're goin' to regret marryin' me."

"Right now I am." She growled. "You keeping this from me isn't exactly reassuring, you know? You better start talking."

He took a breath as an attempt to prepare himself for what he was about to share with his wife. "I made a decision today that wasn't one I'm proud of."

He could hear Lindsay swallow on the other end of the line. "Okay..."

"I apprehended a suspect without a vest on."

"Well, that isn't the first time you've done that." Lindsay made an observation. "So that means something else happened..."

"He might have been armed... and I might have killed him."

"How armed was he?" Her voice was cautious and wary of where Danny was taking the conversation.

"AK-47 armed, I think... I didn't really look. I just knew I had to get out of there alive."

"We're doing this over the phone." She commentated to no-one in particular, her voice raising a few octaves as she did so; indicating tears and emotions were taking over. "We're seriously doing this over the phone."

"How else would you like us to do it, Lindsay? I didn't want to do this at all!" Danny snapped. "You're one thousand, seven hundred and sixty three miles away, so what? Want me to get my ass on Skype and we carry on in front of a pixelated screen?"

"Fuck you Danny... Just, fuck you!"

Danny's heart dropped as he heard her hang up.

Well, they'd lasted what – barely a week before having their first marital fight. Three of which she hadn't even been in the same time zone for.

"Fuck my life," he scowled to the quiet apartment. Squeezing the phone in his hand, Danny threw his cell phone across the living room, letting it smash against the wall.

He hated his fucking job.

Well, he didn't. He loved his job. But he hated the risk and he hated the constant danger he put himself in. He hated the rash decisions he insisted on making. And, most of all, he hated doing this to Lindsay.

He stood up and kicked the leg of the coffee table viciously before scooping up his BlackBerry and reassembling the battery within it and switched it on.

He'd approached this topic all wrong.

For once in his life – he should have listened to Flack. Smug bastard would love that confession – but he'd been right in everything he had said to Danny. Danny was just too damn stubborn and proud to accept the fact that Flack was right.

He waited for his phone to become accustomed to it's on status before re-dialling Lindsay's number, trying to bring her around to talk to him.

It rang a few times more than normal before her wary voice answered with a meek "hello".

"Baby..." he sighed. "Baby, I'm sorry."

"Why Danny? Why'd you do it?"

"I wasn't thinkin'. Like I had Mac in the back of my mind tellin' me he'd told me not to get involved. And then I had the promise I made you of keepin' my head screwed on-"

"Wait." She cut him off sharply. "Mac told you not to get involved?"

"Yeah... because I didn't have my vest."

"But you got involved anyway? Have you lost your fucking mind?" She bellowed down the line, making Danny's back snap upright.

"Linds..."

"A shootout with no vest; what the fuck was you thinking? After Mac told you not to as well... The last thing we need right now is for you to piss our boss off. Completely disregarding the fact you could have gotten yourself killed! Christ Almighty, Danny... Did I pack your brains with me? What the hell were you thinking?"

"Linds, babe. Calm down."

"Calm down? Danny, what were you thinking?"

"I wasn't, alright?" He spat. "I didn't think until I was sat behind some metal cabinet freaking the fuck out."

"You're an absolute idiot." She growled. "Do you have any idea how stupid you were?"

"Oh believe me Linds, I know. I know baby."

"What were you thinking, Danny?"

"When I was sat there I was thinking that I'd only just got you and I nearly let you lose me when I know how much you need me. I couldn't help but picture our baby's face, not understanding why I wasn't there on Daddy's day at school... Not understanding why he or she had to go visit my grave every August for my birthday... I couldn't bear the thought of you doing it alone."

"I didn't mean that."

"Oh." Danny muttered; a little embarrassed of his innermost thoughts he'd said out-loud. "Well, I wasn't thinking. I just didn't want him to get away."

"Danny," Lindsay sighed, "sometimes you just have to draw the line and accept that sometimes the bad guy gets away. You know we always get them eventually. It wasn't on you to get him and you shouldn't have taken it upon yourself. You're not just you anymore. You're part of an us now. You're a husband. I'm your wife and I need you alive. Your child needs you alive."

