53
Vi had no idea what he had meant by "calling" him. It wasn't like she could just pick up a phone and dial a number.
After the trip to the fair, after talking to Randy, and to the woman who had called herself Idola, Vi had not known what to do.
How could it be possible that Link was one of them?
She pondered that thought restlessly. Her entire life with Link, everything she had built with him…and suddenly it seemed all of it was based on a lie. A lie he'd told with good intentions but a lie nonetheless. She could not believe it, that the man she had trusted with her heart, her mind, her life, had kept something like this from her. Had he really thought she'd reject him?
But it made sense. All of it made sense. Their constant moving as Vi was growing up. Her mother's absolute distrust of males. The insistence that it was not important for Vi to know or even acknowledge her father. Her mother had merely been protecting her, without telling her why. And Vi had gone along trusting without question.
And then she'd met Link. She didn't doubt her feelings, nor his feelings for her. And she realized it had been her that had brought up children first, and that he'd been downright blasé about it. She had put it down to his general laid back attitude but he had not known that she could even have a child with him. And he'd been just as surprised as she when she'd taken that pregnancy test and it had shown up positive. It had been that Christmas Eve, when she'd been six months pregnant, that Link and Ray had roused her from sleep with their voices. They had been discussing something, and she'd caught bits and pieces, but with the construction of their house and the holidays and the general business of carrying the baby she had been too tired to really make sense of it.
She'd forgotten. Hell, it hadn't been worth remembering. Link had been a wonderful husband, a fantastic father, her best friend. She had no reason to think he was something more than what he represented. She was just hurt that he hadn't told her, that he would go to the trouble of telling her about the town and the people in it…but had let her go on thinking they were perfectly human and normal.
And without quite knowing how it happened, Vi realized she was there.
Wherever 'there' actually was. She still had no idea. It was different this time, the trees more spread out. Instead of a hill and a trail, there was a lake to her right. A dock cut through the glass smooth water, impossibly long but visible as if lit with inner light. At the end of the dock, distant but perfectly visible, there was either a house or a boat - the shape was lost in the darkness. Light blazed from every window though. Vi turned away from it, walking along the edge of the water, feeling cool grass under her bare feet and a light breeze lifting her hair from her forehead. The breeze caused the water to ripple lightly against the beach-less shore, a sound that she found soothing all things considered.
Vi looked down and saw with no surprise she was wearing the same pale green strapless dress she'd worn the night before. It made her smile, because she'd seen the way Mark had looked at her when he'd spotted her.
The smile faltered when she looked up and saw him standing at the edge of the water. Mark had changed again, fundamentally the same but slightly different. His hair was a little shorter, brushing his shoulders, still darker than it appeared when she was awake. The dark beard still covered his jawline. Vi could see he was wearing a pair of jeans and a black shirt, but it was unbuttoned. Every now and then the breeze lifted the material and blew it back. He was also barefoot, and once again it struck her how very much he reminded her of waking from an especially long nap, slightly rumpled, a little grumpy maybe, but awake.
This time he sensed her coming. He turned his head and watched her come toward him, his expression completely unreadable in the darkness. She could see but at the same time things were veiled. Vi could not explain it even to herself.
"It's different this time." She said instead of offering a greeting.
Mark grunted and let his eyes roam her from head to toe. "It usually is." Vi came to a halt several feet away from him and waited while he took his inventory. "You are beautiful." He finally said, raising his eyes to meet hers.
Vi smiled shyly. "Did you put me in this?" She brushed a hand over the dress.
"It suits you." It wasn't really an answer but she figured one was not needed. He nodded toward the building in the distance. "He sleeps deeply. For the first time in weeks, he is resting easy. Dreaming of you."
