Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am not earning anything by writing this story.
Thanks a lot to my beta-reader, Orodruin, for correcting my mistakes.
I also want to thank my motivation and plot betas Amandine and coffeeonthepatio.
I'm not a native speaker of English!
Dear readers,
this chapter is especially for all these who pestered me about writing some more Severus and Harry bonding moments. I hope you will like it.
N. Forest has written a side story of this one about Remus and Narcissa and Draco. It's called "Fear to Love"! Please check it out!
Sunny
Chapter 48 – More talk
~*~
Nobody spoke for a long time. Eventually James broke the silence. "He will remember what he had heard, Severus. You need to speak with him about it."
"It's too soon," Severus protested.
James shook his head in resignation upon seeing the panicked expression on Severus' face. Ivy wasn't the only one who hadn't finished grieving over their tragic loss.
"Then allow me to speak with him. You can't let his questions remain unanswered when they come," James insisted.
"Then do it. I will take Ivy to bed now," Severus said, took his wife in his arms and fled.
~*~
"My lungs hurt," Harry croaked, still in James' embrace.
"I know, there is nothing we can do for that at the moment. We need to wait half an hour to give you a pain relieving potion, otherwise it would interact with the calming draught we gave you," James explained.
Harry groaned. His mind was still foggy from the calming magic James had let flown through his body. He still felt a light tingling and was sure James was still feeding him soothing magic. Sighing, he leaned backwards against James' chest.
"Want to speak about what triggered this attack?" James asked.
"No," Harry said annoyed.
"Harry, it will help to speak about it," Poppy said and sat down beside Harry.
Harry shook his head. Why can't they leave me alone?
"Severus, said you were speaking about the visit of his parents in two weeks," James prodded.
Harry drew in a sharp breath and immediately curled over when the pain in his lungs got worse.
James let more magic flow into Harry, until Harry uncurled and relaxed a bit.
"What is bothering you, Harry?" James asked.
"Nothing," Harry said stubbornly.
"It's the second attack that has been triggered by a discussion about Severus' parents. Can't you see that your problems won't vanish on their own without speaking about it?" James asked the pouting boy in his arms.
Harry said nothing and just stared at the ceiling.
Poppy stood up and said, "I need to go. We will see you tomorrow, Harry." She squeezed his shoulder one last time and left.
"Harry, please tell me why you are so scared about the meeting with Severus' parents," James asked again.
Harry sighed. It seems James was having one of his persistent days, and so it was useless to fight him. "I don't know, myself. I'm just scared they won't like me. Come on, I'm the reason Severus had to suffer so long under Voldemort," Harry said miserably.
"Severus choose to follow Voldmort long before he even knew you," James said.
"But he went back to get information to help me fight Voldemort."
"He went back as a spy because it was his only chance besides Azkaban to repay for what he had done while he served Voldemort. Guilt is a heavy burden, Harry."
"What if they think he shouldn't have taken me in? What if they don't like me?" Harry asked worriedly.
"There is no reason for them to hate you, Harry. They are grandparents, and they always followed the Light side, if that is what bothered you."
Harry didn't say anything to that. Deep inside of him, he knew that was one of the main reasons he feared the meeting with them.
Seeing Harry's reaction, James knew he had guessed right. "Harry, Severus had big problems with his parents when he joined the dark side. His father even threw him out when he got wind of it. Severus had realized very fast that what he wished to achieve by joining Voldmort, he wouldn't get. He was shocked when he realized how Voldemort wanted to achieve his power and how cruel he was. But joining Voldemort meant joining him until death. At one point Severus preferred to die and went to Albus, but he refused to kill him. That's why he became a spy. He quickly fell in love with Ivy and that gave him new energy and a will to survive all of this. First they tried to keep it secret from Voldmort, but he found out and Severus convinced him that he only did it to come closer to Albus for getting more information. He needed a long time to gain the courage to contact his parents again. His mother quickly forgave him, but he had to struggle hard to earn the trust of his father back. They still have their issues, Harry, but you won't have problem with them. They are wonderful grandparents."
"But what if they think I steal Ivy and Severus from the twins?"
"They won't think something like that. They know that both your parents have plenty of love for the three of you."
Harry could feel James smile behind him. Suddenly he remembered what Ivy had said, and his face fell. "Ehm... what did Ivy mean when she said she doesn't want to loose another one?"
James sighed. "That's a very sad topic, Harry. I fear you won't get an answer to it from your parents. Last year, while everything was so hectic and dangerous and Severus was busy attending a lot of painful meetings with Voldemort, Ivy was pregnant. Unfortunately it all was too much for Ivy, and she lost the child four weeks before it should have been born."
"But I never saw her pregnant. She taught last year, and she was as thin as always," Harry said, puzzled.
"You of all people should know why you couldn't see that she was pregnant."
Harry wondered about it and finally made the conclusion. "Glamors?"
"Yes. She was wearing Glamors," James said calmly.
"But it is very tiring to wear Glamors. Why did she risk it?"
"Voldemort had become more and more suspicious, and Severus feared he would give him the order to kill the unborn child when he got wind of it. Therefore they decided to risk it. She wore the Glamor only when she was outside the quarters, and Poppy and I checked on her very often, so it was not as tiring as you permanently wearing it."
"But she lost the baby," Harry whispered.
"Yes, we think the pressure of seeing Severus come back from the meetings more and more hurt and the worry about him while he was away, were too much for her. Harry, I fear they both haven't gotten over that loss yet, and it would be better if you speak with me about it and not with them. They need time."
"Yeah, and now I'm worrying her with my damn weakness," Harry said bitterly.
James turned him abruptly, and Harry felt embarrassed to be laying stomach to stomach on James now. "Harry, that has nothing to do with you. Do you hear me? Ivy is worried, yes, but that is nothing you can change. It's not your problem."
