Time: 0100\
February 11, 2532\
Aboard the UNSC Excalibur
Well, today is a big day. It's my 21st birthday. That's right; I am officially an adult. I'm a 2nd Lieutenant in the ODST Corps; I've been in 52 military engagements, 48 of which have been full war campaigns; I've been awarded the Bronze Star, Silver Star, Gold Star, the Navy "E" Ribbon, the Marine Corps Medal, the Red Legion of Honor, and multiple Purple Hearts; I've been kidnapped, brainwashed, trained, experimented on, and betrayed; I've survived massacres and caused a few. Now, to add to my list of accomplishments, I can legally drink alcohol, which doesn't effect me anyway.
Yeah. Big day.
So far, the hardest thing I've done all day, other than get the day off from Freelancer training to come spend the day with Eric and O'Brien, is smile when every damn person on the ship has come up and wished me a happy birthday. O'Brien offered to take me out for drinks tonight, and then choked on his water when I dryly reminded him that I've been drinking for years. After all, so far as everyone is concerned, I turned 21 less than a year after Corbulo. Ah, the joys of having to fake records so no one knows that a 14 year old attended a military academy. So yeah, everyone thinks I'm actually turning 26. Must admit, I look old enough, may Halsey be cursed forever for that. Although Eric did mention that I don't seem to be aging as fast as I should be. Everyone else is claiming that I'm aging well, but really it's just another point that I can rage at the doctor for. I wonder what will happen when it starts to become obvious that I'm not progressing like a normal human. Of all the stupid things for ONI to catch me with, not aging is probably near the top of the list.
Still, turning 21 has had this strange effect of making me think back on my life. I can't really say if it's been good or bad; there are things I'd change in a heartbeat and things I wouldn't trade for anything. Problem is a lot of those 'things' are woven together so tightly I can't change one without affecting another. Maybe that's the point. Grandmother always said that life was like a painting. Even when mistakes were made, they added to the bigger picture and sometimes they made it better. To remove the mistakes would be to remove vital pieces from the whole.
...it's a good thing she thinks I'm dead, or Grandmother would never let me live this moment down. The horror of it all; my grandparents actually have good sayings! Every child lives in fear of the day when they realize the old people are actually right. Yet the longer I'm alive and the more I see, the more I'm learning that my grandparents and parents actually had a pretty good understanding of life. For example, I now know why mother hated saying goodbye.
Even after all this time, I think about home and my family. Some things I wish I didn't know, like what happened to mom or how far dad went off the deep end. I'm not happy that my clone died on Christmas, ruining the holiday for all. I can't stand the idea of Lillian becoming the robot queen that she is, but there's nothing I can do about it. And it's not like I know everything about what happened after I 'left'. Did Lillian date? Did dad build that new shed he was always talking about? Did Grandmother and Grandfather finally buy that lake near their old cottage? I haven't heard about Grandmother being arrested, so at the least she stopped shooting at the teenagers that would boat on it late at night.
Life was so simple back then. Even with the war and the constant threat of attack, things were...slower. Quieter. Easier. I had the forest to run in and family to love and a roof over my head and the most wonderful food in the galaxy. There wasn't much left for me to wish for. Sure, things weren't perfect, but nothing is perfect. Perfect is boring. I'd rather have life, no matter how hard it gets. Still...it's not a crime to with for what I'd had, right?
Nevertheless, the past is the past and I can't live there. So I have to keep moving forward, just like I've been doing all my life. After all, as Grandfather always said, 'The only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself. So walk on, because you can't go back now.' I can't go back now. All I can do is keep moving forward. Keep walking on...you know what? I'm going to take O'Brien up on that drink offer. Because even on a ship in the middle of space, without any family around and technically at war, I am allowed to take these quiet times. I'm allowed to take breaks and enjoy what I have. I think Grandmother would approve.
Babble Time: The song used in this chapter is Can't Go Back Now by The Weepies.