That gave Vi pause. That technically put her in three places at once, which was another altogether odd feeling. And she realized that it was true, in a way. On one level she was aware of the weight of her blanket, the coolness of the pillow against her cheek, the soft click and hum of the air conditioning that was running. The second level was here, in this dream, standing on cool grass near the edge of a vast black lake, so real that the breeze ruffled her hair and the material of her dress against her legs. And that odd - veiled - feeling. Vi concentrated and sensed that yes, part of her was somewhere else as well, but she either did not have the ability or Mark did not have it so that she could fully see it.
"Does that mean it's safe to talk?"
"If you are asking if the other half will overhear - no he will not. He cannot. He has gotten quite good at detaching himself from this side."
"Then if I talk to you about some things…does that mean he won't wake up knowing what was said? I don't know how this works."
"I am compartmentalized. He chooses not to know what I know." Mark was still drinking her in, his eyes moving from hers to her bare shoulders, the soft swell of her breasts, down to her bare legs. "But you are talking to me. Make no mistake about that."
"I wasn't."
"What is it you wish to discuss?"
"Several things." Vi sighed, not knowing where to even start. "Why is it so important to mark me?" She finally asked.
"You are important to me." Mark stated. "It is as simple as that."
"Nothing is ever that easy."
"In the human world, things do get more complicated." He nodded slowly. "I want the bonding with you because I care for you more deeply than I have ever cared for anyone else. I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours."
"Are you speaking for both sides?" Vi asked, not sure she wanted to know the real answer.
He did not have to think about it. "Yes." A slight smile curved his lips. "Although it is harder for my human half to admit it can be that simple."
"I found out some things. Things that might change everything."
"Such as?"
"That my husband lied to me. That he wasn't what I thought he was." Vi felt tears prick her eyes and angrily blinked them away. "That I'm not what I thought I was."
"And does that change how you feel about him? About yourself?"
"No. Maybe. I don't know." Vi shook her head. "How can I be mad at him? He's been gone for six years now. I just…I can't go through this kind of thing again. Thinking one way then finding out things are another way. I can't make it make sense, not even to myself, but it hurts that he didn't trust me."
"I trust you, Vivian." Mark surprised her by reaching out and taking her hand in his. "I have not lied to you. You know more about me, about what drives me, than even those who were closest to me."
"I know. It…" She shook her head again, frustrated. "Tell me what I have to do. To set everything right. Because for the life of me I can't figure it out. It's not as simple as just knocking on your door and demanding that you pick me over your wife."
"But maybe it is. You were the one that wanted this part of me to wake up, to become a part of the world again. Maybe the same could be true of the human half. Maybe this woman is really forcing him into a dormant state."
Vi mulled that over for a moment. "I saw you the other night."
"I know. As I saw you. In the sun." His voice dropped an octave. "I am weakened by her but the other half is weakened by you. I was joined for a moment, whole, when I saw you standing there."
"Drew doesn't like her either." Vi said, shivering a little at his words, his tone. "He's afraid to tell you. To tell that half. Because he doesn't know why."
"His powers are still building." Mark said thoughtfully. "The human half would keep my son's power a secret too. It will be impossible to truly do it at this point. He has already had the option of using it freely, of not holding back. Trying to rein it in now would be nearly impossible." A hint of pride touched his voice. "Talk to him. The two of you together might be able to persuade my human side that I am making a mistake."
"Because I make him weak."
"That is to our advantage." Mark reached up and touched a lock of her hair, letting it slide between his index and middle finger. "Although I admit that you make me feel weak as well, Vivian. It is not an unpleasant feeling at all."
His voice had dropped again, and Vi thought just listening to him speak in that tone would be enough to turn her into a puddle. She had been crazy to let him walk away from her. She should have fought for him. She had convinced herself that Mark had let her go but the reality was that she had not even tried to keep him with her. She'd pushed him away, hurt and afraid that his rejection had more to do with her than his sense of duty toward the woman who could be his wife.
Vi reached out with a trembling hand and laid her palm against his heart. She closed her eyes at the feel of the slow steady beat, the soft warmth of his skin. It was too real to be anything but. "There's more. A lot more. But I can't talk about it now. I have to come to terms with it first."
