When we arrived back at the house, my mother's car was already in the driveway. Since their conversation in the hospital, Brittany and my mom were closer than they ever were, and she launched herself out of the car to get inside to see her. It made me happier than I could imagine, watching my wife as excited to see my mom as I always was to see hers. Considering the history there, that was a major feat and I quickly locked the car doors and followed her inside.
"Mamí!" I cried out, throwing my arms around her.
"Santanita, this is the nicest you've ever greeted me in your life." The smile in her voice was evident, and an instant later, I felt Brittany's arms around both of us.
"I missed you." I said softly, hugging her tighter. "I'm glad you're here so early."
"Oh, we have plans for you girls." Susan grinned as Brittany pulled her into the hug. "No pretending to watch the parade while making out on the couch this year. You're grown women now, and it's about time you learn to make a proper Thanksgiving dinner."
"But Mom-" Brittany started, but was quickly cut off.
"Brittany Susan, don't even try to pull the 'recipes confuse me' card. You know as well as I do that it's an old excuse." Susan chastised her, and I was glad I wasn't the only one who got middle-named this weekend. "I heard you followed Maribel's recipe to make Santana French Toast. The jig is up, honey."
Brittany pouted, but Susan never fell for that. I knew she wasn't even serious about being disappointed, she loved doing things with her mom, and for the first holiday in a long time, I was excited for that too. Sneaking a quick peek in the living room, I saw that Annie was taken care of by Lizzie and Stephen, who were making animal noises while crawling around on the floor. My mom appeared beside me and squeezed my shoulder.
"It's been five months, and I still can't believe my baby girl has a baby of her own."
"Mamí." I tried to brush her off, tears stinging my eyes. I knew she wanted to have some kind of heartfelt conversation. I was still getting used to the idea that we could actually communicate.
"Silencio, mija. Escúchame un minuto por favor. I'm trying to tell you I'm proud of you. I know you're around Brittany's parents, and they say stuff like that every day, but you should know that even though I don't say it, I feel it." She sighed. "You've become this strong, beautiful woman and I can't wait to see what you do next."
"Gracias, Mamí. Significa mucho para mi. Brittany, she-"
"Mi amor, I love Brittany, she's amazing for you, but you need to take some credit for yourself. Your Papi and I should have been telling you how special you are for your whole life. You're a good girl, and you've certainly accomplished a lot at a young age. And now recently, you learned how to make hard choices. You chose to get yourself help, then to be a wife and a mother. Those things weren't easy."
"Every time I see you, you're saying these big things to me."
"I'm trying to make up for all the time I didn't say the things I should to you. Te amo con todo mi corazón."
"I know." I glanced back at Annie, who was now having raspberries blown on her belly by Stephen. "You told me when I was a mother, I'd understand things differently, and I do."
My mother pulled me into another tight hug, and I squeezed her back. When we pulled apart, we shared a smile, both thankful for the place we were in. The place in our relationship where we could share more than just common blood, where we could be friends, where she could speak to me without me jumping down her throat. I grabbed her hand, pulling her back into the kitchen before I got too emotional.
"Are we making rice and beans?" I asked her, looking in Brittany's direction.
"Oh, please say yes, Mari!" Brittany shouted, dropping the sweet potato she was cutting to the floor. Susan rolled her eyes and laughed. "They're my favorite and it makes me so sad that Santana never learned how to make them!"
"I know they are Brittany, and you know I used to make them and send them over here with Santana every year. The beans are already soaking in the refrigerator."
"I love you, te amo, a lot!" She shrieked, looking between my mother and I and knocking more potatoes off the counter. I leaned down to pick them up and stole a quick kiss. I loved how adorable it was whenever Britt said anything in Spanish.
The four of us worked together in the kitchen for hours and I was shocked by how much work it really took to get the meal on the table. When Lizzie came in with a hungry Annie and Brittany grabbed her with flour covered hands, I laughed at the sight and finally dropped down in a chair. It was exhausting, and I was pretty sure it was not something Britt and I would ever attempt to accomplish ourselves.
"Coffee, Santana?" Susan asked, smiling softly at my obvious exhaustion.
"Please God, yes!"
"Wow, someone's being slightly dramatic." Lizzie giggled, sitting beside me.
"Listen, just because you and your sister manage to be extremely high functioning without caffeine doesn't mean the rest of us can! Next year, I vote that Liz has to help."
Brittany seconded my vote and I sent a smug, self-satisfied look to Lizzie as Susan agreed. Next year. It felt so good to have that sense of permanence in my life again, it was one of the first times I'd stopped thinking that everything was going to slip away from me in an instant. I looked at my mother, sitting on one side of Brittany, and Susan sitting on the other as she nursed the baby and I felt those happy pangs in my chest again. Liz gave me a weird look, but Britt's eyes caught mine as she finished and handed the baby to Mamí. She knew what I was feeling, that this was the first Lopez-Pierce conjoined holiday of so many more to come.
One of the things I never really understood about Thanksgiving, is why suddenly, it's dinner time in the middle of the day. It's like some weird, unspoken rule that every family had and made no actual sense. We were supposed to have dinner at two, but we held off an extra hour, waiting for Papí to arrive from work. The thing was, he was a cardio thoracic surgeon, and after I watched Brittany pour a pound of butter into the artichoke dip she made, and then still proceeded to eat nearly half of it (I mean, Britt cooked it and it was awesome, obviously I was going to inhale it) I couldn't really even be aggravated with him. Other people might have really needed their lives saved on the big food holiday after a saturated fat overdose.
