Chapter 51: Dean
I felt there was nothing I could do for her. There was nothing I could say. What could I say? I'm sorry you've lost someone else? I'm sorry for not feeling sad about it? She had been sick all night. I'm not sure what was the cause, the pregnancy or watching her own father's execution or having not eaten anything all day. It was most likely all three. I was able to make her eat something despite her fear of throwing it back up. After she said she felt a little better, leaving me in great relief as she fell back asleep curled beneath the thick blanket. It wasn't cold out, but it made her feel more comfortable as she tucked her self deep under the covers. I stayed with her till she had fallen completely asleep. Then I kissed her cheek gently before leaving the room and heading down stairs. I sat down at the small table in the kitchen, running my hands over my face and rubbing my drooping eyes.
"You look like you could use some sleep"
I looked up to see Dr. Porter standing in the doorway of the kitchen, watching me as I stared back down at my hands.
"Has Kayleigh talked to you yet" I asked him.
"About what?"
"That she's pregnant"
"Rachel had told me a while ago that she suspected" he answered. "But she didn't want me to ask, she thought Kayleigh would come to me on her own"
"But she hasn't?"
"No"
"She's been sick a lot"
"That's normal"
"I know but she's barely been eating as it is and with..."
"You think she's going to give up?"
"No" I shook my head gently. "No, I don't think she will. Or at least I hope that she won't"
"Has she done this before" he asked coming to sit at the table across from me.
"Almost five months ago we lost someone...a little boy"
He gave me a small nod. "Was he yours?"
"No" I replied sadly. "He was eight, his brother died a few months before that and he didn't have anyone. Kayleigh took him in as her own"
He just nodded softly, not taking his eyes from me but I couldn't bring myself to return his gaze now that Matt was back in my mind.
"You cared about the boy too" he stated more than asked.
"Yeah" I whispered. "Kayleigh she...she blames herself for what happened to him"
"And who do you blame for it?"
"It doesn't matter anymore" I closed my eyes tight and buried my face back into my hands.
"It was Monroe wasn't it" he sneered almost angrily. I looked up at Dr. Porter, his eyes were watching me intently and I couldn't bring myself to hold his hard gaze.
"Not directly no"
"But it was still his doing?" he questioned. I didn't want to answer. I had never really forgiven Monroe for all the things he had done and I probably never would have. But he was Kayleigh's father and she...she had cared about him.
"Well, when she wakes up" Dr. Porter said. "You talk to her, convince her to come to me and i'll check her out"
"Thanks, Dr. Porter"
"Please, it's Gene" he slightly smiled before rising from the chair. He held his hand out to me and I shook it, nodding and smiling before he let go and left the kitchen.
I knew Kayleigh was going to sleep for a while, so I decided to go out. I headed into town...at first just for a walk, maybe to catch up with Aaron since we hadn't talked in a while and he was going to talk to Cynthia and see if there was a spot open at the school. Not as a teacher or anything like that, but Aaron was having a hard time connecting with the kids and Kayleigh suggested I helped out. But as I got into town I stopped outside the bar. I stared for a moment before walking inside and sitting down on one of the many stools lining the long bar.
"What'll it be?" a man side from being the counter.
"What ever's strongest" I replied. He poured something into a small glass and passed it over to me. I didn't ask what it was and he didn't tell me as I threw it back.
"Another" I said. Whatever the drink was it burned going down. I hadn't drank in a long time...not since after Matt.
Kayleigh never knew. I never told her and those few times I had went over the edge Brian had been there to pick me up. But now he was gone too. I felt myself going deeper with each glass. Three. Four. Five. I lost count after that.
"Another"
"You sure about that kid?"
"Another" I replied firmly. "And I'm no kid. Don't insult me"
"All right" he nodded and poured me another glass.
"You know Kayleigh would kick your ass if she knew you were here drinking yourself to death"
I turned around to see Alex making his way over, then he sat in the stool two down from me.