"I understand that, Vivian. When you are ready, I am here." He slid his fingers along her arm and covered her hand with his. "I want more than just a discussion. I want to be with you."
He said it so bluntly that Vi opened her eyes and looked up at him, surprised. "Here? Now?"
"Here. There. Everywhere. Anywhere." He stepped closer, closing the distance between them. "Now is preferable to later. Although I will wait until later if you wish."
Vi smiled, feeling a warm tingle spread through her at his words. He could patent that voice of his as an aphrodisiac. It was certainly working on her. But she regretfully had to be the responsible one. "When I have you again, I want all of you. Not just this side or that side."
"You have had all of me. Several times." Mark pointed out, lips curled into the beginning of a smile. "It is your dream, Vivian. You are in control."
"Does that bother you? Aren't you used to running things on this end?" She asked, lifting her palm to lightly trace her fingers down his chest. He didn't try to hold her hand still, just let his rest on top of hers.
"It is definitely…different." He admitted softly, meeting her eyes. His voice dropped low again. "Different but powerful." He let go of her hand to run his fingers up her arm, along her bare shoulder. He dipped his head low, holding her eyes with his.
"Mark…" Vi put her hand flat against his chest and gently pushed him back, before he could close the gap between them. It was close though. She couldn't remember ever wanting anything more than she wanted to be with him right then. But her mind and her heart were warring over exactly what it was she thought it would accomplish. Sexual gratification? No doubt about it. But it wasn't enough.
He seemed to sense that reluctance, the direction of her thoughts. "I want to show you something."
"That sounds like a line." Vi said, smiling a little.
Mark chuckled and reached up, lightly touching her forehead with his fingertips. For a moment that odd feeling of being in three places at once strengthened and the veil lifted, and she could see Mark's dream. It was actually almost identical to this - the lake, the grass, the object in the distance. Only the lights were off there. It was daytime there; so bright she was dazzled by it. Vi blinked a few times, seeing Mark in front of her as an image imposed over an image. The Mark she had always known overlaid against the dream version. She blinked again and it was gone as soon as it came.
"I dream of you. Of this. You are reluctant here, there." His fingers slipped along her temple, down her cheek. "It is all of me that wants you. If I cannot have you when I am awake, then I have to be with you when I dream. If that is all of you that I can have, for now it will have to be enough."
Vi sighed dreamily. His voice had gotten lower yet again, deeper. It was so hard to say no to him. She looked up at him for a long moment, hesitating, before reaching up to cup his face in her hands. She pulled him down and brushed her mouth against his, aware on so many levels that it felt real. Everything she did in this dream happened in the human Mark's dream. She understood it but was confused by it at the same time.
And it didn't matter. Not at that moment. It felt too good to touch him, to feel his mouth open against hers, to feel the first hesitant thrust of his tongue between her lips. She angled her head, lightly touching his cheek, that beard that she found so oddly compelling, down his neck. She pushed the shirt from his shoulders and he lowered his arms so it would fall away, leaving his chest, back, and arms bare for her hands to explore.
Mark deepened the kiss, holding her at the waist, pulling her closer to him. Vi gently scraped her fingernails along his biceps, his shoulders, feeling him shiver a bit at the light touch. He finally pulled back, panting, his eyes dark as he looked down at her in his arms.
"I have missed you." He said softly, stroking her back with one hand. "Your touch, your smell." His hand cupped the back of her neck, slid into the silky fall of her hair. He made a fist, lightly tugging. "Your voice." He murmured when she moaned at the sensation. "Night after night I have stood here. Or in similar places. Remembering how you feel." He ducked his head, nuzzling her neck, her ear. "How you taste…" His tongue flicked out, tickling her earlobe.