"Hola, Happy Thanksgiving!" He called out as he walked into the dining room. "Sorry I'm late."
"It's okay Javier." Susan promised. "Stephen is just cutting the turkey now."
"Excellent. My girls, look at the three of you." Papí came over and hugged Britt and me, then plucked Annie out of her arms, kissing both of her cheeks. "Pequeña, I told all of my patients today that I was headed to see the most perfect baby there ever was."
"Wow, thanks Papi." I feigned offense, but really, was happy to hear that he actually told his patients that he had a life outside of the hospital.
"Oh, cállate. You were a beautiful baby Santana, but have you seen this one?"
"Well." I lifted Annie's orange dress to tickle her belly, then pressed my nose to hers. "She is pretty cute, I guess we'll keep her."
After Lizzie helped carry the rest of the food to the table and the seven of us (plus Annie, who had ended up with Lizzie) were seated, Susan passed the first basket of dinner rolls around the table. In all the years I'd spent sitting at this table, this was one tradition I'd taken for granted, and the one I was looking forward to the most this year. Susan took the meaning of the holiday very seriously, and had everyone who graced the table write down in advance what they were most thankful for, and what they were hoping for the next year. Then she wrapped the papers in aluminum foil and baked them into rolls. Before dinner, we each would take one and had to guess who wrote what was inside.
"I'll go first!" Lizzie called out, tearing her roll in half and unwrapping the aluminum foil. "Okay, it says 'I'm thankful for second chances and I'm hopeful for real happy endings.'"
"Brittany!" I shouted, as if anyone else was going to guess her short, sweet and completely appropriate line before me. I kissed her behind the ear and a smile lit up her face."This one says 'I'm thankful for little miracles and I'm hopeful for retirement."
"Javi?" Stephen asked, and I looked over to my father who was smiling.
"It's me, and yes, I'm retiring at the end of the year. A very wise young woman taught me this year what my priorities should be, and I'm going to make that a reality." He beamed at me, then deflected from himself so he wouldn't get caught up in emotion. "Go ahead Stephen, you can read yours."
"Okay, it says 'I'm thankful for California boys and I'm hopeful that I'll fall in love for real.'"
"Liz, that's too easy!" Susan shook her head.
"At least it's better than the time Brittany was thankful for Santana's boobs." Lizzie snickered. "I was twelve, guys, if you couldn't have toned it down for mom and dad's sake, you could have done it for mine."
"No way, I'm still thankful for her boobs. Have you seen them?" Britt's eyes flicked to my chest as she said it.
"A-ny-way." Susan enunciated, seeing my red face in front of my parents. "Enough about Santana's boobs please. Mine says 'I'm thankful for the lives of my daughters and granddaughter and I'm hopeful for another year of family."
"Mom, did you get your own?" Brittany called out, but Susan shook her head and my eyes met my mother's. It was hers, and she said 'daughters.' I nudged Brittany and she pressed her lips together to check her emotions.
"It's mine." Mamí admitted.
"Thank you, Mamí." Brittany nearly whispered, testing the endearment in her mouth. I put my hand on her thigh and she dropped her head to my shoulder.
"You're welcome, cariño. I'll read mine next. 'I'm thankful for health and happiness, and I'm hopeful that my daughters won't forget where they come from.'"
"Daddy." Brittany said. "He always thinks we're going to forget about him. Mine says 'I'm thankful for all the love in my life and I'm hopeful for more of the same.' This is mom, because she writes the same every year."
"Well, then I guess that leaves me with Santana." Susan tore her roll apart. "'I'm thankful for having everything I've ever wanted and I'm hopeful for a beautiful life ahead.'"
Everyone was reflective was we passed around dishes and platters of food, but by the time Stephen finished saying Grace and we dug in, normal conversation had resumed. Britt had a tight grasp on my right hand under the table, and I silently added my left-handedness to the long list of things I was thankful for this year. It meant never having to let go of Brittany. Everyone was laughing and joking, and I felt like I'd slipped into some kind of happy coma.
When dinner was finished, Papí and Stephen sported matching aprons in the kitchen to wash the dishes and the rest of us went into the living room. Britt sat between my legs on the chaise feeding Annie and I ran my fingers through her hair. Looking at our moms and Lizzie, I once again couldn't keep the smile off of my face. Come whatever else may, this had been an absolutely perfect day. When our father's carried out dishes of pie and mugs of hot chocolate, Brittany snuggled in closer to me and I tucked a blanket around all three of us.
"I'm thankful for moments like this." Brittany said softly, and I wasn't sure anyone heard her until I saw nods coming from around the room.
At some point, Susan snapped a picture of us, Annie's little head peeking out of the blankets, and Mamí was making her promise that she would email it to her. Stephen and Papí were talking about the Buckeyes, and Lizzie sat on the floor beside us, head resting on Britt's leg. When Brittany started humming, I knew what time it was, and quietly, at first, we began singing. Once everyone else joined in, we raised our voices and Annie looked around with the same wonderment she always did when music started. Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow, we sang, and I figured that we were safe, that the fates had tested us all enough for one lifetime.
Spanish Lessons:
Silencio, mija. Escúchame un minuto por favor- Be quiet, daughter. Listen to me for a minute please.
Significa mucho para mi- That means a lot to me
Te amo con todo mi corazón.- I love you with my whole heart
pequeña- little girl
cállate- shut up
pequeña- dear