"Get the hell out of here before I punch your god damn face in"
"This is a public place, Dean" he replied then he looked to the bartender. "Whiskey"
"You don't know Kayleigh and you have no right to judge me" I told him angrily as I swigged back another glass.
"Right, so she's okay with you getting drunk while you leave her at home alone to deal with her father's death"
My head whipped around so fast, I heard a slight crack. Ignoring the pain from the whip lash I glared at him.
"How the hell do you even know that"
The bar tender was watching us. I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He was pretending to wipe down the far side of the counter but it was obvious he was listening.
"I have my ways of getting information" he smirked, tipping back his glass and chugging down his whiskey.
"Give me a good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now"
"Because when the time comes you're going to need me"
"What the hell does that even mean?" I yelled. He looked around the bar, eyeing the bartender as well before moving to the stool right next to mine.
"These...Patriots, they aren't who they say they are" he whispered. "You know it too. So what ever you and Miles Matheson are planning, you're going to need all the help you can get. Come and find me when you get over this petty hatred you have for me"
He set his empty glass back down on the counter then walked out. As much as I despised the guy he was right. With more soldiers streaming in from no where every day, we were going to need help. And with Monroe gone...I hated Alex. I hated him with my whole being and there was no way I could trust him but Kayleigh does. I don't know why but she does. She's always had a way of seeing people that I didn't understand, I think it's why she so easily forgave Monroe after everything he had done, despite the fact that he was her father. She had seen something else in him. In fact she had seen something in me too when we first met. I knew she didn't trust me at first but it didn't take her long to see me for what I really was; that behind all the jokes, behind that rebel soldier exterior I was just as lonely and lost as she was. She had accepted me without a second thought.
I wish I was more like her. I wish I could trust people. I wish I could see that other part of them with just a glance into their eyes.
"I'm sorry but i'm going to have to cut you off" the bartender said. I looked back to see he was standing in front of me. I just nodded, handing him back the glass. I had forgotten why I had come into town in the first place. I stumbled out of the bar and back down the street towards Dr. Porter's. My head was killing me and I felt like I was going to fall over with every step. I staggered up the porch steps and into the house, letting myself fall back onto the couch and shutting my eyes. Only a few minutes had passed when I felt someone kicking my foot that I let hang over the side.
"Come on kid, get your ass up"
I opened one eye slightly, looking up into Miles face. "Hm...why?"
He leaned in, squinting at me...then he sniffed me. "Are you drunk?"
"No"
"I'm not an idiot I know what a drunk looks like. I use to be one"
"You still are one"
I didn't mean to say it and I sort of flinched thinking he would punch me out for saying so but he didn't. He just sort of glared. He got down low on, bending on his knees so that he was at my eye level since I couldn't bring myself to sit up.
"You can't do this" his voice low and firm as he spoke. "Go, get yourself several glasses of water. Drink all of them so you don't dehydrate yourself from god knows how much you drank. Then sleep it off"
He wasn't yelling at me...which I think scared me more than if he had been.
"You are not going to become me" he continued. "You have to be better than that. For her, for your child"
He stood back up, then held down his hand. "Come on, before she wakes up"
I grabbed it and he pulled me off the couch. I did as he said, downing three glasses of water, then brushed my teeth to hopefully get out the smell of alcohol. But it still seemed like I was drenched in it.
"How's she taking it anyway?" Miles asked me when I came back into the kitchen.
"I don't know. Bad I guess...she's confused"
"I uh, I get it"
"Maybe you should talk to her then" I looked back at Miles. He was over by the door way, leaning against the frame and staring blankly at his boots. "You were closest to him"
"Miles, Dean"
We both turned to see Rachel standing in the door way. "I have something to show you," she said, "get Charlie and Kayleigh"
Rachel led us to a small farm house, just a mile and a half outside the wall. My head was killing me, and Kayleigh must have noticed something was wrong because she kept looking at me in worry. But she didn't say anything either. When we got inside the farm house. What I saw...at first I thought I was hallucinating. There on a bed in the middle of the large living room was Sebastian Monroe. Alive.