It was all Vi could do to hold herself upright. The combination of his hands on her, his mouth, his hoarse whispering…she was lucky her knees hadn't buckled completely. Mark's hand left her hair to slide down her back, fingers finding the zipper that held her dress in place. For a moment the only sound was the rasp of the zipper being lowered, the soft rustle of fabric as the dress slid down her body. Then Mark's moan when he pulled her close and felt her bare breasts press against his chest.
There was definitely nothing dreamlike about the way he gripped her, pressing her tight against his body. Vi held on and moaned softly as his lips slid up and down the column of her throat. He kept talking too, his voice low, and Vi knew it was not so much the words as the tone he was using.
"You know…" Vi finally gasped out, pushing him back just a little so she could catch her breath. "You don't have to try to lull me. I want you just as much as you want me."
Mark smiled at that and Vi felt her stomach do a slow, pleasant roll. "Do you?" He asked, dipping his hand between their bodies to trail his fingers lightly up her inner thigh. Vi shivered as he touched nothing but bare skin, closed her eyes he parted her folds, and sucked in a breath as he stroked her lightly. "Mmm…" He made a low noise and pulled his hand away, making Vi open her eyes with a whimper. He brought his hand up and put the finger into his mouth, sucking lightly at the moisture there.
"Ok. That's it. I'm officially putty in your hands." Vi said with a breathless laugh when he raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe not yet. But you will be." Mark backed her up, and Vi went willingly enough wondering what he was up to. She felt something bump her legs and fell backward, scared she was going to fall and crack her head. Instead of landing on the ground though, she found herself lying on a bed with Mark above her, holding his weight away from her. "Your dream. But I suppose I can help you out every now and then. Unless you would prefer we do this on the ground?"
Vi reached up and tangled her fingers into his hair. "I wouldn't have cared either way, as long as I'm with you."
He looked down at her, studying her face, licking his lips thoughtfully. "Vivian - until you I have never had a reason to want to do this in any way other than to take what was not offered. I want you to understand that. Not the human half of me, that half would not permit that no matter what the circumstances. If I lose control…if I forget…"
"You won't."
"I do not want to hurt you."
"You won't." Vi repeated. She smoothed his hair back and ran her fingertips along his jaw line. "You said I was in control right? So you can't do anything to me that I don't want."
The slow smile that curled his lips sent a little shiver through her. It was amazing that such a simple thing could have that affect but it did. Vi pushed herself up onto her elbows and watched as he slid away from her, shedding his jeans. There was more than enough light to make out his muscular frame.
He rejoined her on the bed and Vi slid herself back, making him follow her. "I've missed you." She said softly. "Not just this part." She reached up and held his shoulder, pulling him down until he was pressed against her. "Although I missed this too." She said breathlessly as his skin slid against hers.
Mark looked down at her, his eyes darker than Vi had ever seen them. "I am not sure that this…" He pressed himself firmly against her, letting her feel how hard he was against her leg. "Will make the waking world better or worse."
Vi laughed at that, gasping when he shifted and slid a hand between them to stroke her side, to cup her breast, to squeeze her lightly. "You've got me talked into it. Now you wanna change your mind?" She asked, arching, rubbing her thigh upward against his erection.
"No." He said it on a soft sigh, ducking his head to nuzzle her neck once more. "I want you, Vivian. I only wonder if there might be consequences…"
"Consequences?" She managed to ask as he shifted and kissed his way along her chest, the upper curve of her breasts, the combination of his hot breath and the scratch and tickle of his beard making her shiver.
Mark paused and looked up at her, face a mask of seriousness. "This is only a dream. Even if it feels real." He squeezed her breast again, fingers catching her nipple, to illustrate his point.
Vi caught his hand and pressed it against her breast, stilling his restless movements. She eyed him for a moment, noting that his hair was a little longer, a little lighter. The facial hair had changed as well. "What…" Instead of finishing her question she looked over her shoulder at the structure in the distance. While they had been occupied, the lights had gone out. She could see the outline of the structure but no lights burned. "Mark?"
"I can't do this." Even the way he spoke was different, more informal. "I can't just have you here and be happy with that." He slowly pulled his hand away. "I wish that I could. Every part of me wishes that I could."
