A/N: Enjoy! Reviews are love!
Sikowitz and Santiago were there to see them off, which somehow made sense. The Hollywood Arts teachers were standing in front of the hotel bearing four Waffle Bouquets. Sikowitz looked particularly proud of himself. "Can you believe they sell such wonderful things? Back where I come from, these things would be illegal!"
"I thought you were from St. Louis," Robbie said.
"And you'd be surprised what's illegal there," Sikowitz said. "Waffle?"
"Sure!"
"Thank you both for coming down here to spend time with us," Annie said to the teachers. "You made this trip so much more memorable."
"It was our pleasure," Santiago said.
"We'll see you back in LA," Kent said.
"Unless we decide to stay," Sikowitz said.
"We've got jobs and lives to get back to, dear," Santiago said.
"I heard they're hiring at Disney World," Sikowitz said.
"Could you really see us working there?"
"Not unless you were there, my sweet."
They attempted to kiss, but the Waffle Bouquets in their hands collided in midair.
"Let me help you," Annie said helpfully, and motioned to Kent. They took the Waffle Bouquets from the teachers, and Sikowitz smooched Santiago gently on the cheek.
"Aww," Robbie said.
"You're adorable, darling, but people are staring," Santiago said to Sikowitz.
"Waffle?" Sikowitz said, breaking from the embrace and offering a waffle to a passerby.
"Mom!" Jade called from the RV door. "Evie says she needs you."
"Well, that's us," Annie said, and gave the Waffle Bouquet back to Santiago.
"I hope your trip is safe and uneventful," Santiago said.
"And full of much laughter," Sikowitz added. "Waffle?"
"We ate at the buffet," Kent said, clapping Sikowitz on the back. "But thanks for looking out for our best interests."
They climbed aboard the RV. Kent swung into the driver's seat, and Annie hurried back to the bedroom to attend to Evie.
Cat was lying on the bed next to Evie, stroking her friend's hair. Evie had her eyes closed, and was breathing quickly, over the ventilator. "Mommy," she said, as the bedroom door swung open. "Mommy…"
"I'm here, my love," Annie said. "What can I do?"
Jade stood in the doorway, looking in over Annie's shoulder. She held onto the doorframe as the RV sputtered to life and pulled away from the curb.
"Just… unh," Evie said.
"You have to be a little more specific," Annie said, giving Evie a wry smile. "Did you do a treatment this morning?"
Evie squirmed a bit, and opened her eyes. At last she said, "No. I was tired."
"Then let's start there," Annie suggested.
Evie pouted.
"I'm sorry, honey," Annie said. "It's how things work. So, Vest and nebulizer, please."
Jade moved from the doorway and jimmied open the small closet, pulling out Evie's Vest. "I'll hang out with you while you do your treatment," she offered.
"Me too," Cat said. "Do you want to play Go Fish?"
"No," Evie said shortly, letting Annie help her into the Vest.
With that, she rolled her head to the window. Annie gave Jade and Cat a sympathetic look as she hooked up the nebulizer. "I'll be back to check on you in a bit," she said.
"Whatever," Evie said.
Annie smiled at Jade and left the small bedroom. Cat slipped off the bed and followed her from the room, patting Jade on the head as she left.
The RV slowed, stopped, and turned right, then accelerated again. It was some time before Evie spoke. "You think I'm a bitch, don't you?"
"I don't think you're a bitch," Jade said.
"You think I was horrible to Mom."
"I don't think you were horrible to Mom."
"Well, what do you think?" Evie snapped.
Jade thought for a moment, listening to pavement whisk away under the RV's wheels. "I think you deal with far too much," she said at last. "And I think that now and then you're entitled to be a bitch. In fact, if it was me, I'd be a bitch most of the time."
"Thank God for small miracles," Evie groused.
"Hey, I didn't ask to have this conversation with you. You started it."
"How juvenile, Jade."
"I think you're upset because we're going home," Jade said, rolling onto her stomach and propping her head up on her hands. "And nothing at home is as magical as anything in Orlando. And nothing at home is certain. We're moving into new territory here. I'd be upset too."
"I don't want to do it," Evie said.
"Do what?"
"I don't want the transplant."
That got Jade's attention. She sat bolt upright. On the opposite bed, Evie's head was still turned to the window. "What?"
"You heard me."
"Evie, without the…"
"Don't even tell me. You think I don't know that? Without the transplant I die. Maybe that's not such a bad thing."
Jade was speechless. She felt as though someone had hammered a line drive to her sternum. "Evie…"
"I just can't do it today, Jade," Evie said softly. "Just… just let me go for right now."
"That's not how it works, Evie," Jade said.
"Isn't it?"
"You're crazy."
Evie rolled her head. The nebulizer compressor stuttered from the momentary change in pressure, then resumed. "I don't want any more of this."
"That's the point," Jade said. "Have the transplant, and there isn't any more of this."
Evie stared long and hard at Jade.
Jade simply stared back.