He was sleeping and we all stood in shock...just staring at his body.
"Bass" Miles said, going to stand beside the bed. He stirred, his eyes squinting as they adjusted to the light then he looked up at Miles.
"Hey buddy" Bass whispered.
"How much did you give him?" Charlie asked Rachel as she stifled through her back, grabbing a bottle of water.
"Enough to drop a horse, make him look dead" Rachel replied. I looked over at Kayleigh, she was still just standing there, in shock...staring at her father.
"How ya feeling?" Miles said rather loudly to Bass who seemed still out of it from the enormous amount of drugs Rachel had given him.
"Can you walk?"
"Look at you, you're happy to see me" Bass replied hoarsely, giggling as well. "You missed me...you're my best friend"
Miles smiled, laughing slightly as he looked down at Bass. "Okay...okay that's enough" he said shaking his head.
"Miles...You...you have to tell me" he whispered. I almost didn't hear him.
"Tell you what?"
"You have to tell me where my son is"
I took a step back...Son? Did he just say son?
I looked to Kayleigh but apparently she had no idea, her face steeping in a mix of anger and confusion.
"One thing at a time" Miles replied, then he too glanced back at Kayleigh. But she turned away. She didn't leave the farm house but she moved as far as she could get from Bass and Miles.
"How long until he's one hundred percent?" Miles asked Rachel.
"Couple days"
"Why'd you do it?" Charlie asked.
"Cause we needed him" she replied, "And you asked me too"
No one said anything else about it. Miles went back to Bass's side, got him to eat and drink some water despite his still drugged state. Me and Kayleigh sat near the corner of the room on top of an old desk. She watched Miles and Bass with a blank expression.
"Why do you smell like alcohol" she suddenly whispered, but never took her eyes off them. "Dean are you drunk? You look like you're going to be sick" she added when I didn't answer.
"It's nothing I haven't handled before" I told her softly.
"What are you doing, Dean?"
"I don't know what you mean" I couldn't meet her eyes as I watched my books, swinging in tiny circles as they hung a few inches above the floor.
"Don't think I don't know" she answered angrily. "Brian told me everything months ago"
"People cope with grief differently"
"I don't think alcoholism is a way of coping with anything" she snapped.
"I'm not a drunk"
"Yeah well keep it that way-"
There was a loud explosion. We all glanced at each other before rushing to the windows. I could see the smoke rising from one of the taller brick buildings in town. We all ran from the house, leaving Bass by himself but he was no longer a priority now. When we got back into town it was chaos. People screaming, injured people walking blindly, confused...bodies lay still...Kayleigh was the first of us to react, running to people who were lying on the ground and checking for a pulse then moving to the next body. I heard a man screaming for help, glancing over I saw Gene cradling someone in his arms. Rachel ran to help him. Miles and Charlie spread out to help as well and I ran to Kayleigh's side as she was pulling someone to their feet to get them away from the smoke and debris. Soldiers came to help with the injured, pulling the man from Kayleigh's grip and off towards their own doctors. A few hours after we had gotten the injured fixed up and the dead from the streets and from inside the building, the soldiers had us gather in front of the court house.
"We will catch those responsible for this...heinous act" spoke the patriot, "Right now we can only guess that there are more Andover's out there. And they may have found a way inside. Now I don't want any of you to worry. First we need to build up our defenses; So we're sealing the gates, doubling security on the walls, and making a city wide curfew from sundown to sunrise. Now this is all, just a temporary precaution, for your own protection"
He kept talking but to be honest I zoned out. What a bunch of crap he was spewing from his mouth. I looked back at Miles, Rachel and Charlie...there was a short, bald man talking to them. I watched as Rachel and the man walked away and heading into one of the bars with soldiers following.
"Kay" I whispered, tapping her shoulder and pointing towards them. She looked, seeing them just as they disappeared into the bar.