"Then what do you suggest we do?" Vi asked, holding herself still. She wasn't sure exactly how it had happened, or when, but this was the entire Mark here with her. That odd feeling of there being a veil was gone, and in him she could still sense that other half although now the two sides were in agreement.
"I don't know." He sounded so hopeless that Vi felt her eyes water. She pushed herself up and wrapped an arm over his shoulders before he could pull away. He held himself still for a moment, looking at her once more. "You're really here, aren't you?"
Vi shrugged. "I'm really sleeping in my bed. But yes, I guess part of me is here." She reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand. "Would you please just stop fighting with yourself? I want the whole you. I don't want to settle for half."
"I wish I could explain it."
"Then explain it." She said, stroking his cheek with her fingertips.
"I made a promise." He stated simply.
"So you've said." Vi shook her head. "And yet here we are. Wonder why that is."
He huffed and smirked, although it was without much humor. "Because I love you? Because I don't want to be without you? Because I guess I'm a selfish bastard that thinks this is a good way of getting around the whole messy morality thing? I can come up with a dozen reasons."
"I kind of like the selfish bastard part." Vi said with a smile. "When I'm mad at you, anyway."
"I deserve it. I don't always do the right thing, and when I try doing what I think is the right thing it ends up being wrong."
"Then maybe I'm the selfish one. Because I know you think you're doing the right thing. And I hate it." Vi toyed with his hair, feeling the texture between her fingers. "I love you. I'm lonely and I'm scared and I miss you."
"Scared?" Mark frowned darkly.
"I can't get into that now." Vi shushed him. "I found out some stuff. That's all. I'm just…worried."
"Worried and scared are two different things."
"I know." Vi trailed her fingers along his bare shoulder. "I have a lot I need to think about."
"Tell me."
"I can't. At least…not right now." At least his demon half had been right. Mark didn't have any idea that she'd already talked a little bit. "It's all complicated in my head and I need to get it worked out for myself."
"Vivian…I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." Mark said, reaching out to brush her hair back from her face.
She smiled gamely at that. "You know what's wrong. Tell me what I can do. What I can say. I've never thrown myself at a person before and this is about as close as I'm ever going to get to doing it, but damn it - how could you just…choose…without even giving me a chance?"
"I didn't mean for it to…"
"Yes you did. You picked. Her over me."
"She saved me."
"No. She used you to save herself." Vi said it bluntly. And saw the way he flinched back, his hand dropping from her face. "The rest was incidental. You don't have to prove you're human enough anymore, Mark. You don't have to be less than what you are. I don't understand why you can't see that."
"You haven't had to live with what I've been through." He said. Although his tone was low, his voice was laced with anger. Vi had touched a nerve obviously.
"Oh please, let's trade stories about our own personal tragedies and see who scores more points." Vi said with a sneer. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Start owning what you are. If nothing else comes of all of this, of us, at least do that much. I don't give a damn if your wife can take it or not. You won't be happy until you can do that, until you can accept that you are never going to be like anybody else."
"Is it so wrong to want to be normal?"
"It is when it's not you." Vi slipped away from him, to the edge of the bed. Even though she understood it was a dream, she still took the time to yank her dress on. "I love you." She said when she finally spoke again. "I love all of you. Human side, demon side, selfish bastard side…I want all of you or none of you." Vi didn't wait for him to speak. She walked away, willing herself to wake up, this time feeling the moment when she dropped back into herself and her eyes opened in her room.
She sat up and blearily looked at her alarm clock. It was just past five in the morning. Vi braced herself, wondering if she would get sick again but she felt fine. A little angry. Way more awake than she had any right to feel. And sad of course, but oddly content. She'd said what she had needed to say to Mark, and he'd gotten it even if it was just a dream. With a sigh she threw back her blankets and got up, putting the dream aside to focus on the task of getting Josie up and ready for her first day of high school.
