I Learned to Love You by Tamyalways

translated from Spanish by ebfiddler

Author's note: Good Morning. Here's the new chapter of the story. I know a lot of you didn't like the end of the last chapter. I just ask that you read this chapter to the end, and then if you don't want to continue reading, I won't say a word about it. I also want to thank all of you who continue to trust in me and in this story. And also, I have a number of explanations to give at the end of the chapter you're reading now.

The characters are not mine ...

Idea from Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION

translator's note: Profound apologies for not posting this sooner! Especially with the cliffhanger in the last chapter. It has simply been a busy few weeks in real life, and there was no time to work on the translation, no time to polish it up. I ended up translating it in bits and snatches at various airports—and then there was no internet, and I couldn't check a dictionary, and on and on in that vein. I finally had the opportunity this morning to sit down and go through it all in one pass, so that it would have some coherence. So once again, I am very sorry to have kept you waiting so long. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope that I'm able to get the next one ready without such a long interval.


Chapter 48

KATE'S POV

He was not breathing … and he had not regained consciousness. My breathing was also paralyzed, waiting for his ... always in sync ... always together. I couldn't process what they were saying, all those gathered round him, I only heard the babble of voices and observed them, like an outsider, rushing about in their attempts to revive him. It was as if I were within a swirling mist where he and I existed, and everything else was a blur. They grabbed me, they pulled me away from him, but I had to be there, I needed to be there with him—I couldn't abandon him, it just wasn't possible. I listened to the doctors talking, practically shouting, moving like madmen, and I could only look on. His heart still was not beating ... he was gone, and I—I was going with him.

"Please don't let him die ... please!" I heard Martha's desperate pleas and I felt like I was about to faint. What was going on? How could this be happening?

I collapsed down on the floor, crying without stopping, but I kept watching the heart monitor, with its flat line. I had to see if there was even a trace of a heartbeat.

"Rick, please ... don't leave me ... don't leave me! Without you ..." I couldn't finish that sentence. As I watched, the doctors began to shake their heads and pull away from him. No ... they could not give up ... not yet ... no!

I pulled away from the arms that restrained me and ran toward him. No one could stop me and I entered the isolation room without stopping to look for masks, gowns, shoe covers, gloves or hats. I needed to hold him. I held to him, and Rick's body was warm—he was warm—he couldn't possibly be—

"Keep trying, please, don't give up—" I cried desperately.

"Kate, there's nothing more we can—" Dr. Carter said gravely.

"Don't stop! Keep trying!" I demanded, as I began to give Rick CPR myself.

"Right, one more try, folks. One ampule of epinephrine, right away."

I was pushed aside as they again placed the electrodes on his chest to try to revive him. I stood, trying to remember how to breathe, as the doctors again surrounded him. As they administered the charge silence fell in the room, as if the world stopped. I couldn't hear anything ... just the machine with its constant alarm signaling no heartbeat. Nothing more, and when I saw the look on Dr. Carter's face, my legs turned rubbery. They all began to gather up the equipment again, but I pushed in to Rick's side. I came right to him, stroking his face, my tears falling steadily, dropping onto his inert body, when suddenly, unexpectedly, the constant tone of the heart monitor paused, then resumed a steady beeping, letting me understand that his heart had resumed beating. The visual indicator likewise blipped. I looked to Dr. Carter for an explanation.

"It's a miracle, Kate. His heart is beating again."

"He's alive?" I asked, heart in my throat.

"Yes," he replied, examining him closely and checking his pulse again. "He wants to fight ... he wants to live."

"Oh god!" I cried. "He's alive ... he's alive!" I just about shouted, so Martha could hear me.

"Kate?" She looked at me.

"Martha, he's alive!" I hugged her with all my strength, and we both wept, but with smiles of happiness this time.

"How is that possible?" she asked a skeptical-looking Dr. Carter, who continued to examine every wire, tube, and machine that was connected to my husband's body.

"I don't know. I thought we had lost him, but he's alive. He's a fighter, a great fighter."