"Come on, let's go" she said, taking my hand and pulling us towards Miles.
"Miles who was that?" she asked as we reached them. People started to cheer and clap, the patriot must have finished his bull shit filled speech.
"Some guy who use to work with Rachel from the D.O.D"
"Great another one of those guys" I muttered.
"We should get back to the house" Miles said, "Rachel will meet us there"
We headed back, now all we could do was wait for Rachel to see what they wanted. Kayleigh sat in the kitchen, drumming her fingers on the table. Her mind off, probably thinking about Bass and the news of having a half brother somewhere out there...
"Hey" I said, taking the hand that was taping the table and holding it tightly. "You wanna talk about this?"
"Not really" she replied. "You wanna talk about how you're not allowed to go to the bar alone anymore"
"Yeah...that's probably a good idea"
I was going to tell her about my run in with Alex but something stopped me. I honestly didn't want to talk about him. And right now, it didn't matter what he had said.
"Dean i've been thinking"
"This doesn't sound good" I sighed and met her green eyes with a small smile.
"After Bass this morning and the bomb...I want to get married as soon as possible" she whispered. "I want to stop putting it off. I want to just get it over and done with"
"I don't know how i'm supposed to take that last part"
"I just don't want to wait anymore"
"Everything is chaotic right now-"
"That's why I want to do it"
"But I think it might be best to wait" I told her. "Till this is all over, then we can relax and just get over everything that's happened the last couple days"
"I'm sorry" I added when she didn't say anything. She was obviously disappointed and hurt by my suggestion. I felt bad for making her feel that way but I wasn't going to change my mind about it.
"No...no you're right" she sighed.
"There's a first time for everything" I smirked widely and it got her to laugh. She ran her hand over her face, shaking her head as she turned and smiled back at me.
"I love you" she whispered.
"I know"
While waiting for Rachel to come back, I grabbed her while she wasn't paying attention and carried her over to the couch. I laid back with her in my arms and we just stayed like that for awhile. Despite the throbbing pain in my head and the queasy feeling in my stomach it was nice. It felt normal.
It wasn't long before Rachel came back and neither me nor Kayleigh got up right away. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to be stressed out by what ever news she had on the patriots but soon enough Kayleigh got up and pulled me with her.
"No...No! I am nobody!" Aaron yelled as we had finally joined them in the kitchen. "I am nothing!"
"He's already on to the bodies. Aaron its only a matter of time before Horn is on to you!" Rachel replied, her voice low but harsh and just as frantic as Aaron.
"I am useless! I can't even control it!"
"So he'll poke and prod you until he figures it out!"
"So what am I E.T?" he yelled back.
"Hold on" I chimed in when they just glared at each other. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Rachel and Miles looked cautiously at each other but Aaron ignored their glances and turned to me.
"I can do things" Aaron replied, "I can do things with my mind"
"What like a Jedi?" I asked slightly laughing but then going serious again when he just stared at me. The idea of it was insane.
Crazy...then again...
"Sort of...not exactly"
"I'm confused" Kayleigh said. "Jedi, like you have some sort of mind power force thing?"
"I set these guys on fire. I saw them in my mind when they were attacking Miles, and once before..."
I didn't really understand. I don't think they did either but I went with it. Since learning about all this nano technology crap and the Tower I sort of learned to embrace the impossible. Kayleigh on the other hand still looked utterly lost, her face scrunched up as she thought it over.
"We gotta get you out of town" Miles said to Aaron. "Just until we figure out our next play"
"Where am I supposed to go?"
"Out to Monroe" Rachel said after a long moment of silence. "Guess i'm glad I kept him alive"
"Oh? So i'm safer with that psycho!?" he exclaimed, his eyes going wide. "No offense Kayleigh..."
"None taken" she mumbled.
"You didn't see Horn's eyes. Trust me Aaron, you are"
We all watched Aaron, his entire face was steeping in panic as he thought it over, biting his finger nails. "Then Cynthia is coming too"
"Aaron leave her out of this" Charlie replied.