"Do you think Shakira sounds like Kermit the Frog?" was the next thing to come out of Evie's mouth.
Jade was so astonished, she fell forward, nearly hitting her head on the Vest compressor, which was on the floor between the beds. "What did you just say?"
"I said, Do you think Shakira sounds like Kermit the Frog? When she sings, mostly," Evie said innocently.
"You can't switch subjects like that!" Jade protested. "What happened to being all morose and confused?"
Evie grinned. "I was morose this morning. What you said about going home is true. But I also wanted to see if I could get you to convince me to get the transplant."
"What?" Jade's head was still spinning.
"You told me you weren't sure I should get it," Evie said. "And I figured if I could convince you to convince me…"
"What's the matter with you?"
"Well, for starters…" Evie said, and waved her hands at the accumulated machinery surrounding her. And then she laughed, nearly hysterically, coughing and laughing and coughing and laughing, the ventilator and the pulse ox and the nebulizer wailing their various alarms as she vacillated between breathing and giggling.
Annie came rushing back through the door. "What is going on?" she demanded.
Evie kept on laughing and coughing. Jade grabbed the suction catheter from the side table, flicked the suction machine on, yanked off Evie's ventilator attachment, and suctioned out her sister's trach.
It had the immediate effect of stopping both the coughing and the laughing. Evie shoved herself upright and snatched the suction catheter from Jade's hands. The ventilator wailed a different alarm. Evie took a moment to collect herself, then suctioned her trach properly before reattaching the ventilator.
"Very funny," she said to Jade.
"Jade," Annie said.
"Yes, Evie, I do think Shakira sounds like Kermit the Frog," Jade said, giving her mother an innocent smile.
"Jade, you can't suction your sister in anger," Annie said.
"She needed it," Jade said innocently.
"And what's all this business about Shakira? I won't have you insulting your father's favorite Latin temptress. She's muy caliente, don't you know."
"I love you, Mom," Evie said.
Somewhere in Louisiana, the RV kept on rolling. The kids were at the table in the little kitchen, playing Truth or Dare. "Truth," Beck said to Cat.
"Truth," Cat repeated slowly. "I hate peas."
"I think you stole that from a movie," Tori said.
"No, I really hate peas," Cat said.
"Tell me another Truth," Beck said.
"That's not how you play," Cat said, pouting a bit.
"Can I ask a question?" Robbie asked, raising his hand a little.
"Apparently so," Jade said.
"Sure, Robbie," Beck said.
"What's wrong with Ms. Santiago's eye?"
"Which one?" Cat asked innocently.
"The right one," Robbie said.
"The left one's hot," Rex added.
"Ew," Andre said to the puppet.
"What can I say? I'm an eye man. And a leg man. And a…"
"It's a prosthetic," Evie interrupted.
"… whatever-they've-got-at-North-Ridge man," Rex finished.
"She lost it to cancer when she was younger," Evie said.
"Has she ever taken it out in class?" Robbie asked, leaning forward in suspense.
"No," Evie said, looking at him oddly. "She's usually too busy teaching."
"Oh."
"If Sikowitz had a glass eye, he'd probably throw it at people," Andre said.
"It's not actually glass," Evie said. "They don't make them out of glass anymore."
"Um, okay, if Sikowitz had a prosthetic eye, he'd probably throw it at people."
"Better."
"Or he'd get two more and juggle," Beck said.
"That's gross," Tori said.
"And when he threw it at people, he could tell them to keep their eye on the prize!" Andre exclaimed.
There was an awkward silence.
"Easy on the puns, Andre," Jade said. "This isn't the opening to 'CSI: Miami.'"
"Some people may say it's corny," Annie said as she walked by, holding a soda, "but I think it's the most realistic of all the 'CSI's."
Evie groaned.
"Oh, Mom, we've talked about this," Jade said.
"And every time we decide that they all have their merits," Annie said.
"Only old people like 'CSI: Miami,'" Evie said.
"Yeah, and it's because they're scoping the place out for their retirement home," Jade added.
"Say whatever you want, but David Caruso is a very good-looking man," Annie said. She handed the soda to Kent. "And there is nothing wrong with appreciating a fine human form."
"Like Shakira?" Evie suggested innocently.
"Someday we'll find… the Rainbow Connection," Jade warbled in a perfect Kermit/Shakira blend.
"Hey! Don't you mock Shakira!" Kent said. "She's…"
"Muy caliente, Dad, we've heard," Evie said.
"Better her than that Argon guy," Kent said.
"Oh, dear," Annie said.
"Argon, Dad?" Jade asked.
"That beady-eyed guy with the big forehead from your Lord of the Rings films! He was in that movie with Nemo!"
"I think he means Aragorn," Beck said quietly.
"How did you figure that out?" Tori asked.
"You know who I'm talking about!" Kent said. "And he is definitely not muy caliente."
"Nobody said he was, Dad!" Jade said.
"Yahtzee!" Cat exclaimed.
"Cat, we're not playing Yahtzee," Robbie said.
"Yeah, but we could be," Cat said.