"I know that, babe. When I shot him, I shot him for us... I didn't want to miss out on the life we deserve together."

"Oh how fucking noble of you, Danny." She continued to curse, showing how truly stressed and upset she was with him. "Let's call the mayor up and get you a fucking medal. I'm so unbelievably proud." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. "And if that hadn't have worked, it would have been just wonderful to tell our child that her father had shot some guy for us, but got shot and died in the process."

"Baby... please. I know you're mad and upset with me."

"No you don't." She whispered down the line with venom in her tone. "You don't know how mad and upset I am with you."

"I just... I really miss you and I really don't want to talk about this."

"You don't get to make that choice Danny. We need to talk about this."

"Why?"

"Because I'm nearly two thousand fucking miles away and you decide to... I can't even say it! Did this happen before or after the thing with Marty and the drug bust?"

"Before..." He sighed, realising he wasn't going to win in his battle to get Lindsay to drop the topic.

The silence rung in Danny's ears and it unnerved him.

"Linds..."

"Was it before or after I called you."

He winced; her tone indicating she wasn't going to be at all impressed with his answer.

Shoulda gone with Flack he thought to himself.

"Danny..." She pressed.

He closed his eyes, preparing himself for her verbal tirade at his stupidity and betrayal in what he'd promised her. "Before ."

"So..." She began slowly and calmly; effectively increasing Danny's heart rate. She was clearly building up to the main event and her calming demeanour was simply the calm before the storm. "When we were on the phone and you were out of breath, what was that exactly?"

He swallowed. The truth was what she needed. No more lies. "I'd just gotten back."

"From where?"

"The warehouse."

"The shootout?" she screeched. "You were talking to me... and you'd just... and you didn't..." She fell silent for a moment.

"Linds?" he pressed upon not hearing anything, his mind racing with possibilities and overly conscious of the stress he'd put on Lindsay over the past fifteen minutes.

"When I was talking to you, did you have blood on you?"

Glancing down to the now-clean wedding band on his left hand he bit his lip; trying to quickly think of the path he wanted to take. He could lie and save her the heartache of the symbol of his promise, love and devotion to her tainted with blood... or he could tell her the truth and be able to prove to her that although he made mistakes, he'd tell her the truth and accept the consequences regardless.

"No." He whispered, closing his eyes. Wrong choice, Danny. He thought to himself.

"Promise me."

Biting his lip, he closed his eyes, trying to fight the tears. He just couldn't fucking help himself, could he? "I promise."

"Liar." She whispered. "I gave you a chance Danny. I gave you that chance then and you fucking lied."

"Linds... Please. I... I..."

"How am I supposed to trust you, Danny? You lie all the time."

Danny let out a puff of air. Hearing her say that, and the way in which she had said left him feeling like someone had just stabbed him in the chest. Twice. And had then twisted it a few times for good measure. "Lindsay, please..."

"You promised me." She sobbed.

"I didn't want you to get upset."

"Well I am! I am upset Danny. I'm fucking devastated and heartbroken!"

"Baby, please don't cry." He practically pleaded with her. "I'm trying Linds, I'm tryin' so hard to be perfect. I just... it's so hard."

"I don't want you to be perfect, Danny." She sniffled down the line, "I don't know where the fuck you got that from. I don't want you to be constantly afraid of letting me down. I want honesty! I want you to feel like you can tell me anything. The last thing I want is for you to lie to me. You nearly died today and all you can do is push me away and lie."

"Lindsay..."

"No!" She cried out. "You've said enough, you listen to me. I appreciate you trying to protect me, but I need you to be truthful Danny. I need to know I can trust you. You're not perfect, but that's what I love about you. I don't want you to change the person you are, I just want you to change the way you think."

"I'm trying. I don't know what you want me to be though. I don't want to let you and our kid down, Lindsay."

"I want you to be you." She cried. "That's all I want. I'm not stupid Danny; I know you'll put yourself in positions you're going to find it hard to get out of. I know you, better than you know yourself sometimes and I'm not going to pretend that you're going to make this sudden character change and not make rash decisions, because you will. But when you do, I need you to tell me the truth. I don't want you to; I need you to, Danny."

