Bill's hand on my cheek woke me up and I stared at his tired face feeling a bit disorientated until he finally spoke: "Mom, are you awake?"
"Yeah," I answered, pulling myself up into a sitting position and glancing at the clock: "What time is it?"
"I don't even know," he sighed: "This has got to stop, mom. I'm taking you to the doctor tomorrow."
"It was just a nightmare, Bill," I objected: "I'm fine."
"You don't know that for sure," he shook his head: "You are not getting younger. In your age, anything can go wrong."
"I'm fine, Bill," I repeated: "Go back to sleep."
He looked at me warily for a moment, then he sighed and leaned down to kiss me: "Okay, mom. We'll talk tomorrow. Good night."
I got up as soon as he left my room and started pacing around. I didn't want to go back to sleep, afraid that the nightmare would return. I've been having those dreams for a few days, but I didn't remember them after waking up by myself.
This time, I was woken up by my son, in the middle of the dream. This time I remembered.
It was so real. Too real for a dream. Whenever I had one of those, something bad happened afterwards. I couldn't tell that to Bill. He doesn't believe in premonitions. Besides, he always gets upset when Melissa is mentioned…
Missy, my baby! My first daughter. The permanently empty space in my heart…
For a while, she was all I could think about. I sat back on the bed and took her picture from my nightstand, washing it with my tears. My desire to hug her, touch her, feel her was unbearable. She was so real in my dream, beautiful and vibrant as always, so close yet so far, just outside my reach. She spoke to me! It wasn't my memory of her voice, but her genuine voice. She was here and she talked to me. She told me… She said…
"Mom. She needs your help. She needs you, mom. Go to her."
Missy… I'm here, baby. Your mom is here. I miss you so much…
As my tears slowed down my brain finally started to register her words. She was trying to warn me. But warn about what?
She needs you, mom.
Dana! It occurred to me that she could've only been talking about Dana. I wanted to call my second daughter immediately, but it was too early and she wouldn't believe me anyway. Dana doesn't believe in that kind of things.
But, Fox… Fox would believe me. Even if he doesn't, he would be polite enough to listen to me. And it wasn't so early in their time zone, anyway. I wanted to call him right away, but I knew better than to do that. Bill would definitely hear me and make a scene out of it. He always does. He will have to go to work soon anyway, and I will have privacy to talk to my son in law then.
I lied back down, thinking about Dana. What kind of danger was she in now? My poor child had been through much more than seems humanly possible to endure. Yet, she always pulled through, growing even stronger than before. Things seemed to be working well for her lately, so well, in fact, that it looked like her luck finally turned around.
She needs your help.
Oh Missy, how I wish you were just a dream this time!
I made an effort to smile and make small talk during breakfast. I didn't want Bill to worry about me any more than he already did. He's been working a lot lately, and he was already losing sleep because of me. I could talk to him later, after he comes back from work and after I've talked to Fox and hopefully found out more about what's going on with Dana.
As soon as everybody left I was on the phone.
"Hi mom," Dana answered.
"Dana aren't you supposed to be at work?" I couldn't hide the worry in my voice. Is she sick? Is it cancer? No, please God, no, not again!
"I'm working a night shift today," she answered.
"Oh," I was relieved.
"Is everything okay, mom?" she probably sensed something was wrong.
"Yes, we are all fine," I said, and added holding my breath: "How about you?"
"We are great," she sounded sincere, but Melissa's voice still echoed in my head.
"Listen Dana, is Fox there?" I decided to get to the point: "I want to ask him something."
"No, he went to the store. Kids are in school, it's just me in here, enjoying a little peace and quiet."
"Oh. Well, you take it easy Dana. I'll call back later."
"You can try his cellphone, mom."
"No, that's not necessary. It was nice to hear you."
"You too, mom."
I hung up the phone, trying to convince myself that I just imagined Melissa and her warning. Dana sounded fine, but then again, she is very skilled at hiding her real feelings. I had to talk to Fox, but that would have to wait. I never got around to understand mobile phones and unless it was an emergency I preferred to keep away from them. Besides, it was wise to take some time to figure out exactly what to tell my son in law. If I couldn't convince him of the importance of Melissa's message, then I will be left all alone in this.
Oh Missy, why didn't you give me more information? Or maybe you did in all those dreams that I can't remember? Did Bill wake me up too soon? But if he didn't, would I remember anything at all?