"She's already in this-"
"All the gates are locked" Miles said, "Securities tripled, its already going to be hard enough to get your ass over it"
"If they want to get to me! To hurt me! Who do you think they'll use!"
"There's no way!"
"FIND A WAY!"
Everyone stayed silent. Then Gene suddenly walked into the kitchen. "I can get Aaron out" he said, "Cynthia too"
"Dad...I think maybe you should stay out of it" Rachel replied, glancing at Miles.
"I know about Aaron" he said, "I've been listening to you all talk for weeks you're not as quiet as you think"
"And if these people are as bad as you say. We gotta get him out" he added as we all glanced at each other.
"How you gonna do that?" Miles asked. I looked at Miles face, he didn't seem convinced. He almost looked cautious as he stared back at Dr. Porter.
"Follow me"
He lead us out to the large shed behind his house. He brought us over to his wagon, throwing the cover back off it. "Once a week I head out to pick up cotton wood, euro bark and some over meds" he started to say as he flipped open a compartment in the back of the wagon, "I store it in here"
"Cozy" Miles replied "So what makes you think they're still gonna let you out of here"
"The town still needs medicine, troops do to" he answered calmly, ignoring Miles sarcastic remark. "I can sneak Aaron passed, right out to Monroe"
"Absolutely not" Rachel commented, "they'll search the wagon"
"They won't"
"Securities tight as a drum-"
"Rachel, I need to do this" he said. There were almost tears in his eyes as he looked down at her. "I've turned a blind eye to what these sons of a bitches were doing...too long" he continued, "People are dying and I've...i've got to do something"
Miles agreed...But there something hesitant about the way Rachel and Miles looked at each other. They both knew something but I didn't ask what. I wasn't going to be a part of this, neither was Kayleigh whether she wanted to help or not this was just one mission we had to step back from.
"Dean...come on" Kayleigh whispered and took my hand. I didn't question it, I just let her pull me away from them as they talked more about the plan.
"You aren't going with them are you?" she asked when we were back on the porch of the house.
"No" I said with a smile, "I figured i'd sit this one out"
She nodded with a small smile of her own, "Good"
"How are you feeling anyway? Hungover?" she smirked viciously.
"You don't even know"
"Good you ass, you deserve that" she said and lightly smacked my cheek.
"That hurts me"
"Dean...do you wanna talk about it?" she asked, her smiling fading from her face. "I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier. I shouldn't have been so harsh on you"
"No. I slipped and that's my fault, Kay"
"I just want to be there for you, like the way you've been there for me but you've never...I've never tried"
I leaned in and kissed her swiftly, my arms catching her body and lifting her off her feet.
"You're amazing, you know that?" I whispered when I broke the kiss. She had her arms draped over my shoulders, her hands intwined in her own as she sighed lightly. She rested her head on my shoulder, her lips touching my neck as she closed her eyes and I continued to hold her tightly.
"There's a priest in town" she whispered, "I asked Rachel"
"You wanna go talk to him?"
"I already did" she replied. I felt her lips against my neck as they formed a smile, then she kissed my skin. She moved her lips up my neck and over my cheek until they reached mine again.
"He said he'd do it tonight"
I put her down so that I could look at her face, "Really?" I asked, gliding my hands over her cheeks. She nodded biting her lip back like she expected me to be mad that she had asked despite what I had said earlier about waiting. But I wasn't, I was far from mad. I pushed my lips against hers, bending slightly so I could throw my arms around her waist and lift her up high.
"We're getting married then"
She looked down at me, her arms on my shoulders to steady herself. She smiled brightly, throwing her head back as she laughed, then leaning in again she kissed me firmly.
It felt good, felt right despite everything happening...despite everything that could still happen. She was right, I didn't want to wait anymore either.
"Dean Winchester?" she whispered when I let her slip back down but my arms never released her.
"Yeah?" I whispered back, my lips brushing her forehead.
"You're going to need a suit"