"I just knew you were going to be stressed, Linds. I didn't want to let you down."

"You didn't let me down by doing what you did; you let me down by lying to me about it. I just want the truth. What does it say about our relationship if you can't confide in me?"

He just sighed.

"This lying to protect me has got to stop." She demanded. "I can't take it anymore! I thought we were at the stage in our marriage where we could trust each other. We're married Danny. Husband and Wife, and we're already arguing about lying and trust? Give me strength."

"It's only because you're so far away. I'm conscious of the fact that if something happens; there's no way I'm going to be there on time. I thought if I gave you a call telling you I just nearly killed myself... I just couldn't do it. Lying was easier than telling you the truth, and I'm sorry Lindsay."

"Sorry isn't good enough, Danny... I'm losing the will to keep fighting you on this. You need to sit down with yourself to figure out whether you trust me enough to tell me things, or whether we need to work on a few things. We need to figure out whether we rushed into this... because if we did, we have some major issues to deal with."

"I know I need to think about some things... but please, baby, don't lose faith in me."

"I'll never lose faith in you; it's like a curse or something." Lindsay sighed.

"We didn't rush into this marriage." Danny continued. "You know we didn't, and it's my fault for makin' you feel that way."

"Danny, I'm serious... things need to change. You need to stop lying to me."

"I will." He assured her. "Just tell me that you understand why I didn't tell you straight up."

"I understand that it's killing you, the fact that I'm so far away and you hate the fact that there's nothing you can do to change that. I also understand that you're sorry for the mistake you made and I understand that you didn't want me to panic about you doing something like that." She paused. "It doesn't mean I have to like it though."

"But you understand where I was coming from? Why I did it? That I wasn't doing it to hurt you."

"I understand where you were coming from," She confirmed. "But I don't agree with the way you went about it, and it makes me furious that you think you have to lie to me to protect me."

"I know, and I'm sorry baby... I just, I couldn't see any other way."

"The truth Danny, the truth usually works."

"I'll have to try it sometime." He sighed, dejectedly.

"That's all I ask."

"One of these days, I'll surprise you and make you proud to call me your husband."

"Danny, what are you talking about?" Lindsay implored. "I'm proud to call you my husband every second of every day... You protected yourself with a handgun in a shoot out where the other guy had a machine gun, and you came out unscathed, didn't you?"

"Physically? Yeah... I guess."

"Exactly." Lindsay pointed out to him. "I don't know many other people that would have been able to do that. I know I probably wouldn't have."

"Lindsay..."

"Listen to me... I'm proud of you as a cop, I'm proud of you as a CSI, but most of all I'm proud to say you're my idiot husband who, although he makes absolutely ridiculous choices sometimes that I want to bash him over the head about, I love him very much, and fortunately for you, nothing will ever change the way I feel about you."

"But Linds..."

"Don't 'but Linds' me, listen to me... don't you ever think I'm not proud of you."

He sighed heavily.

"My only thing I'm asking of you is from now on I expect the truth and nothing but the truth. Do you understand me? No more bullshit. No more lying to protect me... I want the straight up, God's honest truth. We're a unit... we're going to be Mommy and Daddy and we need to set an example for our daughter... not to mention what lying does to us as a couple, Danny."

"Or son."

"Or son," Lindsay conceded. "If you promise me one thing in your life, promise me that. Right now."

"I promise." He whispered. "And this time, I will keep this promise. No more lying to protect you. No more shying away. The truth and nothing but..."

"Thank you," she whispered. "So... do you need to talk about what happened today?"

Danny let out a breath as he straightened out on the couch and laid his head on the arm. "Yeah... Yeah I do, babe."

"Well, I'm all ears."


Now, I really hope you guys like this chapter as much as I loved writing it. I've read it about 60 times (seriously) because I had it written about two or three months ago, so I've been tweaking it this whole time, so I'm super excited you guys can finally see it. I was so upset that we never found out whether Lindsay found out about what Danny got himself into - so I hope the route I went was plausible and you enjoyed. Any thoughts or comments are as ever hugely appreciated!

Thanks for reading and tuning in for the latest chapter!