"Not my problem? Damn, I shouldn't have come into this family! Why didn't anyone tell me before the adoption?" Harry screamed, and started to hit James on his chest in frustration.
James secured Harry's wrists and stopped him from fighting. "Harry, they took you in because they wanted you in their family. This has nothing to do with the child they lost."
"Leave me alone, James," Harry said and started to cry. Damn these potions. They make it impossible to stop from behaving like a baby.
James moved Harry so that he was laying with his back to his chest again and pressed his arms over his chest. He countered Harry's struggles with no big effort this way. "No, I won't leave you alone, Harry. Stop fighting me."
Harry felt helpless and quickly was too exhausted to struggle any longer.
"They love you, Harry. Parents are worried about their children, but that is their problem and not yours. I will speak with them, okay?"
Harry nodded. That was all he could do.
"Good. Why don't we move into your room, and I will give you the pain killer now?" James said and steadied Harry while helping him to stand up.
The painkiller removed all the pain in Harry's chest, and James helped him to pack his backpack for his sleepover. When they were finished, Severus came into the room.
James immediately asked, "How is she?"
"She woke up shortly and now is asleep again. Could you watch her while I speak with Harry?" Severus asked in a unusually sad voice.
James smiled proudly at Severus and said, "Of course, Severus." Sometimes Severus even surprised him.
When James had left the room, Severus gestured for Harry to sit on the bed and drew a chair for himself close to it. "I assume James told you about the child we lost?"
Harry looked worriedly at the sunken, grief-stricken face of Severus. "You don't need to speak with me about it"
"But I want to." Severus sighed. "I need to." He let his head sink into his hands. "Harry, this all has nothing to do with you. Please, believe me. Ivy loves you, and seeing you suffer from the attack makes her very worried, but you are not responsible for her pain. She would feel very guilty if she heard that you feel bad about it. She is still very sad about loosing Joshua." Severus' voice broke, and Harry wished he would stop speaking. "We already had named him and then we lost him. When we decided to take you in, it had nothing to do with Joshua. We didn't want you here to take his place or distract us from the pain, Harry. Please believe me." Severus' pleas were heartbreaking, and Harry didn't knew what he could do or say. Uneasily he placed his hand on Severus' shoulder.
"I believe you." That was all Harry managed to say. Severus was always so intimidating, strong and powerful. Seeing him so broken was scary. It showed Harry that he was human and was able to feel like he does. Another thing happened while Severus' character changed; Harry believed him. Nobody that emotional could lie. So Harry knew that he wasn't a substitute for Joshua, but he still felt guilty for causing Ivy more pain by worrying about him. "I will try to work harder with James. I promise. I will fight those damn attacks, so that Ivy doesn't have to worry again."
Severus' head jerked up. "No, Harry. That isn't the reason I spoke with you. You needed to hear the truth from me, but I don't want it to effect how you act around us. We love you like you are. Panic attacks or not. We don't want you to hide any pain or trouble from us. That we still mourn and try to handle the feeling this loss has caused doesn't mean we can't handle helping you with your problems. We will be there for you, whatever happens. Never think we are too weak for it." A bit of the powerful Severus was back, and Harry felt like a child again and not the one who had to comfort Severus. Yes, Severus still was strong enough to be there for him and help him, and Ivy would be as well.
"I'm glad you are planning to work harder with James, but I don't care how long you have those attacks. We will always be there for you. You are more important than Joshua, Harry. We will mourn for Joshua for some more time, but we will be there for you and care for you, and Eathan and Lysander, of course. You are a part of our family and equal to all our other children." Severus reached for Harry's cheek and was relieved when Harry leaned into his palm.
"I will work hard, I promise," Harry said determinedly. "I will be a good son."
"You already are, Harry. There is no need to change anything," Severus assured him.
It was as if a heavy burden had been lifted from Harry's chest, and he smiled a relived smile at Severus.
"Now we will speak about my parents," Severus said, and chuckled when Harry's face fell. "There is no need to worry about it. My mother is crazy for the chance to get to know you, Harry. She pestered Ivy and me to tell her everything you do since you were moving in, and we told my parents about it. I don't have much contact with my father, but I spoke with him when I invited them to the birthday party, and he is very eager to get to know you as well. When I told him that you knew MacMannon I feared he would come over the same moment to pester you with all kinds of questions. So be prepared to speak the whole day about potions." Severus smiled and the unusual paleness and sorrow left his face. "No need to worry, Harry," Severus said and ruffled Harry's hair.
Harry sighed, relieved. Hearing that his new grandparents already knew about him and had reacted positively made him feel better. Maybe there really wasn't much to worry about. He smiled at Severus and playfully batted his hands from his head.
"I thought that maybe you would like to start your sleepover this evening. I'm sure Poppy wants to check on you again before you go to sleep, and so it wouldn't hurt to already be with her and Alastor this evening. You don't have to, but I thought it would distract you a bit from what happened today. Why not take Lysander and Eathan with you, too? You could make a sleepover all together in your godparents' living room. We have sleeping bags for that. What do you think?"
"That would be great. When are the twins coming home? Can I tell them?" Harry asked excitedly.
Severus chuckled and ruffled Harry's hair again. "Let me first speak with Alastor and Poppy, and then I will tell you if it is okay for them. I will speak with Albus, as well. It is his turn to fetch the twins from daycare today. You could accompany him and give the boys the good news."
"Yes, please firecall Poppy." Harry resisted the urge to bounce excitedly on his bed.
Severus left to speak with the adults and shortly after it, he came back and told Harry that it was all settled and he could meet Albus in ten minutes to fetch the boys from daycare.
Please review!