"He certainly is … Does this mean—?"

"This is not the final hurdle. We knew going in that there could be complications. We still have to wait and see. For now he's holding on, but ... we still need to wait and see."

"I need this to be over now," I said, my voice breaking.

"I know that, Kate, but we can't do anything more for him right now ... only he can do it, and at the moment I believe he's made it clear to everyone that he has no intention of leaving us."

"He'd better not," I said letting out a smile as I wiped away my tears.

"Give it forty hours, Kate ... forty more hours, and then we can say we've made progress. And though there's still the potential for regression, we'll have good odds at that point."

"Forty hours ... these are going to be the longest forty hours of my life."

"And of mine, too, darling," Martha inserted, adding, "Thank you, Kate."

"Thank you? For what?"

"The doctors had given up. And I think ... that this was something beyond us. He sensed that you were near him, he heard you—he knew that he couldn't die and leave you alone, you would have never forgiven him. My son is clinging to life like a prizefighter in order to stay with you and the little one ... so thank you."

I embraced her hard. She certainly was an extraordinary woman. Ever since I met her she had behaved like a real mother to me, and it was something that I would always thank her for—in addition to bringing into the world the man who was now my husband.

"Come darling, you have to rest."

"I want to stay with him."

"You know you can not—my grandson needs to rest well and be calm. This stress is not good for you."

"Yes, but ... I need to know that he's all right."

"If anything happens, I will let you know immediately. Sleep a while, be at peace."

I took one last look at the bed and ran my hand through his hair. I couldn't help but smile as I looked at him. At last, I left a soft kiss on his head and went to get some rest. I didn't want to be away from him at all, but they were right. We still had to wait forty hours, and I couldn't spend every hour in the isolation ward, or I'd go crazy. And besides I needed to think about my little baby. I had to take care of myself for the baby's sake from now on ... and I needed a respite from all this stress, all this pain.


RICK'S POV

I could sense her presence. I could hear everything around me, but it was as if I were paralyzed. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't open my eyes to look at her.

I wanted to do all those things, to reassure her. I wanted to comfort her, tell her that I was going to be fine, that I would fight for her sake ... that I was here ... that I would always be with her. I felt her caressing me carefully, I felt her hot tears falling on my face, and I just wanted wipe away those tears, I just wanted to see that smile back on her face, but ... I couldn't do anything.

I needed to be able to do something. This was very disturbing. It was a weird feeling, like I was watching it all from the outside, and couldn't do a thing. A few hours ago I had felt like my soul had been released from my broken body, like I was rising and leaving this damned body behind, so tired of fighting ... but then ... I don't know what happened. I'm not even sure how to express what I felt.

I could see her, feel her, hear her asking me to stay with her ... begging me ... and I realized that no matter how weary I was of this fight, I could not leave. I didn't want to leave her, had no wish to leave her ... and I don't know how I did it, but I did it. I suppose my heart stirred within me to reunite with hers, I suppose that love brought me back from the brink.

Now I became aware that she was sitting next to the bed, still crying, still suffering ... and I had to relieve her from this weight of grief, of pain, but try as I might ... I couldn't move at all ... couldn't even open my eyes.

I felt her move and position herself next to me, felt her hot tears and suddenly she began to whisper to me and I focused, concentrated, on this—on her voice that was barely a whisper.

"Rick, I don't know if you can hear me ... but ... I need you to keep fighting a little longer. I'm only asking for a little longer ... I need you ... we both need you. I can't—I can't imagine a world without you. I can't, and I don't want to. I love you ... you've—you've taught me what love and happiness are, and you can't leave me now, because I've become dependent on it." She let out a small laugh, as she presumably wiped her tears. "I love you, big guy, I love you so much," and I felt her lips on mine, soft, just like a caress. Now I felt more alive than ever. I felt victorious in this life. Because no matter what happened at this point, I had done it, I had fulfilled my purpose. I had been with the love of my life, with the most special person in the world ... and now all I wanted was to continue enjoying all the good things it brought about. I wanted to meet my—our baby. I wanted to enjoy the kind of family that I had never had growing up. I wanted to live. I felt that I deserved to live, and if no one else could help me survive this, I'd do it myself. I'd fight for my own sake and for the sake of all those who still needed me, all those who loved me. I'd fight for them ... and never, ever give up ... never.