The afternoon came and I wasn't any smarter. I figured I should just make a call and Fox will know what to do next. I dialed their home number again, and this time Ahab answered.
"Molly! It's grandma!" I could hear him yell, away from the headphone. I smiled at his enthusiasm. Not because he's my grandson, but he's a great child.
"Grandma, guess what," he was back with me in an instant: "I'm in love!"
"Oh," I chuckled, amused: "Who is the lucky girl?"
"Her name is Diana," he said proudly: "And she's the prettiest girl in the world!"
"Did you tell her that?" I wondered.
"Yes! I asked her to be my girlfriend!"
"Oh! What did she say?"
"She said I'm too young for her. And too short."
"How old is she?"
"She's three months older than me. But that's not too much, is it?"
"No, it isn't."
"So, maybe if I grow taller she would change her mind? Do you think so, grandma?" he asked pleadingly, as if I could talk that girl into loving him back. I enjoyed giving him love advices, it made me feel young again. Mathew never shared personal thoughts like that with me, constantly frowning at my questions and advices. But Ahab, he was always like an open book, honest and not ashamed of anything. His parents liked to keep me in the dark, but Ahab informed me about anything that went on between them, at least about everything he knew of happening. Judging by his first-crush enthusiasm, nothing was bothering that boy. Yet, I didn't allow myself to feel relief, not yet. I had to check with Fox .
To get to Fox, though, I had to pass through Molly first.
"Hi grandma," she said shyly after Ahab passed her the phone and went to get his father.
"Hi honey. How are you doing?"
"Good," her answer was short.
"Are you getting along with your brother?"
"Yes."
"Do you listen to your parents?"
"Yes."
"That's good to hear, honey."
"Dad is here. He wants to talk to you."
"Alright, put him on. It was nice talking to you."
"You too. Bye."
"Bye, honey."
"Hello, Mrs. Scully," I heard my son is law's warm voice.
"Hello, Fox."
He basically told me the same as the rest of his family did. He is fine. Everybody's fine. I told him about my dream and he said not to worry, that the dream is sometimes just a dream. He wouldn't let anybody hurt Dana or the kids. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to them. If something did happen, though, I would be the first person he'd call.
I was relieved to hear nothing's wrong, but I couldn't just dismiss Melissa's warning. She wouldn't come to me for nothing. That night, and the following nights, the dreams were back. Bill was too light of a sleeper for me to be able to hide them from him, and finally he and Tara convinced me to let them take me to a doctor. We were all relieved when the specialists couldn't find anything wrong with me. I knew dreams came from Melissa and not from some illness, but, as Bill pointed out, I wasn't young anymore and in my age anything could be fatal, if they did find something wrong me.
"I'm glad you're okay, mom," Bill told me before dinner: "Because I have news for all of you."
Mathew looked at him puzzled, but Tara just nodded knowingly, showing that she was already aware of what he was going to say.
"I got a job offer," Bill continued: "In Europe. Germany."
"We are moving to Germany?" Mathew asked. It was hard to tell if he was excited or disappointed by the news.
"Yes," Tara said: "In less than a year."
"But… What about my school? My friends?"
"You will go to school there," Bill explained: "But you will be off to college soon, and if you want to return here to study, we will support you."
"Okay," Mathew agreed after thinking about it for a few moments. I would go talk to him in private later, to see how he really feels about this. I know he wouldn't openly defy his father.
Bill nodded to his son then turned to me, but I spoke before he could say anything: "I'm not going."
"We would love to take you with us," Tara said earnestly.
"Thank you, Tara, but I'm not going," I repeated: "My life is here."
"Mom," Bill said: "I can't just leave you alone."
"I won't be alone," I assured him: "I can go back to Washington."
"Just think about it," Tara pleaded and I promised her that I would, though I knew very well my decision will not change. I didn't want them to leave and I knew I will miss them terribly. But my life was in this country, my parents, husband and daughter buried here. My living daughter was here, and even my estranged son was somewhere out there… I was too old to start over, anyway, even if I wanted to.
Most of all, it's what Melissa wanted. Go to her, she said and I finally realized what she meant. She wanted me to go to Washington instead of Germany. I got the message.
As a confirmation, the dreams stopped.