I heard someone come in and sensed that Kate had stood up. I couldn't see what was going on, but I felt somehow that Kate had become more serious.

"Hi there. I just wanted to know how he is," asked a voice that I knew from somewhere.

"Hello. He's holding steady … and we have to wait," Kate answered. And then I realized who she was talking to.

"That's typical. I heard that he had a crisis."

"Yes, but he got through it. Josh, may I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Be honest."

"Of course."

"What are his chances?"

"Right now, rather low. But if he gets through the first 48 hours, well, then it's about fifty percent. That's a percentage that can give us hope. When he wakes up, and starts eating again, recovering, they'll give him lots of tests to check his blood counts and all that, and then we'll know if things are going well, if he's achieved remission, if he's beat A.L.L.," he explained, as I listened intently. It felt ... very strange ... to be listening to them talk about me this way, without them knowing that I was able to hear them.

"Thank you for being honest."

"Well, I think I owe you guys that."

"You owe me nothing Josh. If there's someone here who owes something to someone it's me. You took care of him when we arrived at this hospital ... and you helped me realize some things ... so thank you." I sensed that Kate had stepped away from me, and even though I couldn't see them, I knew that Kate was hugging him. And I was jealous—yes, jealous—in spite of knowing for certain that I had won her love ... that she was in love with me. It was just that I wanted to be the one holding her at this time.

"I'll come back to check on him. I'm glad it's going well now. You deserve happiness, Kate, and even though it costs me to say it—I know he has brought out the best in you."

"Yes," Kate agreed, and again I felt her hand on mine. I wanted so much to entwine my fingers with hers, to tell her that she was the one who made me happy, but I couldn't do that now. I heard the door close and became aware that Kate had placed her hand on my chest ... and I realized that I loved her even more than I thought, if that was possible. I recognized just how important she was to me. She had saved me once when she helped me become my true self, and now she was saving me again. She was my guardian angel ... my partner ... my wife ... the love of my life ... the mother of my unborn child ... and I was at peace because I knew with her by my side, everything would be all right.

TO BE CONTINUED…


Well, there's the chapter. Thank you to everyone who had confidence in me. My opinion always about writing a fic and what its goal is, has always been clear: it should be entertaining and it should be hopeful. Always I am looking for a happy ending, and even more so in a story like this where hope is needed. Now I want to explain the reason for these two chapters. Well, Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION asked me for an alternative ending to the story where Rick died. I wouldn't agree to publish it here, but I didn't want to refuse to write it, because she's the originator of this story idea, and she deserved to have an ending of her choosing. I don't regret writing it this way because it was a challenge for me. Therefore the previous chapter was necessary for that alternative ending, but I knew from the start that in my story Rick had to survive no matter what. Therefore, the story continues on Monday here waiting for Rick to wake up, but with the assurance that I have already said that I do not like such tragic endings.

Still, as I said there is an alternate ending written, which will not be posted here but it will be published in another Castle forum page. I just want to say that whoever wants to read it can do so during the day on that page. I'll put the link for the chapter in my twitter for those who want to read it (it's not yet published). It has been a challenge for me, the most difficult chapter to write, but I'm happy with the result. I hope those of you who read it like it.

Well, time to wrap up this author's note. I hope that you have a good weekend and see you Monday with new chapter, only one week left XXOO

Twitter: tamyalways

translator: My friendly neighborhood medical consultant has pointed out a few issues with this and the previous chapter; if you noticed them too, I'd be happy to discuss them via PM. Otherwise, please enjoy this work of fanfiction, and breathe a sigh of relief … no more cliffhanger, and now you have the author's assurance as well as mine that this fic is indeed "drama/romance" and not "tragedy." Three more chapters and an epilogue to go. Thank you so much for your comments.